[DRAFT] Not-so Free Real Estate

[Makdon]

This is based on Trump looking into buying Greenland - https://www.politico.eu/article/donald-trump-greenland-not-for-sale/
This is the first issue I've written, so please give advice! Thanks!

First Draft

[TITLE] Not-so Free Real Estate

[DESCRIPTION] Outrage has followed a whistleblower providing The @@DENONYM@@ Daily Herald with reports that your Minister of State, @@RANDOMNAME@@, had requested on the feasibility of purchasing Bormiar, a small nation in your sphere of influence. Members of the press and officials from both nations have lined up outside your door to have their voices heard.

[OPTION 1] “This is an affront to the civil rights of both nations!” cries lobbyist @@RANDOMNAME@@, a member of Grassroots People, after bribing her way to the front of the line. “But… maybe there is a way to solve this democratically… Why not have voting in both nations to decide this? Carried out by official Grassroots People pollers, of course.”

[EFFECT 1] Citizens wishing to change the channel must hire a government sanctioned officer to ensure it’s democratic

[OPTION 2] “How can this even be considered?” Bellows @@RANDOMNAME@@, an outspoken nationalist from Bormiar. He begins taping Bormian flags on the walls of your office while continuing to speak. “Bormiar had been pushed around for too long! If you don’t stop trying to control us, then I can guarantee there will be revolutionaries on your doorstep, @@LEADER@@.”

[EFFECT 2] @@NATION@@ is known for being easily controlled with threats of violence, leading to the outlaw of plastic straws, paper plates, and bubblegum.

[OPTION 3] “Now, now let's all calm down.” Soothes @@RANDOMNAME1@@, offering you a wad of cash under the table. “Me and the President of Bormiar, @@RANDOMNAME@@, have come to a wonderful agreement. Bormiar would provide the perfect land for @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@. Think of the profit!. All it would take would be a few small payments to the President and some other high ranking officials.”

[EFFECT 3] Leaders of nations bordering @@NATION@@ are noted to often retire in luxury after agreeing to “merge” with @@NATION@@

[OPTION 4] “What sort of discussion is this!” General @@RANDOMENAME@@ barrels into your office, armed with an assault rifle and two bandoliers of ammo. “If we want the land so bad, why not just take it? The army of @@NATION@@ is the greatest in the world!” @@HE@@ roars, firing a shot into your ceiling.

[EFFECT 4] The international community is in constant fear of the army of @@NATION@@, which freely roams, conquering what it sees fit.

Second Draft

[TITLE] Not-so Free Real Estate

[DESCRIPTION] Outrage has followed the announcement that your Foreign Affairs Minister, @@RANDOMNAME@@, has met with the president of Bormiar, a small nation in your sphere of influence, and agreed to purchase it. Members of the press and officials from both nations have lined up outside your door to have their voices heard.

[OPTION 1] “This is an affront to the civil rights of both nations!” cries lobbyist @@RANDOMNAME@@, a member of Grassroots People, after bribing her way to the front of the line. “But… maybe there is a way to solve this democratically… Why not have voting in both nations to decide this? Carried out by official Grassroots People pollers, of course.”

[EFFECT 1] Voting must be conducted whenever the government wishes to hire a new employee.

[OPTION 2] “How can this even be considered?” Bellows @@RANDOMNAME@@, an outspoken nationalist from Bormiar. He begins taping Bormian flags on the walls of your office while continuing to speak. “Bormiar had been pushed around for too long! If you don’t stop trying to control us, then I can guarantee there will be revolutionaries on your doorstep, @@LEADER@@.”

[EFFECT 2] @@NATION@@ is known for being easily controlled with threats of violence, leading to the outlaw of plastic straws, paper plates, and bubblegum.

[OPTION 3] “Now, now let's all calm down.” Soothes @@RANDOMNAME1@@, offering you a wad of cash under the table. “Me and the President of Bormiar, @@RANDOMNAME@@, have come to a wonderful agreement. Bormiar would provide the perfect land for @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@. Think of the profit! All it would take would be a few small payments to the President and some other high ranking officials.”

[EFFECT 3] Leaders of nations bordering @@NATION@@ are noted to often retire in luxury after agreeing to “merge” with @@NATION@@

[OPTION 4] “What sort of discussion is this!” General @@RANDOMENAME@@ barrels into your office, armed with an assault rifle and two bandoliers of ammo. “If we want the land so bad, why not just take it? The army of @@NATION@@ is the greatest in the world!” @@HE@@ roars, firing a shot into your ceiling.

[EFFECT 4] The international community is in constant fear of the army of @@NATION@@, which freely roams, conquering what it sees fit.

Third Draft

[TITLE] Not-so Free Real Estate

[DESCRIPTION] Outrage has followed the announcement that your Foreign Affairs Minister, @@RANDOMNAME@@, has met with the president of Bormiar, a small nation in your sphere of influence, and agreed to purchase it. Members of the press and officials from both nations have lined up outside your door to have their voices heard.

[OPTION 1] “This is an affront to the civil rights of both nations!” cries lobbyist @@RANDOMNAME@@, a member of Grassroots People, after bribing her way to the front of the line. “But… maybe there is a way to solve this democratically… Why not hold referendums in both nations to decide this? Carried out by official Grassroots People pollers, of course.”

[EFFECT 1] Referendums are held whenever the government wishes to hire a new employee.

[OPTION 2] “How can this even be considered?” Bellows @@RANDOMNAME@@, an outspoken nationalist from Bormiar. He begins taping Bormian flags on the walls of your office while continuing to speak. “Bormiar had been pushed around for far too long! We won’t take it anymore! If you don’t stop using us for your personal gain, then you’ll be swept away in the revolution, @@LEADER@@!”

[EFFECT 2] @@NATION@@ is known for being easily controlled with threats of violence, leading to the outlaw of plastic straws, paper plates, and bubblegum.

[OPTION 3] “Now, now let's all calm down.” Soothes @@RANDOMNAME1@@, offering you a wad of cash under the table. “Me and the President of Bormiar, @@RANDOMNAME@@, have come to a wonderful agreement. Bormiar would provide the perfect land for @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@. Think of the profit! All it would take would be a few small payments to the President and some other high ranking officials.”

[EFFECT 3] Leaders of nations bordering @@NATION@@ are noted to often retire in luxury after agreeing to “merge” with @@NATION@@

[OPTION 4] “What sort of discussion is this!” General @@RANDOMENAME@@ barrels into your office, armed with an assault rifle and two bandoliers of ammo. “If we want the land so bad, why not just take it? The army of @@NATION@@ is the greatest in the world!” @@HE@@ roars, firing a shot into your ceiling.

[EFFECT 4] The international community is in constant fear of the army of @@NATION@@, which freely roams, conquering what it sees fit.

Current Draft

[TITLE] Not-so Free Real Estate

[DESCRIPTION] Outrage has followed the announcement that your Foreign Affairs Minister, @@RANDOMNAME@@, has met with the president of Bormiar, a small nation in your sphere of influence, and discussed the purchase of a small region within it. Members of the press and officials from both nations have lined up outside your door to have their voices heard.

[OPTION 1] “This is an affront to the civil rights of both nations!” cries lobbyist @@RANDOMNAME@@, a member of Grassroots People, after bribing her way to the front of the line. “But… maybe there is a way to solve this democratically… Why not hold referendums in both nations to decide this? Carried out by official Grassroots People pollers, of course.”

[EFFECT 1] Referendums are held whenever the government wishes to hire a new employee.

[OPTION 2] “How can this even be considered?” Bellows @@RANDOMNAME@@, an outspoken nationalist from Bormiar. He begins taping Bormian flags on the walls of your office while continuing to speak. “Bormiar had been pushed around for far too long! We won’t take it anymore! If you don’t stop using us for your personal gain, then you’ll be swept away in the revolution, @@LEADER@@!”

[EFFECT 2] @@NATION@@ is known for being easily controlled with threats of violence.

[OPTION 3] “Now, now let's all calm down.” Soothes @@RANDOMNAME1@@, offering you a wad of cash under the table. “Me and the President of Bormiar, @@RANDOMNAME@@, have had a wonderful idea. This region would provide the perfect land for @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@. Think of the profit! And we’d be lauded by the international community for helping out with Bormiar’s debt. All it would take would be a few small payments to the President and some other high ranking officials.”

[EFFECT 3] Leaders of nations bordering @@NATION@@ are noted to often retire in luxury after trading away their land to @@NATION@@

[OPTION 4] “What sort of discussion is this!” General @@RANDOMENAME@@ barrels into your office, armed with an assault rifle and two bandoliers of ammo. “If we want the land so bad, why not just take it? The army of @@NATION@@ is the greatest in the world!” @@HE@@ roars, firing a shot into your ceiling.

[EFFECT 4] The international community is in constant fear of the army of @@NATION@@, which freely roams, conquering what it sees fit.

[Trotterdam]

[OPTION 1] "This is an affront to the civil rights of both nations!"

Whose civil rights are being affronted? The citizens of Bormiar for having their nation bought out (even though that obviously wasn't going to happen because their government wasn't going to sell)? The Minister of State, for violation in privacy of publishing what was supposed to be a hush-hush backroom deal?

Frankly, "someone tried to buy something that isn't for sale" may be good for a quick laugh, but it doesn't present much of a dilemma. If Bormiar was interested in selling (unlike the real-life inspiration), then there would be an issue. If the minister, having failed to purchase Bormiar peacefully, pushed for trying to invade it instead, then there would be an issue. If all that happened was someone making a stupid suggestion and immediately being rebuffed, the only real question is whether the matter was important enough to be worth firing the minister over. Not an issue.

You do hint at some of these things later on, but that's too late. There needs to be a meaningful dilemma by the end of the dilemma, not just reports that someone "requested on the feasibility of purchasing Bormiar". (Wait, is that even valid grammar?)

[Chan Island]

It's generally a bad idea to just immediately copy the latest thing in the news (especially with the serial idiotic statements and incidents revolving around the Trump administration), so might be better to see how the story ages.

That said, if Bormiar was interested in being purchased, or was being sold by another power, that might be a different matter. Historically I'd recommend looking into Venice's purchase of Cyprus for an interesting parallel, or maybe the Louisiana Purchase for another angle. China's leasing of cities (including, now very high profile, Hong Kong to Britain) is also analogous if you squint hard enough.

[Australian rePublic]

Option 1's effect is far too much a leap in logic compared to option 1. Far too big

[Makdon]

It's generally a bad idea to just immediately copy the latest thing in the news (especially with the serial idiotic statements and incidents revolving around the Trump administration), so might be better to see how the story ages.

That said, if Bormiar was interested in being purchased, or was being sold by another power, that might be a different matter. Historically I'd recommend looking into Venice's purchase of Cyprus for an interesting parallel, or maybe the Louisiana Purchase for another angle. China's leasing of cities (including, now very high profile, Hong Kong to Britain) is also analogous if you squint hard enough.

[OPTION 1] "This is an affront to the civil rights of both nations!"

Whose civil rights are being affronted? The citizens of Bormiar for having their nation bought out (even though that obviously wasn't going to happen because their government wasn't going to sell)? The Minister of State, for violation in privacy of publishing what was supposed to be a hush-hush backroom deal?

Frankly, "someone tried to buy something that isn't for sale" may be good for a quick laugh, but it doesn't present much of a dilemma. If Bormiar was interested in selling (unlike the real-life inspiration), then there would be an issue. If the minister, having failed to purchase Bormiar peacefully, pushed for trying to invade it instead, then there would be an issue. If all that happened was someone making a stupid suggestion and immediately being rebuffed, the only real question is whether the matter was important enough to be worth firing the minister over. Not an issue.

You do hint at some of these things later on, but that's too late. There needs to be a meaningful dilemma by the end of the dilemma, not just reports that someone "requested on the feasibility of purchasing Bormiar". (Wait, is that even valid grammar?)

I believe I've addressed both of these buy saying the president agreed to sell.

Option 1's effect is far too much a leap in logic compared to option 1. Far too big

I've changed the effect, and I think it's better. When you say "Far too big" do you refer to the leap in logic, or the issue as a whole?
Thanks for the advice

[Australian rePublic]

Desc- what's a minister of state?

[Makdon]

Desc- what's a minister of state?

Someone who handles policy relating to foreign affairs?

[Australian rePublic]

Desc- what's a minister of state?

Someone who handles policy relating to foreign affairs?

You mean a foreign affairs minister? That's the title that this guy should have, not "minister of state"

[Makdon]

Someone who handles policy relating to foreign affairs?

You mean a foreign affairs minister? That's the title that this guy should have, not "minister of state"

I've changed it. Thanks

[Bears Armed]

Desc- what's a minister of state?

Someone who handles policy relating to foreign affairs?

In the USA, as i suspect from your flag you already know, that's the 'Secretary of State'.
In the RL UK, however, a 'Secretary of State' is a top-rank minister in any government ministry and a 'Minister of State' is a second-rank minister ditto.

[Makdon]

Does anyone have more thoughts on this?

[Daarwyrth]

“Why not have voting in both nations to decide this? Carried out by official Grassroots People pollers, of course.”

If I might suggest changing this to "Why not hold referendums in both nations to poll the citizens on this?". I associate voting more with elections, while in this case it's clear a referendum is meant

Voting must be conducted whenever the government wishes to hire a new employee.

Like side above, I'd change it to "Referendums are held whenever the government wishes to hire a new employee."

“Bormiar had been pushed around for too long!

Change this to "Bormiar has been pushed around for far too long!", it reads better

[OPTION 2] “How can this even be considered?” Bellows @@RANDOMNAME@@, an outspoken nationalist from Bormiar. He begins taping Bormian flags on the walls of your office while continuing to speak. “Bormiar had been pushed around for too long! If you don’t stop trying to control us, then I can guarantee there will be revolutionaries on your doorstep, @@LEADER@@.”

I see that this is meant to be a threat, but it comes across as a little bit tame. Why not make it sound a tad more threatening, perhaps something like this:

He suddenly unrolls a huge Bormian flag he seemed to be conveniently carrying around with him, holding the fabric close to his heart. "For too long have you tried to push us around like your personal lackey! I swear, if you don't stop meddling with our affairs for your benefit alone, we'll whip up an insurgency in @@NAME@@ that will make the Frenchian Revolution seem like a pleasant tea party!"

Otherwise, I think the core premise of the issue is really good! A final closing remark would be to look over the entirety again and polish up the text where needed

[Australian rePublic]

Why does @@NAME@@ want this nation anyway?

[Daarwyrth]

Why does @@NAME@@ want this nation anyway?

I don't think that is a particularly vital part of the issue. The core premise is about whether buying a nation is right or not, or how to circumvent the question of morality. Personally, I don't need a reason as to why the nation is being bought.

But, if I had to think of a reason to give to the author: large amounts of previously undiscovered natural resources. That way you don't specify what exact natural resources so it can fit every country and it's a clear reason why you'd want a specific territory as a country.

[Australian rePublic]

Why does @@NAME@@ want this nation anyway?

I don't think that is a particularly vital part of the issue. The core premise is about whether buying a nation is right or not, or how to circumvent the question of morality. Personally, I don't need a reason as to why the nation is being bought.

But, if I had to think of a reason to give to the author: large amounts of previously undiscovered natural resources. That way you don't specify what exact natural resources so it can fit every country and it's a clear reason why you'd want a specific territory as a country.

I think it's better to provide a reason. It might sway the result

[Daarwyrth]

I don't think that is a particularly vital part of the issue. The core premise is about whether buying a nation is right or not, or how to circumvent the question of morality. Personally, I don't need a reason as to why the nation is being bought.

But, if I had to think of a reason to give to the author: large amounts of previously undiscovered natural resources. That way you don't specify what exact natural resources so it can fit every country and it's a clear reason why you'd want a specific territory as a country.

I think it's better to provide a reason. It might sway the result

In that case, resources. Throughout the history of mankind that has been a primary reason to acquire new lands

[Makdon]

“Why not have voting in both nations to decide this? Carried out by official Grassroots People pollers, of course.”

If I might suggest changing this to "Why not hold referendums in both nations to poll the citizens on this?". I associate voting more with elections, while in this case it's clear a referendum is meant

Voting must be conducted whenever the government wishes to hire a new employee.

Like side above, I'd change it to "Referendums are held whenever the government wishes to hire a new employee."

“Bormiar had been pushed around for too long!

Change this to "Bormiar has been pushed around for far too long!", it reads better

[OPTION 2] “How can this even be considered?” Bellows @@RANDOMNAME@@, an outspoken nationalist from Bormiar. He begins taping Bormian flags on the walls of your office while continuing to speak. “Bormiar had been pushed around for too long! If you don’t stop trying to control us, then I can guarantee there will be revolutionaries on your doorstep, @@LEADER@@.”

I see that this is meant to be a threat, but it comes across as a little bit tame. Why not make it sound a tad more threatening, perhaps something like this:

He suddenly unrolls a huge Bormian flag he seemed to be conveniently carrying around with him, holding the fabric close to his heart. "For too long have you tried to push us around like your personal lackey! I swear, if you don't stop meddling with our affairs for your benefit alone, we'll whip up an insurgency in @@NAME@@ that will make the Frenchian Revolution seem like a pleasant tea party!"

Otherwise, I think the core premise of the issue is really good! A final closing remark would be to look over the entirety again and polish up the text where needed

I've generally followed these recommendations.

Why does @@NAME@@ want this nation anyway?

this is addressed in option 3, when the foreign affairs minister says: "Bormiar would provide the perfect land for @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@."
Thanks for the advice

[SherpDaWerp]

Nothing major, just a few little tweaks.

and agreed to purchase it.

Saying agreed makes it sound like the deal has been completed, which it shouldn't have been, especially considering the vocal opponents below. Also, my nation purchasing another nation sounds like a pretty major decision that I (the leader) would have to have signed off on.

Carried out by official Grassroots People pollers, of course.

Privately-owned polling organisations? Why couldn't @@NAME@@ and Bormiar simply conduct internal referenda on their own?

[EFFECT 1] Referendums are held whenever the government wishes to hire a new employee.

Word change: the plural of referendum is referenda

[EFFECT 2] @@NATION@@ is known for being easily controlled with threats of violence, leading to the outlaw of plastic straws, paper plates, and bubblegum.

Putting additional information in the effect line is generally not done. You could cut the second half of that sentence straight off, making it

[EFFECT 2] @@NATION@@ is known for being easily controlled with threats of violence

[EFFECT 4] The international community is in constant fear of the army of @@NATION@@, which freely roams, conquering what it sees fit.

Similar deal here. The additional bits on the end of the effect line don't add to it, so they could be removed:

[EFFECT 4] The international community is in constant fear of the army of @@NATION@@

[Makdon]

Sorry it's taken we so long to get back to this, I've been quite busy.

Nothing major, just a few little tweaks.

and agreed to purchase it.

Saying agreed makes it sound like the deal has been completed, which it shouldn't have been, especially considering the vocal opponents below. Also, my nation purchasing another nation sounds like a pretty major decision that I (the leader) would have to have signed off on.

Carried out by official Grassroots People pollers, of course.

Privately-owned polling organisations? Why couldn't @@NAME@@ and Bormiar simply conduct internal referenda on their own?

[EFFECT 1] Referendums are held whenever the government wishes to hire a new employee.

Word change: the plural of referendum is referenda

[EFFECT 2] @@NATION@@ is known for being easily controlled with threats of violence, leading to the outlaw of plastic straws, paper plates, and bubblegum.

Putting additional information in the effect line is generally not done. You could cut the second half of that sentence straight off, making it

[EFFECT 2] @@NATION@@ is known for being easily controlled with threats of violence

[EFFECT 4] The international community is in constant fear of the army of @@NATION@@, which freely roams, conquering what it sees fit.

Similar deal here. The additional bits on the end of the effect line don't add to it, so they could be removed:

[EFFECT 4] The international community is in constant fear of the army of @@NATION@@

Thanks for the advice. However, when it comes to the effect lines I feel like they lose a lot of humor without those last bits, and I don't think they end up being too long.

[SherpDaWerp]

Thanks for the advice. However, when it comes to the effect lines I feel like they lose a lot of humor without those last bits, and I don't think they end up being too long.

That's fair, twas but a suggestion. But for the second effect line:

[EFFECT 2] @@NATION@@ is known for being easily controlled with threats of violence, leading to the outlaw of plastic straws, paper plates, and bubblegum.

If I've chosen this option so my country stops interfering in Bormiar's politics, then the effect line surprises me with outlawing plastic straws, paper plates and bubble gum, none of which are even slightly mentioned in the option text, I'm bound to be a bit pissed off. Having stuff like that in the effect line completely changes the outcome of the option, which is why it's not really a good idea.

Also, why Bormiar? Generally issues try to avoid directly naming other people's nations, cause what if their nation disagrees? There are some exceptions, like Ausblic (a knock-off of Australian rePublic), but mostly it's a better idea to use NPC nations like Daguo or Maxtopia in issues.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

[DESCRIPTION] Outrage has followed the announcement that your Foreign Affairs Minister, @@RANDOMNAME@@, has met with the president of Bormiar, a small nation in your sphere of influence, and agreed to purchase it. Members of the press and officials from both nations have lined up outside your door to have their voices heard.

This premise doesn't seem believable to me. The idea that a sovereign head of state would agree to sell his country to a foreign power, or that the people living there would allow such a thing to happen, is basically ridiculous.

That's the point of the linked news article. Trump says something ridiculous, probably not sincerely but more as a half-joking comment with intent to grab attention. Other country laughs it off politely. Newspapers point and laugh at Trump while giving him the attention he wants.

No-one is going to agree to sell their nation. For one thing, it makes no sense. If the nation ceases to exist, who would you make the payment to?

[Trotterdam]

No-one is going to agree to sell their nation. For one thing, it makes no sense. If the nation ceases to exist, who would you make the payment to?

Well, in the case of Greenland, it's not officially a separate nation, just an autonomous territory of Denmark. So that's who.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

And yeah, I guess the US bought Alaska once, so it's not without precedent.

Sure, but this issue isn't a territory, it's a whole nation. With selling a territory, there exists a seller and buyer. This is buying out a whole nation.

If nothing else, it makes no sense for Leader not to have been involved in any such offer or discussion.

But the premise needs to be different to work, I think. Maybe have the sale being offered, rather than already negotiated.

An approach that might be reasonable here is if another nation is running into financial trouble and offering to sell a territory to NAME, but with a dilemma emerging from the people who live there not wanting to be sold. Or the dilemma could be that they're asking for money for what seems like worthless land with no resources, but territory is territory.

[Makdon]

But for the second effect line:

[EFFECT 2] @@NATION@@ is known for being easily controlled with threats of violence, leading to the outlaw of plastic straws, paper plates, and bubblegum.

If I've chosen this option so my country stops interfering in Bormiar's politics, then the effect line surprises me with outlawing plastic straws, paper plates and bubble gum, none of which are even slightly mentioned in the option text, I'm bound to be a bit pissed off. Having stuff like that in the effect line completely changes the outcome of the option, which is why it's not really a good idea.

I've changed this, it was a too controlling in retrospect. I am sad to make that effect line a bit boring, though, so I wonder if anyone has suggestions on how to improve it.

And yeah, I guess the US bought Alaska once, so it's not without precedent.

Sure, but this issue isn't a territory, it's a whole nation. With selling a territory, there exists a seller and buyer. This is buying out a whole nation.

If nothing else, it makes no sense for Leader not to have been involved in any such offer or discussion.

But the premise needs to be different to work, I think. Maybe have the sale being offered, rather than already negotiated.

An approach that might be reasonable here is if another nation is running into financial trouble and offering to sell a territory to NAME, but with a dilemma emerging from the people who live there not wanting to be sold. Or the dilemma could be that they're asking for money for what seems like worthless land with no resources, but territory is territory.

I think I've managed to address this, but I do wonder if I've made option 3 too long. Thanks for the advice!

[Bormiar]

Hugh I'm fine with it, but I don't think my nation can be an NPC nation (by site rules or something).