[SUBMITTED - 6/14/2020] Corrupt as a Cucumber

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

Weird issue inspired by these real life stupidities.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldn ... ality.html
https://www.outlookindia.com/newswire/s ... ers/743687

Tell me if this issue is too weird.

[description]@@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Morality, tumbles into your office with a pale face and the groceries @@HE@@ just bought from the farmers' market. @@HE@@ quickly empties a paper bag and starts hyperventilating into it. It turns out that @@HE@@ was unsettled by an unseemly sight @@HE@@ witnessed at the market.

[validity]very prudish nation (low civil rights, low inclusivity, high conservatism), for adults

1. [option]"Oh, @@LEADER@@, this was a scandal!" @@HE@@ clamours, holding a slice of lemon to @@HIS@@ nose. "I was just shopping at the farmers' market and saw a woman next to me who shamelessly fondled the cucumbers on display before tossing them into her bag with a satisfied look! Or should I tell you about the girl who picked some bananas and figs after lasciviously squeezing them and told the vendor that she was going to make a cream pie? The innuendo is hard to miss for anyone who is perceptive enough! These fruits and vegetables are phallic objects and threaten to give our women inappropriate sexual thoughts and corrupt their morality! We should ban women from shopping for these foods and also mandate that they be eaten only after they have been sliced into pieces!"

[effect]women who use eggplant emojis in text messages are seen as immoral

2. [option]"Well, it is pretty scandalous that women are going out unsupervised in the first place, if you ask me!" snorts @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, a police officer from @@CAPITAL@@ Police Department, absent-mindedly stroking his nightstick. "Do you know what dangers our women are exposed to when they go to the market alone? The world is full of male predators who cannot control their brutish sexual desires. It would be much safer for our women if they didn't step out of their houses without a male chaperone, like they do in Althaniq. It would lower instances of sexual assaults, in my opinion."

[effect]men have to accompany their moms and sisters to the waxing studio

3. [option]"You folks must be crazy. We need more freedom, not less!" screams @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@, a noted feminist, as she weighs a pomegranate in her hands and seems to be planning to use it as a missile. "If anything, we should stop being a nanny state and help these women explore their sexuality and also learn about the male body. Did you know that there are women out there who first saw male genitals on their wedding nights? This shall not be. We should institute mandatory sex education for everyone! If human genitals weren't seen as taboo, perhaps we would not have idiots who get triggered when they see a woman holding a cucumber."

[effect]some @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ men finally learn how menstruating women can pee without taking off their tampons

[option validity]does not have sex education

3. [option]"So you think certain fruits and vegetables have suggestive shapes?" mutters @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Education, staring at a papaya and a zucchini. "This gives me an idea! For some time by now, I have had reservations about the explicitness of our sex education classes, and thought the diagrams used in booklets were too indecent. Not anymore. Why not use fruit pictures in our educational materials to teach our students about the genitals and sexual intercourse? They will get the message, but will not be exposed to any depravity."

[effect]schoolkids are puzzled to watch weird videos of carrots drilling through peaches

[option validity]has sex education

[Australian rePublic]

Why does leader care?

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

Why does leader care?

Because the Minister of Morality cares, I suppose? This is a super-prudish nation where people are trying to control every supposedly immoral aspect of daily life, which may occasionally result in these kinds of hilarious situations.

[Dominioan]

I love it.

[Australian rePublic]

Why does leader care?

Because the Minister of Morality cares, I suppose? This is a super-prudish nation where people are trying to control every supposedly immoral aspect of daily life, which may occasionally result in these kinds of hilarious situations.

Make this clearer

[Pythaga]

The only thing that bugs me about this is the first effect line. I get the joke, but it still seems like a complete non-sequitur to me: why would shopping regulation lead to a change in emoji usage?

Maybe replace it with something about fresh fruits being exceedingly rare, or a joke about police being most commonly seen in the produce section.

[SherpDaWerp]

The only thing that bugs me about this is the first effect line. I get the joke, but it still seems like a complete non-sequitur to me: why would shopping regulation lead to a change in emoji usage?

Maybe replace it with something about fresh fruits being exceedingly rare, or a joke about police being most commonly seen in the produce section.

I think it's fine, given the phallic connotations of the eggplant emoji. Maybe less text-specific though - "All references to eggplant have been destroyed" or something similar. It retains the joke without making rely entirely on text-speak knowledge and connotations.

[Authoritaria-Imperia]

Maybe less text-specific though - "All references to eggplant have been destroyed" or something similar. It retains the joke without making rely entirely on text-speak knowledge and connotations.

Seconding this; I think "emoji" might be a copyright term, or at the very least specific to Apple devices.

Edit: Whoops, I was wrong about this; you can't copyright a word. It may yet be worth noting that the general term is "emoticons".

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

Seconding this; I think "emoji" might be a copyright term, or at the very least specific to Apple devices.

No, it is certainly not specific to Apple devices, nor is it copyrighted.

I will consider the other points raised about the effect line. Thanks.

[Noorizadeh]

The only thing that bugs me about this is the first effect line. I get the joke, but it still seems like a complete non-sequitur to me: why would shopping regulation lead to a change in emoji usage?

Maybe replace it with something about fresh fruits being exceedingly rare, or a joke about police being most commonly seen in the produce section.

I think it's fine, given the phallic connotations of the eggplant emoji. Maybe less text-specific though - "All references to eggplant have been destroyed" or something similar. It retains the joke without making rely entirely on text-speak knowledge and connotations.

Maybe a compromise - something to the tune of "All references to the eggplant have been destroyed" then below that a second sentence, basically a punchline, going "The Emoji Purge Continues"
Maybe if eggplant is oddly specific, say "oblong produce" or something to that effect as a neat little implication that even using the phrase is a taboo.

[Nevertopia]

at first i thought this was a joke but now I know it is. Im on board.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Good issue.

[Australian rePublic]

These women are fingering the cucumbers *nods*

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

Tweaked the effect line for Option 1, as prohibiting women from using eggplant emojis was not anticipated based on the option. But the perception of immorality should work, I think.

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

Submitted!

The only change I made before submitting was to fix the gender of the Minister of Morality as male, as the narrative seemed to make more sense that way. (We see that the minister also bought "phallic" vegetables, so if she is a woman, does she also want to be banned from purchasing this produce?)

[Australian rePublic]

Good Luck!