[ON HOLD] Flushing Away the Forest

[Sacara]

[Name] Flushing Away the Forest
[Desc] A recent study found less than twenty percent of @@NAME@@’s toilet paper manufacturers use recycled content in their toilet paper.

[option] "We cannot let one our greatest natural resources just go down the toilet!" cries Etta Thumberg, a prolific environmentalist. "These manufacturers are absolutely a pain in the butt for the environment. You absolutely must force them to switch over to recycled products if you want to keep trees around. Who cares if it feels a little rougher on our bottoms; it’s our planet we’re talking about!"
[effect] doctors are noting an increase in visits dealing with itchy butts

[option] "This is just the price we pay for making our tooshes feel good," butts in the head of @@NAME@@’s largest toilet paper manufacturer while carrying a package. "Everyone knows we make kick-butt, ultra-soft, pleasant feeling toilet paper. We only use the highest quality virgin-fiber paper, harvested from the renowned @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Northern Forest. Here, I even brought some with, why don’t you try some for yourself? You'll see why we should be allowed to continue our #2 business as usual."
[effect] @@LEADER@@’s butt has never felt better

[option] "Did ya hear that Brancaland has installed bidets on their toilets?" asks your niece, who recently got back from a trip abroad. "Apparently they're supposed to good for the environment or something, which makes sense because of no more toilet paper. It's going to cost pretty, er, maybe a dirty penny in this case, but I bet it'd help us out in the long run. Plus, they kinda feel good down there, too. Ha!"
[effect] @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ are @@REGION@@-renowned for having the cleanest bottoms

Changelog:

• Completely changed option three from getting rid of toilet paper to install bidets everywhere
• Edited option one for clarity of what the speaker is asking for, edited effect line
• Edited option two slightly for clarity
• Removed capitalist validity

[Lelscrep]

This is pretty entertaining, puns and all.

Option two might feel a bit more complete if the last line was clarifying what the CEO wants.
"You know, there’s a reason our products are rate highly among consumers" aside from the typo, might be a bit unnecessary with the previous two sentences essentially making the same point, and why it's morally grey. With that, you could possibly have a last line for that option that goes something like: "Here, why don’t you try some for yourself? You'll why we should be allowed to continue business as usual."

I also don't think this issue needs to be exclusive for capitalism. Option Two for a socialist nation could be making a point like "Well I like our soft toilet paper. Continue as usual!"
If you were to make said change, option one would also need a slight alternative version for a socialist version, likely just using the word "manufacturers" instead of "companies". Also instead of talking about fines, just have Etta advocate to ban the production of environmentally damaging toilet paper.

Talking about option one, it seems like Etta is a bit uncertain with what she wants. Fining a company for being damaging, and forcing them to stop being damaging are two different things. If a company has been forced to stop being damaging, then a fine would be redundant.

[The JELLEAIN Republic]

Jay if there was an expensive science solution like plastic or holographic toilet paper, or japaniese toilets.

State mandated holopaper...

[USS Monitor]

Jay if there was an expensive science solution like plastic or holographic toilet paper, or japaniese toilets.

State mandated holopaper...

Reusable cloth towels that you wash after each use?

[Australian rePublic]

Bidets would be an interesting option, and drought would make make an interesting effect line

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Agree on the bidets, as that's the real life solution of many nations.

[Lelscrep]

Bidets would be an interesting option, and drought would make make an interesting effect line

Jay if there was an expensive science solution like plastic or holographic toilet paper, or japaniese toilets.

State mandated holopaper...

The counsel has decided your fate.

[Australian rePublic]

Agree on the bidets, as that's the real life solution of many nations.

Just add an effect line about drought

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Effect lines in general look a bit weak, mostly relying on "butt" being a funny word.

[Australian rePublic]

Effect lines in general look a bit weak, mostly relying on "butt" being a funny word.

But but but but but but...

[Bears Armed]

Jay if there was an expensive science solution like plastic or holographic toilet paper, or japaniese toilets.

State mandated holopaper...

Reusable cloth towels that you wash after each use?

The ancient Romans -- and maybe others? -- sometimes used sponges, with sticks as handles, that were [supposed to be] washed between uses... although the pots of water in which these were kept probably got rather foul after a few uses.
This might be how the expression about getting hold of "the wrong end of the stick" originated...

[Jutsa]

This might be how the expression about getting hold of "the wrong end of the stick" originated...

Oh my god

Also, fun idea. Case could be made for tissues and paper towel to top it off, but I'dn't worry about those for this draft.
Agreed on bidets being a nice option idea, too.

[Socio Polor]

"We cannot let one our greatest natural resources just go down the toilet!"

I see what you did here, nice!

cries Etta Thumberg

Nice reference to Gretta

harvested from the renowned @@DEMONYM@@ Northern Forest.

Use @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@

It’d be cool if you banned toilet paper entirely;

Naaaahhhhh, they can't ban toilet paper, @@demonymplural@@ don't want to use a leaf

Joking aside, This is really nice Sacara, Good Luck!

[Sacara]

List of changes I've made in my next version of the draft

• Completely changed option three from getting rid of toilet paper to install bidets everywhere
• Edited option one for clarity of what the speaker is asking for, edited effect line
• Edited option two slightly for clarity
• Removed capitalist validity

I like the way this is shaping up, but I still can't think of a good effect line for option two... anyone have ideas?

[Australian rePublic]

As I said a million times before, option 3's effect should mention drought. Bidets are all well and good, until drought hits and we have to ration water. Drought is an unsung consequence of bidets, and it's about we started mentioning it

[Trotterdam]

I understand your point, but... toilets already use lots of water just for flushing. Is this going to be worse than that?

[Australian rePublic]

I understand your point, but... toilets already use lots of water just for flushing. Is this going to be worse than that?

If you're in server drought, then yes, every drop counts. If you're in one of the communities that mandates maximum water usage levels (e.g. 100 litres) due to drought, then yes, every drop counts. This is especially the case if you need the bidet after every use of the toilet, and/or people who use the toilet a lot. Every drop counts. I wouldn't even be surprised if bidets counter-acted the water saving benefits of dual flush toilets

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Bidet's don't use much water, as it goes.

https://www.bidet.org/blogs/news/bidet-water-use

To summarise, 1/8 gallon to clean your ass up and 12-37 gallons of water to produce one toilet roll. If we say 1000 sheets per 1-ply roll, and an average of 10 sheets per visit, that's approximately the same amount of water used per poo clean up whether you use bidets or toilet paper. That's just the water impact though. Clearly, toilet rolls have other environmental costs to their manufacture.

An issue about water use in toilet flushes would be a lot more relevant. Though, of course, we already have that one, even if the author's an ass.

[Australian rePublic]

Bidet's don't use much water, as it goes.

https://www.bidet.org/blogs/news/bidet-water-use

To summarise, 1/8 gallon to clean your ass up and 12-37 gallons of water to produce one toilet roll. If we say 1000 sheets per 1-ply roll, and an average of 10 sheets per visit, that's approximately the same amount of water used per poo clean up whether you use bidets or toilet paper. That's just the water impact though. Clearly, toilet rolls have other environmental costs to their manufacture.

An issue about water use in toilet flushes would be a lot more relevant. Though, of course, we already have that one, even if the author's an ass.

Yes, but tp doesn't use local supply

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Bidet's don't use much water, as it goes.

https://www.bidet.org/blogs/news/bidet-water-use

To summarise, 1/8 gallon to clean your ass up and 12-37 gallons of water to produce one toilet roll. If we say 1000 sheets per 1-ply roll, and an average of 10 sheets per visit, that's approximately the same amount of water used per poo clean up whether you use bidets or toilet paper. That's just the water impact though. Clearly, toilet rolls have other environmental costs to their manufacture.

An issue about water use in toilet flushes would be a lot more relevant. Though, of course, we already have that one, even if the author's an ass.

Yes, but tp doesn't use local supply

Sure, but NS is a game of nation simulation. Either its using up water elsewhere in the nation, or you're importing all your tissue paper, which is another issue.

Regardless, there's no need for sacara to include in his issue any suggestion that bidets are water inefficient, because they're not.

[Outer Sparta]

I like this one. It's got a good mix of humor (very appropriate to the topic) and does a good job at pinpointing the issue of toilet paper sustainability.

[Sacara]

I like this one. It's got a good mix of humor (very appropriate to the topic) and does a good job at pinpointing the issue of toilet paper sustainability.

Thanks!

I made a few small edits to the options, nothing major. I think this one is getting ready, but I'll leave it up for a few more days to continue getting feedback on it.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

[Desc] A recent study found less than twenty percent of @@NAME@@’s toilet paper manufacturers use recycled content in their toilet paper.

Does the premise need to mention recycling ratios? It makes it sound like the main dilemma is the amount of toilet paper that is made from recycled material, rather than toilet paper being wasteful in general.

I'd personally go for:

[desc] A reality TV contestant's recent revelation that they get through two rolls of tissue paper each day has triggered a national debate on the wastefulness of loo roll.

You could then have recycled sources being one option rather than the focus, and the presentation then has more natural humour and story to it than the very dry "recent study" approach.

Additionally, I'd consider renaming this issue "Three Sheets to the Wind", because why not?

[Jutsa]

A shame there's no Trump reference here for a radical option.

"We have a... situation, which we're looking very strongly at sinks and showers... and other elements of bathrooms," says Ronald Rump. "And you don't get any water, you turn on the faucet and you don't get any water. It's dripping out, very... quietly dripping out. People are flushing toilets ten times, fifteen times, instead of once. They end up using more water. So... lets ban toilets."

(lifted from this)

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Trump wouldn't ban toilets, except maybe for immigrants. If someone pointed out the environmental impact of toilet paper he'd say that was a lie perpetuated by the Chinese in order to give American men stinky butts, to give Chinese men a competitive advantage when hitting on American women, or something.

Mind you, he probably doesn't need toilets personally, because he pushes his own crap all over Twitter.