[DRAFT] Mary HAD a Little Lamb

[Marilyn Manson Freaks]

Hello, it's me again, Manson. My apologies, I know this is extremely messy and needs some more work, I just didn't know where to continue from what I had already written. Also, I haven't written an issue in nearly 2 years, so, that being said, enjoy.

NOTE: This is draft two. Aclion made a lot of changes so it'd be nice if he could be listed as a co-author if possible.

Description: The national press is aboil with the story of Rainbow Sparkle Fuzzy Fleece III, a pet lamb that has wandered onto @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@'s Field, an artillery training range in rural @@NAME@@. The lamb has been lost in the field for three days now, and its owner, Mary Bo-Peep, along with the media, has been pleading with the government to rescue it.

Option #1: "It's fleece was as white as snow," sobs the distraught shepherd girl. "Everywhere I went it would go! Now, all I have I have is this worthless herding staff! How can I call myself a shepherd? Please, @@LEADER@@, find Rainbow Sparkle Fuzzy Fleece III and bring him back to me. I beg of you!"

Effect #1: The nation's entire military is deployed regularly to rescue lost pets.

Option #2: "Out of the question!" Retorts Brigadier General Geoffrey Hastings. "That field is littered with unexploded ordinance. You'd need a corps of engineers with mine detecting equipment to clear a path to the thing, a detachment from the veterinary corps with tranquilizers and a helicopter with a winch to extract it. It would cost hundreds of thousands of @@Currency@@ Besides, it will starve to death within the week, if it doesn't get blown up first. Then this whole matter will blow over."

Effect #2: the government sees compassion as a waste of money.

Option #3: "Well, I'm sure there's a much more painless solution to this," states your Minister of Agriculture. "Why don't we just buy the girl a new lamb and say it's the same one? Seems like it'd save us a lot of money and the girl a lot of sleepless nights. So, whaddya say?"

Effect #3: Politicians are found to be more corrupt than usual regarding animal rights.

Option #4: "You know what? I think I may have an idea!" Proclaims your uncle, who is also the owner of numerous successful chain restaurants throughout @@NATION@@. "I don't think we should waste the meat. How about we wait for it to keel over and then airlift the corpse out of here and to my new restaurant? Lamb Kebabs sound great right now!"
Effect #4: Deceased pets are routinely buried in doggie bags.

DRAFT #1

Description: After the recent disappearance of a popular shepherd girl's pet lamb, the nation has jumped into a cataclysmic and chaotic state that could be likened to a civil war or a revolution.

Option #1: "It's fleece was as white as snow," sobs the distraught shepherd girl. "Everywhere I went it would go! Now, all I have I have is this worthless herding staff! How can I call myself a shepherd? Please, @@LEADER@@, find Rainbow Sparkle Fuzzy Fleece III and bring him back to me. I beg of you!"

Effect #1: The nation's entire military is deployed regularly to rescue lost pets.

Option #2: Shortly after the shepherd girl's tearful departure, a kooky and scraggly-looking man is dragged into your office, clutching a large duffel bag. "I said, hands off," he shrieks at your twin bouncers before approaching your desk. "Hey, a little birdie, I mean, little lamb told me you're looking for that dumb mutton chop. Well, look no further! I killed it! Damn, I hated that hooved demon. It would bleat and bleat and bleat every single morning, the whole town could hear it! I don't see how you all were so infatuated with the thing," he madly mutters as he unzips the bag to reveal the bloody wool of Rainbow Fuzzy Fleece III. "What are you doing, don't just stand there! Cuff me!"

Effect #2: Flushing a pet goldfish down a toilet is considered a capital offense.

Option #3: "Well, I'm sure there's a much more painless solution to this," states your Minister of Agriculture. "Why don't we just buy the girl a new lamb and say it's the same one and arrest this nutcase?" He says while pointing to the other man in the room. "Seems like it'd save us a lot of money and the girl a lot of sleepless nights. So, whaddya say?"

Effect #3: Politicians are found to be more corrupt than usual regarding animal rights.

Option #4: "Or, hear me out, death can be a thing of the past! We can clone the dead lamb using the wool in that sicko's duffel bag and return the lamb safely to the girl. Seems like a win-win," says your ambitious cleaning lady. "And after that's settled, we can let this psycho, I mean, reasonable civilian, go free."

Effect #4: Deceased animals are routinely cloned.

[Superbunny]

The second option (or at least how I'm reading it) at first seems to be a choice that agrees with the old man, that the sheep should've been murdered, but the effect text afterwards says otherwise.

[Marilyn Manson Freaks]

The second option (or at least how I'm reading it) at first seems to be a choice that agrees with the old man, that the sheep should've been murdered, but the effect text afterwards says otherwise.

I meant it to sound like the man was imprisoned and put to death for the killing of the lamb.

Also, alternative title: Lamb to the Slaughter

[Altmer Dominion]

I'm torn. On one hand, it's a cute issue, but on the other hand...

Description: After the recent disappearance of a popular shepherd girl's pet lamb, the nation has jumped into a cataclysmic and chaotic state that could be likened to a civil war or a revolution.

...Why? I want to like the whimsical referential premise, but the description goes up to 11 way too fast.

[Marilyn Manson Freaks]

I'm torn. On one hand, it's a cute issue, but on the other hand...

Description: After the recent disappearance of a popular shepherd girl's pet lamb, the nation has jumped into a cataclysmic and chaotic state that could be likened to a civil war or a revolution.

...Why? I want to like the whimsical referential premise, but the description goes up to 11 way too fast.

The lamb is beloved! That's enough!

But seriously, I'm trying to think of how to reword it. Possibly a reality TV show thing? I'm not sure.

[Superbunny]

I'm torn. On one hand, it's a cute issue, but on the other hand...



...Why? I want to like the whimsical referential premise, but the description goes up to 11 way too fast.

The lamb is beloved! That's enough!

But seriously, I'm trying to think of how to reword it. Possibly a reality TV show thing? I'm not sure.

Maybe have the lamb be a symbol of some sort of Animal Rights movement, and the old man be the leader of an opposing extremist Anti-Animal Rights movement. Give some reason as to why an entire nation is fired up about this.

[Aclion]

How are we expected to find and return the sheep if we know it's been killed?

[Altmer Dominion]

How are we expected to find and return the sheep if we know it's been killed?

That is actually a really good point.

[Australian rePublic]

Option 2- "Hey @@LEADER@@, want some of my BBQ, oh, uh..."

Moving on, why should @@LEADER@@ care?

[Marilyn Manson Freaks]

Option 2- "Hey @@LEADER@@, want some of my BBQ, oh, uh..."

Moving on, why should @@LEADER@@ care?

Because it's the nation's beloved lamb and everyone's in an uproar, of course!

How are we expected to find and return the sheep if we know it's been killed?

That is actually a really good point.

Yeah, a great point. I'll be making edits tomorrow.

[Australian rePublic]

Option 2- "Hey @@LEADER@@, want some of my BBQ, oh, uh..."

Moving on, why should @@LEADER@@ care?

Because it's the nation's beloved lamb

??? I'm sorry, what?

[Lobosias]

"why would they care?" Have y'all never seen how a large amount of people have gotten up in arms about less than important stuff like this in the past? This aspect doesn't seem too far fetched to me, imo.

[Aclion]

"why would they care?" Have y'all never seen how a large amount of people have gotten up in arms about less than important stuff like this in the past? This aspect doesn't seem too far fetched to me, imo.

It actually reminds me a lot of an episode of Yes Minister. I've rewritten it based on that, though i'm not sure it's the same issue anymore.

[box]Description: The national press is aboil with the story of Rainbow Sparkle Fuzzy Fleece III, a pet lamb that has wandered onto @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@'s Field, an artillery training range in rural @@NAME@@. The lamb has been lost in the field for three days now, and it's owner (some little boe peep pun goes here), along with the media has been pleading with the government to rescue it.

Option #1: "It's fleece was as white as snow," sobs the distraught shepherd girl. "Everywhere I went it would go! Now, all I have I have is this worthless herding staff! How can I call myself a shepherd? Please, @@LEADER@@, find Rainbow Sparkle Fuzzy Fleece III and bring him back to me. I beg of you!"

Effect #1: The nation's entire military is deployed regularly to rescue lost pets.

Option #2: "Out of the question!" Retorts Brigadier General @@RANDOMNAME@@ "That field is littered with unexploded ordinance. You'd need a corps of engineers with mine detecting equipment to clear a path to the thing, a detachment from the veterinary corps with tranquilizers and a helicopter with a winch to extract it. It would cost hundreds of thousand of @@Currency@@ Besides. It will starve to death within the week, if it doesn't get blown up first. Then this whole matter will blow over."

Effect #2: the government sees compassion as a waste of money.

Option #3: "Well, I'm sure there's a much more painless solution to this," states your Minister of Agriculture. "Why don't we just buy the girl a new lamb and say it's the same one? Seems like it'd save us a lot of money and the girl a lot of sleepless nights. So, whaddya say?"

Effect #3: Politicians are found to be more corrupt than usual regarding animal rights.

Option #4: "Or, hear me out, death can be a thing of the past! We can clone the dead lamb using the wool in that sicko's duffel bag and return the lamb safely to the girl. Seems like a win-win," says your ambitious cleaning lady. "And after that's settled, we can let this psycho, I mean, reasonable civilian, go free."

Effect #4: Deceased animals are routinely cloned.

[Marilyn Manson Freaks]

Hm, I actually love your changes, Aclion. Mind if I use them and edit them to fit a little better?

[Australian rePublic]

[box]Description: The national press is aboil with the story of Rainbow Sparkle Fuzzy Fleece III, a pet lamb that has wandered onto @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@'s Field, an artillery training range in rural @@NAME@@. The lamb has been lost in the field for three days now, and it's owner (some little boe peep pun goes here), along with the media has been pleading with the government to rescue it.

Validity: Co-authors Marilyn Manson Freaks and Aclion, must allow pets

Option #1: "It's fleece was as white as snow," sobs the distraught shepherd girl. "Everywhere I went it would go! Now, all I have I have is this worthless herding staff! How can I call myself a shepherd? Please, @@LEADER@@, find Rainbow Sparkle Fuzzy Fleece III and bring him back to me. I beg of you!"

Effect #1: The nation's entire military is deployed regularly to rescue lost pets.

Option #2: "Out of the question!" Retorts Brigadier General @@RANDOMNAME@@ "That field is littered with unexploded ordinance. You'd need a corps of engineers with mine detecting equipment to clear a path to the thing, a detachment from the veterinary corps with tranquilizers and a helicopter with a winch to extract it. It would cost hundreds of thousand of @@Currency@@ Besides. It will starve to death within the week, if it doesn't get blown up first. Then this whole matter will blow over."

Effect #2: the government sees compassion as a waste of money.

Option #3: "Well, I'm sure there's a much more painless solution to this," states your Minister of Agriculture. "Why don't we just buy the girl a new lamb and say it's the same one? Seems like it'd save us a lot of money and the girl a lot of sleepless nights. So, whaddya say?"

Effect #3: Politicians are found to be more corrupt than usual regarding animal rights.

Option #4: "Or, hear me out, death can be a thing of the past! We can clone the dead lamb using the wool in that sicko's duffel bag and return the lamb safely to the girl. Seems like a win-win," says your ambitious cleaning lady. "And after that's settled, we can let this psycho, I mean, reasonable civilian, go free."

Effect #4: Deceased animals are routinely cloned.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Description: After the recent disappearance of a popular shepherd girl's pet lamb, the nation has jumped into a cataclysmic and chaotic state that could be likened to a civil war or a revolution.

Agree that the premise needs more. Aside from the above suggestions, some other approaches you could take for this title:

- Outbreak scenario, where the CDC has lost track of a lamb infected with some incredibly contagious disease.
- Bestiality.

[Bears Armed]

Agree that the premise needs more. Aside from the above suggestions, some other approaches you could take for this title:

- Outbreak scenario, where the CDC has lost track of a lamb infected with some incredibly contagious disease.
- Bestiality.

- Religion: It's a major faith's designated [specially-raised?] symbolic/sacred "lamb of god", which features in some important procession or other rite.

[USS Monitor]

I'm really happy to see you come back to issues writing, since you seem to be good at it, but I agree with others that the premise is not quite clicking. Is this really a national issue?

[Marilyn Manson Freaks]

I'm really happy to see you come back to issues writing, since you seem to be good at it, but I agree with others that the premise is not quite clicking. Is this really a national issue?

So, pretty much this idea came to me when I was thinking of strange issues. I instantly just thought of making the most absurd and odd issue possible.

It definitely needs a lot of tweaking, but I'm sure it can be something. The crazier, the better, in my opinion.

[USS Monitor]

I'm really happy to see you come back to issues writing, since you seem to be good at it, but I agree with others that the premise is not quite clicking. Is this really a national issue?

So, pretty much this idea came to me when I was thinking of strange issues. I instantly just thought of making the most absurd and odd issue possible.

It definitely needs a lot of tweaking, but I'm sure it can be something. The crazier, the better, in my opinion.

Absurdity is good. It just needs to be clearer how it became an issue of national importance.

[Aclion]

Description: After the recent disappearance of a popular shepherd girl's pet lamb, the nation has jumped into a cataclysmic and chaotic state that could be likened to a civil war or a revolution.

Agree that the premise needs more. Aside from the above suggestions, some other approaches you could take for this title:

- Outbreak scenario, where the CDC has lost track of a lamb infected with some incredibly contagious disease.

Plague lambs
( damn, what was the runescape quest about sheep with the plague?)

Hm, I actually love your changes, Aclion. Mind if I use them and edit them to fit a little better?

Of course.

I'm not sure if coauthors are a thing for issue but if so i'd like that)

[Marilyn Manson Freaks]

Agree that the premise needs more. Aside from the above suggestions, some other approaches you could take for this title:

- Outbreak scenario, where the CDC has lost track of a lamb infected with some incredibly contagious disease.

Plague lambs
( damn, what was the runescape quest about sheep with the plague?)

Hm, I actually love your changes, Aclion. Mind if I use them and edit them to fit a little better?

Of course.

I'm not sure if coauthors are a thing for issue but if so i'd like that)

Sounds good to me.

By the way, everyone, I've been pretty busy today and haven't had time to edit this. I'll work on it ASAP, most likely tomorrow.

[Bears Armed]

Agree that the premise needs more. Aside from the above suggestions, some other approaches you could take for this title:

- Outbreak scenario, where the CDC has lost track of a lamb infected with some incredibly contagious disease.

Plague lambs

Old NS proposal: Mad Sheep Railgun.

[Logophilia Lyricalia]

I should point out that Option 4 no longer makes sense, as with the total refactoring of Option 2, there is no longer a bloody coat of wool in any sicko's duffel bag from which to clone the thing.

Maybe Mary throws her shepherd crook in a fit of anguish and your Minister of Really Creepy Research picks it up and starts picking at it with tweezers and an Erlenmeyer flask?

[Marilyn Manson Freaks]

Sorry, I've been quite busy and remembered this thread. Sorry.

I've edited Option #4 to make sense, it's a bit kooky though and I'm unsure about it. I like the effect but the option may be too much of a stretch.

Option #4: "You know what? I think I may have an idea!" Proclaims your uncle, who is also the owner of numerous successful chain restaurants throughout @@NATION@@. "I don't think we should waste the meat. How about we wait for it to keel over and then airlift the corpse out of here and to my new restaurant? Lamb Kebabs sound great right about now!"
Effect #4: Deceased pets are routinely buried in doggie bags.