https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_F._Cantasano
DRAFT 2:
TITLE:
Crossing Over
VALIDITY:
cars
DESCRIPTION:
Visiting head of state Winston Hillchurch was hit by a car and badly injured while trying to cross a busy road. He has blamed this accident on looking the wrong way, thanks to his own nation driving on the other side of the road.
OPTION 1
Mario F Cantaloupesano the driver, looks nervois and contrite. "Hey, I'm sorry I ran down the old man, but he just launched straight off the sidewalk in front of my car, you know? Hey, @@LEADER@@, maybe what we need is more proper road crossings, with lights, and writing on the road that tells you to 'LOOK LEFT' or 'LOOK RIGHT'. Stiff penalties for jaywalking too. I tell ya, my nerves can't take it when people leap out in the road like that."
OUTCOME:
every district is a red light district in @@CAPITAL@@
OPTION 2
"Seems to me that all this could have been avoided if Hillchurch had been reminded to look both ways," interjects your Minister of Perception, stepping forward to be heard and colliding briefly with a passing aide who is striding past. "Maybe all visiting foreigners should be accompanied by official helpers, to keep them safe and supported at all times. They can make sure that people look the right way when crossing the road, and indeed, guide our visitors only to the nicest, most picturesque and most pro-government neighbourhoods."
OUTCOME:
tourists visiting @@NAME@@ for their honeymoon complain about the government observer in the corner of the room
OPTION 3
"Foreign diplomacy is oft a catalogue of mishaps and blunders," intones the now-recovered Hillchurch, pouring tea for you and for the driver who hit him to show that he is apportioning no blame. "We have had accidents on the beaches, on the landing grounds, and in the fields and in the streets. We shall never surrender!" An aide whispers in the senile politician's ear. "Ah sorry, where was I? Ah yes -- I would suggest that a civilised nation of civilised people should perhaps consider changing the side of the road on which they drive their cars. This is your duty, your only safe course."
OUTCOME:
people are getting used to the government telling them to look the other way
OPTION 4
"Do you have any idea how expensive these ideas would be?" asks a constipated looking libertarian, who has been working it out with a pencil. "Fundamentally, big government is a pain in the ass! Why waste taxpayer money just because some foreign bigwig is accident prone? If anything, we should be spending less on telling people where they can and can't walk, and trusting people to look after their own safety."
OUTCOME:
the most common roadkill is coiled rattlesnake
DRAFT 1:
