DRAFT 2 11.9.19:
TITLE:
Searching for that Special Someone
VALIDITY:
Internet, Democracy, Some freedom of speech,
DESCRIPTION:
Your PR team have discovered that when you type "idiot", "fool" or "special needs" into the image search function of market-dominating search engine Whoogle, there's at least half a dozen pictures of you, @@LEADER@@, on the first page.
OPTION 1
"Whoogle has always been biased against our politics," argues your Secretary of State, whose recent Whotube rant was taken down by moderators for being 'disgustingly offensive'. "These tech giants are unelected arbiters of internet content, skewing the perceptions of the masses according to their hidden agenda. We need to set up a government-backed organisation that monitors them for bias, and fines them accordingly."
OUTCOME:
typing @@LEADER@@'s name into a search engine always gives zero matches
OPTION 2
"We use complex neutral algorithms that base results on associations created by user uploads and metatags," defends Whoogle CEO Sunder Pikachu. "It's not us calling you an idiot, it's the people. If you value internet neutrality, then you'll grow a thicker skin, and guarantee us freedom from government censorship." He smiles winningly, then mutters under his breath as he turns to leave. "Idiot."
OUTCOME:
a flying elephant and @@LEADER@@ share the same nickname
OPTION 3
"Well, maybe we can improve things without opposing freedom of expression," suggests a tech-savvy aide. "We can aggressively manipulate the Whoogle search engine to ensure your political opponents are made to look ridiculous. Like maybe we can get that picture of the opposition leader's partner looking like an ape, and get that trending. Move with the times, and you can win the memetic war."
OUTCOME:
a politician who is photographed pulling a funny face while eating can say goodbye to their credibility
OPTION 4
"Have you considered the possibility that you ARE an idiot?" challenges your stern aunt, smacking you round the back of the head. "Think for five seconds before you open your mouth. Dress smartly. Be polite to everybody. Avoid saying controversial things. If you want to get respect, be respectful to others, you little fool."
OUTCOME:
an internet search for the word "bland" produces pictures of @@LEADER@@
OPTION 5
"Ban the internet!" shouts your Minister of Equality, waving @@HIS@@ arms about. "Sorry, no, I only yelled that to get your attention. Actually the real problem here is that people are still using 'special needs' as an insult. Can you please invest some more in educating the masses in language sensitivity and respect for the disabled? Don't ban the internet, by the way. That'd be crazy."
OUTCOME:
there's nothing special about @@LEADER@@
DRAFT 1:
