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[DRAFT] Time to Judge Jury

A place to spoil daily issues for those who haven't had them yet, snigger at typos, and discuss ideas for new ones.
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Roliganistan
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Posts: 51
Founded: Jan 05, 2017
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

[DRAFT] Time to Judge Jury

Postby Roliganistan » Thu Sep 05, 2019 6:33 pm

When sports star, Aron Jury, recently underwent surgery for a recurring knee ailment, the surgeon took the opportunity to implant a tiny transceiver to detect and give immediate report of any new damage without the need for an invasive procedure. Coach and player both praised the new technology, pointing out that the team would now be able to give Jury a rest day whenever needed, greatly reducing the risk of an injury in Jury. But the technology raises questions about the fairness and ultimate outcome of prosthetic enhancements in sport. Now you’ve been called on to judge Jury.

A) “I can’t see a problem here”, says team owner Nathan Rockburner. “We owe it to my cash fl.. uh, athletes and fans to take every precaution to protect players’ health. This implant isn’t any different from protective helmets or boxing gloves. You’re not going to ban those, are you?”
Consequence: Professional athletes have been replaced by cyborgs.

B) “Don’t do it @@LEADER@@!” says the 150 kg, 235 cm colossus, @@RANDOMNAME@@, leader of the players’ association, while crouching over you threateningly. “Modern prosthetics greatly outperform biological organs. If you allow surgical enhancement, we’ll soon see couch potatoes lifting 1000 kilos, running the 100 metre in 3 seconds and being outfitted with artificial intelligence processors to optimise their movements. Then, who's gonna pay me 30 million .. uh, how are we going to inspire young people to participate in sports, when it’s nothing but a competition between robots?”
Consequence: Injuries typically force professional athletes into retirement by age 16.

C) “..processors controlling movements? Hey! That gives me an idea”, says Alan Rodrigues, former dirty ballplayer, now turned owner of the last-place Gainsville Guppies, “What if we could send out signals to interfere with opponents' implants? We could generate false injury alerts, direct their processor to have them score goals for our side or cause their star player to break into peals of laughter at a crucial moment. Yes, indeed. Let’s finally do something for the underdog.”
Consequence: All professional sport associations are now under the heading of E-sports.
Last edited by Roliganistan on Sun Sep 08, 2019 1:01 am, edited 26 times in total.

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Australian rePublic
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Left-Leaning College State

Postby Australian rePublic » Thu Sep 05, 2019 7:38 pm

Wait, since when does this device allow mind control?
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Roliganistan
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Posts: 51
Founded: Jan 05, 2017
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Roliganistan » Thu Sep 05, 2019 7:52 pm

Australian rePublic wrote:Wait, since when does this device allow mind control?


I did have something in mind, but I hadn't communicated it very well. So, I've made some changes. This should be better.
Last edited by Roliganistan on Thu Sep 05, 2019 8:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Candlewhisper Archive
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Founded: Aug 28, 2015
Capitalizt

Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Fri Sep 06, 2019 3:32 am

When sports star, Aron Jury, recently underwent surgery for a recurring knee ailment, the doctor took the opportunity to implant a tiny transceiver to detect and immediately report on any new damage without the need for an invasive procedure. Coach and player have praised the new technology, pointing out that the team would now be able to give Jury a rest day whenever needed, greatly reducing the risk of future injuries.


So far, no issue. Cool new technology used with full consent, everyone happy. So where's the issue?

The technology is not without controversy though, and you’ve been called on to judge Jury.


Don't tell us there's a controversy. Instead, present the controversy. That's the supposed issue, and it belongs in the opening description.

By the end of the opening description we should know what the issue at hand is. If you're a seasoned and talented issue writer, like Max, you can do something clever like Issue 1000 where the true issue isn't the one in the opening description. But for authors with less than a dozen published issues under their belt, I suggest sticking with a more conventional structure.

Present the dilemma in the opening.

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Roliganistan
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Posts: 51
Founded: Jan 05, 2017
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Roliganistan » Fri Sep 06, 2019 5:40 pm

Don't tell us there's a controversy. Instead, present the controversy. That's the supposed issue, and it belongs in the opening description.

By the end of the opening description we should know what the issue at hand is. If you're a seasoned and talented issue writer, like Max, you can do something clever like Issue 1000 where the true issue isn't the one in the opening description. But for authors with less than a dozen published issues under their belt, I suggest sticking with a more conventional structure.

Present the dilemma in the opening.


You make a very good point.

I've updated the introduction. Let me know if you have any other suggestions.

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USS Monitor
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Founded: Jul 01, 2015
19th Century Iron Steamship

Postby USS Monitor » Fri Sep 06, 2019 9:32 pm

Roliganistan wrote:Consequence: Professional athletes rarely stay healthy long enough to play beyond the age of 17, as even the use of band-aids is now forbidden.


Effect lines should be shorter and simpler than this.

They are not complete sentences and do not need capitalization at the beginning or punctuation at the end. Try to make it something that will fit neatly when it is strung together with effect lines from other issues that the player has answered.

For example,

professional athletes rarely stay healthy long enough to play beyond the age of 17


or

athletes are forbidden from using band-aids


would be properly formatted effect lines based on the same ideas. I think the bottom one is better than the top one, or you can think up your own alternative.

I'm also not in love with the title. It seems a little disconnected from the subject of the issue.
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Roliganistan
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Posts: 51
Founded: Jan 05, 2017
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Responding to USS Monitor

Postby Roliganistan » Sun Sep 08, 2019 12:53 am

Effect lines should be shorter and simpler than this.

I'm also not in love with the title. It seems a little disconnected from the subject of the issue.


I've taken on board both of these remarks.

Thanks for your insightful comments!

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Roliganistan
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Posts: 51
Founded: Jan 05, 2017
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Lots of Love

Postby Roliganistan » Mon Sep 09, 2019 6:00 am

Thanks to Candlewhisperer Archive and USS Monitor for their superlative critiques. I'm going to press now, and although I know the acceptance ratio for issues is quite small, I am confident that the material is as good as I can make it.


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