DRAFT 2
TITLE:
Stop Being Short With Me
VALIDITY:
Any. Adult, possibly, depending on how heavy the innuendo ends up.
DESCRIPTION:
A multitude of studies have repeatedly highlighted that shorter men tend to be less successful than tall ones in almost every way. It's been suggested that they average a lower level of educational attainment, have smaller lifetime career earnings, and even have less luck in love. Now, with the new Equalities Minister being an achondroplastic man, the topic is being raised with increasing frequency in your cabinet meetings.
OPTION 1
"It isn't that it is impossible for those of shorter stature to succeed, more that we can be more easily overlooked," explains Tyrone Lancaster, the new minister in question, who has a suspiciously Blackacrean look to him. "I don't like to keep raising the point, but we short fellows really do have it harder." He ignores the scoffing laugh from Shailene, his ex-girlfriend. "Look, all I'm asking for is to address these inequalities. We can launch some positive discrimination initiatives, have some awareness campaigns, celebrate good looking shorter celebrities, that sort of thing. I'm just asking for a slight leg-up to help even things out."
OUTCOME:
size doesn't matter
OPTION 2
"You'll have to excuse my brother, he's always had trouble seeing the bigger picture," dismisses Cerise Lancaster, an influential lobbyist from the same family. "It's just like him to forget that there's a far larger group of disenfranchised people in this nation who historically earn even less than short men: women. We should instead be focusing on breaking the gender-based glass ceiling, and in subsidising female entrepreneurs trying to make headway in this patriarchal world."
OUTCOME:
girl power is government-generated
OPTION 3
"Can I lend a hand?" interjects James Lancaster, who is brother to both and one of your bodyguards. "I understand it's been hard for my sister and my brother to get ahead in the world, but at the end of the day they're both doing a lot better in their careers than me, the one with the supposed advantages of being male, tall and -- admittedly -- ruggedly handsome. Besides, I think a lot of these studies are highly suspect anyway, bad science from small-minded and small-bodied men with a chip on their shoulder. Just wind back on this whole positive discrimination thing, and let the free market operate. All men must work, that's just how it goes."
OUTCOME:
successful people tend to look down on others
OPTION 4
"I believe I can propose a third way," miscounts rising politician Peter Bayliss, who renowned for out-of-the-box thinking. "If you can't change the way people view short stature, then don't try. Instead, try and make all men equal. If we monitor teenage growth through puberty, we can intervene with hormone suppressants or boosts, and the occasional surgery to adjust limb length. By the end of puberty, there's no reason why we shouldn't be able to have all boys within a centimetre's height difference from each other."
OUTCOME:
tall women are finding it harder than ever to find a man to look up to
DRAFT 1:
Now I just need it to be applied more broadly and the Bergeroning can begin!
