Edit: It's been a couple months, and unfortunately, it looks like this one wasn't accepted. :( Thanks anyway to everyone who helped me!
ISSUE: Not a Good Sign
Validity: Must have roads, and cars that aren't self-driving
The Issue: A recent concert in @@CAPITAL@@ was canceled when sparse, contradictory street-name signage meant that even with a GPS, the foreign singer could not find the venue in time. This bungle has prompted intense anger about low-quality street signage throughout @@NAME@@, and with your dithering local councils too busy "making statements" to take action, you’ve decided to tackle the issue yourself.
Option 1:
"The shoddy state of this state’s street signs seems… stupid," states Samantha Seabury, waving a neatly-written "LABEL THE WORLD" sign as she alliterates badly. "Maddening mobility markings make movement messy!" She pauses awkwardly before giving up on her wordplay. "We need brand-new, non-contradictory street signs on every corner, and every fifty paces on longer roads!" As she departs, she sticks a "@@LEADER@@'s Office Door" label on each side of your door.
Outcome:
dense walls of street signs are frequently mistaken for fences
Option 2:
"She's kidding, right? She’s kidding," citizen @@RANDOMNAME_1@@ assures you airily, sporting a "Who KNOWS?" t-shirt. "In @@NAME@@, part of the joy of transport is the mystery! Adding signs — and helpful ones, at that — would take that thrill away! I think you should get rid of all street names and signs — imagine the confusion!" @@HE@@ giggles, exiting from your office into what you suspect is the janitor's closet.
Outcome:
addresses are given in degrees latitude and longitude
Option 3:
"Hang on a sec," interjects @@RANDOMNAME_2@@, CEO of ride-sharing company Lyfters. "What about self-driving cars? We've got the death rate down to, like, five percent!" @@HE@@ pauses. "Maybe ten percent — so not bad, eh? Just buy back all cars and make people buy our newest model. Navigation'll be a thing of the past!" @@HE@@ lowers his voice. "I could slip you some of the prof—" @@HE@@ stops abruptly, laughing nervously as @@HE@@ catches the watchful eye of your secretary, "I mean, what? Did you say something?"
Outcome:
transport is a breeze for those still alive
Option 4:
"Y'know, there's more'n one way to eat a cat," points out legendary cattle rancher @@RANDOMNAME_3@@. "D'y'all really need 'em roads? I say — heck no! Let's bring back horses an' those goodol' plains, an' get rid'a someof 'em buildin's too! People'll be abl'a see right where 'ey are, with their own eyes!" @@HE@@ walks off, most likely headed for the nearest saloon.
Outcome:
@@CAPITAL@@'s skyline is made up mostly of tents