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Supranational Breakfast Extraordinaire... What?

A place to spoil daily issues for those who haven't had them yet, snigger at typos, and discuss ideas for new ones.
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Cosmic Distributive Justice Supranation
Political Columnist
 
Posts: 2
Founded: Dec 02, 2018
Ex-Nation

Supranational Breakfast Extraordinaire... What?

Postby Cosmic Distributive Justice Supranation » Tue Dec 03, 2019 2:11 pm

My first issue attempt! I significantly shortened this and would love a review,

Title:
Supranational Breakfast Extraordinaire... What?
Description:
Making for a particularly nice morning, your cabinet heads have all to together and brought you along with the promise of waffles to partake in an easy going surprise state breakfast with more than one hundred dignitaries and heads of governments. Apparently, negotiations have had results with three different supranational treaty organizations for terms to join as a member state, who now present themselves to you for your answer.

Validity: Yes

1.

Text:
The dignitaries and heads of state present of the Socialist Neoliberal @@REGION@@ Hybrid Confederation come over to you. Maté drinking Priscilla Nowak, President of the SNRHC Executive Committee, softly lays out what you'd get out of it. "Dear Leader, through becoming a tax-sharing member of the SNRHC free trade and freedom of movement zone, our regional development fund will help protect your industries and multicultural organizations, have subsidies and international regulations and new technologies and recognition of cultural value, so long as you join in on our monoculture seeds…” she looks at you with genuine affection and steely resolve, at least you think so, as she goes on and on about legal and policy details.

Fallout:
cultural exchange plus economic gains and losses twirl along with a whirlwind of public confusion and secret government talks about cooking the books
Validity: Yes

2.

Text:
"Ah Leader, don't be so hasty now with this supposedly bright future these decadents promise you," says the corruptly elected Premier of the Pudgo Federation Rudimir Bykov afterwards while carefully cutting up pancakes into the shapes of countries and devouring them. "You should join the @@REGION@@ Union, don’t you want to go back to your countries' roots of our shared grand patriotism and national fanfare. Your economy would be exploited, er, reunited, in our family and our nuclear weapons programme…” He looks at you with what you know to be the gleam of an old spy relishing power as he discusses national pride, autocracy, and living out your vices freely.

Fallout:
old oppressive shadows loom, and the heyday of corruption is now

Validity: Yes

3.

Text:
"Leader love, do you want something truly radical?" The humble, yet proud and glamorous Prime Minister of the Cosmopolitanist Federation, Ziole Amistad sits beside you after gently kissing your blushing Minister of Diplomacy on the cheek. "Through a high tax hike, we offer you a full democratic supranational system, and a complete restructuring of the economy to meet the dreams of working towards a sustainable decolonized socialist queer feminist foreign aid utopia. Whatever old biases that may still inundate your scientific and educational endeavors will be replaced with a comprehensive holistic empirical theory and pedagogy…”

Fallout:
the fifth wave feminist revolution is afoot from government chambers to rural farms

Validity: Yes
4.

Text:
"You know Leader, while we could walk away from all this, but we'd be missing out on comedic value and political capital," your particularly silent and paranoid service guard @@RANDOMNAME@@ mentions after breakfast. " Your Department of Culture could turn out prime time television, games and novels about the absurdity of such massive projects, so you'd not only endorse isolationism, you'd make a profit on it. I mean, what are we going to do otherwise, have a planetary government? Do you remember when the Posh Empire ruled a quarter of the planet? How do we know that won't suddenly happen and we go back to oppressive colonial ********!?"

Fallout:
International relations professors are distraught as international relations are laughed at even by international relations students

Validity: Yes
Last edited by Cosmic Distributive Justice Supranation on Tue Dec 03, 2019 2:14 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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Candensia
Diplomat
 
Posts: 566
Founded: Apr 20, 2017
Father Knows Best State

Postby Candensia » Tue Dec 03, 2019 9:16 pm

Welcome to Got Issues.
*Beep*
*Boop*
I shall commence feed-backing.

Your writing itself looks competent, which is big check. Still, I don’t think this works. The central debate doesn’t really make sense as an issue, as there isn’t any real policy debate happening. More or less, all the options just scream "pick the stats you want". It feels like a list issue to me, just without a plethora of options.

I do note that listy-type type issues do exist in the issue base, and are not strictly forbidden, but I’d very highly suggest new writers emulate and get a handle for the default, debate driven format common in modern issues. (Option, Counter option, Crazy/Bizarre/Unconventional/Whatever option.)

Your writing career will be more successful that way.


Find a meaty debate, and I think your skills will carry you through just fine.
The Free Joy State wrote:Time spent working on writing skills -- even if the draft doesn't work -- is never wasted.

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USS Monitor
Retired Moderator
 
Posts: 28819
Founded: Jul 01, 2015
19th Century Iron Steamship

Postby USS Monitor » Tue Dec 03, 2019 10:42 pm

I more or less agree with Candensia. Your general writing level is good enough to get into issues, but this draft doesn't quite gel.

The premise feels unnatural and unfocused. Why are all these people together at a surprise breakfast instead of doing diplomacy in a more conventional way? Who was negotiating with them and why? You shouldn't say @@LEADER@@ ordered the negotiations because that would violate player autonomy, but then it's odd that something on this scale would be organized without @@LEADER@@'s orders.

I think your best bet is to try again with a different premise. You can post in the Writers' Block if you want to run some ideas by people to get advice on how viable they are.

The format Candensia recommended -- option, counter-option, crazy -- is not required, but it is a common set-up that works for many topics.
Drafts with 4 or 5 options are also perfectly acceptable and reasonably common, but you need to have a strong central narrative that all of the options tie into. The problem with this draft is that there isn't a strong enough central theme tying the whole thing together.
Don't take life so serious... it isn't permanent... RIP Dyakovo and Ashmoria
NationStates issues editors may be harmful or fatal if swallowed. In case of accidental ingestion, please seek immediate medical assistance.
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Cosmic Distributive Justice Supranation
Political Columnist
 
Posts: 2
Founded: Dec 02, 2018
Ex-Nation

Postby Cosmic Distributive Justice Supranation » Wed Dec 04, 2019 12:07 pm

*Boop*
*Beep*
*Meep*
Thanks for the feedback! I only did the surprise breakfast scenario because it seemed spontaneously absurd, which I thought I should go for since this is such an arcane topic even in political and academic circles (being a member state in a supranational body). I suppose I could divide the first three choices into separate issues valid only for certain countries, and that might solve the choose stats effect, by providing choices on different levels of participation (full member, partial, or whatever crazy option I come up with) another way I could fix the leader not being involved is for the country either only being invited to begin negotiations (and thus not have as big of an impact) or for the Leader's country to be invited to be a founding member of an important treaty or constitution of a supranational org that is just starting. I will re-approach this and also come up with different issues, thank you for the feedback, honored fellow governments! Let me know if I missed something in my understanding here

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USS Monitor
Retired Moderator
 
Posts: 28819
Founded: Jul 01, 2015
19th Century Iron Steamship

Postby USS Monitor » Wed Dec 04, 2019 11:07 pm

Some of those ideas might work better. Go ahead and mull it over a bit and figure out what you want to do.

Since you seem to be interested in international organizations, I think it's worth mentioning that you are allowed to refer to the WA in issues. You can mention WA legislation, WA-related institutions, etc. And you can use WA membership status as a validity check.

I don't know if WA stuff is up your alley, but it is an option if you like to write about international politics.
Don't take life so serious... it isn't permanent... RIP Dyakovo and Ashmoria
NationStates issues editors may be harmful or fatal if swallowed. In case of accidental ingestion, please seek immediate medical assistance.
༄༅། །འགྲོ་བ་མི་རིགས་ག་ར་དབང་ཆ་འདྲ་མཉམ་འབད་སྒྱེཝ་ལས་ག་ར་གིས་གཅིག་གིས་གཅིག་ལུ་སྤུན་ཆའི་དམ་ཚིག་བསྟན་དགོས།


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