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[DRAFT] Vive Quoi Revolution?

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Charliber
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Founded: Jan 10, 2018
Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

[DRAFT] Vive Quoi Revolution?

Postby Charliber » Fri Sep 06, 2019 9:21 am

[title] Vive Quoi Revolution?
[validity] must be Socialist
[description] Everyone was feeling quite chuffed once it was decided that the government switch to a socialist system, but after lots of governmental bickering, it quickly became clear that people had very different ideas of what that entails.

[option] "So what if we don't have everything thought out?" begins MP Farles Chourier, holding an opaque bottle. "We are socialists now! Anything is possible! Let us raise our glasses in triumph!"
[effect] The government has recently begun attempting to sell ocean water as lemonade.

[option] "That is a load of frou-frou claptrap!" exclaims MP Sosef Italin, clenching his fists. "To ensure the purity of our socialism, we must clamp down on all capitalist decadences! Jewelry? Gone! Wallpaper? Gone! Surplus food? Gone! We must be ever-vigilant and all-encompassing in protecting @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ from that vile free market."
[effect] State-provided goods from @@NAME@@ have strange red lights

[option] "Let's be reasonable about this," drowsily intones MP Baul Prousse, waking from his nap. "We can take this one bill at a time, working towards what we all commonly desire. Staying within the realm of possibility is essential to…" he trails off as he falls asleep.
[effect] Parliament has recently passed the "Sunshines and Happiness" bill.

[option] "Pfah! 'The realm of possibility!' What rubbish!" shouts MP Ladimir Vlenin, planting his foot on his desk. "We are in power now. We must expunge the bourgeois elements from all institutions in @@NAME@@! Death to the aristos!"
[effect] Collecting loose change carries a hefty prison sentence in @@NAME@@.

[option] "Though I agree that we must be drastic in our purification of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@," starts MP Zao Medong, getting up from his salad. "it is not merely those vile capitalists, but also those filthy urbanites. They've corrupted the noble spirit of our nation's farmers. We must return to our agricultural roots and abandon these hives of pollution!"
[effect] "Power to the People" has begun to feel ironic after numerous electricity shortages.

[option] "The question we must be asking is how we are meant to become a classless society when the rest of the world lags behind. The answer is that we can't!" retorts MP Ton le Rotsky sarcastically. "We must do whatever we can to have other nations align themselves with our thinking, with force if necessary, and only then can we concern ourselves with minutiae!"
[effect] @@NAME@@ has been put in the World Assembly's time-out corner indefinitely for meddling with other countries.

[option] "The bourgeois oppressing the underclasses of the world will only listen to violence!" adds MP Gue Chevara, suddenly brandishing a rifle*. "We must sponsor underground socialist movements around the globe, and only then could we properly engage in diplomacy and trade."
[effect] @@NAME@@ has a reputation of subcontracting wars to

[option] "This is all insane, we cannot simply go about murdering our citizens because they were not as dedicated to the cause as we," chides MP Mulius Jartov from under his large ushanka. "Are they not still human beings? They should have as much participation in government as any other citizen."
[effect] Wealthy @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ regularly stonewall all efforts to raise taxes.

[option] "I concur, but we could still go farther with that idea," adds MP Lyörgy Gukács, fixing his posture. "Socialism is about empowering the individual. We cannot forget the human element, and all of our governance decisions must prioritize the well-being of @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@!"
[effect] Legislation lags behind in @@NAME@@ as studies are being performed on its potential effects.

[option] "Okay, this is going to sound crazy, but hear me out: what if we try to combine capitalism and socialism?" chimes in MP Gikhail Morbachev, smiling cheekily. "That way, people won't have to succumb to corporate influence, but they'll still be incentivized to work hard. Reasonable middle ground, right?"
[effect] Disgruntled revolutionaries in @@NAME@@ have had their hammers and sickles replaced with riveters and combines.

[option] "You're all going about this wrong!" bellows anarcho-syndicalist protester** Deniel le Daon from outside through a megaphone. "The government is itself a tool of the bourgeois! Only through small-scale civilian organization can we break the shackles of oppression!"
[effect] @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government aid programs are failing due to the lack of a government.

[option] "He has a point, you know," chides MP Luxa Rosemburg. "Government control of industry is all well and good, but at what point are we simply quashing human freedoms? @@NAME@@ shall not devolve into a totalitarian state! We need to ensure that any legislation we pass does not needlessly deprive citizens of rights."
[effect] @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ avoid commerce to keep their civil liberties.

[option] "Oi! @@LEADER@@!" explodes capitalist counter-protester** Smam Adith, face ironically very red. "How about you butt out of the business of private corporations, both literally and figuratively, and drop this whole 'socialism' schtick, eh!?"
[effect] @@NAME@@ is mired in counterrevolutions.

*replace "rifle" with "sabre" if there are no firearms
**replace "protester" with "petitioner" or something similar if protest is outlawed

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Candlewhisper Archive
Senior Issues Editor
 
Posts: 19440
Founded: Aug 28, 2015
Capitalizt

Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Fri Sep 06, 2019 10:40 am

Welcome to Got Issues*! Your writing enthusiasm is credible, and there's some nice humour here.

However, 13 options is about 10 too many, though as they're nice and short you could maybe have 5 options.

The main problem here, however, is the vagueness of the premise. "What does socialism entail?" is far too broad and unfocused a question. Instead, try to narrow it down to asking about one aspect of socialism, and build an story around that aspect.

You've got some good raw talent here though. If you can adapt that talent to writing in the NS style, I think you could go a long way.

---

*Edit: Apologies, I see you've drafted here a few times before, my mistake, didn't recognise your name. Looking back, you've had some previous good writing stymied by overlap with existing issues. It'd be a shame if you didn't get a published issue to your name,
Last edited by Candlewhisper Archive on Fri Sep 06, 2019 10:47 am, edited 3 times in total.

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Australian rePublic
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Founded: Mar 18, 2013
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Australian rePublic » Fri Sep 06, 2019 7:44 pm

Musyt have recently become Socialist
Disclaimer: In-Character posts are NOT a reflection of the real world Australian government, any government departments, or any Australian states or territories. I have no authority over real world government decisions. This nation does not reflect my views, as I am trying to unlock banners
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Candlewhisper Archive
Senior Issues Editor
 
Posts: 19440
Founded: Aug 28, 2015
Capitalizt

Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Wed Sep 11, 2019 8:55 am

I'm happy you took on the feedback, but the best place to do so would have been within the draft thread, rather than just submitting the amended version. Feedback on the new version could have made the issue a lot better.

For your reference, the submitted version does not meet the quality requirements yet, and so has been deleted/rejected. I suggest bringing the version back here, for further refining.


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