[SUBMITTED] A Terrible Issue

[Jutsa]

This idea wouldn't have come to mind if my cats hadn't given me the worst morning I've had in years.

Dare I say, this may be one of my best and most serious drafts ever.

Title: A Terrible Issue
The Issue: A horrific crisis happened just a few moments ago, causing massive uproar and civil unrest. A group of protesters, professionals, and angry civilians have barged into your office to discuss the issue.
Validity: All.

Option 1: "I can't believe @@NAME@@ let something like this happen," cries @@RANDOMNAME@@, wiping tears and blowing @@HIS@@ nose. "If the government held any sense of responsibility over its citizens, it would step in and do something about it immediately, and take measures to make sure it doesn't happen again."
[effect] secret service agents regularly parachute into potato packing plants for poor taste in interior decorating

Option 2: "We can't do that right now, it's too risky and there's not enough information to take any immediate action," suggests detective @@RANDOMNAME@@, observing your desk with a magnifying glass. "The best course of action right now is to calm the public down while we sort things out. The last thing we want is rash, quick decision, regardless of whether it could help or not."
[effect] massive spikeballs are permitted to rampage through cities until it's decided where they come from and whether or not they're really good holographic projections

Option 3: "Hey, what's going on?" asks your brother, walking in in his pajamas while holding a teddy bear. "Oh, is this about earlier? Let me ask you something: is this really an issue that concerns you, @@LEADER@@? We should actively disregard what happened, and let people handle it. Although we definitely should crack down on the protesting."
[effect] video footage of @@LEADER@@ playing a fiddle on a rooftop while @@CAPITAL@@ burns to the ground has gone viral

[Pogaria]

But... what's the crisis? This issue is currently too generic to be feasible.

#324 makes a joke out of not directly telling you what happened, but that probably won't work twice.

[Trotterdam]

As a joke about the typical style of NationStates issues, it's amusing. As a serious issue, no way. Still, thanks

[Australian rePublic]

I agree. What crisis?

[Jutsa]

What crisis!? It's what the whole issue is about! How could you not see it? Everyone's talking about it!

[Trotterdam]

What I really like here is commentary on player mentalities. Both of the points made in options 2 and 3 are actual criticisms that I often level against issues.

[Jutsa]

Exactly. It's satirizing the satire.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

I like the bit where the issue speaker says the bit in the option. However, the words are also good, though some of them not.

[Jutsa]

Mm. Glad we agree. Except for that one part but what can you do

[Socio Polor]

Amusing Jutsa

"If the government held any sense of responsibility over its citizens, it would step in and do something about it immediately, and take measures to make sure it doesn't happen again."

Oh but it will happen again, give it about a month or so and you'll get the issue again

"We can't do that right now, it's too risky and there's not enough information to take any immediate action,"

blame the author

The last thing we want is rash, quick decision, regardless of whether it could help or not."

Oh, I do this all the time I carefully examine every option before making my decision

Let me ask you something: is this really an issue that concerns you, @@LEADER@@?

translation: "Why should @@leader@@ care?"