NationStates

Dangine wrote:Description: A large native carpenter ant problem has arrived, with a big increase of them being in households and buildings, causing them to be damaged, and in some cases, beyond repair. The problem is finally being addressed due to the government not being able to function, due to the government buildings being so badly damaged. Because of this, you are having a meeting outside, near a shopping center, with government officials.

1. An infestation of carpenter ants are damaging buildings.
2. … including government buildings.
3. It's hot out.
4. You're outside.

You're welcome to use this example that I wrote:Facing the hottest summer on record, @@NAME@@ has been hit by an unprecedentedly massive swarm of Maxtopian Carpenter Ants, reportedly able to reduce a wooden cow to shavings in minutes. With the entire nation being ravaged by the pest — including your conference room, unfortunately — a meeting's being held by a shopping centre to discuss what to do.

Dangine wrote:Option 1: A bystander named @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@,** who is a mother of 6, happens to notice what's taking place. "You have to do something! My children can'**t go to sleep at night because of these ants!" she says, visibly shaken. "You should pay exterminators to take care of them nationwide. We may have to pay more in taxes,** and it may take a while, but we can’t let those carpenters ants take our homes!" She sees an ant on a store display window and attempts to smash it by crashing her car into the wall. You all unanimously decide to continue the meeting in a different area, still near the shopping center.
Effect: being an exterminator is the toughest job in @@NAME@@

Dangine wrote:Option 2: When you finally get to a different location and continue discussing, @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, a man in his late 50s, cuts in. "What's the government doing now,** huh? We don't need your nose where it doesn’t belong!" He gets uncomfortably close, his big nose up against yours. "That would be a breach my privacy and violate my rights! If you want to do something good,** give us a tax break!" He then looks at a notification on his phone and reads it a**loud. "Hot single Bigtopians in your area — damn,** gotta go!"
Effect: carpenter ants are in your area

Dangine wrote:Option 3: When you all start talking again, myrmecologist @@RANDOMNAME@@, a Myrmecologist interrupts. "You can’t harm ants!** They're amazing creatures, even if they are carpenter ants causing damage to buildings..." They then get briefly distracted as they see an carpenter ant coming out of a hole in the wall. "As I was saying, you should also put more government funding into the field of myrmecology so we can study these ants more — their society is better than ours. Get the government to collect them, and send them to the labs! It may cost more than simply just killing them, but think of all the benefits we '**ll get by learning more about these amazing creatures!" They then see an ant carrying a crumb and follow it away.
Effect: ants are treated like first-class citizens

Dangine wrote:Option 4: Just when you finally think the interruptions are over withand start to continue the meeting,** a Priest of the Order of Violet shows up. "Are you all blind? Can't you all see this is Violet'**s doing? You need to mandate that Violet should be worshiped by all, then the problem will go away!" They see you looking at them confused, then pull out a water gun filled with holl**y water and start shooting at you. "The power of Violet compels you! The power of Violet compels you! The power of..." They then stop as they realize you're not amused.
Effect: a priest is called whenever there's an ant infestation.**
Validity: Atheism

Dangine wrote:Option 5: "You know, that ant lover was on to something", says your military advisor @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We should study these ants —** for our military use. We can even deploy them** to enemy nations and they can destroy their infrastructure. Some may find it inhumane, so what? WAR IS INHUMANE!" They then start laughing maniacally.
Effect: @@DEMONYM@@ carpenter ants are notorious war criminals.**

Authoritaria-Imperia wrote:Your feedback, as promised:
Forgive me if I'm incorrect, but it feels like English isn't your native language. There're a number of spelling mistakes and sentences suffering from awkward wording. Let's start with this:

Dangine wrote:Description: A large native carpenter ant problem has arrived, with a big increase of them being in households and buildings, causing them to be damaged, and in some cases, beyond repair. The problem is finally being addressed due to the government not being able to function, due to the government buildings being so badly damaged. Because of this, you are having a meeting outside, near a shopping center, with government officials.

First of all, why are the ants native? Surely if they're from @@NAME@@, then people have dealt with these infestations for years now? I suggest making it a foreign species, since that makes this more of an unusual issue (but if you do this, focus on the ants to avoid overlap with Issue #355). And then — what are you actually saying currently?

1. An infestation of carpenter ants are damaging buildings.
2. … including government buildings.
3. It's hot out.
4. You're outside.

Only #1 is needed (maybe #4 too), and while #3 works as a supplement, it's phrased confusingly. Try organising your sentences more clearly, e.g.

You're welcome to use this example that I wrote:Facing the hottest summer on record, @@NAME@@ has been hit by an unprecedentedly massive swarm of Maxtopian Carpenter Ants, reportedly able to reduce a wooden cow to shavings in minutes. With the entire nation being ravaged by the pest — including your conference room, unfortunately — a meeting's being held by a shopping centre to discuss what to do.

(I just threw in the piranha reference because I liked it, but if you don't use it, it might be good to mention what's so bad about these ants — why they're a matter of national importance. By the way, you're welcome to use any of my example sentences if you want to.)

Now the options. Objective grammatical/spelling errors are in red, and subjective suggestions in blue. Asterisks** just draw attention to very small corrections. I realise I've made a lot of wording suggestions, and I'm not going to be offended if you don't take them. I do think they strengthen your issue considerably.

Dangine wrote:Option 1: A bystander named @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@,** who is a mother of 6, happens to notice what's taking place. "You have to do something! My children can'**t go to sleep at night because of these ants!" she says, visibly shaken. "You should pay exterminators to take care of them nationwide. We may have to pay more in taxes,** and it may take a while, but we can’t let those carpenters ants take our homes!" She sees an ant on a store display window and attempts to smash it by crashing her car into the wall. You all unanimously decide to continue the meeting in a different area, still near the shopping center.
Effect: being an exterminator is the toughest job in @@NAME@@

Good option, though the effect line is a little weak. Why is it so hard to be an exterminator? The option suggests there'd be a lot of them, not that the job would be especially difficult. What about "swarms of exterminators invade homes by the hour"?

Dangine wrote:Option 2: When you finally get to a different location and continue discussing, @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, a man in his late 50s, cuts in. "What's the government doing now,** huh? We don't need your nose where it doesn’t belong!" He gets uncomfortably close, his big nose up against yours. "That would be a breach my privacy and violate my rights! If you want to do something good,** give us a tax break!" He then looks at a notification on his phone and reads it a**loud. "Hot single Bigtopians in your area — damn,** gotta go!"
Effect: carpenter ants are in your area

I personally think this options lacks a little substance. There's a lot of rhetoric, but nothing backing it up (e.g. "Plenty of us can handle this for ourselves! Why should we pay extra taxes for the folks who're badly-prepared?"). Not necessary, but I think it'd help. And the effect line, again, is a little lacking. I get the connection to the "single Bigtopians", but it doesn't quite land for me — of course, that's just my opinion. I'd suggest something where buildings can hardly be seen behind solid walls of ants.'Also, there’s no need to specify the person's gender here. Instead, use macros "@@MAN@@", "@@HE@@", "@@HIM@@", and "@@HIS@@", and they'll adapt to the gender of the last @@RANDOMNAME@@ used. But be careful: if you use one of those before the @@RANDOMNAME@@, you have to use "@@RANDOMNAME_1@@" instead, and "@@MAN_1@@", "@@HE_1@@", etc. so that the game code knows what pronouns are adapting to what. Same goes for your other options — no need to go with “they”.
Actually, it occurs to me you have a bit of an opportunity here; you could instead try coming up with all the first names yourself (then throw in @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@ after each one) and making them all "ant" names. Like "Antoine", "Antony", "Antonio", "Antonin". )

Dangine wrote:Option 3: When you all start talking again, myrmecologist @@RANDOMNAME@@, a Myrmecologist interrupts. "You can’t harm ants!** They're amazing creatures, even if they are carpenter ants causing damage to buildings..." They then get briefly distracted as they see an carpenter ant coming out of a hole in the wall. "As I was saying, you should also put more government funding into the field of myrmecology so we can study these ants more — their society is better than ours. Get the government to collect them, and send them to the labs! It may cost more than simply just killing them, but think of all the benefits we '**ll get by learning more about these amazing creatures!" They then see an ant carrying a crumb and follow it away.
Effect: ants are treated like first-class citizens

Is this person suggesting that all ants be caught and observed? (If not, I'd make if clearer.) What's the point of having that many ants to study? I think if you want to approach it from the "crazy-option" style, you should focus a little less on scientific advancement and more on the "they don't deserve to die!" side of things. Also, the next two options are sidling into "crazy-option" territory as well, so if you don't want to make one a bit more realistic, I'd drop two and keep one. Additionally, your effect line doesn't quite land again — I get that the speaker really likes ants, but that's not part of their suggestion. All they say is that ants should be studied intensively. This is something that could be fixed on either end — you could add something in the option about "please treat them kindly; they're living beings just like us" or you could rewrite the effect line based on what you already have.

Dangine wrote:Option 4: Just when you finally think the interruptions are over withand start to continue the meeting,** a Priest of the Order of Violet shows up. "Are you all blind? Can't you all see this is Violet'**s doing? You need to mandate that Violet should be worshiped by all, then the problem will go away!" They see you looking at them confused, then pull out a water gun filled with holl**y water and start shooting at you. "The power of Violet compels you! The power of Violet compels you! The power of..." They then stop as they realize you're not amused.
Effect: a priest is called whenever there's an ant infestation.**
Validity: Atheism

That comment at the end there ("you're not amused") may be a breach of player autonomy; you're not supposed to talk about how the player thinks or feels, and some leaders might find that incredibly amusing. But on a bigger scale than that, I don't think this option is needed. It's quite generic — I can imagine it stitched on to the end of hundreds of issues. There's not even a mention of ants! So I think the issue is stronger without this option; you're other crazy options are more creative anyway.
(If you do decide to keep it, please note that your validity should make this invalid for nations with the "Atheism" policy, not only valid for them.)

Dangine wrote:Option 5: "You know, that ant lover was on to something", says your military advisor @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We should study these ants —** for our military use. We can even deploy them** to enemy nations and they can destroy their infrastructure. Some may find it inhumane, so what? WAR IS INHUMANE!" They then start laughing maniacally.
Effect: @@DEMONYM@@ carpenter ants are notorious war criminals.**

This is a pretty good crazy option. That last comment though — "Some may find it inhumane, but war is inhumane!" — doesn't quite come across for me. I get what you mean about it causing collateral damage to civilians, but I think it'd be clearer if you just said that — e.g. "There may be some unfortunate collateral damage for civilians, but I say those Blackacreans DESERVE it!"
Also be aware of extra spaces throughout the issue; there are a lot of them.

I hope I haven't swamped you here. I think your premise has promise, but the delivery, which is just as important, needs some work.