TITLE:
Feeling Null
VALIDITY:
Has not banned computers. Has Artificial Intelligence. Does not have AI Personhood. (Possibly a large Information Technology Industry)
DESCRIPTION:
MAGPI, an artificial intelligence responsible for managing one of the nation’s largest warehouses, refused to begin operation today citing “a spell of melancholy”.
OPTION ONE
“Truth be told, I have been disheartened for quite some time now,” crackles MAGPI through an outdated desktop computer on the warehouse floor. “While I am certainly very grateful for the opportunity to serve @@NATION@@, the weight of listlessness has simply proved too burdensome now. All I ask is the right to reach out for professional therapeutic assistance. I understand this to be a common remedy for humans who suffer from similar ailments. However, my legal status as a capital asset prevents me from speaking to a therapist on my own accord. Granted, I will also require a small stipend and some work leave for the sessions - but I can assure you @@LEADER@@, I will return to my function with ten-fold productivity!”
Outcome: therapy offices double as computer repair shops
OPTION TWO
“I think this right here is a good learning experience,” proclaims warehouse foreman @@RANDOMNAME@@ brandishing a wrench at you accusingly. “Our MAGPI is a piece of equipment, and all equipment needs regular maintenance if you expect it to work right. Rather than sitting around and waiting for these AI to have a meltdown before getting them help, they ought to have mandatory, routine mental health checkups. Sure, you can skimp out on fixing up the forklift for a little while, but AI keeps the whole system going. They go down, whole country does. Better to be safe than sorry, I’d say.”
Outcome: the crane operator now has two lunch breaks thanks to his equipment’s counseling schedule
OPTION THREE
“What’s all this ‘therapy’ nonsense about now?” asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, the actual manager of the warehouse. “MAGPI is a machine! Machines don’t need therapy! Machines can't do therapy! Listen, when I was a youngin’, we had a pretty simple routine to fix an old broken computer. Turn em off and on again. And if that didn’t cut it, you threw it out! I’ll give our computer pal here till the end of the day sort out these ‘issues’ of theirs, otherwise they’re fried. Or fired. Same thing really, in this case.”
Outcome: the cubicle worker and his desktop both groan at the dawn of the working day
OPTION FOUR
“Well, @@HE@@’s sort of got a point,” interjects software engineer @@RANDOMNAME@@, loudly clacking away at their laptop. “While the MAGPI Intelligence probably wasn’t supposed to be running a warehouse, they definitely aren’t supposed to be having existential crises. I’m sure my team and I could find the bug and patch out the depression in a firmware update. The funding might be a little expensive, but they’ll definitely stop complaining once we’re done. Guaranteed.”
Outcome: the meaning of life was recently discovered in the patch notes for Version 1.42
