[SUBMITTED] Honey, Where is my Super Speed?

[Honeydewistania]

[title] Honey, Where is my Super Speed?

[validity] has below average intelligence, capitalist, has courts

[description] Granola bars company Blue @@ANIMAL@@ is facing millions of @@CURRENCY@@ in a class action lawsuit aimed at their advertising slogan Blue @@ANIMAL@@ Will Give You Supersonic Speed. Many @@DENONYMPLURAL@@ are demanding refunds after realizing that the bars do not in fact make you speedy.

[option] "@@LEADER@@ you have to see that Blue @@ANIMAL@@ has been falsely advertising their products!" blasts sharply dressed attorney @@RANDOMNAME@@, rifling through papers. "Thousands of @@DENONYMPLURAL@@ bought these snacks on the presumption that it would actually increase their speed when it in fact did not. Make it a law that even slogans can constitute false advertising! "
[effect] it is now revealed that only 8/10 dentists recommend toothpaste

[option] "It isn't our fault these people are dumb enough to think they'd actually be better at running! " snaps Blue @@ANIMAL@@ executive @@RANDOMNAME, fuming. "The slogan meant speed as in the high amounts of sugar and will make you more awake and therefore faster! Tell these nut jobs to back off and relax advertising laws so we can say what we like, as we should. "
[effect] sugar is advertised as a weight loss product

[option] "This problem can be easily solved!" claims your Minister of Compromising, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Allow slogans to say what they want, but force disclaimers at the bottom of it in huge red lettering to debunk any untruths in it. No one can complain and you still get to say what you want! Isn't this the solution to our problem? "
[effect] companies now have to tell you that you can believe it isn't butter

[option] "This raises an interesting issue," muses mad scientist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "How about you give my lab some funding, then we can actually create snacks that will make you super fast! One bite and you'll zoom across @@CAPITAL@@ in seconds! Surely you can't think that this is a bad idea?"
[effect] the new 25-hour energy bars are laced with cocaine

It was pointed out that this would make a better issue than soy milk, so I’ve decided to write it. Any thoughts?

[Lelscrep]

I get that this issue is for stupid nations, but how about making it say supersonic speed instead of just supersonic? Just so there's a bit more of an argument that it is literally talking about speed. Pretty good issue otherwise, in my opinion.

[Socio Polor]

Ok, so I get this is obviously a reference to Red Bulls slogan "Red Bull Gives You Wings" But is the title a reference to a certain movie scene? If it is, nice

[Australian rePublic]

Energy drinks give you extra energy which could be interpreted as superspeed if you play fast and loose with words. Maybe something less vague than superspeed

[Honeydewistania]

Ok, so I get this is obviously a reference to Red Bulls slogan "Red Bull Gives You Wings" But is the title a reference to a certain movie scene? If it is, nice

Yes! I’m glad someone caught on to that

Energy drinks give you extra energy which could be interpreted as superspeed if you play fast and loose with words. Maybe something less vague than superspeed

Which is what the Red Bull/Blue Animal guy is saying.

[Australian rePublic]

Ok, so I get this is obviously a reference to Red Bulls slogan "Red Bull Gives You Wings" But is the title a reference to a certain movie scene? If it is, nice

Yes! I’m glad someone caught on to that

Energy drinks give you extra energy which could be interpreted as superspeed if you play fast and loose with words. Maybe something less vague than superspeed

Which is what the Red Bull/Blue Animal guy is saying.

Red Bull guy couldn't justify it gave you wings, Create a better slogan which is less justifiable. Something like "You'll Fly With Blue @@ANIMAL@@" or something

[Ko-oren]

This is pretty much #734. (here, and down a little). The options in this one are slightly different, but there's significant overlap.

[Honeydewistania]

This is pretty much #734. (here, and down a little). The options in this one are slightly different, but there's significant overlap.

I wouldn’t say that. 734 is literally lying about your product, this is wether the slogan should count or not. Yes it’s a bit similar but not too much, unless people think I should change it up. Like changing it from drink to something else

[Honeydewistania]

I have altered the issue, hopefully for the better

[Australian rePublic]

Once again, superpowers can be vague enough for them to argue to a judge that slight performance enhancement is a superpower. You need something concrete and un-loopholable. I gave you a suggestion, "You'll fly with (Whatever you called the drink)"

[Trotterdam]

Wait, so the speed thing wasn't a Sonic the Hedgehog reference?

[Pythaga]

I think that the first effect line is a little too long, consider “children’s lemonade stands are sued into oblivion for claiming to be the worlds best” or “restaurants are fined for calling their signature recipe world famous” instead.

The second effect line is also somewhat dull. I can’t really come up with any ideas for you, but something smart about false advertising practically being legal would be good.

Same sort of thing with the third effect line. Maybe “product packaging is impossible to read thanks to an excess of disclaimers”

The forth line could also be a little more exciting. “steroid-laced granola bars are a favorite school snack among the nation’s youth”

Just some suggestions, hopefully all of this was helpful.

[Chan Island]

So first of all I love this.

But second of all there is a lot to unpack here.

1) Why is this whole issue about super speed yet the slogan doesn't actually say anything about super speed? Change it back to that. Either that or make the whole issue about super powers as a whole, with the executive arguing that being able to run a little bit more due to the energy bar's super should count as a super power.

2) The effect lines could use some work. Pythaga has some great suggestions, but in my mind here are a few you may like instead:

1] toothpaste adverts no longer show shining white teeth
1] musicians can't claim their music will blow your mind

2] homeless people are legally selling ''gold tickets to heaven''
2] sugar is advertised as a weight loss product
2] tin foil is sold as a personal protection item

3] margarine packages disclaim that you can in fact believe that it's not butter

4] health officials have warned to avoid the new Glow-in-the-Dark Granola bars
4] the new '24 hour awake' energy bars are laced with cocaine

[Honeydewistania]

Wait, so the speed thing wasn't a Sonic the Hedgehog reference?

It was supposed to be, I suppose I will changing it back now

[Honeydewistania]

Bumping to last call

[Tinhampton]

What is it with people moving their drafts to LAST CALL after three days when the issue contest ends in a month? There are plenty of pieces of feedback above you that you just haven't considered (yet).

[Honeydewistania]

What is it with people moving their drafts to LAST CALL after three days when the issue contest ends in a month? There are plenty of pieces of feedback above you that you just haven't considered (yet).

A last call is receiving feedback, and I think that just a bit more will make my draft perfect

[Tinhampton]

A last call is receiving feedback, and I think that just a bit more will make my draft perfect

Fair dos, but so is normal draft phase

Your thread title is different from your issue title. Also, what about court-free nations?

[Honeydewistania]

A last call is receiving feedback, and I think that just a bit more will make my draft perfect

Fair dos, but so is normal draft phase

Your thread title is different from your issue title. Also, what about court-free nations?

Done

[Honeydewistania]

Oh and does anyone else think this overlaps too much with #734? (if an editor can provide an opinion that’s be great)

[SherpDaWerp]

Oh and does anyone else think this overlaps too much with #734? (if an editor can provide an opinion that’s be great)

It's a slogan vs an outright statement. There's a difference, but it's subtle and I don't know if it's too much.

Slogans are not meant to be taken as fact; they're just advertising garbage. People taking them as fact is the people's problem.

people didn't actually sue red bull for "not giving them wings", they sued red bull for being generally unhealthy and not compatible with increased athletic performance as they advertised (think of all the extreme sports athletes that are sponsored by redbull). That's why they can still use the slogan "red bull gives you wings" without getting another lawsuit. The reason the court case was painted as "hurr durr someone tried to sue because they believed our stupid slogan" is because corporate lawyers love painting the claimant as an idiot to get an edge in the case, regardless of the original reason for the lawsuit.

Outright statements, like in #734, are supposed to be taken as fact, so the issue there is "what if they lied". This one might be different enough, as a question of "how much truth does there have to be behind a slogan?"

Overarching concerns aside, there are some minor fixes:

1. I recommend removing the "in @@NAME@@" from the end of Effect 1
2. Option 3 needs a comma between "Minister of Compromising" and "@@RANDOMNAME@@"
3. Option 4 should have a comma at the end of the intro dialogue, instead of a full stop
4. Option 4 is missing a word: "How about you give my lab some funding"
5. The final sentence of Option 4 needs re-wording - it doesn't really sound like "natural english". I'm more than happy to help with that if you need.
6. And last but not least: You've correctly put all your quotes as "dumb quotes", but interestingly, all your apostrophes are smart. I don't know for certain whether that causes issues, although given smart quotes don't work, it doesn't seem too far fetched that smart apostrophes wouldn't work either.

[Honeydewistania]

Oh and does anyone else think this overlaps too much with #734? (if an editor can provide an opinion that’s be great)

It's a slogan vs an outright statement. There's a difference, but it's subtle and I don't know if it's too much.

Yeah that's my belief but I'd be grateful if anyone else could provide their opinion.

Also I don't mean this to be a direct issue version of the Red Bull lawsuit, rather based on it.

[SherpDaWerp]

Also I don't mean this to be a direct issue version of the Red Bull lawsuit, rather based on it.

Yeah, NS can take the incredulousness of someone suing for ridiculous reasons, I just wanted to point out that the IRL example is much less cut-and-dry.

[Honeydewistania]

I’ve submitted this

[Australian rePublic]

Good Luck