NationStates

Crows of Wrath (Second attempt at writing an issue, so, please give me advice and criticisms, I'm once again, all ears! ) Current draft version: 4

The issue of crows is not one you’d have thought about up until now. They’re everywhere, from the capitol building to the tram lines even in your own office. Just sitting there, menacingly, no cares in the world. People have claimed that they are starting to peck vigorously at windows in a attempt to break inside and cause bodily harm.
Is this valid for all nations?: Yes

Option One:
“Okay, seriously guys? They’re just crows.” says @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, your Minister of Worrywarts, continues on
“We should be spending our time elsewhere, on more important and pressing issues, like the sparrow and pigeon problem in downtown @@CAPITAL@@. Don't waste anymore time on this ludicrous subject, @@LEADER@@." He sighs out in frustration, "It’s not like they can murder us or anything."

Fallout: Ominous music is heard when people are near a murder.

Option Two:
“No, that’s exactly the problem! They are killing machines, I mean, why else would we dub groups of them a ‘murder’?!” yells out @@RANDOMNAMEFEMALE@@, who's wearing a tin foil top hat, “No, what we need is monthly crow hunting expeditions, to put those monsters down, once and for all!” She folds her tin foil top hat into a baseball cap, She hands you her business card, The Twilight Observers, then remarks "They are truly a pest, I wouldn't rank them higher than mosquitoes or even flies for that matter. Just like their compatriots on the ground, rats, they know how to caw up the wrong nest."

Fallout: It’s a rite of passage to hunt crows.

Option Three:
“Let the crows be! They’ve done us no harm or wrong!” A man in a crow costume caws as he shoves his way to the front of your desk, “I don’t mean to be brash, I’m actually a reasonable man, so get off the murder’s case!” He rests, then rouses back up again, "If anything, we should be helping those tortured souls out as much as we possibly can. It's just not right that they've had their name defiled for this long now. We should be treating them like loyalty and with the utmost respect."

Fallout: Crows are now being built low-income nests.

Option Four:
"You know what? I agree with that Twilight Observer nutcase. Although, we shouldn't be that drastic in taking actions against them." Says @@RANDOMNAMEMALE@@, a sleepy resident of @@CAPITAL@@ who just barely yawns out his words, "We need a way of making them leave without too much harm. Back out into the countryside again. No one would be complaining, and I think this is the best possible way to deal with those damn cawing crows. Hey, maybe everyone will finally get a full nights rest without interruption."

Fallout: Noise pollution is on a very slight decline.

With a little finesse, this premise could work. By referencing Mao's Four Pests Campaign, Alfred Hitchcock, and maybe even Game of Thrones, you could make something quite interesting.

Right now though the issue construction is poor -- not just the presentation format (which you do need to sort out) but the way the story unfolds, and how you are writing options in general. Maybe read some existing issues and see if you can capture the style we're looking for.

Summary of the the previous drafts and changes so far:

Draft 1: The very base draft, what needed to be changed

Draft 2: Tidied up the formatting a little and added in several references and sentences to the options and description, fixing up grammatical errors.

Draft 2.5: Removed a sentence from the description for the sake of brevity and other minor grammatical changes.

Draft 3: Seagulls were removed due to possibly conflicting with other NS's locations of their respective capitals. Added pigeons in their place.

Draft 4: Added a fourth option with input from Australian rePublic.

My biggest concern with crows is the bloody effing noise

Imagine being woken up by this sound every dam morning:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Oy-5zAtAmZE

One approach is apparently to scare them away with a laser pointer. Of coarse, I wouldn't know that, because some brainless dipshits had to go and make up for their tiny penises by pointing lasers at aeroplanes and motor vehicles, causing the government of New South Wales to be the only place in Australia, and the only place in the world (sa a wave for Switzerland) to criminalise laser pointers (for the record, the brainless dipshits are the ones who point lasers at planes NOT the government). So whilst the rest of the country (and the world, save for Switzerland) is legally, under logical legislation, allowed to point lasers less than 1mW at birds, we here, in the pointless-over-regulation-for-the-sake-of-pointless-over-regulation capital of the universe, had to be too lazy to come up with a method of punishing arseshits who point lasers at planes and cars, and instead had to punish everyone. (Once again, the arseshits are the people who point lasers, not the government) Great job, NSW!

But I digress. Scare the bloody things away with lasers. You don't harm them, and apparenapparently, they go their merry way. Also, option 1- seagulls in @@CAPITAL@@? That would imply that capital is on the coast, which is a player autonomy sin.

Australian rePublic wrote:My biggest concern with crows is the bloody effing noise

Imagine being woken up by this sound every dam morning:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Oy-5zAtAmZE

One approach is apparently to scare them away with a laser pointer. Of coarse, I wouldn't know that, because some brainless dipshits had to go and make up for their tiny penises by pointing lasers at aeroplanes and motor vehicles, causing the government of New South Wales to be the only place in Australia, and the only place in the world (sa a wave for Switzerland) to criminalise laser pointers (for the record, the brainless dipshits are the ones who point lasers at planes NOT the government). So whilst the rest of the country (and the world, save for Switzerland) is legally, under logical legislation, allowed to point lasers less than 1mW at birds, we here, in the pointless-over-regulation-for-the-sake-of-pointless-over-regulation capital of the universe, had to be too lazy to come up with a method of punishing arseshits who point lasers at planes and cars, and instead had to punish everyone. (Once again, the arseshits are the people who point lasers, not the government) Great job, NSW!

But I digress. Scare the bloody things away with lasers. You don't harm them, and apparenapparently, they go their merry way. Also, option 1- seagulls in @@CAPITAL@@? That would imply that capital is on the coast, which is a player autonomy sin.

Right, got rid of the seagull part. I should've thought about that, but thanks for pointing it out.