[DRAFT]Tell Me Sweet Little Lies (SUBMITTED)

[Kurnugia]

[issue]After the false accusation of @@RANDOMNAME@@ of being the mastermind behind the great heist on @@NAME@@'s strategic chocolate reserve, due to a false polygraph analysis. The reliability of the polygraph is under scrutiny.

[option 1] "The polygraph is a valid method to assess whenever someone is lying," nervously repeats the polygraph operator in the investigation of the heist. "Besides, even if it didn't work, it still makes criminals nervous and more honest. But then it does work."
[resolution 1]polygraphs are a popular prank to pull on junior police officers

[option 2] [vaild if control chips] "Oh come on! Next, we are going to use a crystal ball to find out the truth," lambasts your science advisors the operator "What we need is a new modern concept. Give us the funding and we will develop a control chip that can read the neural activities of its subject."
[resolution 2]a new "thought police" branch has been established

[option 3]"Bah!" you hear an old @@CAPITAL@@ Police officer utter in disapproval "if you ask me, these fancy gadgets are making policemen soft. Back in the days, we were much more diligent in finding out the truth. Nothing brings honesty out faster than a good old beating."
[resolution 3] even snitches get stitches

[option 4]"I cannot believe that we are still talking about interviewing people!" exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@ the accused's lawyers. " My client has a serious anxiety issue. Interviews are discriminatory and primitive. It has no place in a civilized society."
[resolution 4] police refuse to investigate a self-denunciation unless accompanied by a lot of evidence

[issue]After the guilty verdict of a government intern for leaking military secrets, the true perpetrator confessed. The intern claims to suffer an irrational fear of yes-or-no questions, falsifying any polygraph result on which their conviction had been based on. Thus @@HE@@ made it @@HIS@@ mission to outlaw this procedure.

[option 1] "Look, the fact of the matter is that polygraphs are a bad way to conduct an investigation," you hear your intern repeat for what feels like the thousandth time. "it doesn't account for sweaty and anxious people. I shudder to think about how others with a worse condition than mine cope with this barbaric practice."
[resolution 1] polygraphs have been redelegated in the dungeon part of castle museums

[option 2]"Objection!" you hear your federal prosecutor yell across the hallway. "The polygraph is a very valid and accurate way to assess if the suspect is lying. Despite having our outliers, like this situation. It measures everything that could indicate if someone is lying accurately. And under us: Even if it were to be hogwash like your intern claims, it still would make perpetrators nervous and more likely to confess to. Thus you should if anything make them the norm when interviewing suspects."
[resolution 2] polygraphs are a popular prank to pull on junior police officers

[option 3] [vaild if control chips] "Oh come on! Next, you are going to use a crystal ball in our investigation" lambasts your science advisors the prosecutor "What we need is a new modern concept. Give us the funding and we will develop a pivoted control chip that can read the neural activities of its subject. This will be even more accurate than this dated method."
[resolution 3]the new "thought police" branch has been established

[option 4]"Bah!" you hear an old @@CAPITAL@@ Police officer utter in disapproval "if you ask me, these fancy gadgets are making the police too soft. Back in the days, when we had much more playing room on how we were interacting with suspects, it was more hands on. And believe me, nothing brings out honesty of a person than some good old beating."
[resolution 4] even snitches get stitches

[issue]After the guilty verdict of a government intern for leaking the location of the strategic chocolate reserve (SCR), the true perpetrator confessed. The intern claims to suffer an irrational fear of yes-or-no questions, falsifying any polygraph result on which their conviction has been based on and declared to be @@HIS@@ mission to outlaw this procedure in criminal investigations.

[option 1] "Look, the fact of the matter is that polygraphs are a bad way to investigate a suspect," you hear your intern repeat for what feels like the thousandth time. "it doesn't account for sweaty and anxious people. I shudder to think about how others with a worse condition than mine can cope with this barbaric practice."
[resolution 1] polygraphs have been relegated to the dungeon part of castle museums

[option 2]"Objection!" you hear your minister of justic yell across the hallway. "Despite having our outliers, like this situation, the polygraph is a valid way to assess whenever a suspect is lying. For it still accurately measures any indicators of a lie being told. And between us: Assuming it is hogwash, it still would make perpetrators nervous and more likely to confess. If anything, make them the norm during interviews."
[resolution 2] spooking a suspect into confessing is the new main strategy of an investigation

[option 3] [valid if advanced in science] "Oh come on! Next, you are going to use a crystal ball in our investigations" your science advisor lambasts the prosecutor. "What we need is a new modern apparatus, not some wonky old measurement tool. My idea: A universal chip that measures all neural activity of its subject. Just give us the funding and be ready for a safer @@NAME@@."
[resolution 3]the new "thought police" branch has been established

[option 4]"Bah!" you hear an old @@CAPITAL@@ Police officer utter in disapproval. "If you ask me, these fancy gadgets are making the police too soft. Back in the days, we had a more hands-on approach. Believe me, nothing brings out honesty than some good old beating especially from those that dare to leak our secret SCR."
[resolution 4] even snitches get stitches

[Issue]After the guilty verdict of the chief confectioner officer for leaking the location of the strategic chocolate reserve (SCR), the chief milk officer confessed to be the true perpetrator. The CCO claims to suffer from an irrational fear of yes-or-no questions, falsifying any polygraph result on which their conviction has been based on and declared to be @@HIS@@ mission to outlaw this procedure in criminal investigations.

[option 1] "Look, the fact of the matter is that polygraphs are a bad way to investigate a suspect," you hear the CCO repeat for what feels like the thousandth time. "It doesn't account for sweaty and anxious people. I shudder to think how others with a worse condition than mine can cope with this barbaric practice."
[Resolution 1] polygraphs are relegated to the dungeon part of castle museum

[option 2]"Objection!" you hear your Minister of Justice yell across the hallway. "Despite having our outliers, like this situation, the polygraph still measures any indicators whenever a lie is being told. And between us: Assuming it is hogwash, it still would make perpetrators nervous and more likely to confess. If anything, make them the norm during interviews."
[resolution 2] spooking a suspect into confessing is the new main strategy of an investigation

[option 3] [valid if advanced in science] "Oh come on! Next, you're going to use a crystal ball in our investigations" your science advisor criticizes. "What we need is to modernize our ways of interviewing. With our advances in neurology, we can develop a chip that measures the neural activity of its subject. Give us the funding and be ready for a safer @@NAME@@."
[resolution 3]the new "thought police" branch has been established

[option 4]"Bah!" utters an old @@CAPITAL@@ Police officer in disapproval "If you ask me, these fancy gadgets are making the police too soft. Back in the good ol' days, we had a more hands-on approach and believe me, nothing brings out honesty of a liar than some good old beating."
[resolution 4] even snitches get stitches

[Issue]After the guilty verdict of the chief confectioner officer for leaking the location of the strategic chocolate reserve (SCR), the chief milk officer confessed to be the true perpetrator. The CCO claims to suffer from an irrational fear of yes-or-no questions, falsifying any polygraph result on which their conviction has been based on and declared to be @@HIS@@ mission to outlaw this procedure in criminal investigations.

[option 1] "Look, the fact of the matter is that polygraphs are a bad way to investigate a suspect," you hear the CCO repeat for what feels like the thousandth time. "It doesn't account for sweaty and anxious people. I shudder to think how others with a worse condition than mine can cope with this barbaric practice."
[Resolution 1] polygraphs are relegated to the dungeon part of castle museum

[option 2]"Objection!" @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Justice yells across the hallway. "Despite having our outliers, like this situation, the polygraph still measures any indicators whenever a lie is being told. And between us: Assuming it is hogwash, it still would make perpetrators nervous and more likely to confess. If anything, make them the norm during interviews."
[resolution 2] spooking a suspect into confessing is the new main strategy of an investigation

[option 3] [valid if advanced in science] "Oh come on! Next, you're going to use a crystal ball in our investigations" your science advisor criticizes. "What we need is to modernize our ways of interviewing. With our advances in neurology, we can develop a chip that measures the neural activity of its subject. Give us the funding and be ready for a safer @@NAME@@."
[resolution 3]the new "thought police" branch has been established

[option 4]"Bah!" utters an old @@CAPITAL@@ Police officer in disapproval "If you ask me, these fancy gadgets are making the police too soft. Back in the good ol' days, we had a more hands-on approach and believe me, nothing brings out honesty of a liar than some good old beating."
[resolution 4] even snitches get stitches

[Candensia]

I think the premise is muddy. A muddy premise muddies pretty much everything else, and makes writing options more diffucult for you, the author. So let’s try and lower the difficulty level.


The meat of the premise comes in the last sentence.

The reliability of the polygraph is under scrutiny.

Can you make the situation that gets us there a bit more believable? Its current presentation lacks verisimilitude, I feel.

[Australian rePublic]

Effect for option 4, where does it say anything about evidence?

[Candlewhisper Archive]

I think the premise is muddy. A muddy premise muddies pretty much everything else, and makes writing options more diffucult for you, the author. So let’s try and lower the difficulty level.


The meat of the premise comes in the last sentence.

The reliability of the polygraph is under scrutiny.

Can you make the situation that gets us there a bit more believable? Its current presentation lacks verisimilitude, I feel.

I'll just do the internet thing here and say:

This.

[Jutsa]

I quite liked your original idea involving a guy selling excrement as chocolate pudding failing to be caught ten times over due to these things.

[Kurnugia]

Version 2.0 is up

[Jutsa]

I still miss the old chocolate one. I thought that was part of why it was "sweet little lies".

Still, quite a nice draft, Kurnugia. I don't have much to say since I didn't think about what I speed-read too hard, but it's pretty nice.

(The effect lines, too, are not half bad)

[Kurnugia]

I still miss the old chocolate one. I thought that was part of why it was "sweet little lies".

Still, quite a nice draft, Kurnugia. I don't have much to say since I didn't think about what I speed-read too hard, but it's pretty nice.

(The effect lines, too, are not half bad)

Yeah... that's why I need a new title

But I'll keep it in the backburner.

[Baggieland]

The title's good. It's connected to the issue and I won't be able to get that song out of my head before I go to bed tonight!

[Kurnugia]

The title's good. It's connected to the issue and I won't be able to get that song out of my head before I go to bed tonight!

Heh. You are welcome

[USS Monitor]

I like the heist on the strategic chocolate reserve in the silly version.

[Trotterdam]

Silly? It's not that far off from something that actually exists.

[Kurnugia]

Silly? It's not that far off from something that actually exists.

I've caught noooooooooooooo!

[Candlewhisper Archive]

I like it.

Never knew there was a real maple syrup reserve, but I definitely found the idea of a strategic chocolate reserve funny.

Though I'd probably title case it and acronym it in brackets for humorous pomposity.

Strategic Chocolate Reserve (SCR)

[Trotterdam]

The intern claims to suffer an irrational fear of yes-or-no questions, falsifying any polygraph result on which their conviction had been based on. Thus @@HE@@ made it @@HIS@@ mission to outlaw this procedure.

Shouldn't that first pronoun also be "@@HIS@@"? You seem to still be talking about the intern from what I can tell.

[resolution 1] polygraphs have been redelegated in the dungeon part of castle museums

I think that should be "to", there?

"Despite having are outliers like this situation.

...What?

"And under us: Even if it were to be hogwash like your intern claims, it still would make perpetrators nervous and more likely to confess to."

That last word should be "too".

Also, "under us" sounds weird. I think you mean "(just) between us"?

[resolution 2] polygraphs are a popular prank to pull on junior police officers

I don't understand what this effect line is supposed to imply. How would you use them for pranks?

[option 3] [valid if control chips] "Oh come on! Next, you are going to use a crystal ball in our investigation" lambasts your science advisors the prosecutor

Okay, first, you forgot the period at the end of the sentence.

Next, who is doing the lambasting? In English, when you say "your X the Y", it means "your X, who is also the Y" (which isn't even grammatically correct in this case, since the X is plural and the Y is singular). I'm guessing what you actually meant was either "the prosecutor lambasts your science advisors" or "your science advisors lambast the prosecutor" (the latter makes more sense, since the prosecutor is a character that has actually been mentioned before). And "science advisor" should probably be singular anyway, I only see one person talking.

"Give us the funding and we will develop a pivoted control chip that can read the neural activities of its subject."

..."Pivoted"? What does that mean in this context?

[option 4]"Bah!" you hear an old @@CAPITAL@@ Police officer utter in disapproval "if you ask me,

You're missing another period at the end of the first sentence, and a capital letter at the start of the next.

[Kurnugia]

So I've changed my draft for a better flavoured and easier to read issue.

[Kurnugia]

So... I'll like to submit this soonish. But before this, I'd like the thank Grim who has been extremely helpful guiding me through the process.

[Baggieland]

After the guilty verdict of a government intern for leaking the location of the strategic chocolate reserve (SCR), the true perpetrator confessed. The intern claims to suffer from an irrational fear of yes-or-no questions, falsifying any polygraph result on which their conviction has been based on and declared to be @@HIS@@ mission to outlaw this procedure in criminal investigations.

I find it a bit odd that a lowly intern would be able to outlaw this procedure, or anything else. Keep the intern as the one who was falsely accused of revealing the SCR, but have someone else with a bit more auhority to make it his mission to outlaw the procedure.

[Kurnugia]

After the guilty verdict of a government intern for leaking the location of the strategic chocolate reserve (SCR), the true perpetrator confessed. The intern claims to suffer from an irrational fear of yes-or-no questions, falsifying any polygraph result on which their conviction has been based on and declared to be @@HIS@@ mission to outlaw this procedure in criminal investigations.

I find it a bit odd that a lowly intern would be able to outlaw this procedure, or anything else. Keep the intern as the one who was falsely accused of revealing the SCR, but have someone else with a bit more auhority to make it his mission to outlaw the procedure.

Hmmm... changed it to the Chief Confectioner Officer. All in the name of pomposity xP

[Candensia]

I agree with Baggieland.

I’d have someone else, someone whos credibility isn’t shot for allegedly leaking government secrets and probably with authority call for changes to the system.

Someone other than the person CCO/Intern, who is probably not taken seriously anymore.

[Kurnugia]

I agree with Baggieland.

I’d have someone else, someone whos credibility isn’t shot for allegedly leaking government secrets and probably with authority call for changes to the system.

Someone other than the person CCO/Intern, who is probably not taken seriously anymore.

Eh. CCO stays. If I would go for something like "the general responsible for the SCR" it kinda goes against the silliness imo. Might as well rewrite it to "a recent statistic revealed [...]" which is a whole new thing and not something I am currently interested in.