[DISCARDED] A Dilapidated Dilemma

[Sacara]

This was a fun one. The original draft was posted in September 2017 by Austerlitsch. While going back through old posts, I stumbled upon it and thought it had some real potential, so I telegrammed Austerlitsch and asked if I could do some work on it, to which he said yes and gave me control over the draft. It was over a year ago that I sent that telegram, and I only got around to it this week. I sent him this current version, taking into account previous criticisms from the original post and some of my own thoughts, and he gave his approval. I like the place it is in, and I am hoping for community feedback on this one.

[Name] Dilapidated Dilemma
[Desc] After years of disuse, the @@ANIMAL@@ State Penitentiary fell into disrepair and was recently condemned. The infamous prison, once among the most feared destinations in @@REGION@@, is now set for demolition within the coming weeks.
[co-authors] Sacara & Austerlitsch

[option] "Back in the day this was the grandest structure on this side of @@NAME@@," solemnly states former prison warden @@RANDOMNAME@@, looking longingly at the now ruins. "It's such a shame this has come to this. We ought to make this place into a grand museum, one where today's youth can experience what it felt like to actually serve time here. We'll let them know what if felt like to be here."
[effect] sadistic museum guides often frighten schoolchildren

[option] "I can't believe what I'm hearing," says former prisoner MBRYNS-112002, who was arrested for arson, while lighting his jumpsuit on fire. "Do you have any idea of what happened while that place was in operation? Forget the crimes that got you in there, I can tell you of the ones that happened once you were in! Not only should this building be burned to the ground, but a resort for former convicts should be built here as reparation for what we had to endure."
[effect] felons and royalty are synonyms

[option] "The real question is why was this place shut down in the first place?" asks your Chief of Police, while writing a ticket for loitering. "The very mention of this place would strike fear to the heart of potential criminals, and it was the most effective deterrent to crime this nation has ever seen. I say rebuild the place and expand it to prevent anyone to even dare thinking about breaking our beloved laws."
[effect] life in prison is scarier than the death penalty

[Authoritaria-Imperia]

This was a fun one. The original draft was posted in September 2017 by Austerlitsch. While going back through old posts, I stumbled upon it and thought it had some real potential, so I telegrammed Austerlitsch and asked if I could do some work on it, to which he said yes and gave me control over the draft. It was over a year ago that I sent that telegram, and I only got around to it this week. I sent him this current version, taking into account previous criticisms from the original post and some of my own thoughts, and he gave his approval. I like the place it is in, and I am hoping for community feedback on this one.

[Name] Dilapidated Dilemma
[Desc] After years of disuse, the @@ANIMAL@@ State Penitentiary fell into disrepair and was recently condemned. The infamous prison, once among the most feared destinations in @@REGION@@, is now set for demolition within the coming weeks.
[co-authors] Sacara & Austerlitsch

[option] "Back in the day this was the grandest structure on this side of @@NAME@@," solemnly states former prison warden @@RANDOMNAME@@, looking longingly at the now ruins. "It's such a shame this has come to this. We ought to make this place into a grand museum, one where today's youth can experience what it felt like to actually serve time here. We'll let them know what if felt like to be here."
[effect] sadistic museum guides often frighten schoolchildren

[option] "I can't believe what I'm hearing," says former prisoner MBRYNS-112002, who was arrested for arson, while lighting his jumpsuit on fire. "Do you have any idea of what happened while that place was in operation? Forget the crimes that got you in there, I can tell you of the ones that happened once you were in! Not only should this building be burned to the ground, but a resort for former convicts should be built here as reparation for what we had to endure."
[effect] felons and royalty are synonyms

[option] "The real question is why was this place shut down in the first place?" asks your Chief of Police, while writing a ticket for loitering. "The very mention of this place would strike fear to the heart of potential criminals, and it was the most effective deterrent to crime this nation has ever seen. I say rebuild the place and expand it to prevent anyone to even dare thinking about breaking our beloved laws."
[effect] life in prison is scarier than the death penalty

I like it, and I think it could work. But some advice and typo stuff, just my opinion…

The biggest thing I'm thing about is: is this legislation at all? The options make one decision for a specific event, while issues often have lasting repercussions. This issue might work better if you attached long-term plans to your options (e.g. set up a reparation system for mistreated prisoners as part of option 2). This kind of thing may not work for every option, but it'd work for some of them. I'm not sure it's necessary, but adding legislation or long-term plans gives the issue more national significance.

Also — surely there's a validity requirement for this, or a couple requirements? I think prisons can be banned through certain issues…

The title, while creatively alliterated, doesn't reach its potential. What about "Has State Prison Done Its Time?"

… Penitentiary fell into disrepair…

The past tense suggests that the issue has already happened. Saying instead that the prison "has fallen into disrepair" puts the reader into the situation.

… and was recently condemned.

This seems like an unnecessary addition, since the natural thing to do is to state where the condemnation is coming from (the people? Other politicians? Does the country even allow free speech or have other politicians?). The general dissatisfaction with the circumstance is clear from the fact that this is an issue, and from the speakers presenting the difference options.

… once among the most feared destinations…

"Destination" feels like a bizarre thing to call an apparently-terrifying prison. What about calling it a landmark?

…looking longingly at the now ruins

This is sort of awkward wording (awkwording?), especially since the prison hasn't been demolished yet. I get that it's old and falling apart, but "ruins" makes out sound like it's been knocked down already. Maybe "gazing longingly at the decrepit walls"?

We ought to make this place into a grand museum, one where today's youth can experience what it felt like to actually serve time here. We'll let them know what if felt like to be here.

These sentences simply say the same stuff (pardon the alliteration ). This would probably flow better without the second sentence.

…while lighting his jumpsuit on fire.

This is possibly a tad extreme for a side joke. What if he's lighting a candle in your office or something?

… a resort for former convicts should be built here…

This could use some clarification. Are you saying that the ex-convicts should be given exclusive access to the resort? How would that work…? I only ask because a resort for convicts seems like such a bizarre request…

The real question is why was this place shut down in the first place?

I'm kind of nitpicking here. The back half of this sentence "why was… in the first place) forms a complete question by itself. The grammatically correct thing would be to either use a colon ("The real question is: why was this place shut down in the first place?") or to move the word "was" ("The real question is why this place was shut down in the first place?").

… while writing a ticket for loitering.

This particular thing isn't too important either, but mentioning who he's writing the ticket for could add some humour. He could be writing YOU the ticket, or the arsonist or something.

… place would strike fear to the heart of potential criminals…

Just some awkward wording again. This would work better: "… place struck fear in the hearts of potential criminals"

… prevent anyone to even dare thinking about…

More awkward wording. Maybe try "prevent anyone from daring to think about"?

I hope this wasn't too critical. :/ I do think this is a good issue.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

To me, the main dilemma about aged and run down prisons is whether they should be maintained when they're not quite fit for purpose, and if they should be replaced, whether the goal should be to replace that capacity with modern prisons, or to reduce the total incarcerated populations through one means of another. Its not the easiest dilemma to present on NS, as budget spending isn't really of much consequence in this game, but to me that's where the thrust of the issue should be.

How to dispose the building itself isn't really a big dilemma. I mean actually, who really cares? Demolish it, make it a museum, whatever. That's not really a national decision of any import.

[Jutsa]

Besides that, I'm afraid we've already an issue very much like that about multiple buildings: #914: Shepherds Without a Flock

[Australian rePublic]

There are hundreds of prisons in @@NAME@@, why is this one special?

[Jutsa]

If it was like alcatraz or something, it'd make sense. Or maybe it really is the only prison in your nation.