[DRAFT] A Stain on Our Honour

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Possibly too puerile, I dunno. Tell me what you think.

DRAFT 2:

TITLE:
A Stain on Our Honour

VALIDITY:
Adult

DESCRIPTION:
The people of the nation of Blackacre have always harboured strong anti-@@DEMONYM@@ sentiments, but recently a Blackacrean manufacturer of toilet roll has produced two-ply sheets adorned with the @@DEMONYM@@ national flag, marketing it globally with a slogan of "Show @@NAME@@ what you think of them!"


OPTION 1
"We need to wipe the smiles off their faces!" spits far-right nationalist @@random_name()@@, spraying your face with fragments of his breakfast. "We should be launching a targeted airstrike on the bog roll factory, and teaching people you don't give crap to @@NAME@@!"

OUTCOME:
the proximity of a nuclear holocaust is leading to a lot of brown trousers


OPTION 2a - IF YOU HAVE WMDS
"I don't like Blackacreans any more than you do, but Blackacre is a nuclear power -- we'd be risking mutual assured destruction over a little disrespect," counters Dicky Rubbah, who is a big name in latex novelty toy manufacturing. "A more appropriately inappropriate response might be to give some government subsidies to @@PLURALDEMONYMNOUN@@ who can counter-attack with rudeness to Blackacre. I've got some designs for urinals and spitoons featuring the Blackacrean' Supreme Leader's face, and some comedy figurines of their national animal in various compromising positions. Come on, it'll be funny!"

OUTCOME:
@@NAME@@ is farting in the general direction of hostile nations

OPTION 2b - IF YOU DON'T HAVE WMDS
"I don't like Blackacreans any more than you do, but Blackacre is a nuclear power and we aren't. Do you really want @@NAME@@ to be turned to radioactive ash?" counters Dicky Rubbah, who is a big name in latex novelty toy manufacturing. "A more appropriately inappropriate response might be to give some government subsidies to @@PLURALDEMONYMNOUN@@ who can counter-attack with rudeness to Blackacre. I've got some designs for urinals and spitoons featuring the Blackacrean' Supreme Leader's face, and some comedy figurines of their national animal in various compromising positions. Come on, it'll be funny!"

OUTCOME:
@@NAME@@ is farting in the general direction of hostile nations


OPTION 3
"Or, and stop me if I'm being radical here, we could ask ourselves why they don't like us?" suggests one of your aides who has a suspiciously Blackacrean look to @@HIM@@. "We should laugh this one off, show we have a sense of humour by ordering for a hundred rolls for your personal use, and you could give some nice stirring speeches about how you've always admired the Blackacrean Supreme Leader. Who knows, maybe we'll even be friends one day?"

OUTCOME:
the government is learning to turn their other cheeks

DRAFT 1:

TITLE:
A Stain on Our Honour

VALIDITY:
Adult

DESCRIPTION:
The people of the nation of Blackacre have always harboured strong anti-@@DEMONYM@@ sentiments, but recently a Blackacrean manufacturer of toilet roll has produced two-ply sheets adorned with the @@DEMONYM@@ national flag, marketing it globally with a slogan of "Show @@NAME@@ what you think of them!"


OPTION 1
"We need to wipe the smiles off their faces!" spits far-right nationalist @@random_name()@@, spraying your face with fragments of his breakfast. "We should be launching a targeted airstrike on the bog roll factory, and teaching people you don't give crap to @@NAME@@!"

OUTCOME:
the proximity of nuclear armageddon is leading to a lot of brown trousers


OPTION 2
"I don't like Blackacreans any more than you do, but Blackacre is a nuclear power -- we'd be risking mutual assured destruction over a little disrespect," counters Dicky Rubbah, who is a big name in latex novelty toy manufacturing. "A more appropriately inappropriate response might be to give some government subsidies to @@PLURALDEMONYMNOUN@@ who can counter-attack with rudeness to Blackacre. I've got some designs for urinals and spitoons featuring the Blackacrean' Supreme Leader's face, and some comedy figurines of their national animal in various compromosing positions. Come on, it'll be funny!"

OUTCOME:
@@NAME@@ is farting in the general direction of hostile nations


OPTION 3
"Or, and stop me if I'm being radical here, we could ask ourselves why they don't like us?" suggests one of your aides who has a suspiciously Blackacrean look to @@HIM@@. "We should laugh this one off, show we have a sense of humour by ordering for a hundred rolls for your personal use, and you could give some nice stirring speeches about how you've always admired the Blackacrean Supreme Leader. Who knows, maybe we'll even be friends one day?"

OUTCOME:
the government is learning to turn their other cheeks

[Bears Armed]

No option to boycott -- and encourage other nations to boycott -- Blackacre's exports?

[USS Monitor]

Puerile, but I think it works anyway.

[Australian rePublic]

If you know a country hates you, you'd expect them to do this kind of shit, wouldn't you?

[Vivolkha]

Maybe limiting option 2 to WMD nations, and adding a duplicate option for non-WMD nations? Because if YN doesn't have WMDs, MAD is not much of a problem but being obliterated by Blackacre is.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Maybe limiting option 2 to WMD nations, and adding a duplicate option for non-WMD nations? Because if YN doesn't have WMDs, MAD is not much of a problem but being obliterated by Blackacre is.

Good point. Will make a doppelganger option for the next draft.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

No option to boycott -- and encourage other nations to boycott -- Blackacre's exports?

Didn't think the issue warranted it. There's one forgiving response, one militarised response, and one hostile non-militarised response. Tariffs and the like would be another hostile non-militarised response, so only adds comprehensiveness rather than being essential to the narrative, so I'm leaving that approach off.

Plus it doesn't seem likely that @@NAME@@ has good trading relations with Blackacre anyway, and it's also likely that @@NAME@@ is always using diplomacy to try to encourage others to oppose Blackacre. It's the nature of the established relationship.

[Workers Juche Liberation Front of Korea]

Interesting draft.

[SherpDaWerp]

Puerile, perhaps, but people IRL made toilet paper with Trump's face on it. (I assume that's where you got the idea...) Also funny to see drafts that seem like they've been made with Patriotism in mind.

the proximity of nuclear armageddon is leading to a lot of brown trousers

Would the armageddon be nuclear if I don't have WMD's? Blackacre might respond with nukes even to a conventional airstrike, but surely they would be just as likely to try and avoid a nuclear holocaust by just responding with conventional missiles.

compromosing positions

compromising - both option 2a and 2b

the government is learning to turn their other cheeks

Not sure about the pluralisation on cheeks. "the *single noun* *singular verb* learning to turn their other *plural noun*" sounds odd.

The rest seems spick and span, as per usual.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Puerile, perhaps, but people IRL made toilet paper with Trump's face on it. (I assume that's where you got the idea...) Also funny to see drafts that seem like they've been made with Patriotism in mind.

Ha, no, I hadn't heard of that. But I will now be trying to buy said loo rolls.

Would the armageddon be nuclear if I don't have WMD's? Blackacre might respond with nukes even to a conventional airstrike, but surely they would be just as likely to try and avoid a nuclear holocaust by just responding with conventional missiles.

Good point, will amend it to "a nuclear holocaust".

compromising - both option 2a and 2b

Oops. Typo fixed.

Not sure about the pluralisation on cheeks. "the *single noun* *singular verb* learning to turn their other *plural noun*" sounds odd.

It's meant to sound odd, till you realise that we're talking about the fact that your cheeks are on your face, and your other cheeks are on your butt.