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[contest][submitted]Keep Me Appraised?

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Lancaster of Wessex
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Founded: Feb 21, 2004
Liberal Democratic Socialists

[contest][submitted]Keep Me Appraised?

Postby Lancaster of Wessex » Thu May 14, 2020 12:41 pm

Keep Me Appraised?

[debate] Your morning cabinet meeting was derailed by an impromptu rant by your Minister of Culture and Snobbery, who began lamenting over an art sale @@HE@@ attempted to commence, that did not go as planned. Despite collective eye rolls from everyone present, @@HE@@ continues his tirade...

[option 1] "...and the champagne wasn't even cold! Anyway, so, last night I brought the Vango painting to Christby's auctioneers with intention to auction, along with an appraisal saying it was worth a fortune in @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@, and genuine, only to be told by THEIR expert that it was likely completed by someone in Vango's studio and worth a quarter of the value! I demand compensation from the gallery I purchased that painting from, and a strict licensing and training regimen enacted for all appraisers, be it for art, jewellery, houses – anything! It's just not fair to the wealt…regular Joes like me!"

[effect] every diamond ring sold is accompanied by a twenty-five page analysis and a waiver.

[option 2] "You can't be serious," snorts the dubious gallery owner and appraiser in question who sold the Vango, while hiding a paint-by-numbers @@HE@@ was working on. "I took one or even TWO correspondence courses back in the 1980s about fine art and its value! And besides, look at the back of the appraisal, it has a disclaimer, saying it's only MY opinion! You can't hold my gallery accountable, I made no guarantees about authenticity or value when I sold that Vango! Now, can I interest you in this Da Finci? It's priceless, I promise you!"

[effect] pieces of iron pyrite are believed to be worth their weight in gold.

[option 3] "The answer is obvious," chimes in the Minister for Big Government. "GOVERNMENT! Let's just establish a new agency to protect the consumer, and have everything evaluated that's put up for sale in @@NAME@@ worth over a certain threshold, to ensure legitimacy, and real value! That'll solve everyone's problems, after all, everyone loves the government, right?"

[effect] pricy sales on iBay have ground to a halt as every item gets screened and processed by a new government mega agency.

[validity] Must have Internet.

[option 4] "Oh please, who the hell loves the government," offers the Minister of Efficacy and Shortcuts, to the derision of the prior minister. "Just ban the practice of appraisals completely, that way we stop any yahoo from giving their two cents, nobody gets screwed by them, and people can sell things at market levels without stupid pieces of paper or uneducated opinions getting in the way." @@HE@@ reclines in his chair. "Nice. And easy."

[effect] insurance claims adjusters now fear jail time for valuing their clients' homes.

EDIT: removed option 5; submitted 05/25/20
Last edited by Lancaster of Wessex on Mon May 25, 2020 1:53 pm, edited 7 times in total.
Lancaster.
Duke of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Lancaster of Wessex

The Most High, Potent, and Noble Prince, Lancaster, By the Grace of God, Duke of Wessex, Protector of the Enclaved Pious Estates of The Church of Wessex, Lord of Saint Aldhelm Islands, Prince and Great Steward of Celtic Wessex, Keeper of the Great Seal of the Duchy and House of Lancaster of Wessex, Sovereign of the Most Ancient and Illustrious Order of the Gold Gryphon, etc.

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Socio Polor
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Postby Socio Polor » Thu May 14, 2020 1:48 pm

the premise is decent enough, though I feel the description should be reworded a bit.
who began lamenting over an art sale he attempted to procure that did not go as planned.
This makes it sound as though the sale didn't process through, when it did. How about something more like this:
Your morning cabinet meeting was derailed by an impromptu rant from your Minister of Culture and Snobbery, who started wailing over an art sale @@he@@ believes was falsly advertised. Despite eye rolls and annoyed looks from you and your colleagues, he continues...
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Australian rePublic
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Capitalist Paradise

Postby Australian rePublic » Thu May 14, 2020 2:38 pm

Did he go to the same studio or a different one?
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Lancaster of Wessex
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Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Lancaster of Wessex » Thu May 14, 2020 3:00 pm

Socio Polor wrote:the premise is decent enough, though I feel the description should be reworded a bit.
who began lamenting over an art sale he attempted to procure that did not go as planned.
This makes it sound as though the sale didn't process through, when it did. How about something more like this:
Your morning cabinet meeting was derailed by an impromptu rant from your Minister of Culture and Snobbery, who started wailing over an art sale @@he@@ believes was falsly advertised. Despite eye rolls and annoyed looks from you and your colleagues, he continues...


Thank you for the suggestion! But the sale did not go through, perhaps I should reword it to make it clear he was just taking it to the auction house, thinking about selling it.

Australian rePublic wrote:Did he go to the same studio or a different one?


In this story, he purchased the painting from the guy in option 2, and went to the auction house in option 1 to try and sell it or at least to get their opinion. As noted above I should make that more precise.
Lancaster.
Duke of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Lancaster of Wessex

The Most High, Potent, and Noble Prince, Lancaster, By the Grace of God, Duke of Wessex, Protector of the Enclaved Pious Estates of The Church of Wessex, Lord of Saint Aldhelm Islands, Prince and Great Steward of Celtic Wessex, Keeper of the Great Seal of the Duchy and House of Lancaster of Wessex, Sovereign of the Most Ancient and Illustrious Order of the Gold Gryphon, etc.

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SherpDaWerp
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby SherpDaWerp » Thu May 14, 2020 4:52 pm

Lancaster of Wessex wrote:Despite collective eye rolls from you and your colleagues, @@HE@@ continues...
I know it's horribly minor, but who says I rolled my eyes? I would suggest either dropping the "you" and making it just from your colleagues, or you could put "Despite collective eye rolls from everyone present, @@HE@@ continues..." The second one implies you rolled your eyes without outright stating it, which leaves it open to just enough ambiguity for it to not be an autonomy problem.

@@CURRENCY@@ 100,000, and genuine
This says "Dollar 100,000", which doesn't seem right. 100,000 @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ perhaps? And, the ever-present "don't give specific numbers" because there's such a wide variety of incomes. The lowest income is only 127 @@CURRENCY@@ per year, and the highest is well over 10 million - there's such variance that it's unreasonable to say 100,000 and have it always work for every nation. There are ways you can phrase this with words instead, so that it's vague enough - "half a year's wage", "heaps of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@", "more money than you earn in a year!" etc.

millionai...
Same deal here.

snorts the dubious gallery owner and appraiser in question
Is this the appraiser who said it was genuine and worth heaps, or the appraiser who said it was similar and worth a lot less?

[effect] pieces of iron pyrite are believed to be worth their weight in gold in @@NAME@@.
This effect is quite funny, but the "in @@NAME@@" on the end is unnecessary - "Following new legislation in @@NAME@@, pieces of iron pyrite are believed to be worth their weight in gold in @@NAME@@." It's tautology at it's finest!

@@CURRECY@@ 1,000
As above: Dollar 1000; and specific numbers.
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Lancaster of Wessex
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Founded: Feb 21, 2004
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Lancaster of Wessex » Fri May 15, 2020 9:05 am

SherpDaWerp wrote:snip


All excellent edits, thank you for pointing out such glaring mistakes! I'm indebted. :)
Lancaster.
Duke of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Lancaster of Wessex

The Most High, Potent, and Noble Prince, Lancaster, By the Grace of God, Duke of Wessex, Protector of the Enclaved Pious Estates of The Church of Wessex, Lord of Saint Aldhelm Islands, Prince and Great Steward of Celtic Wessex, Keeper of the Great Seal of the Duchy and House of Lancaster of Wessex, Sovereign of the Most Ancient and Illustrious Order of the Gold Gryphon, etc.

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Candlewhisper Archive
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Anarchy

Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Mon May 18, 2020 4:14 am

Great premise, and lovely narrative presentation.

However five options feels too many here. I'd suggest self-edit yourself down to 4, or even better, 3.
editors like linguistic ambiguity more than most people


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