[SUBMITTED]-The Melting Point

[Westinor]

Based off the event of a Glacial Lake Outburst Flood-had it sitting around for a while, so I've given it a shot!
Submitted! Thank you everyone for the feedback, really appreciated it!

[title] The Melting Point

[desc] The thousand-year-old @@ANIMAL@@foot Glacier, located in northern @@NAME@@, serves as a natural dam for @@ANIMAL@@ Lake. Yesterday, it broke open, causing the lake to rush out into the valley below. The tide of water flooded into the surrounding areas, destroying the nearby forest and wildlife, as well as a nearby town. In the face of this horrendous disaster, you have decided to set priorities on how to respond.
[validity] All nations

[option] "This disaster is just another example of how human-accelerated climate change is destroying our world!" exclaims environmental activist @@RANDOMNAME@@, who has already barged into your office protesting three other environmental disasters today. "Increased greenhouse gas output from cars, factories, and excessive flatulence are causing glaciers like the @@ANIMAL@@foot to melt prematurely. Soon, these glacial beauties will be all but gone." @@HE@@ pauses to wipe away a tear. "@@LEADER@@, you have to do something—speeches, environmental regulations, anything to stop the rising temperatures! Every person in @@NAME@@ has to know the consequences of their carelessness!"
[effect] a speech a day keeps climate change away

[option] "Oh get out of here you whining hippy!" grumbles @@RANDOMNAME@@ as @@HE@@ pushes @@HIS@@ way into the room. "Our town was flooded and our homes destroyed in that disaster. Our people could go homeless for who knows how long? We deserve to know that our tax @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are going right back towards rebuilding our homes and businesses! Violet's sake, your first priority should be to us, the average @@DEMONYM@@—not some nonsense tree-loving wacko. We demand that our town receive all the help it needs in rebuilding—and we'll need a lot of it."
[effect] after every storm there’s an expensive and government-funded rainbow

[option] "It's your own fault that you built a town smack-dab in the center of a flood pathway!" chatters self-described "preventionist" @@RANDOMNAME@@ as @@HE@@ emerges from a hole in the floor in mining gear. "It's common knowledge that areas within a seventeen-mile proximity of a glacier are in danger of flooding and destruction. Really, most of @@NAME@@ is vulnerable to some environmental hazard—why, there's a cave system a mile underneath here that could collapse at any moment! I've got an idea-why don't we move every city out of harm's way? Here, I've taken the liberty of preparing a map listing potential areas in danger..." @@HE@@ shows you a map with an uncountable number of marks on it. "See here, here, here and here…"
[effect] there is no safe space in @@NAME@@

Draft 3.2 below, made some final changes and fixed straight quotes, minor grammar edits.

[title] The Melting Point

[desc] The thousand-year-old @@ANIMAL@@foot Glacier, located in northern @@NAME@@, serves as a natural dam for @@ANIMAL@@ Lake. Yesterday, it broke open, causing the lake to rush out into the valley below. The tide of water flooded into the surrounding areas, destroying the nearby forest and wildlife, as well as a nearby town. In the face of this horrendous disaster, you have decided to set priorities on how to respond.
[validity] All nations

[option] "This disaster is just another example of how human-accelerated climate change is destroying our world!" exclaims environmental activist @@RANDOMNAME@@, who has already barged into your office protesting three other environmental disasters today. "Increased greenhouse gas output from cars, factories, and excessive flatulence are causing glaciers like the @@ANIMAL@@foot to melt prematurely. Soon, these glacial beauties will be all but gone." @@HE@@ pauses to wipe away a tear. "@@LEADER@@, you have to do something—speeches, environmental regulations, anything to stop the rising temperatures! Every person in @@NAME@@ has to know the consequences of their carelessness!"
[effect] a speech a day keeps climate change away

[option] "Oh get out of here you whining hippy!" grumbles @@RANDOMNAME@@ as @@HE@@ pushes @@HIS@@ way into the room. "Our town was flooded and my store was destroyed in that disaster. Our people could go homeless for who knows how long? We deserve to know that our tax @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are going right back towards rebuilding our homes and businesses! Violet's sake, your first priority should be to us, the average @@DEMONYM@@—not some nonsense tree-loving wacko. We demand that our town receive all the help it needs in rebuilding—and we'll need a lot of it."
[effect] after every storm there’s an expensive and government-funded rainbow

[option] "It's your own fault that you built a town smack-dab in the center of a flood pathway!" chatters self-described "preventionalist" @@RANDOMNAME@@ as @@HE@@ emerges from a hole in the floor in mining gear. "It’s common knowledge that areas within a seventeen-mile proximity of a glacier are in danger of flooding and destruction. Really, most of @@NAME@@ is vulnerable to some environmental hazard—why, there's a cave system a mile underneath here that could collapse at any moment! I've got an idea-why don’t we move every city out of harm's way? Here, I've taken the liberty of preparing a map listing potential areas in danger..." @@HE@@ shows you a map with an uncountable number of marks on it. "See here, here, here and here…"
[effect] there is no safe space in @@NAME@@

Draft 3.1 below! Made some minor edits like "dumbifying" quotations, a few word choice changes

[title] The Melting Point

[desc] The thousand-year-old @@ANIMAL@@foot Glacier, located in northern @@NAME@@, serves as a natural dam for @@ANIMAL@@ Lake. Yesterday, it broke open, causing the lake to flood into surrounding areas and destroying the nearby forest and wildlife. This morning, you received news that a nearby town in the valley below was also flooded and destroyed. In the face of this horrendous disaster, you have decided to set priorities on how to respond.
[validity] All nations

[option] “This disaster is just another example of how human-accelerated climate change is destroying our world!” exclaims environmental activist @@RANDOMNAME@@, who has already barged into your office protesting three other environmental disasters today. “Rising temperatures due to increased greenhouse gas output from cars, factories, and excessive flatulence are causing glaciers like the @@ANIMAL@@foot to melt prematurely. Soon, these glacial beauties will be all but gone.” @@HE@@ pauses to wipe away a tear. “@@LEADER@@, you have to alert the public. Do what you must—speeches, environmental regulations, anything to stop the increasing temperatures! Nature has reached the breaking point—every person in @@NAME@@ has to know the consequences of their carelessness!”
[effect] a speech a day keeps climate change away

[option] “Oh, get out of here you whining hippy!” grumbles @@RANDOMNAME@@ as @@HE@@ pushes @@HIS@@ way out into the room. “Our town was flooded and my store was destroyed in that disaster. Our people could go homeless for who knows how long? We deserve to know that our tax @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are going right back towards rebuilding my homes and businesses! Violet’s sake, your first priority should be to us, the average @@DEMONYM@@—not some nonsense tree-loving wacko. We demand that our town receive all the help it needs in rebuilding—and we’ll need a lot of it.”
[effect] after every storm there’s an expensive and government-funded rainbow

[option] Suddenly, the floor begins to shake. “It’s your own fault that you built a town smack-dab in the center of a flood pathway! It’s common knowledge that areas within a seventeen-mile proximity of a glacier are in danger of flooding and destruction,” chatters self-described “preventionalist” @@RANDOMNAME@@ as @@HE@@ emerges from the floor in mining gear. “Really, most of @@NAME@@ is in danger from some environmental hazard—why, this whole city was built a mile above a cave system that could collapse! I’ve got a proper solution for you—let’s move all cities in danger out of danger! Here, I've taken the liberty of preparing a map listing potential areas in danger..." @@HE@@ shows you a map with an uncountable number of marks on it. "See here, here, here and here…”
[effect] there is no safe space in @@NAME@@

Draft 3 below! (dunno how to number these efficiently, heh)

[title] The Melting Point

[desc] The thousand year old @@ANIMAL@@foot Glacier, located in Northern @@NAME@@, serves as a natural dam for @@ANIMAL@@ Lake. Yesterday, it broke open and flooded into the surrounding areas, destroying the nearby forest and wildlife. This morning, you received news that a nearby town in the valley below was also flooded and destroyed. Fearing that similar events could become a commodity throughout @@NAME@@, your staff has gathered groups of interest to set priorities on the matter.
[validity] All nations

[option] “The melting of the @@ANIMAL@@foot glacier is just another example of how human-accelerated climate change is destroying our world!” exclaims environment activist @@RANDOMNAME@@, who has already barged into your office protesting three other environmental disasters today. “Rising temperatures due to increased carbon dioxide and methane output from cars, factories, and excessive flatulence are causing glaciers like the @@ANIMAL@@foot to melt prematurely. Soon, these glacial beauties will be all but gone.” @@HE@@ pauses to wipe away a tear. “@@LEADER@@, you have to spread the word. Alert the public that their actions are causing harm to Mother Nature. Do what you must—address the nation, scold those greedy manufacturing officials and apply environmental regulations, anything to stop the increasing temperatures! Nature has reached the breaking point—every person in @@NAME@@ has to know the consequences of their carelessness!”
[effect] a speech a day keeps climate change away

[option] “Oh, get out of here you whining hippy!” grumbles @@RANDOMNAME@@ as @@HE@@ pushes @@HIS@@ way out of the crowd outside into the room. “Our town was flooded and my store was destroyed in that disaster. Our people could go homeless for who knows how long? We deserve to know that our tax @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are going right back towards rebuilding my homes and businesses! Violet’s sake, your first priority should be to us, the average @@DEMONYM@@—not some nonsense tree-loving wacko. We demand that our town receive all the help it needs in rebuilding—and we’ll need a lot of it.”
[effect] after every storm there’s an expensive and government-funded rainbow

[option] Suddenly, the floor begins to shake. “It’s your own fault that you built a town smack-dab in the center of a flood pathway! Any responsible citizen should know that areas in a seventeen-mile proximity of a glacier is in danger of flooding and destruction,” chatters self-described “preventionalist” @@RANDOMNAME@@ as @@HE@@ emerges from the floor in mining gear. “Really, most of @@NAME@@ is in danger from some environmental hazard—why, this whole city is built a mile above a cave system that could collapse! I’ve got a proper solution for you—let’s move all cities in danger out of danger! Here, I've taken the liberty of preparing a map listing potential areas in danger..." @@HE@@ shows you a map with an uncountable number of marks on it. "See here, here, here and here...
[effect] a project to move @@DEMONYM@@ cities "high, but not too high" in order to avoid earthquakes is underway

Draft 2.1 below!

title] The Melting Point

[desc] The thousand year old @@ANIMAL@@foot Glacier, which served as a natural dam, broke open and flooded into the surrounding areas, destroying the nearby forest and wildlife. However, you have just received news that a nearby town in the valley below was also flooded and destroyed. Your staff has recommended that you meet with groups of interest to set priorities on how to respond to this disaster.
[validity] All nations

[option] “The melting of the @@ANIMAL@@foot glacier is just another example of how climate change is destroying our world!” exclaims environment activist @@RANDOMNAME@@, who has already barged into your office protesting three other environmental disasters today. “Rising temperatures due to increased carbon dioxide and methane output from cars, factories, and excessive flatulence are causing glaciers like the @@ANIMAL@@foot to melt prematurely. Soon, these glacial beauties will be all but gone.” @@HE@@ pauses to wipe away a tear. “@@LEADER@@, you have to spread the word. Alert the public that their actions are causing harm to Mother Nature. Do what you must—address the nation, scold those greedy manufacturing officials and apply environmental regulations, anything to stop the increasing temperatures! Every person in @@NAME@@ has to know the consequences of their carelessness!”
[effect] a speech a day keeps climate change away

[option] “Oh, get out of here you whining hippy!” grumbles @@RANDOMNAME@@ as @@HE@@ pushes @@HIS@@ way out of the crowd outside into the room. “Our town was flooded and my store was destroyed in that disaster. Our people could go homeless for who knows how long? We deserve to know that our tax @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are going right back towards rebuilding my homes and businesses! Violet’s sake, your first priority should be to us, the average @@DEMONYM@@—not some nonsense tree-loving wacko. We demand that our town receive all the help it needs in rebuilding—and we’ll need a lot of it.”
[effect] after every storm there’s an expensive and government-funded rainbow

[option] Suddenly, the floor begins to shake. “It’s your own fault that you built a town smack-dab in the center of a flood pathway! Any responsible citizen should know that areas in a seventeen-mile proximity of a glacier is in danger of flooding and destruction,” chatters self-described “preventionalist” @@RANDOMNAME@@ as @@HE@@ emerges from the floor in mining gear.“Really, most of @@NAME@@ is in danger from some environmental hazard—why, this whole city is built a mile above a cave system that could collapse! You’ve got to teach proper and safe settling—and while you’re at it, let’s start moving cities from harm’s way. Here, I've taken the liberty of preparing a map listing potential areas in danger..." @@HE@@ shows you a map with an uncountable number of marks on it. "See here, here, and here...
[effect] a project to move @@DEMONYM@@ cities "high, but not too high" in order to avoid earthquakes is underway

Draft 2 Below!

[title] The Melting Point

[desc] The @@ANIMAL@@foot Glacier, located in the north of @@NAME@@, finally broke open after slowly melting for the past few thousand years. The glacier also happened to be a natural dam, so when it broke all of the water in @@ANIMAL@@foot Lake rushed down into the valley below, destroying the nearby forest and wildlife. Moreover, you have just received news that a nearby town was also flooded by the rushing water, causing extensive damage to the homes and businesses of several thousand people.
[validity] All nations

[option] “The melting of the @@ANIMAL@@foot glacier is just another example of how climate change is destroying our world!” orates environment activist @@RANDOMNAME@@, who has already barged into your office protesting three other environmental disasters today. “Rising temperatures are causing ice to melt all over the world—soon you’ll see rising sea levels, floods, more wonders of this world melted away!” @@HE@@ pauses to wipe away a tear. “@@LEADER@@, you have to spread the word—every person in @@NAME@@ has to know the consequences of their carelessness!”
[effect] a speech a day keeps climate change away

[option] “Oh, get out of here you whining hippy! My home was destroyed—don’t you think we should put that first?” grumbles @@RANDOMNAME@@ as @@HE@@ pushes @@HIS@@ way into the room. “My town was flooded and my business was destroyed in that disaster. I deserve to know that my tax @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are going right back towards rebuilding my home and store! Violet’s sake, your first priority should be to us, the average @@DEMONYM@@—not some nonsense tree-loving wacko. We demand that our town receive all the help it needs in rebuilding—and we’ll need a lot of it.”
[effect] after every storm there’s an expensive and government-funded rainbow

[option] Suddenly, the floor begins to shake. “It’s your own fault that you built a town smack-dab in the center of a flood pathway! It's common knowledge that areas in a seventeen-mile proximity of a glacier are in danger of flooding and destruction,” chatters self-described “preventionalist” @@RANDOMNAME@@ as @@HE@@ emerges from the floor in mining gear. "Most of @@NAME@@ is in horrible shape—even this city rests above a cave system that could collapse at any moment! We've got to teach proper settling—and while you’re at it, let’s start moving cities out of harm’s way. I've taken the liberty of preparing a map listing potential areas in danger..." @@HE@@ shows you a map with an uncountable number of marks on it. "See here, here, and here...
[effect] a project to move @@DEMONYM@@ cities "high, but not too high" in order to avoid earthquakes is underway

Draft 1 below!

[title] The Melting Point

[desc] The @@ANIMAL@@foot Glacier, located in the north of @@NAME@@, finally broke open after slowly melting for the past few thousand years. The glacier also happened to be a natural dam, so when it broke all of the water in @@ANIMAL@@foot Lake rushed down into the valley below, destroying the nearby forest and wildlife. Moreover, you have just received news that a nearby town was also flooded by the rushing water, causing extensive damage to the homes and businesses of several thousand people.
[validity] All nations

[option] “The melting of the @@ANIMAL@@foot glacier is just another example of how climate change is destroying our world!” orates environment activist @@RANDOMNAME@@, who has already barged into your office protesting three other environmental disasters today. “Rising temperatures are causing ice to melt all over the world—soon you’ll see rising sea levels, floods, more wonders of this world melted away!” @@HE@@ pauses to wipe away a tear. “@@LEADER@@, you have to spread the word—every person in @@NAME@@ has to know the consequences of their carelessness!”
[effect] a speech a day keeps climate change away

[option] You turn around to the sound of wet footsteps, and find a disgruntled and dripping wet citizen in your office. “Oh, get out of here you whining hippy! My home was destroyed—don’t you think we should put that first?” grumbles @@RANDOMNAME@@ as @@HE@@ pushes @@HIS@@ way into the room and sits on the chair in front of you, drenching it in water. “My town was flooded and my business was destroyed in that disaster. I deserve to know that my tax @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are going right back towards rebuilding my home and store! Violet’s sake, your first priority as the government should be to us, the average tax-paying @@DEMONYM@@—not some nonsense tree-loving wacko. We demand that our town receive all the help it needs in rebuilding—and we’ll need a lot of it.”
[effect] after every storm there’s an expensive government-funded rainbow

[option] Suddenly, the floor begins to shake as a drill head breaks through the floor of your office. “It’s your own fault that you built a town smack-dab in the center of a flood pathway! Any responsible citizen should know that any area in a seventeen-mile proximity of a glacier is in danger of flooding and destruction,” chatters self-described “preventionalist” @@RANDOMNAME@@ as @@HE@@ emerges from the floor in mining gear. “In fact @@LEADER@@, I’d expect you to be more aware too—this whole city is built on top of a cave system a mile or two down that could collapse at any moment! Really, the populace of @@NAME@@ is in horrible shape—I recommend you start teaching folks how to properly settle an area safely.” @@HE@@ stops for a moment to pull out a bundle of diagrams and maps. “And while you’re at it, why don’t we start moving cities away from harm’s way? Here, I’ve taken the liberty of preparing a map listing potential areas in danger...” @@HE@@ shows you a map with an uncountable number of marks on it, “see here, here, here, and here…”
[effect] “red sky at dawn, get moving along” is a common saying in @@NAME@@

[Australian rePublic]

If it's been slowly melting over the past few thousand years, how has climate change done anything except exacerbate it?

[Westinor]

If it's been slowly melting over the past few thousand years, how has climate change done anything except exacerbate it?

I suppose not much, but I guess that's the point. I think the lifetime of a glacier is generally longer than a few thousand years, depending on the climate-but in the case of option one, the environmentalist is arguing that through "spreading awareness", the melting may be delayed or perhaps stopped in their opinion. Should I try to maybe make that clearer or change it somehow?

[Trotterdam]

extended damage

I believe you mean "extensive" (large) rather than "extended" (taking a long time).

grumbles @@RANDOMNAME@@ as he pushes his way into the room

self-described "preventionalist" @@RANDOMNAME@@ as he emerges from the floor in mining gear

Make sure to use @@HE/SHE@@, etc. here.

[Westinor]

extended damage

I believe you mean "extensive" (large) rather than "extended" (taking a long time).

grumbles @@RANDOMNAME@@ as he pushes his way into the room

self-described "preventionalist" @@RANDOMNAME@@ as he emerges from the floor in mining gear

Make sure to use @@HE/SHE@@, etc. here.

Alright, fixed-thanks!

[Westinor]

Created a second draft, cut down on options 2 and 3. Please let me know what you think!

[Noahs Second Country]

[title] The Melting Point

[desc] The @@ANIMAL@@foot Glacier, located in the north of @@NAME@@, finally broke open after slowly melting for the past few thousand years. The glacier also happened to be a natural dam, so when it broke all of the water in @@ANIMAL@@foot Lake rushed down into the valley below, destroying the nearby forest and wildlife. Moreover, you have just received news that a nearby town was also flooded by the rushing water, causing extensive damage to the homes and businesses of several thousand people.
[validity] All nations

You can probably cut down on the wordiness of this description here by condensing the first two sentences. For example:

The thousand year old @@ANIMAL@@foot Glacier, which served as a natural dam, broke open and flooded into the surrounding areas, destroying the nearby forest and wildlife

The 'Moreover' transition feels odd. You can also condense 'homes and businesses' to something such as the 'town below.' If you wanted, you could even incorporate it into the initial sentence and elaborate on why this may be a problem in a second sentence. Why is this such a major issue, especially if it is something that is seemingly out of @@LEADER@@'s control?

[option] “The melting of the @@ANIMAL@@foot glacier is just another example of how climate change is destroying our world!” orates environment activist @@RANDOMNAME@@, who has already barged into your office protesting three other environmental disasters today. “Rising temperatures are causing ice to melt all over the world—soon you’ll see rising sea levels, floods, more wonders of this world melted away!” @@HE@@ pauses to wipe away a tear. “@@LEADER@@, you have to spread the word—every person in @@NAME@@ has to know the consequences of their carelessness!”
[effect] a speech a day keeps climate change away

Climate change is natural - perhaps stress that it is human accelerated global warming that caused the glacier to break open earlier than expected, or something along those lines. 'Orates' also seems to pair kind of oddly with an infuriated activist. I don't think you make the problem clear either - what are the citizens of @@NAME@@ doing to cause this change, and how will an outreach program be implemented and what kind of changes should be expected as a result?

[option] “Oh, get out of here you whining hippy! My home was destroyed—don’t you think we should put that first?” grumbles @@RANDOMNAME@@ as @@HE@@ pushes @@HIS@@ way into the room. “My town was flooded and my business was destroyed in that disaster. I deserve to know that my tax @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are going right back towards rebuilding my home and store! Violet’s sake, your first priority should be to us, the average @@DEMONYM@@—not some nonsense tree-loving wacko. We demand that our town receive all the help it needs in rebuilding—and we’ll need a lot of it.”
[effect] after every storm there’s an expensive and government-funded rainbow

This is an interesting solution - effectively a patch up job for the good PR. I like it, though I think you kind of switch between the character of an angry man who is upset about their own losses and someone representing the community good. I would commit to one.

[option] Suddenly, the floor begins to shake. “It’s your own fault that you built a town smack-dab in the center of a flood pathway! It's common knowledge that areas in a seventeen-mile proximity of a glacier are in danger of flooding and destruction,” chatters self-described “preventionalist” @@RANDOMNAME@@ as @@HE@@ emerges from the floor in mining gear. "Most of @@NAME@@ is in horrible shape—even this city rests above a cave system that could collapse at any moment! We've got to teach proper settling—and while you’re at it, let’s start moving cities out of harm’s way. I've taken the liberty of preparing a map listing potential areas in danger..." @@HE@@ shows you a map with an uncountable number of marks on it. "See here, here, and here...
[effect] a project to move @@DEMONYM@@ cities "high, but not too high" in order to avoid earthquakes is underway

This reminds me quite a bit of the last option in the issue addressing false earthquake predictions. How can you assume that there are a ton of locations in @@NAME@@ that are located near glaciers? The effect line also doesn't seem particularly relevant considering the stance taken here is specifically for preventing future glacier-produced incidents.

[Westinor]

[title] The Melting Point

[desc] The @@ANIMAL@@foot Glacier, located in the north of @@NAME@@, finally broke open after slowly melting for the past few thousand years. The glacier also happened to be a natural dam, so when it broke all of the water in @@ANIMAL@@foot Lake rushed down into the valley below, destroying the nearby forest and wildlife. Moreover, you have just received news that a nearby town was also flooded by the rushing water, causing extensive damage to the homes and businesses of several thousand people.
[validity] All nations

You can probably cut down on the wordiness of this description here by condensing the first two sentences. For example:

The thousand year old @@ANIMAL@@foot Glacier, which served as a natural dam, broke open and flooded into the surrounding areas, destroying the nearby forest and wildlife

The 'Moreover' transition feels odd. You can also condense 'homes and businesses' to something such as the 'town below.' If you wanted, you could even incorporate it into the initial sentence and elaborate on why this may be a problem in a second sentence. Why is this such a major issue, especially if it is something that is seemingly out of @@LEADER@@'s control?

[option] “The melting of the @@ANIMAL@@foot glacier is just another example of how climate change is destroying our world!” orates environment activist @@RANDOMNAME@@, who has already barged into your office protesting three other environmental disasters today. “Rising temperatures are causing ice to melt all over the world—soon you’ll see rising sea levels, floods, more wonders of this world melted away!” @@HE@@ pauses to wipe away a tear. “@@LEADER@@, you have to spread the word—every person in @@NAME@@ has to know the consequences of their carelessness!”
[effect] a speech a day keeps climate change away

Climate change is natural - perhaps stress that it is human accelerated global warming that caused the glacier to break open earlier than expected, or something along those lines. 'Orates' also seems to pair kind of oddly with an infuriated activist. I don't think you make the problem clear either - what are the citizens of @@NAME@@ doing to cause this change, and how will an outreach program be implemented and what kind of changes should be expected as a result?

[option] “Oh, get out of here you whining hippy! My home was destroyed—don’t you think we should put that first?” grumbles @@RANDOMNAME@@ as @@HE@@ pushes @@HIS@@ way into the room. “My town was flooded and my business was destroyed in that disaster. I deserve to know that my tax @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are going right back towards rebuilding my home and store! Violet’s sake, your first priority should be to us, the average @@DEMONYM@@—not some nonsense tree-loving wacko. We demand that our town receive all the help it needs in rebuilding—and we’ll need a lot of it.”
[effect] after every storm there’s an expensive and government-funded rainbow

This is an interesting solution - effectively a patch up job for the good PR. I like it, though I think you kind of switch between the character of an angry man who is upset about their own losses and someone representing the community good. I would commit to one.

[option] Suddenly, the floor begins to shake. “It’s your own fault that you built a town smack-dab in the center of a flood pathway! It's common knowledge that areas in a seventeen-mile proximity of a glacier are in danger of flooding and destruction,” chatters self-described “preventionalist” @@RANDOMNAME@@ as @@HE@@ emerges from the floor in mining gear. "Most of @@NAME@@ is in horrible shape—even this city rests above a cave system that could collapse at any moment! We've got to teach proper settling—and while you’re at it, let’s start moving cities out of harm’s way. I've taken the liberty of preparing a map listing potential areas in danger..." @@HE@@ shows you a map with an uncountable number of marks on it. "See here, here, and here...
[effect] a project to move @@DEMONYM@@ cities "high, but not too high" in order to avoid earthquakes is underway

This reminds me quite a bit of the last option in the issue addressing false earthquake predictions. How can you assume that there are a ton of locations in @@NAME@@ that are located near glaciers? The effect line also doesn't seem particularly relevant considering the stance taken here is specifically for preventing future glacier-produced incidents.

Okay, so I made a few changes-in regards to the last option, I think I was subconsciously modeling what I thought that option should have been. I've changed it to reflect that it's in reference to all potential danger rather than just glaciers, not sure if that's clear enough yet. That's what I intended, at least. Let me know what you think about the other changes, and thanks for the feedback-it was really great!

[Noahs Second Country]

Just addressing your description again:
[desc] The thousand year old @@ANIMAL@@foot Glacier, which served as a natural dam, broke open and flooded into the surrounding areas, destroying the nearby forest and wildlife. However, you have just received news that a nearby town in the valley below was also flooded and destroyed. Your staff has recommended that you meet with groups of interest to set priorities on how to respond to this disaster.

The 'which served as a natural dam' part feels like it was just thrown in and doesn't necessarily flow well. You could either move it or maybe add 'which served as a natural dam for the @@ANIMAL@@lake' to improve the flow. Note that if the dam is named similarly to the lake, you may want to try and avoid repetition issues by throwing in something like 'the similarly named @@ANIMAL@@ lake' rather than just saying the name.

'However' is a contradictory transition, even though the sentence adds onto the previous event.

I like that you added a sentence to clarify the importance of the event, but it is already implied with the way you do it here. I'd prefer to see something along the lines of

Fearing that similar events could become a commodity throughout @@NAME@@, you've gathered a group of people blah blah blah

Doing so adds importance to discussing the issue.
This also fits into your second option better, where you could play the character as someone who is appalled at @@NAME@@ for ignoring the people affected and instead looking to the future.

[Westinor]

Just addressing your description again:
[desc] The thousand year old @@ANIMAL@@foot Glacier, which served as a natural dam, broke open and flooded into the surrounding areas, destroying the nearby forest and wildlife. However, you have just received news that a nearby town in the valley below was also flooded and destroyed. Your staff has recommended that you meet with groups of interest to set priorities on how to respond to this disaster.

The 'which served as a natural dam' part feels like it was just thrown in and doesn't necessarily flow well. You could either move it or maybe add 'which served as a natural dam for the @@ANIMAL@@lake' to improve the flow. Note that if the dam is named similarly to the lake, you may want to try and avoid repetition issues by throwing in something like 'the similarly named @@ANIMAL@@ lake' rather than just saying the name.

'However' is a contradictory transition, even though the sentence adds onto the previous event.

I like that you added a sentence to clarify the importance of the event, but it is already implied with the way you do it here. I'd prefer to see something along the lines of

Fearing that similar events could become a commodity throughout @@NAME@@, you've gathered a group of people blah blah blah

Doing so adds importance to discussing the issue.
This also fits into your second option better, where you could play the character as someone who is appalled at @@NAME@@ for ignoring the people affected and instead looking to the future.

Ohh, that makes sense-thanks a lot! I've made the edit, let me know if any of the changes are unclear, or if there are still any problems.

[SherpDaWerp]

The thousand year old @@ANIMAL@@foot Glacier

thousand-year-old needs to be hyphenated, because the three words are essentially functioning as one adjective.

become a commodity throughout @@NAME@@

It's not going to become a commodity unless there's a lot more glaciers... maybe the people could be concerned about how best to react to this tragedy.

your staff has gathered groups of interest to set priorities on the matter

It rounds off the description nicely but it's still a redundant "people want your opinion". To remove it you'll have to reword the beginning of the sentence so it still flows nicely.

“...”

smart quotes reeeeeeeee

Rising temperatures due to increased carbon dioxide and methane output from cars, factories, and excessive flatulence are causing glaciers like the @@ANIMAL@@foot to melt prematurely. Soon, these glacial beauties will be all but gone.” @@HE@@ pauses to wipe away a tear. “@@LEADER@@, you have to spread the word. Alert the public that their actions are causing harm to Mother Nature. Do what you must—address the nation, scold those greedy manufacturing officials and apply environmental regulations, anything to stop the increasing temperatures! Nature has reached the breaking point—every person in @@NAME@@ has to know the consequences of their carelessness!”

This option is a bit long. You do only have 3 options total, which gives you more wiggle room, but you could probably cut a bit out of this option for brevity - as long as the humor and the essence is still there, conciseness never hurt.

out of the crowd outside into the room

Seems odd - he could just "push his way into the room" without mentioning the crowd. Other than that, this option is good - it's got humor, brevity and a good premise.

Suddenly, the floor begins to shake. “It’s your own fault that you built a town smack-dab in the center of a flood pathway! Any responsible citizen should know that areas in a seventeen-mile proximity of a glacier is in danger of flooding and destruction,” chatters self-described “preventionalist” @@RANDOMNAME@@ as @@HE@@ emerges from the floor in mining gear. “Really, most of @@NAME@@ is in danger from some environmental hazard—why, this whole city is built a mile above a cave system that could collapse! I’ve got a proper solution for you—let’s move all cities in danger out of danger! Here, I've taken the liberty of preparing a map listing potential areas in danger..." @@HE@@ shows you a map with an uncountable number of marks on it. "See here, here, here and here...

Also a little long, although it's almost certainly still passable.

Your first two effect lines are great, but the third one could be a bit better - "a project to move @@DEMONYM@@ cities "high, but not too high" in order to avoid earthquakes is underway". See if you can find a better way of phrasing it, or a better source of humor.

Overall, a solid draft though - interesting premise.



[effect] a project to move @@DEMONYM@@ cities "high, but not too high" in order to avoid earthquakes is underway[/box][/quote]

[Westinor]

become a commodity throughout @@NAME@@

It's not going to become a commodity unless there's a lot more glaciers... maybe the people could be concerned about how best to react to this tragedy.

your staff has gathered groups of interest to set priorities on the matter

It rounds off the description nicely but it's still a redundant "people want your opinion". To remove it you'll have to reword the beginning of the sentence so it still flows nicely.

I tried my hand at fixing this-it might still be redundant, I'm not sure. Could you let me know? Sorry, heh

Westinor wrote:
“...”
smart quotes reeeeeeeee

wot

Cut down a bit on options 1 and 3, they're a bit shorter now. What do you think?
Also edited effect line 3

Thank you so much for the feedback! Greatly appreciated :3

[SherpDaWerp]

wot

basically, the backstage processor for issues doesn't like curvy 'smart' quotes like the ones you've got. The editors have to re-do them all as straight 'dumb' quotes like these: " ", which makes it more annoying. Word processors will auto-smartify the quotes when you type them, but typing into the "post" box here on NS forums doesn't do that - they stay 'dumb'. It's a minor quibble, but it's something that tends to get brought up quite a bit given the number of people that draft in MS Word or similar programs.

[Socio Polor]

Good Issue here Westinor, let's get started:

located in Northern @@NAME@@

northern isn't capitilized here

Yesterday, it broke open and flooded into the surrounding areas, destroying the nearby forest and wildlife

I feel the wording is a tad off here. How about this "Yesterday, it cracked open, causing the lake to flood into surrounding areas and destroying the nearby forest and wildlife."

exclaims environment activist @@RANDOMNAME@@

"environmental" sounds a bit better, though if you want you could keep it as is

“Rising temperatures due to increased greenhouse gas output from cars, factories, and excessive flatulence are causing glaciers like the @@ANIMAL@@foot to melt prematurely.

Wait, did the glacier melt or crack open? If the former, you should probably say that in the description instead

[effect] a speech a day keeps climate change away

I like this, though may I suggest adding "the" before climate

“Oh, get out of here you whining hippy!”

remove the comma

"See here, here, here and here…”

I don't think the ellipsis is needed here

Aaaannnd...that appears to be everything! Good luck Westinor, you have a good draft here

[Westinor]

Good Issue here Westinor, let's get started:

located in Northern @@NAME@@

northern isn't capitilized here

Yesterday, it broke open and flooded into the surrounding areas, destroying the nearby forest and wildlife

I feel the wording is a tad off here. How about this "Yesterday, it cracked open, causing the lake to flood into surrounding areas and destroying the nearby forest and wildlife."

exclaims environment activist @@RANDOMNAME@@

"environmental" sounds a bit better, though if you want you could keep it as is

“Rising temperatures due to increased greenhouse gas output from cars, factories, and excessive flatulence are causing glaciers like the @@ANIMAL@@foot to melt prematurely.

Wait, did the glacier melt or crack open? If the former, you should probably say that in the description instead

[effect] a speech a day keeps climate change away

I like this, though may I suggest adding "the" before climate

“Oh, get out of here you whining hippy!”

remove the comma

"See here, here, here and here…”

I don't think the ellipsis is needed here

Aaaannnd...that appears to be everything! Good luck Westinor, you have a good draft here

Thank you! I'll get to editing

Edit: It melted to a point in which it was too weak to hold back the lake anymore, at which point it cracked open.

[Westinor]

wot

basically, the backstage processor for issues doesn't like curvy 'smart' quotes like the ones you've got. The editors have to re-do them all as straight 'dumb' quotes like these: " ", which makes it more annoying. Word processors will auto-smartify the quotes when you type them, but typing into the "post" box here on NS forums doesn't do that - they stay 'dumb'. It's a minor quibble, but it's something that tends to get brought up quite a bit given the number of people that draft in MS Word or similar programs.

Oh, I think I get it. So it's a result of me drafting off a different platform and then pasting it onto here?

[SherpDaWerp]

basically, the backstage processor for issues doesn't like curvy 'smart' quotes like the ones you've got. The editors have to re-do them all as straight 'dumb' quotes like these: " ", which makes it more annoying. Word processors will auto-smartify the quotes when you type them, but typing into the "post" box here on NS forums doesn't do that - they stay 'dumb'. It's a minor quibble, but it's something that tends to get brought up quite a bit given the number of people that draft in MS Word or similar programs.

Oh, I think I get it. So it's a result of me drafting off a different platform and then pasting it onto here?

Pretty much. I draft in Microsoft OneNote, which doesn't auto-smartify quotes, but you can just as easily replace them all when you paste them into NS (or the submission box).

As for your other questions:
The last sentence of the description is still a bit of a redundancy. It's known that people are gathering in your office to present issues, so there's no need to say that people are office to present issues. Currently, the issue works well enough if you straight-up cut that sentence out, but that is a bit of a major change. Consider more how you could remove that redundancy.

The options seem fine, although I can't find the specific changes - it's a testament to how borderline long they were in the beginning, they were passable but it's just nicer to have short options, y'know? Also, your new effect 3 is great.

[Westinor]

Oh, I think I get it. So it's a result of me drafting off a different platform and then pasting it onto here?

Pretty much. I draft in Microsoft OneNote, which doesn't auto-smartify quotes, but you can just as easily replace them all when you paste them into NS (or the submission box).

As for your other questions:
The last sentence of the description is still a bit of a redundancy. It's known that people are gathering in your office to present issues, so there's no need to say that people are office to present issues. Currently, the issue works well enough if you straight-up cut that sentence out, but that is a bit of a major change. Consider more how you could remove that redundancy.

The options seem fine, although I can't find the specific changes - it's a testament to how borderline long they were in the beginning, they were passable but it's just nicer to have short options, y'know? Also, your new effect 3 is great.

Ah, I see.

I've been working on the last sentence of the description-does "In the face of this horrendous disaster, you have decided to set priorities on how to respond." work alright?

I tend to write very long sentences, to the point of ignoring the rules of punctuation (as you can tell), so it's very helpful to have people catch that, heh.

[Westinor]

I'm going to last call this, seeing as there are only a few days left in the contest. Looking forward to any more feedback

[Candensia]

Options 1 and 3 are looking somewhat long. I'd snip off around 20% from each, if you can.

Remember, anything put into an option that isn't witty, humorous or "this is what this option does" is fluff. Always seek to limit fluff.

[Westinor]

Options 1 and 3 are looking somewhat long. I'd snip off around 20% from each, if you can.

Remember, anything put into an option that isn't witty, humorous or "this is what this option does" is fluff. Always seek to limit fluff.

Alright, I'll get to doing that. Thanks!

Edit: I've cut some out-hopefully the integrity is preserved. Not sure if that's anywhere close to 20%, still.

[Westinor]

Made a few more minor edits, looking to submit this soon-any last feedback would be appreciated!

[Westinor]

Going to make one final bump; looking to submit this tomorrow once I look over any possible feedback. Any last tidbits would be greatly appreciated! :)

[Electrum]

You don't need to bump if it's on the first page.

I think you can trim the description some more - it's a bit weird to hear the forest being flooded first and then the town. I would think @@LEADER@@ would
hear about the town first. Or, just combine it so that the leader hears it all at once - it doesn't really add anything to the issue to hear x happened one day, and then the day after y happened.

For the last option, 'preventionalist' can just be 'preventionist'. I think it's also a bit unrealistic to expect @@NAME@@ to move the locations of all its cities, a better way might be to invest in prevention such as dams, dykes, tunnel strengthening, a large discharge tunnel, etc. If you really wanted to maintain that joke though, feel free to ignore my suggestion, or just have it as a fourth option.

[Westinor]

You don't need to bump if it's on the first page.

Whoops, sorry about that. My bad.

I think you can trim the description some more - it's a bit weird to hear the forest being flooded first and then the town. I would think @@LEADER@@ would
hear about the town first. Or, just combine it so that the leader hears it all at once - it doesn't really add anything to the issue to hear x happened one day, and then the day after y happened.

That's a good point, I'll work on that.

[quote="Electrum";p="37256267"For the last option, 'preventionalist' can just be 'preventionist'. I think it's also a bit unrealistic to expect @@NAME@@ to move the locations of all its cities, a better way might be to invest in prevention such as dams, dykes, tunnel strengthening, a large discharge tunnel, etc. If you really wanted to maintain that joke though, feel free to ignore my suggestion, or just have it as a fourth option.[/quote]

Yeah, this is more along the terms of "that one drastic scenario" as it responds not just the glacier disaster scenario but all forms of natural disaster. I'm still not sure if that's clear enough yet though.