NationStates

Title: Handle With Scare

Description: In @@name@@, extreme haunted houses offer exhilarating, terrifying experiences for daring thrill-seekers. However, when reports come in with people experiencing heart attacks, physical injuries, as well as immutable trauma because they went on these amusement tours, it brings up questions regarding their ethicality and if they should remain legal.

Option 1: "Whoa there, bro!" says @@randommalename@@, a well-known daredevil in @@name@@. "I don't know what you guys are talking about, but my life is mine, and that's how it should be." he continues on his moped, performing a one-handed wheelie across your office floor whilst popping a sick no-scoper on your intern, Jeff. "If I want to go explore some spooky mansion and get my adrenaline pumping then I should be able to without some government telling me what's best for me. In fact, why not permit us to raise the stakes even higher? Whoever doesn't make it through the tour on time loses not only their dignity but their life. As long as they agree to pay the ultimate price, I see no trouble. EXTREME FOR LIFE BABY!!"
Effect: "death by haunted house" is a new suicide method

Option 2: "RIGHT ON DUUUDEEEE!" shouts your Secretary of Safety, @@randomname@@, nearly giving you your own heart attack. @@he@@ quickly turns from you, composing himself, and turns back to face you, "Excuse me, @@leader@@, I don't know what came over me there." @@he@@ clears @@his@@ throat before proceeding, "As we've heard from the incident reports and read from the profile of these so-called 'Extreme Haunted Houses,' it's overtly clear these torture facilities need to be shut down. I mean, have you actually read the profile of these places? They callously subject their guests to being beaten, sensory deprived, drinking waste, and worst of all allegations of sexual assault. What's more, the staff do it all for fun! It's just sick."
Effect: extreme haunted house ban leads to "heart-stopping" fun at home

Option 3: The head of one of the extreme haunted houses in question marches into your office suspiciously wearing a butcher's uniform. He approaches you and places a piece of paper with a mysterious red stain on the top corner of it on your desk. "You see this? It's a contract, a formal legal document that everyone who signs up for the experience of a lifetime these houses provide must sign giving permission for my staff to do with them as they deem fit. My guests are essentially waiving their right to sue or any liability we have if something were to happen. However, I'm more than willing to ease up the extreme-scale by allowing guests to use a safe word to drop out or install further regulations, such as maybe a safety monitor in case things get out of hand. Oh, and don't worry about the red stain," he assures. "It's just ketchup." He lifts up his apron, revealing a hidden stash of ketchup packets. "I always come prepared," he winks.
Effect: safe words are indistinct from the screams of joy

Option 4: "Say @@leader@@, you wanna know how you could use this situation to your benefit?" asks @@randomname@@, a budding game show host. "I see great potential in making these extreme haunted houses or what have you into thriving and entertaining game show studios. Just think, the crowds cheering, people coming from all across @@region@@ to watch '@@name@@'s Got Horror!' Has a bit of a ring to it don't you think? All we need is a bit of funding, maybe a clown or two, and you got yourself quite the money grab."
Effect: game shows are dubbed as snuff films

Australian rePublic wrote:YOu should specify that this is too extreme

Socio Polor wrote:

Australian rePublic wrote:YOu should specify that this is too extreme

What do you mean?

USS Monitor wrote:That said, it would be nice if you could communicate more clearly what is going on in these haunted houses -- i.e. the sort of violence they are inflicting intentionally, even when nothing goes wrong -- so that even if this is a player's first encounter with the concept of extreme haunted houses, they still understand the issue.

USS Monitor wrote:Extreme haunted houses are interesting to me, so I hope you will do this justice.

Title: House of Terror

Description: Extreme haunted houses have become a thrill-seekers joy ride throughout @@name@@. However, when multiple reports come in of people experiencing heart attacks, physical injuries, mental impairments, and even death through these amusement tours, many have started to question the morality of them.

Validity: N/A

Option 1: “Wow! you should try that, I literally saw my life flash before my eyes in there,” states @@randomname@@, a famous Whotuber who posts daredevil stunts. "Extreme haunted houses are misunderstood, what we need to do is spread advocacy, maybe holding a tournament or two to show what we do is a passion and not just an unchecked adrenaline high."

Effect: extreme haunted houses are criticized more than @@leader@@

Option 2: “Adrenaline Junkies belong home so they won’t hurt themselves,” states @@randomname@@, a horror enthusiast. “I like thrills as much as the next guy but dying over it, getting beaten and forced to drink inedible liquids like @@animal@@ urine pushes the boundary. These torture houses are no good for @@name@@ and must be closed down!”

Effect: thrill-seekers stand over skyscrapers for delectation

Option 3: “I agree this is insane, but with so many people waiting to get into these places, it wouldn’t be right to shut them down,” reasons @@randomname@@, owner of an abandoned park across your office. “As long as these places have ‘safe words’ entrants can use to quit, I see no reason to pull the plug here.”
Effect: safewords are inaudible in the mix of screams

Option 4: "None of y'all truly comprehend how dangerous this is," comments @@randomname@@ who was injured from a carousel. "Amusement my behind! There's nothing amusing about falling off a pony and breaking your tailbone! Think of the youth and burn all amusement parks, extreme or not to the FUC-to the ground, just...do it."
Effect: angry mobs have to be yay tall to burn the ultimate coaster

See if you can get a joke or pun into the title.

Explain what "extreme haunted houses" are, I think.

Somewhat incoherent. Maybe reread the English, and make it make more sense. What is "that" in the first sentence? What is spreading advocacy? What is a tournament in this context?

This line doesn't work well. It's the wrong sort of phrasing for an effect line.

Liquids can't be inedible, but can be undrinkable.

Effect line won't make sense out of the issue context, when seen on a front page.

I see you're trying to capture colloquial speech with this speaker and the effect line, but it doesn't work well. I suggest bringing it back closer to conventional written English.

Right now there's a decent issue concept here, but let down by low quality English.

English isn't your first language, I'm guessing. Your effect lines have that "Google Translate" sort of feel to them.

Socio Polor wrote:

Liquids can't be inedible, but can be undrinkable.

Inedible liquids can be gasoline, venom, cyanide, etc. All of these can also be considered undrinkable. I fail to see the difference

USS Monitor wrote:

Socio Polor wrote:
Inedible liquids can be gasoline, venom, cyanide, etc. All of these can also be considered undrinkable. I fail to see the difference

The difference is how well the adjective matches the noun it describes. You wouldn't describe a really bad cheeseburger as being "undrinkable." This is the same idea, but going the other way.

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:On an additional note, it may be worth pointing out here that there's various chemicals referred to as "cyanide", some of which are liquid at room temperature, others are solid or gaseous. And "venom" refers to poisonous substances secreted by animals and injected into other animals, typically by bite or sting. If you're talking about stuff that is toxic to ingest, then you mean poison, which of course is not a single substance, and could be something that is eaten, drunk or otherwise taken into the body. Regardless, it would be colloquially odd to acontextually refer to an inedible poison in the same way it would be odd to acontextually refer to a female woman. You'd need some framing around that phrase to explain why you're using it in the first place.

Complex thing, English.

Lelscrep wrote:It's looking really good to be honest. Only thing I could find is I believe there needs to be a space after the ellipses in option four.

Socio Polor wrote:Last Call for this issue