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[DRAFT] I Take You As My Crown, To Have And To Hold

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Daarwyrth
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Corrupt Dictatorship

[DRAFT] I Take You As My Crown, To Have And To Hold

Postby Daarwyrth » Fri Aug 23, 2019 2:07 pm



I have noticed that there aren't a lot of issues that specifically target @@NAME@@ becoming a consitutional monarchy and therefore have written up this draft proposal. Yes, there are several issues that have the option to let one's nation become a monarchy, but I tried my best to have this issue be distinct. I would very much love to hear everyone's feedback on the first draft!



Draft 1
[TITLE] I Take You As My Crown, To Have And To Hold

[VALIDITY] Invalid for nations that have the monarchy policy

[DESCRIPTION] With the country being under the spell of the royal wedding between Princess Harriet of Great Imperia - a nearby island nation that once had a grand colonial empire - and @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Ties actor Morgan Murkle, a group of monarchists seek to exploit the nation's temporary infatuation with royalty to push for @@NAME@@ becoming a constitutional monarchy. While holding a crown they explicitly state was not stolen from the National Museum but looks suspiciously a lot like it,the royal ensemble has embarked on a peaceful march towards your office.

[OPTION 1] "Look upon your people and see that the time is right!" begins @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, whose family is descendant from aristocracy, as @@HE_1@@ barely holds the monstrosity of a jeweled crown in @@HIS_1@@ hands. "True, their fad with royalty may be temporary and entirely fueled by trashy, gossip-hungry tabloids, but your dynasty could last a millennium if you take advantage of this!" @@HE_1@@ plops the crown on your desk, which immediately strains under its weight. "Yes, you may have proven all too often that you are merely human, but from all the politicians out there you're the one we hate the least. And thus we ask you, @@LEADER@@, to say 'yes' to this crown and let @@NAME@@ become a constitutional monarchy!"

[EFFECT 1] the national budget is strained by @@LEADER@@'s unexpected coronation ceremony
[Gain Policy: Constitutional Monarchy]

[OPTION 2] "I OBJECT TO THIS MARRIAGE!" bursts in notorious anti-monarchist @@RANDOMFEMALENAME_1@@, who is rumoured to have started the insurgency that ended the monarchy in Marche Noire with her tweets. "Oh, I thought this was the wedding ceremony of my pig of an ex-husband, who left me for that no-good, slimy boor of a-, eh, nevermind... but I object to this marriage as well!" She storms towards your desk, trying to grab the crown and throw it out of the window but failing to even move it an inch. "You seriously can't be considering doing what these pompous bigwigs ask of you. It's the 21st century for Violet's sake, the time of monarchies is past! No, you should give us more democracy instead and show whatever kingdom is left out in the world how it's done!"

[EFFECT 2] foreign monarchies feverishly deny the existence of @@NAME@@ out of fear of sparking a revolution

[OPTION 3] You fall silent for a moment to ponder on this, catching your reflection in one of the picture frames on your desk. It starts to speak to you. "This is exactly what happens when you let people have a voice in how the country is run. They burst into your office and start demanding all sorts of things and before you know it, they'll leave you sitting butt-naked and bare-handed and trust me, you know you don't want anyone seeing you naked..." your reflection mocks you with knowing smile. "But anyway, these royalists are on the right track though. Just make sure you replace 'constitutional' with, let's say, 'absolute'..."

[EFFECT 3] the new monarch of @@NAME@@ has appointed their reflection as the advisor on all affairs concerning everything
[Gain Policy: Absolute Monarchy]

Draft 2
[TITLE] I Take You As My Crown, To Have And To Hold

[VALIDITY] Invalid for nations that have the monarchy policy

[DESCRIPTION] With the country being under the spell of the royal wedding between Princess Harriet of Great Imperia - a nearby island nation that once had a grand colonial empire - and @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Ties actor Morgan Murkle, a group of monarchists seek to exploit the nation's temporary infatuation with royalty to push for @@NAME@@ becoming a monarchy. With enough public attention and clout around the issue, you have agreed to a meeting in your office to discuss the pros and cons, despite a very long and tiresome day.

[OPTION 1] "Who needs a monarchy these days, am I right?" begins devilishly handsome @@RANDOMMALENAME_1@@, a successful entrepreneur and whose family is descendant from aristocracy. "Wrong! Just look at Great Imperia's royal family, they're a powerhouse economically speaking. They smooth over trade deals, polish up their country's image with charming smiles and polite handshakes and have business contacts that even make Marcus Suckerberg blush! @@NAME@@ could benefit from a monarchy too, if we'd install one. We just need to make sure that the monarch's political power is clearly outlined in our constitution so that they'll, well, eh, you know... won't chop our heads off whenever they please!" he snickers nervously. "But anyway, how about you say 'yes' to this proposal, hmm?"

[EFFECT 1] the new monarch of @@NAME@@ is saddened to hear the constitution doesn't allow them to have ice-cream whenever they want
[Gain Policy: Constitutional Monarchy]

[OPTION 2] "No, I object to this marriage!" says @@RANDOMMALENAME_1@@'s twin sister, a civil rights spokesperson who's well-known for her anti-monarchist stance and supposed instigation of the insurgency that ended the tyrannical monarchy in Marche Noire. "Well, this marriage of state and crown, I mean. @@LEADER@@, you can't seriously consider what my halfwit of a brother is saying. It's the 21st century for Violet's sake, the time of monarchies is past! No, what we really need in @@NAME@@ is more democracy. We need to show whatever kingdom is left out there how it's done!" she slams her fist vigorously on your desk. "Let those pompous fancypants tremble in fear, eh!"

[EFFECT 2] foreign monarchies feverishly deny the existence of @@NAME@@ out of fear of sparking a democratic revolution

[OPTION 3] As a moment of silence falls upon the room and tiredness takes its toll, you notice one of your predecessor's portraits shaking their head in disapproval. "This is exactly what happens when you let the common folk have a voice in how the country is run. They burst into your office and start demanding all sorts of things," they sigh wistfully. "But don't fret, I have exactly the right solution for you!" they suddenly say far too upbeat, crossing several other paintings to come closer to you. "You see, the @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ don't know what's good for them, they really don't. That's why they need a strong, guiding hand who'll decide for them," they start smiling insidiously. "And guess what, @@LEADER@@, an absolute monarchy provides exactly the right tools for that..."

[EFFECT 3] the new absolute monarch of @@NAME@@ often thanks the voices in their head during speeches
[Gain Policy: Absolute Monarchy]

Draft 3
[TITLE] I Take You As My Crown, To Have And To Hold

[VALIDITY] Invalid for nations that have the monarchy policy

[DESCRIPTION] With the country being under the spell of the royal wedding between Princess Harriet of Great Imperia - a nearby island nation that once had a grand colonial empire - and @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Ties actor Morgan Murkle, a group of monarchists seek to exploit the nation's temporary but hysterical infatuation with royalty to push for @@NAME@@ becoming a monarchy as well. With enough public attention garnered around the issue - likely fueled by the adorable memorabilia being sold in honour of the royal wedding - you have agreed to a meeting in your office to discuss the matter, despite a very long and tiresome day.

[OPTION 1] "Do you see your people, @@LEADER@@? They're obsessed with the royals!" begins successful entrepreneur @@RANDOMMALENAME_1@@, while shoving a snow globe over to you which contains the princely couple, one of the souvenirs his company is selling. "But can you fault them for recognizing how successful they are? Great Imperia's royal family is a powerhouse economically speaking! They smooth over trade deals, polish up their country's image with charming smiles and polite handshakes, all the while having business contacts that even make Marcus Suckerberg blush! @@NAME@@ could benefit from a monarchy too, if we'd install one. We just need to make sure that the monarch's political power is clearly outlined in our constitution so that they'll, well, eh, you know... won't chop our heads off whenever they please!"

[EFFECT 1] the new monarch of @@NAME@@ is saddened to hear the constitution doesn't allow them to have ice-cream whenever they want
[Gain Policy: Constitutional Monarchy]

[OPTION 2] "No, I object to this marriage!" exclaims @@RANDOMMALENAME_1@@'s twin sister @@RANDOMFEMALEFIRSTNAME@@, a famous civil rights spokesperson who's rumoured to have sponsored several anti-monarchist insurgencies in Marche Noire. "Well, this marriage of state and crown, I mean. @@LEADER@@, you can't listen to my brother, he's just looking to make a profit off these poor misguided people! It's the 21st century for Violet's sake, the time of monarchies is past! No, what we really need in @@NAME@@ is to wake up our citizens from this purple-hazed stupor by giving them more democratic and political responsibilities, so we can show whatever kingdom is left out there how a modern state looks like!" she smashes the snow globe off the desk.

[EFFECT 2] foreign monarchies feverishly deny the existence of @@NAME@@ out of fear of sparking a democratic revolution

[OPTION 3] As a moment of silence falls upon the room and tiredness takes its toll, you notice one of your predecessor's portraits shaking their head in disapproval. "This is exactly what happens when you let the common folk have a voice in how the country is run. They burst into your office and start telling you what to do... But there's a way to stop their pesky meddling for good!" they cross several portraits to come closer to you. "You see, the @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ don't know what's good for them, they really don't. That's why they need a strong, guiding hand who'll decide for them. And guess what, @@LEADER@@? An absolute monarchy provides exactly the right tools for that..."

[EFFECT 3] the new absolute monarch of @@NAME@@ often thanks the voices in their head during speeches
[Gain Policy: Absolute Monarchy]



Current draft




[TITLE] I Take You As My Crown, To Have And To Hold

[VALIDITY] Invalid for nations that have the monarchy policy

[DESCRIPTION] With the country being under the spell of the royal wedding between Princess Harriet of Great Imperia - a nearby island nation that once had a grand colonial empire - and @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Ties actor Morgan Murkle, a group of monarchists seek to exploit the nation's temporary but hysterical infatuation with royalty to push for @@NAME@@ becoming a monarchy as well. With enough public attention garnered around the issue - likely fueled by the adorable memorabilia being sold in honour of the royal wedding - you have agreed to a meeting in your office to discuss the matter, despite a very long and tiresome day.

[OPTION 1] "Do you see your people, @@LEADER@@? They're obsessed with the royals!" begins successful entrepreneur @@RANDOMMALENAME_1@@, while shoving a snow globe over to you which contains the princely couple, one of the souvenirs his company is selling. "But can you fault them for recognizing how successful they are? Great Imperia's royal family is a powerhouse economically speaking! They smooth over trade deals, polish up their country's image with charming smiles and polite handshakes, all the while having business contacts that even make Marcus Suckerberg blush! @@NAME@@ could benefit from a monarchy that way too, if we'd install one. We just need to make sure that the monarch's political power is clearly outlined in our constitution so that they'll, well, eh, you know... won't chop our heads off whenever they please!"

[EFFECT 1] the new @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ monarch is saddened to hear the constitution doesn't allow them to have ice-cream whenever they want
[Gain Policy: Constitutional Monarchy]

[OPTION 2] "No, I object to this marriage!" exclaims @@RANDOMMALENAME_1@@'s twin sister @@RANDOMFEMALEFIRSTNAME@@, a famous civil rights spokesperson who's rumoured to have sponsored several anti-monarchist insurgencies in Marche Noire. "Well, this marriage of state and crown, I mean. @@LEADER@@, you can't listen to my brother, he's just looking to make a profit off these poor misguided people! It's the 21st century for Violet's sake, the time of monarchies is past! No, what we really need in @@NAME@@ is to wake up our citizens from this purple-hazed stupor by giving them more democratic and political responsibilities, to show whatever kingdom is left out there how a modern state looks like!" she smashes the snow globe off the desk.

[EFFECT 2] foreign monarchies feverishly deny the existence of @@NAME@@ out of fear of sparking a democratic revolution

[OPTION 3] As a moment of silence falls upon the room and tiredness takes its toll, you notice one of your predecessor's portraits shaking their head in disapproval. "This is exactly what happens when you let the common folk have a voice in how the country is run. They burst into your office and start telling you what to do... But there's a way to stop their pesky meddling for good! You see, the @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ don't know what's good for them, they really don't. That's why they need a strong, guiding hand who'll decide for them. After all, there's no need to be bound by an insignificant, little Constitutional rule-book, now is there?"

[EFFECT 3] The @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ monarch often thanks the voices in their head during speeches
[Gain Policy: Absolute Monarchy]
Last edited by Daarwyrth on Sat Aug 31, 2019 4:33 pm, edited 17 times in total.
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SherpDaWerp
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby SherpDaWerp » Fri Aug 23, 2019 5:12 pm

Daarwyrth wrote:[OPTION 3] You fall silent for a moment to ponder on this, catching your reflection in one of the picture frames on your desk. It starts to speak to you. "This is exactly what happens when you let people have a voice in how the country is run. They burst into your office and start demanding all sorts of things and before you know it, they'll leave you sitting butt-naked and bare-handed and trust me, you know you don't want anyone seeing you naked..." your reflection mocks you with knowing smile. "But anyway, these royalists are on the right track though. Just make sure you replace 'constitutional' with, let's say, 'absolute'..."

[EFFECT 3] the new monarch of @@NAME@@ has appointed their reflection as the advisor on all affairs concerning everything
[Gain Policy: Absolute Monarchy]

"You call silent" violates player autonomy. And the whole 'reflection' thing seems a bit weird IMO. The rest of the option I think can be taken 2 ways:
The mirror actually talks
In a modern-day setting, talking mirrors don't really exist, so I'm not sure if they can be used as part of an issue.
The mirror talking is a metaphor for the player's thoughts
Using the mirror as a metaphor for the leader actually thinking is even more of a player autonomy sin. Telling me what my character thinks (even through a metaphor) is a no-no.
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Daarwyrth
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Corrupt Dictatorship

Postby Daarwyrth » Sat Aug 24, 2019 12:56 am

SherpDaWerp wrote:
Daarwyrth wrote:[OPTION 3] You fall silent for a moment to ponder on this, catching your reflection in one of the picture frames on your desk. It starts to speak to you. "This is exactly what happens when you let people have a voice in how the country is run. They burst into your office and start demanding all sorts of things and before you know it, they'll leave you sitting butt-naked and bare-handed and trust me, you know you don't want anyone seeing you naked..." your reflection mocks you with knowing smile. "But anyway, these royalists are on the right track though. Just make sure you replace 'constitutional' with, let's say, 'absolute'..."

[EFFECT 3] the new monarch of @@NAME@@ has appointed their reflection as the advisor on all affairs concerning everything
[Gain Policy: Absolute Monarchy]

"You call silent" violates player autonomy. And the whole 'reflection' thing seems a bit weird IMO. The rest of the option I think can be taken 2 ways:
The mirror actually talks
In a modern-day setting, talking mirrors don't really exist, so I'm not sure if they can be used as part of an issue.
The mirror talking is a metaphor for the player's thoughts
Using the mirror as a metaphor for the leader actually thinking is even more of a player autonomy sin. Telling me what my character thinks (even through a metaphor) is a no-no.


If I recall the commentary of one of the issue editors, small actions that @@LEADER@@ is made to do things are accepted. Everyone falls silent sometimes to think, so it's likely @@LEADER@@ would do that at times as well.

And the reflection talking doesn't have to be @@LEADER@@'s actual own thoughts, but just a weird hallucination that they take too seriously if they choose the option. That's how I meant it when I wrote it.

But if others consider this a breach of player autonomy too, then this option can easily be changed to someone else saying it. I just thought that this trope would make it more unique, because we already have issues where the brother, family member, evil adviser says "go dictatorship".
Last edited by Daarwyrth on Sat Aug 24, 2019 12:57 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Australian rePublic » Sat Aug 24, 2019 6:07 am

I don't think this is enough of a reason to restore monarchy
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Daarwyrth
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Corrupt Dictatorship

Postby Daarwyrth » Sat Aug 24, 2019 6:15 am

Australian rePublic wrote:I don't think this is enough of a reason to restore monarchy


Well, I'd say that's the case with many NS issues and decisions, many aren't that serious or realistic at all. It's meant satirical in this case, because whenever there is a royal wedding, baby or even coronation then I have seen many countries swoon over it for a short period of time. In the NS realm, I'd wager a group of monarchists might go out and push for their nation becoming a monarchy, taking advantage of the temporary fad.
Last edited by Daarwyrth on Sat Aug 24, 2019 6:18 am, edited 3 times in total.
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Altmer Dominion
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Psychotic Dictatorship

Postby Altmer Dominion » Sat Aug 24, 2019 1:30 pm

I'm debating with myself about some of the player autonomy implications, especially in light of the many stringent constraints concerning monarchy references throughout the issue base. As an aside, though, it's interesting that this draft about Constitutional Monarchies doesn't contain any notion of the Prime Minister position -- one of the myriad of reasons why any @@LEADER@@/Monarch connection remains vague in most other related issues.

EDIT: And as for the "You fall silent for a moment" line in Option 3, this specific case falls a bit too close to the player autonomy line for my tastes.
Last edited by Altmer Dominion on Sat Aug 24, 2019 1:36 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Corrupt Dictatorship

Postby Daarwyrth » Sat Aug 24, 2019 1:40 pm

Altmer Dominion wrote:I'm debating with myself about some of the player autonomy implications, especially in light of the many stringent constraints concerning monarchy references throughout the issue base. As an aside, though, it's interesting that this draft about Constitutional Monarchies doesn't contain any notion of the Prime Minister position -- one of the myriad of reasons why any @@LEADER@@/Monarch connection remains vague in most other related issues.

EDIT: And as for the "You fall silent for a moment" line in Option 3, this specific case falls a bit too close to the player autonomy line for my tastes.


As stated before, the last option can be altered to have someone else speak to leader and suggest the absolute monarchy option. Perhaps the portrait of a predecessor hanging in @@LEADER@@'s office starts speaking to them after a long day at work? That could still offer up a comedic effect :)

I am not sure I get what you mean with the Prime-Minister, though. Do you mean that I should include the option of becoming Prime Minister (although wouldn't that effectively degrade @@LEADER@@ since they're already Head of State and Prime Ministers are usually Head of Government?)? Or that the position should make an appearance? Or do you mean that it infringes upon player autonomy that @@LEADER@@ would become monarch and that it should remain ambiguous? Because if the latter is the case, I'd like to point to issue #1157 where the last option states:

5. “Oh, just become a monarch,” shrugs your laziest nephew, @@RANDOMMALEFIRSTNAME@@, who’s just been fired after one day at his latest in a long line of jobs. “Come on, you waving to the people from balconies, talking about ‘royal unions between two nations, both alike in dignity’... folks’d love it! Then Rodney would be ‘His Royal Highness Rodney of @@NAME@@’ and I’d never have to work again... I mean, and he could be with the Princess. Wouldn’t that be cool?”


And there's also issue #461 which has the options:

2. "In the event of your unfortunate demise," suggests your brother as he surreptitiously replaces your recuperative health drink with finest scotch, "@@NAME@@ will need someone to look up to. Let's face it, the country is full of wastrels who need a firm hand. That's why an absolute monarch, with final authority over every aspect of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ life, is the answer. After all, such a monarch can always choose the right trusted, older candidate of proven loyalty and ability to succeed them. I think I know just the man..."

3. "No, you mustn't!" cries your sister, yanking the scotch from your hand and handing you a grape. "If there is a monarchy, it must be regulated by limits placed by an elected government. That way, the people still get a say in how their country is run, and the person at the top doesn't get overstressed. Not only that, but think what an unscrupulous person might do given absolute power: bump off loathed relatives, persecute political enemies and even destroy the country." Noticing your brother grinning at her, she remembers she has something to do and sprints out of the room.


It's fairly clear that the person meant to become a Monarch is @@LEADER@@ in both issues with no mention of a Prime Minister, so I assumed it wouldn't infringe upon player autonomy here, especially since the two issues also heavily make assumptions and mentions about @@LEADER@@'s family.

Also, since @@LEADER@@ is the Head of State, it makes sense for them to become the monarch, I believe, should such a transition happen.
Last edited by Daarwyrth on Sat Aug 24, 2019 2:06 pm, edited 12 times in total.
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Psychotic Dictatorship

Postby Altmer Dominion » Sat Aug 24, 2019 2:17 pm

Let me see if I can rephrase.

From my point of view, this feels like an 'absolute monarchy' take on constitutional monarchy, even with the associated last option. The crux of constitutional monarchy is the constraint of said monarch's power, not necessarily the establishment of such power itself. Real-world constitutional monarchies are kept in check by legislative bodies and appointed/elected executives, with many royal head-of-states essentially ceremonial figureheads. There's a lot of gray area in this system, and that's one of the reasons why there's a lot of vagueness in issues where a monarch is already established. (See the way that #1084 is framed, for example).

Narratively, I'm concerned that underneath the veneer of options 1 and 3 the core premise is the same: @@LEADER@@ gets the crown to the Kingdom, so to speak. There's a lot of emphasis on the 'Monarch' aspect (and the 'Absolute', for that matter), with the 'Constitutional' aspect barely explored. The Constitutional Monarchy system is the perfect way to utilize the existing gray area NS affords existing monarchs, with a lot of options at your disposal. Prime Minister can be just one such constraint.

You don't necessarily need an outright Magna Carta event, but I think you do need to go at this from the opposite direction.

(Also, the portrait scenario sounds quite funny -- expanding on that seems promising.)
Last edited by Altmer Dominion on Sat Aug 24, 2019 2:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Corrupt Dictatorship

Postby Daarwyrth » Sat Aug 24, 2019 2:29 pm

Altmer Dominion wrote:Let me see if I can rephrase.

From my point of view, this feels like an 'absolute monarchy' take on constitutional monarchy, even with the associated last option. The crux of constitutional monarchy is the constraint of said monarch's power, not necessarily the establishment of such power itself. Real-world constitutional monarchies are kept in check by legislative bodies and appointed/elected executives, with many royal head-of-states essentially ceremonial figureheads. There's a lot of gray area in this system, and that's one of the reasons why there's a lot of vagueness in issues where a monarch is already established. (See the way that #1084 is framed, for example).

Narratively, I'm concerned that underneath the veneer of options 1 and 3 the core premise is the same: @@LEADER@@ gets the crown to the Kingdom, so to speak. There's a lot of emphasis on the 'Monarch' aspect (and the 'Absolute', for that matter), with the 'Constitutional' aspect barely explored. The Constitutional Monarchy system is the perfect way to utilize the existing gray area NS affords existing monarchs, with a lot of options at your disposal. Prime Minister can be just one such constraint.

You don't necessarily need an outright Magna Carta event, but I think you do need to go at this from the opposite direction.

(Also, the portrait scenario sounds quite funny -- expanding on that seems promising.)


No, no, I understand what a constitutional monarchy is and the difference between that and absolute monarchy, that's not what I was confused about. I am confused at the notion of @@LEADER@@ becoming a Prime Minister as - from what I have gathered in the issues - they're meant to be the Head of State.

In the description I tried to clarify that the type of monarchy the monarchists are campaigning for is a constitutional one, letting the player fill in themselves what exactly that means in their country or to what extent that goes. If need be, I can work in a line that explains the monarchists' wishes to keep the constitution and existing political system intact, with the exception that the Head of State becomes a monarch and that that position becomes hereditary, but the rest remains unchanged. Because my intent was for Option 1 to represent that.

Yet as I am writing this reply, I think I have finally gotten a feel for what you're trying to say. Would you suggest adding for example a fourth option (that one becoming option 2 for example) that allows the player for their nation to become a Constitutional Monarchy but not with @@LEADER@@ as the monarch? That way Option 1 would give the player the option to become monarch themselves, option 2 would allow them to be Prime-Minister under someone else being the monarch, option 3 would remain the anti-monarchist option while option 4 the absolute monarchy one. Would that resolve the concerns you expressed about player autonomy?

Altmer Dominion wrote:You don't necessarily need an outright Magna Carta event, but I think you do need to go at this from the opposite direction.


So, you mean to say that the decision should be made on a smaller scale? For example, @@LEADER@@ discussing this at a gathering of politicians or their administration or this being raised by the monarchists on a smaller scale?
Last edited by Daarwyrth on Sat Aug 24, 2019 2:44 pm, edited 4 times in total.
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Corrupt Dictatorship

Postby Daarwyrth » Sun Aug 25, 2019 2:00 pm

In light of Altmeri Dominion's feedback, I have rewritten the issue to hopefully address the concerns they raised about player autonomy. As such, I've tried to insert a certain amount of ambiguity as to who would become monarch, as well as expanding on what exactly a constitutional monarchy would entail in the first option. The new draft is up in the OP and I'd love to know what people think about it!
Last edited by Daarwyrth on Sun Aug 25, 2019 2:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Psychotic Dictatorship

Postby Altmer Dominion » Sun Aug 25, 2019 2:53 pm

I'm not opposed to how you've framed this. Traditionally, going from no monarchy --> constitutional monarchy is a bit of a logical twist; historically, many constitutional systems were needed to rectify previously Absolute reigns. However, this scenario has potential as a commentary on the modern Royal Obsession, which I've always found ironically ludicrous (at least here in America). The vagueness works in the issue's favor, since you're not directly asking @@LEADER@@ to simultaneously elevate their status while restricting their political power. The option choices are still rough around the edges, but there's a good start here.

As to clarify your question about where the Head of State assumption fits in, it's by and large a limitation we have to live in for now. Even when the constitutional/absolute delineation was expanded upon, the Update post had to throw in such a caveat.
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Postby Daarwyrth » Sun Aug 25, 2019 3:02 pm

Altmer Dominion wrote:I'm not opposed to how you've framed this. Traditionally, going from no monarchy --> constitutional monarchy is a bit of a logical twist; historically, many constitutional systems were needed to rectify previously Absolute reigns. However, this scenario has potential as a commentary on the modern Royal Obsession, which I've always found ironically ludicrous (at least here in America). The vagueness works in the issue's favor, since you're not directly asking @@LEADER@@ to simultaneously elevate their status while restricting their political power. The option choices are still rough around the edges, but there's a good start here.

As to clarify your question about where the Head of State assumption fits in, it's by and large a limitation we have to live in for now. Even when the constitutional/absolute delineation was expanded upon, the Update post had to throw in such a caveat.


I'm glad to hear that this alleviates several of your previous concerns! I can add in a bit more of the "royal obsession" trope into the description and first option.

What else would you suggest for the option choices to sharpen them? What are some of their weaker points at the moment?
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Psychotic Dictatorship

Postby Altmer Dominion » Sun Aug 25, 2019 7:02 pm

The first thing you're going to want to do is remove extraneous interjections from your options, marked in green. While these are usually meant to provide additional actions and/or characterizations, in most cases such sentences add nothing but bloat to each paragraph. Try to rephrase or reorder the dialogue to streamline reader engagement.

Daarwyrth wrote:[OPTION 1] "Who needs a monarchy these days, am I right?" begins devilishly handsome @@RANDOMMALENAME_1@@, a successful entrepreneur and whose family is descendant from aristocracy. "Wrong! Just look at Great Imperia's royal family, they're a powerhouse economically speaking. They smooth over trade deals, polish up their country's image with charming smiles and polite handshakes and have business contacts that even make Marcus Suckerberg blush! @@NAME@@ could benefit from a monarchy too, if we'd install one. We just need to make sure that the monarch's political power is clearly outlined in our constitution so that they'll, well, eh, you know... won't chop our heads off whenever they please!" he snickers nervously. "But anyway, how about you say 'yes' to this proposal, hmm?"

[OPTION 2] "No, I object to this marriage!" says @@RANDOMMALENAME_1@@'s twin sister, a civil rights spokesperson who's well-known for her anti-monarchist stance and supposed instigation of the insurgency that ended the tyrannical monarchy in Marche Noire. "Well, this marriage of state and crown, I mean. @@LEADER@@, you can't seriously consider what my halfwit of a brother is saying. It's the 21st century for Violet's sake, the time of monarchies is past! No, what we really need in @@NAME@@ is more democracy. We need to show whatever kingdom is left out there how it's done!" she slams her fist vigorously on your desk. "Let those pompous fancypants tremble in fear, eh!"

[OPTION 3] As a moment of silence falls upon the room and tiredness takes its toll, you notice one of your predecessor's portraits shaking their head in disapproval. "This is exactly what happens when you let the common folk have a voice in how the country is run. They burst into your office and start demanding all sorts of things," they sigh wistfully. "But don't fret, I have exactly the right solution for you!" they suddenly say far too upbeat, crossing several other paintings to come closer to you. "You see, the @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ don't know what's good for them, they really don't. That's why they need a strong, guiding hand who'll decide for them," they start smiling insidiously. "And guess what, @@LEADER@@, an absolute monarchy provides exactly the right tools for that..."
Last edited by Altmer Dominion on Sun Aug 25, 2019 7:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Daarwyrth » Mon Aug 26, 2019 3:24 pm

Altmer Dominion wrote:The first thing you're going to want to do is remove extraneous interjections from your options, marked in green. While these are usually meant to provide additional actions and/or characterizations, in most cases such sentences add nothing but bloat to each paragraph. Try to rephrase or reorder the dialogue to streamline reader engagement.

Daarwyrth wrote:[OPTION 1] "Who needs a monarchy these days, am I right?" begins devilishly handsome @@RANDOMMALENAME_1@@, a successful entrepreneur and whose family is descendant from aristocracy. "Wrong! Just look at Great Imperia's royal family, they're a powerhouse economically speaking. They smooth over trade deals, polish up their country's image with charming smiles and polite handshakes and have business contacts that even make Marcus Suckerberg blush! @@NAME@@ could benefit from a monarchy too, if we'd install one. We just need to make sure that the monarch's political power is clearly outlined in our constitution so that they'll, well, eh, you know... won't chop our heads off whenever they please!" he snickers nervously. "But anyway, how about you say 'yes' to this proposal, hmm?"

[OPTION 2] "No, I object to this marriage!" says @@RANDOMMALENAME_1@@'s twin sister, a civil rights spokesperson who's well-known for her anti-monarchist stance and supposed instigation of the insurgency that ended the tyrannical monarchy in Marche Noire. "Well, this marriage of state and crown, I mean. @@LEADER@@, you can't seriously consider what my halfwit of a brother is saying. It's the 21st century for Violet's sake, the time of monarchies is past! No, what we really need in @@NAME@@ is more democracy. We need to show whatever kingdom is left out there how it's done!" she slams her fist vigorously on your desk. "Let those pompous fancypants tremble in fear, eh!"

[OPTION 3] As a moment of silence falls upon the room and tiredness takes its toll, you notice one of your predecessor's portraits shaking their head in disapproval. "This is exactly what happens when you let the common folk have a voice in how the country is run. They burst into your office and start demanding all sorts of things," they sigh wistfully. "But don't fret, I have exactly the right solution for you!" they suddenly say far too upbeat, crossing several other paintings to come closer to you. "You see, the @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ don't know what's good for them, they really don't. That's why they need a strong, guiding hand who'll decide for them," they start smiling insidiously. "And guess what, @@LEADER@@, an absolute monarchy provides exactly the right tools for that..."


The above feedback has been worked into the draft! I've also tried putting the "Royal Obsession" trope more to the forefront, so I'd love to know what people think of it! Mainly I have worked on polishing up the option dialogues so they appear - hopefully - more streamlined to the reader, but I kept a bit of characterization in a few spots :)
Last edited by Daarwyrth on Mon Aug 26, 2019 3:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Daarwyrth » Thu Aug 29, 2019 3:21 am

Any thoughts on the new draft? Does it work better from this angle? What can be changed/added/subtracted to make the issue better? :)
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Capitalist Paradise

Postby Guomindang » Thu Aug 29, 2019 3:33 am

I think this looks nice really! ^^ Would love to see this come out...

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Postby Daarwyrth » Thu Aug 29, 2019 3:39 am

Guomindang wrote:I think this looks nice really! ^^ Would love to see this come out...


Thanks! :D
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Postby Guomindang » Thu Aug 29, 2019 3:46 am

Though, I'm curious -- what sort of banners will you look into?

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Postby Daarwyrth » Thu Aug 29, 2019 4:03 am

Guomindang wrote:Though, I'm curious -- what sort of banners will you look into?


Banners? As in, what banners you could gain from this issue? I'm not sure whether that's up to me, that's up to the issue editors/mods I think :)
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Postby Daarwyrth » Sat Aug 31, 2019 3:52 pm

So, I was hoping to gather more feedback on this issue, as I am very invested in this particular one. What can I do to make it better? What works, what doesn't? What can be added or what subtracted? Please, let me know! :)
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Postby Altmer Dominion » Sat Aug 31, 2019 4:14 pm

The draft is shaping up, but the third option could use a bit of TLC.

Daarwyrth wrote:[OPTION 3] As a moment of silence falls upon the room and tiredness takes its toll, you notice one of your predecessor's portraits shaking their head in disapproval. "This is exactly what happens when you let the common folk have a voice in how the country is run. They burst into your office and start telling you what to do... But there's a way to stop their pesky meddling for good!"they cross several portraits to come closer to you. "You see, the @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ don't know what's good for them, they really don't. That's why they need a strong, guiding hand who'll decide for them. And guess what, @@LEADER@@? An absolute monarchy provides exactly the right tools for that..."


There's still a bit of filler here. Ideally, all mid-paragraph actions (i.e., portraits inching closer) should be removed. It's still too unwieldy. Additionally, I'm not entirely a fan of explicitly telegraphing to the reader a policy verbatim -- instead, the last line could be more subtle. Something along the lines of "There's no need to be bound by a Constitutional rule-book", perhaps.

Daarwyrth wrote:[EFFECT 3] the new absolute monarch of @@NAME@@ often thanks the voices in their head during speeches


You don't necessarily have to mention the monarch is absolute. A more efficient phrasing would be 'The @@DEMONYM@@ monarch'
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Corrupt Dictatorship

Postby Daarwyrth » Sat Aug 31, 2019 4:27 pm

Altmer Dominion wrote:The draft is shaping up, but the third option could use a bit of TLC.

Daarwyrth wrote:[OPTION 3] As a moment of silence falls upon the room and tiredness takes its toll, you notice one of your predecessor's portraits shaking their head in disapproval. "This is exactly what happens when you let the common folk have a voice in how the country is run. They burst into your office and start telling you what to do... But there's a way to stop their pesky meddling for good!"they cross several portraits to come closer to you. "You see, the @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ don't know what's good for them, they really don't. That's why they need a strong, guiding hand who'll decide for them. And guess what, @@LEADER@@? An absolute monarchy provides exactly the right tools for that..."


There's still a bit of filler here. Ideally, all mid-paragraph actions (i.e., portraits inching closer) should be removed. It's still too unwieldy. Additionally, I'm not entirely a fan of explicitly telegraphing to the reader a policy verbatim -- instead, the last line could be more subtle. Something along the lines of "There's no need to be bound by a Constitutional rule-book", perhaps.

Daarwyrth wrote:[EFFECT 3] the new absolute monarch of @@NAME@@ often thanks the voices in their head during speeches


You don't necessarily have to mention the monarch is absolute. A more efficient phrasing would be 'The @@DEMONYM@@ monarch'


Alright, your feedback has been worked into the new draft! How does it sound now? :) I also simplified the first effect line, changing it along the lines of what you proposed for Outcome 3!
Last edited by Daarwyrth on Sat Aug 31, 2019 4:28 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby Daarwyrth » Mon Sep 02, 2019 4:04 am

So, any new thoughts as to the new draft? :)
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Postby Daarwyrth » Tue Sep 03, 2019 2:31 pm

Small, shameless bump :D
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Postby Daarwyrth » Fri Sep 06, 2019 2:59 am

Based on the current draft, what can I do to improve the issue? I'd love to know what people think as I'm really invested in this particular issue (yes, I love monarchies) :D
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