ISSUE IDEA: Can you feel it? (Co.Socio Polor )

[Australian rePublic]

title] Are You Feeling It Now @@leader@@?

[desc] The media reported about an outrageous case of a man suffering from lupus who sold @@his@@ house to a chaplain promising to heal @@him@@, however, the affliction still remains on @@him@@. Many now wonder on what to do with alleged faith-healers.

[validity] co-author Socio Polor, must have moderate religiousness, must have freedom of religion

[option] "They took my money and guaranteed I would walk again!" cries wheelchair-bound @@randomname@@, reading a holy book. "I'm not even religious but I was desperate and didn't have the money, so these con-artists made me take out a loan! I still can't walk and I demand you punish the phony!
[effect] religious organisations who solicit donations face criminal charges

[option] "I don't believe that that proposal is adequate." asserts noted physician@@randomname@@, whilst reading 'The Wonder of Neurons.' "Punishing the scammers isn't good enough. We must teach our fellow @@domonymplural@@ that medicine and science are the way to go, no more of this religious preach chanting mumbo-jumbo."
[effect] religions are audited whenever their followers prey in hospitals

[option] "Aballeballoubah Abelahabe!" chants priest @@randomname@@, whilst curing someone's acne inside your office, "Are you feeling it? Are you feeling the spirit within you? Hallelujah, praise be! Now, step right down @@LEADER@@, I can feel that you got something wrong within you, something you don't even know about! The spirit will let me cure it for just a small price, You hear that? Blulhullalubah! That's the sound of evil fighting against me, and losing! The evil that gives you these diseases. Bluhelabellebe! I'm not making this up!"
[effect] screaming gibberish for a substantial fee qualifies one as a medical doctor

title] Are You Feeling It Now @@leader@@?

[desc] After an outrageous case of a man suffering from lupus sold @@his@@ house to a chaplain promising to heal @@him@@, however, the affliction still remains on @@him@@. Many now wonder on what to do with alleged faith-healers.
[validity] co-author Socio-Polar, must have moderate religiousness, must have freedom of religion
[option] "They took my money and guaranteed I would walk again!" cries wheelchair-bound @@randomname@@, reading a holy book. "I'm not even religious but I was desperate and didn't have the money, so these con-artists made me take out a loan! I still can't walk and I demand you punish the phony!
[effect]

[option] "I don't believe that that proposal is adequate." asserts noted physician@@randomname@@, whilst reading 'The Wonder of Neurons.' "Punishing the scammers isn't good enough. We must teach our fellow @@domonymplural@@ that medicine and science are the way to go, no more of this religious preach chanting mumbo-jumbo."
[effect] religions are audited whenever their followers prey in hospitals
option] "Aballeballoubah Abelahabe!" chants priest @@randomname@@, whilst curing someone's acne inside your office, "Are you feeling it? Are you feeling the spirit within you? Hallelujah, praise be! Now, step right down @@LEADER@@, I can feel that you got something wrong within you, something you don't even know about! The spirit will let me cure it for just a small price, You hear that? Blulhullalubah! That's the sound of evil fighting against me, and losing! The evil that gives you these diseases. Bluhelabellebe! I'm not making this up!"
[effect] screaming gibberish for a substantial fee qualifies one as a medical doctor

[tiitle] Can you Feel It? Can You Feel It? Can You Feel It?

[desc] After an infamous case where a man suffering from lupus sold his house to a pastor promising to heal him and ending up with no results, the issue of illegitimate faith-healers has been brought to your attention.

[option] "They took my money and promised I could walk!" cries wheelchair-bound @@RANDOMNAME@@, inserting cash into a "test your stupidity" machine. "I didn't have no money, so these con-artists made me take out a loan! And I still can't walk! Punish them!"
[effect] religious organisations are audited every time their followers pray in hospitals

[option] "I do not believe that that proposal is substantial." Suggests noted religious scholar, @@RANDOMNAME@@, whilst reading about Violotism. "Many belief systems operating within @@NAME@@’s boundaries perform commendable acts of charity, such as feeding the homeless, helping the poor and providing socialisation options for the elderly. May I suggest that we limit the number of religions to those of which we know are legitimate?"
[effect] the state has only approved a grand total 12 religions

[option] "Aballeballoubah Abelahabe!" chants televangelist @@RANDOMNAME@@, whilst curing someone's acne inside your office, "Can you feel it? Can you feel the Spirit within you? Hallelujah, praise be! Now, step right down @@LEADER@@, I can feel that you got something wrong within you, something you don't even know about! The spirit will let me cure it for just 100 @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@! You hear that? Blulhullalubah! That's the sound of the devil fighting against me, and losing! The devil who gives you these diseases. Bluhelabellebe! I'm not making this up!"
[effect] screaming gibberish for a substantial fee qualifies one as a medical doctor

[title] Can you Feel It? Can You Feel It? Can You Feel It?

[desc] Whilst many of @@NAME@@'s places of worship perform good works-feeding the homeless, clothing the poor, and providing socialisation for the elderly, many others exploit the poor and vulnerable for economic gain, desecrating the reputation of legitimate religions. An infamous case where a so-called "pastor", who claimed to cure a poor man's cancer for 100,000 @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@, brought the issue to the spotlight, prompting you to act.
[validity] must be capitalist, must allow freedom of religion

[option] "They took my money and promised I could walk!" cries wheelchair-bound @@RANDOMNAME@@, inserting cash into a "test your stupidity" machine. "I didn't have no money, so these con-artists made me take out a loan! And I still can't walk! Punish them!"
[effect] religious organisations are audited every time their followers pray in hospitals

[option] "I believe that the experiences in question are a consequence of the placebo effect!" suggests your health minister, @@RANDOMNAME@@, showing you @@HIS@@ doodles. "The placebo effect is beneficial for minor alements, but for serious diseases, it is largely ineffective. I believe that a public education campaign is in order. We'll discuss placebos in our television programming, advertisments and even music. Further, those images I was showing you were my concept for a placebo mascot."
[effect] placebos are the topic of discussion at every dinner party

[option] "Aballeballoubah Abelahabe!" chants televangelist @@RANDOMNAME@@, whilst curing someone's acne, "Can you feel it? Can you feel the Spirit within you? Hallelujah praise be! Now, step right down @@LEADER@@, I can feel that you got something wrong within you, something you don't even know about! The lord will let me cure it for just 100 @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@! You hear that? Blulhullalubah! That's the sound of the devil fighting against me and losing! The devil who gives you these diseases. Bluhelabellebe! I'm not making this up!"
[effect] screaming gibberish for a substantial fee qualifies one as a medical doctor

[Baggieland]

Not bad Aussie .
Maybe don't mention a fixed price as 100,000 currency will be a lot for some nations and a piss in the ocean for others. Change it to 'a year's salary' or something like that.

[Free Arabian Nation]

Can you feel it Mr Krabs?

Anyways, nice job.

[Socio Polor]

Ok, so I like the idea here. Have you considered adding an option that bans freedom of religion? Why not an option that makes religion state controlled.

[The Free Joy State]

Whilst many of @@NAME@@'s places of worship perform good works-feeding the homeless, clothing the poor, and providing socialisation for the elderly,

That line is too assumptive.

My nation's only religion is a soul-crushing personality cult that starves the poor and (according to its texts) tells everyone to worship @@LEADER@@ "sexy tush". Were I to lose my Theocracy policy due to oversight, that would still be my majority religion.

(Incidentally, some NS religions don't clothe the poor, because the nudity policy is a thing and they don't clothe anyone)

So...

It also just adds length. Cut to the story.

Also, be aware of the potential overlap with #843, which is about a faith healer (especially the line about offering a cure for cancer).

An infamous case where a so-called "pastor", who claimed to cure a poor man's cancer for 100,000 @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@, brought the issue to the spotlight, prompting you to act.

Remove so-called and the speech marks around "pastor". That passes judgment. The narrator isn't meant to do that.

[option] "They took my money and promised I could walk!" cries wheelchair-bound @@RANDOMNAME@@, inserting cash into a "test your stupidity" machine. "I didn't have no money, so these con-artists made me take out a loan! And I still can't walk! Punish them!"
[effect] religious organisations are audited every time their followers pray in hospitals

So, the only option calling for any punishment for crooked evangelists portrays the victim as dismally stupid?

[option] "I believe that the experiences in question are a consequence of the placebo effect!" suggests your health minister, @@RANDOMNAME@@, showing you @@HIS@@ doodles. "The placebo effect is beneficial for minor alements, but for serious diseases, it is largely ineffective. I believe that a public education campaign is in order. We'll discuss placebos in our television programming, advertisments and even music. Further, those images I was showing you were my concept for a placebo mascot."
[effect] placebos are the topic of discussion at every dinner party

And this is related to evangelism... how?

For that matter, there was no placebo effect at work here. The evangelist's "miracles" were clear duds and no-one felt any effect whatsoever, except losing all their money.

This option feels entirely irrelevant. I suggest replacing.

[option] "Aballeballoubah Abelahabe!" chants televangelist @@RANDOMNAME@@, whilst curing someone's acne, "Can you feel it? Can you feel the Spirit within you? Hallelujah praise be! Now, step right down @@LEADER@@, I can feel that you got something wrong within you, something you don't even know about! The lord will let me cure it for just 100 @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@! You hear that? Blulhullalubah! That's the sound of the devil fighting against me and losing! The devil who gives you these diseases. Bluhelabellebe! I'm not making this up!"

Not a bad option. But remove "lord". Not every religion is Christian. Try "Creator".

And I agree with Baggie: don't specify any amounts of money; £100,000 may be a lot for some nations, for others it's pocket change.

[Australian rePublic]

Second Draft is up.

Not bad Aussie .
Maybe don't mention a fixed price as 100,000 currency will be a lot for some nations and a piss in the ocean for others. Change it to 'a year's salary' or something like that.

Thanks. Changed it to "Sold His House"

Can you feel it Mr Krabs?

Anyways, nice job.

Thanks!

Ok, so I like the idea here. Have you considered adding an option that bans freedom of religion? Why not an option that makes religion state controlled.

Thanks. All of that, has been done. What hasn't been done, however, is create a list of state approved religions

Whilst many of @@NAME@@'s places of worship perform good works-feeding the homeless, clothing the poor, and providing socialisation for the elderly,

That line is too assumptive.

My nation's only religion is a soul-crushing personality cult that starves the poor and (according to its texts) tells everyone to worship @@LEADER@@ "sexy tush". Were I to lose my Theocracy policy due to oversight, that would still be my majority religion.

Which would make it an illegitimate cult...

I specifically wanted to distinguish between televangelists and legitimate religions. Anyways, moved to the second option

(Incidentally, some NS religions don't clothe the poor, because the nudity policy is a thing and they don't clothe anyone)

So...

It also just adds length. Cut to the story.

Also, be aware of the potential overlap with #843, which is about a faith healer (especially the line about offering a cure for cancer).

Fixed. Thanks!

An infamous case where a so-called "pastor", who claimed to cure a poor man's cancer for 100,000 @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@, brought the issue to the spotlight, prompting you to act.

Remove so-called and the speech marks around "pastor". That passes judgment. The narrator isn't meant to do that.

Fixed, thanks

[option] "They took my money and promised I could walk!" cries wheelchair-bound @@RANDOMNAME@@, inserting cash into a "test your stupidity" machine. "I didn't have no money, so these con-artists made me take out a loan! And I still can't walk! Punish them!"
[effect] religious organisations are audited every time their followers pray in hospitals

So, the only option calling for any punishment for crooked evangelists portrays the victim as dismally stupid?

Yep...Should I change that?

[option] "I believe that the experiences in question are a consequence of the placebo effect!" suggests your health minister, @@RANDOMNAME@@, showing you @@HIS@@ doodles. "The placebo effect is beneficial for minor alements, but for serious diseases, it is largely ineffective. I believe that a public education campaign is in order. We'll discuss placebos in our television programming, advertisments and even music. Further, those images I was showing you were my concept for a placebo mascot."
[effect] placebos are the topic of discussion at every dinner party

And this is related to evangelism... how?

For that matter, there was no placebo effect at work here. The evangelist's "miracles" were clear duds and no-one felt any effect whatsoever, except losing all their money.

This option feels entirely irrelevant. I suggest replacing.

Done, thanks!

[option] "Aballeballoubah Abelahabe!" chants televangelist @@RANDOMNAME@@, whilst curing someone's acne, "Can you feel it? Can you feel the Spirit within you? Hallelujah praise be! Now, step right down @@LEADER@@, I can feel that you got something wrong within you, something you don't even know about! The lord will let me cure it for just 100 @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@! You hear that? Blulhullalubah! That's the sound of the devil fighting against me and losing! The devil who gives you these diseases. Bluhelabellebe! I'm not making this up!"

Not a bad option. But remove "lord". Not every religion is Christian. Try "Creator".

And I agree with Baggie: don't specify any amounts of money; £100,000 may be a lot for some nations, for others it's pocket change.

Fixed, thanks!

[The Free Joy State]

Not fixed. This draft is far from fixed.

You currently have:
--> People who fall for this are morons
--> Most religions are brilliant
--> Crazy evangelist

That is not balanced.

A better balance would be:
--> How someone with sincere belief got suckered in (and "ha-ha, laugh at the idiot" isn't it); better education
--> Clamp down on hucksters
--> Crazy evangelist

It needs to be balanced.

Moving the same problematic text from the opening to option two does not make it any more true for some nations' religions. You need to respect other nations' headcanon.

And numbers are still in option three. They have to go.

I know you have deep religious beliefs. You are going to have to be balanced enough to be able to criticise them if you write issues on them: not all religion is sunshine and feeding the poor or fraudulant.

If you can't write nuance in this, you might be better writing another topic.

[Australian rePublic]

Not fixed. This draft is far from fixed.

You currently have:
--> People who fall for this are morons
--> Most religions are brilliant
--> Crazy evangelist

That is not balanced.

A better balance would be:
--> How someone with sincere belief got suckered in (and "ha-ha, laugh at the idiot" isn't it); better education
--> Clamp down on hucksters
--> Crazy evangelist

It needs to be balanced.

Moving the same problematic text from the opening to option two does not make it any more true for some nations' religions. You need to respect other nations' headcanon.

And numbers are still in option three. They have to go.

I know you have deep religious beliefs. You are going to have to be balanced enough to be able to criticise them if you write issues on them: not all religion is sunshine and feeding the poor or fraudulant.

If you can't write nuance in this, you might be better writing another topic.

Okay, fair enough. I will fix it. Is the description okay? Also, besides asking @@LEADER@@ for 100 @@CURRENCY@@ where else did I leave numbers?

[The Free Joy State]

Not fixed. This draft is far from fixed.

You currently have:
--> People who fall for this are morons
--> Most religions are brilliant
--> Crazy evangelist

That is not balanced.

A better balance would be:
--> How someone with sincere belief got suckered in (and "ha-ha, laugh at the idiot" isn't it); better education
--> Clamp down on hucksters
--> Crazy evangelist

It needs to be balanced.

Moving the same problematic text from the opening to option two does not make it any more true for some nations' religions. You need to respect other nations' headcanon.

And numbers are still in option three. They have to go.

I know you have deep religious beliefs. You are going to have to be balanced enough to be able to criticise them if you write issues on them: not all religion is sunshine and feeding the poor or fraudulant.

If you can't write nuance in this, you might be better writing another topic.

Okay, fair enough. I will fix it. Is the description okay? Also, besides asking @@LEADER@@ for 100 @@CURRENCY@@ where else did I leave numbers?

Your description, I suggest amending thus (I'll explain why soon):

From:

[desc] After an infamous case where a man suffering from lupus sold his house to a pastor promising to heal him and ending up with no results, the issue of illegitimate faith-healers has been brought to your attention.

To:

[desc] After a notorious case where a man suffering from lupus sold his house to donate the proceeds to a pastor who promised to heal him -- only for the man to be relieved of nothing but his money -- the issue of faith-healers has been brought to your attention.

"Notorious" is similar to "infamous", but originally just meant "famous" -- the infamy association has come on in time -- so sounds slightly less condemning. The removal of "illegitimate" avoids casting judgement. "Donate" is suggested because that's what evangelists always claim that it is, and other suggested additions are more for flow.

The "100 @@CURRENCYPLURAL" is the problematic sum. I suggest "a small donation".

I also suggest that the new draft deals directly with the lupus case.

The first speaker could be the man who wanted a cure. The evangelist could be the one who promised a cure (he could always claim that the man's misdeeds prevented the cure from working -- from my knowledge of these faith healer types, they usually do blame the person who was scammed for not being "pure" enough/"having doubts").

[Candlewhisper Archive]

As FJS pointed out, #843 is the issue to avoid overlap with, and at present the overlaps is certainly still too strong.

[Socio Polor]

I have recently just been givin the honor by Aussie to co-author this issue. I'll be quite active in the drafting of this issue from this point onward

[Socio Polor]

Can you feel it Mr Krabs?

This could actually make for a good alternative title, "Are You Feeling It Now @@leader@@?" (Anyone who watches Spongebob will get the reference. )

As FJS pointed out, #843 is the issue to avoid overlap with, and at present the overlaps is certainly still too strong.

Will definitely bear this in mind CWA. Now Aussie, this is how I'm thinking the issue should be re-written:

[desc] After an infamous case where a man suffering from lupus sold his house to a pastor promising to heal him and ending up with no results, the issue of illegitimate faith-healers has been brought to your attention.

After an outrageous case of a man suffering from lupus sold @@his@@ house to a chaplain promising to heal @@him@@, the affliction still remains on @@him@@. Many now wonder on what to do with spurious faith-healers.

I think a "Nations with religious freedom and decent religiousness" validity should be added.

[option] "They took my money and promised I could walk!" cries wheelchair-bound @@RANDOMNAME@@, inserting cash into a "test your stupidity" machine. "I didn't have no money, so these con-artists made me take out a loan! And I still can't walk! Punish them!"
[effect] religious organisations are audited every time their followers pray in hospitals

[option] "They took my money and guaranteed I would walk again!" cries wheelchair-bound @@randomname@@, inserting a coin into a 'test your stupidity' machine. "I didn't have the money, so these con-artists made me take out a loan! I still can't walk and I demand you punish the phony!

[option] "I do not believe that that proposal is substantial." Suggests noted religious scholar, @@RANDOMNAME@@, whilst reading about Violotism. "Many belief systems operating within @@NAME@@’s boundaries perform commendable acts of charity, such as feeding the homeless, helping the poor and providing socialisation options for the elderly. May I suggest that we limit the number of religions to those of which we know are legitimate?"

[option] "I don't believe that that proposal is adequate." asserts noted religious scholar @@randomname@@, whilst reading about Violotism. "Many belief systems operating within @@name@@'s boundaries perform exemplary acts of charity, such as feeding the homeless, helping the poor and providing socialisation options for the elderly. May I suggest that we veer away from religions claiming to 'cure' people?"

[option] "Aballeballoubah Abelahabe!" chants televangelist @@RANDOMNAME@@, whilst curing someone's acne inside your office, "Can you feel it? Can you feel the Spirit within you? Hallelujah, praise be! Now, step right down @@LEADER@@, I can feel that you got something wrong within you, something you don't even know about! The spirit will let me cure it for just 100 @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@! You hear that? Blulhullalubah! That's the sound of the devil fighting against me, and losing! The devil who gives you these diseases. Bluhelabellebe! I'm not making this up!"

[option] "Aballeballoubah Abelahabe!" chants priest @@randomname@@, whilst curing someone's acne inside your office, "Are you feeling it? Are you feeling the spirit within you? Hallelujah, praise be! Now, step right down @@LEADER@@, I can feel that you got something wrong within you, something you don't even know about! The spirit will let me cure it for just a small price, You hear that? Blulhullalubah! That's the sound of evil fighting against me, and losing! The evil that gives you these diseases. Bluhelabellebe! I'm not making this up!"

What do you think? The similarities between this issue and #843 are appearent. However, Issue #843 raises the problem of "false" alternative treatments (cures in the name of medicine) while this issue raises the problem of "false" faith-healers (cures but from a more religious standpoint and less medical). Similar in concept, but not too similar that it causes overlap. Comments anyone?

[The Free Joy State]

Socio Polor, you clearly did not see this, so I am reposting before you rework this any further (because your suggestions still suffer from almost all the same problems -- minus the sum of money in option three -- and the draft is unworkable until they are fixed):

Not fixed. This draft is far from fixed.

You currently have:
--> People who fall for this are morons
--> Most religions are brilliant
--> Crazy evangelist

That is not balanced.

A better balance would be:
--> How someone with sincere belief got suckered in (and "ha-ha, laugh at the idiot" isn't it); better education
--> Clamp down on hucksters
--> Crazy evangelist

It needs to be balanced.

Moving the same problematic text from the opening to option two does not make it any more true for some nations' religions. You need to respect other nations' headcanon.

And numbers are still in option three. They have to go.

I know you have deep religious beliefs. You are going to have to be balanced enough to be able to criticise them if you write issues on them: not all religion is sunshine and feeding the poor or fraudulant.

If you can't write nuance in this, you might be better writing another topic.

[Socio Polor]

Socio Polor, you clearly did not see this, so I am reposting before you rework this any further (because your suggestions still suffer from almost all the same problems -- minus the sum of money in option three -- and the draft is unworkable until they are fixed):

Not fixed. This draft is far from fixed.

You currently have:
--> People who fall for this are morons
--> Most religions are brilliant
--> Crazy evangelist

That is not balanced.

A better balance would be:
--> How someone with sincere belief got suckered in (and "ha-ha, laugh at the idiot" isn't it); better education
--> Clamp down on hucksters
--> Crazy evangelist

I totally forgot all about this, thanks

[Socio Polor]

Socio Polor, you clearly did not see this, so I am reposting before you rework this any further (because your suggestions still suffer from almost all the same problems -- minus the sum of money in option three -- and the draft is unworkable until they are fixed):

Not fixed. This draft is far from fixed.

You currently have:
--> People who fall for this are morons
--> Most religions are brilliant
--> Crazy evangelist

That is not balanced.

A better balance would be:
--> How someone with sincere belief got suckered in (and "ha-ha, laugh at the idiot" isn't it); better education
--> Clamp down on hucksters
--> Crazy evangelist

It needs to be balanced.

Moving the same problematic text from the opening to option two does not make it any more true for some nations' religions. You need to respect other nations' headcanon.

And numbers are still in option three. They have to go.

I know you have deep religious beliefs. You are going to have to be balanced enough to be able to criticise them if you write issues on them: not all religion is sunshine and feeding the poor or fraudulant.

If you can't write nuance in this, you might be better writing another topic.

Actually, upon further inspection. We sorta got most of that already FJS. Option 1 is the person who got suckered in and proposes to clamp down (punish) on the hucksters. Option 3 is the crazy evangelist. Unless I'm not getting something all that really needs rewording is option 2 to make it more clearer it's to educate the people to prevent more people on getting conned

[The Free Joy State]

Option 2 cannot be specific about religions "feeding the poor" and so on.

Religions cannot be assumed to do such deeds in NationStates. Religions may choose to do none of the above and they are as legitimate as the nation (the player) wishes them to be. You cannot assume such things about the nature of the nation's religious culture; nor tell the player what is a "real" and "illegitimate" religion in their nation.

That entire section should be struck out entirely and replaced in whole.

And it is not a good enough explanation for the person who fell for it to be stupid. People fall for medical and religious cons for many reasons: claiming mere stupidity reveals a poor grasp of the topic. Desperation for something to believe in; a desire to live when you have been told hope is lost... these are infinitely more believable and sympathetic than "duh, they're an idiot".

That should be rewritten, too.

So, no. These points are still not answered.

[Socio Polor]

Option 2 cannot be specific about religions "feeding the poor" and so on.

Religions cannot be assumed to do such deeds in NationStates. Religions may choose to do none of the above and they are as legitimate as the nation (the player) wishes them to be. You cannot assume such things about the nature of the nation's religious culture; nor tell the player what is a "real" and "illegitimate" religion in their nation.

That entire section should be struck out entirely and replaced in whole.

And it is not a good enough explanation for the person who fell for it to be stupid. People fall for medical and religious cons for many reasons: claiming mere stupidity reveals a poor grasp of the topic. Desperation for something to believe in; a desire to live when you have been told hope is lost... these are infinitely more believable and sympathetic than "duh, they're an idiot".

That should be rewritten, too.

So, no. These points are still not answered.

Ah I see. We'll keep this in mind.

[Socio Polor]

Attempt #2

Can you feel it Mr Krabs?

This could actually make for a good alternative title, "Are You Feeling It Now @@leader@@?" (Anyone who watches Spongebob will get the reference. )

[desc] After an infamous case where a man suffering from lupus sold his house to a pastor promising to heal him and ending up with no results, the issue of illegitimate faith-healers has been brought to your attention.

After an outrageous case of a man suffering from lupus sold @@his@@ house to a chaplain promising to heal @@him@@, the affliction still remains on @@him@@. Many now wonder on what to do with spurious faith-healers.

I think a "Nations with religious freedom and decent religiousness" validity should be added.

These suggestions remain valid Aussie.

[option] "They took my money and promised I could walk!" cries wheelchair-bound @@RANDOMNAME@@, inserting cash into a "test your stupidity" machine. "I didn't have no money, so these con-artists made me take out a loan! And I still can't walk! Punish them!"
[effect] religious organisations are audited every time their followers pray in hospitals

[option] "They took my money and guaranteed I would walk again!" cries wheelchair-bound @@randomname@@, inserting a coin into a 'test your stupidity' machine. "I'm not even religious but I was desperate and didn't have the money, so these con-artists made me take out a loan! I still can't walk and I demand you punish the phony!

[option] "I do not believe that that proposal is substantial." Suggests noted religious scholar, @@RANDOMNAME@@, whilst reading about Violotism. "Many belief systems operating within @@NAME@@’s boundaries perform commendable acts of charity, such as feeding the homeless, helping the poor and providing socialisation options for the elderly. May I suggest that we limit the number of religions to those of which we know are legitimate?"

[option] "I don't believe that that proposal is adequate." asserts noted physician @@randomname@@, whilst reading 'The Wonder of Neurons.' "Punishing the scammers isn't good enough. We must teach our fellow @@domonymplural@@ that medicine and science are the way to go, no more of this religious preach chanting mumbo-jumbo."

[option] "Aballeballoubah Abelahabe!" chants televangelist @@RANDOMNAME@@, whilst curing someone's acne inside your office, "Can you feel it? Can you feel the Spirit within you? Hallelujah, praise be! Now, step right down @@LEADER@@, I can feel that you got something wrong within you, something you don't even know about! The spirit will let me cure it for just 100 @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@! You hear that? Blulhullalubah! That's the sound of the devil fighting against me, and losing! The devil who gives you these diseases. Bluhelabellebe! I'm not making this up!"

[option] "Aballeballoubah Abelahabe!" chants priest @@randomname@@, whilst curing someone's acne inside your office, "Are you feeling it? Are you feeling the spirit within you? Hallelujah, praise be! Now, step right down @@LEADER@@, I can feel that you got something wrong within you, something you don't even know about! The spirit will let me cure it for just a small price, You hear that? Blulhullalubah! That's the sound of evil fighting against me, and losing! The evil that gives you these diseases. Bluhelabellebe! I'm not making this up!"

added clarification to option 1, option 2 needed to be nearly completely re-written and option 3 is left as it is

[Australian rePublic]

Attempt #2

This could actually make for a good alternative title, "Are You Feeling It Now @@leader@@?" (Anyone who watches Spongebob will get the reference. )


After an outrageous case of a man suffering from lupus sold @@his@@ house to a chaplain promising to heal @@him@@, the affliction still remains on @@him@@. Many now wonder on what to do with spurious faith-healers.

I think a "Nations with religious freedom and decent religiousness" validity should be added.

These suggestions remain valid Aussie.

[option] "They took my money and promised I could walk!" cries wheelchair-bound @@RANDOMNAME@@, inserting cash into a "test your stupidity" machine. "I didn't have no money, so these con-artists made me take out a loan! And I still can't walk! Punish them!"
[effect] religious organisations are audited every time their followers pray in hospitals

[option] "They took my money and guaranteed I would walk again!" cries wheelchair-bound @@randomname@@, inserting a coin into a 'test your stupidity' machine. "I'm not even religious but I was desperate and didn't have the money, so these con-artists made me take out a loan! I still can't walk and I demand you punish the phony!

[option] "I do not believe that that proposal is substantial." Suggests noted religious scholar, @@RANDOMNAME@@, whilst reading about Violotism. "Many belief systems operating within @@NAME@@’s boundaries perform commendable acts of charity, such as feeding the homeless, helping the poor and providing socialisation options for the elderly. May I suggest that we limit the number of religions to those of which we know are legitimate?"

[option] "I don't believe that that proposal is adequate." asserts noted physician @@randomname@@, whilst reading 'The Wonder of Neurons.' "Punishing the scammers isn't good enough. We must teach our fellow @@domonymplural@@ that medicine and science are the way to go, no more of this religious preach chanting mumbo-jumbo."

[option] "Aballeballoubah Abelahabe!" chants televangelist @@RANDOMNAME@@, whilst curing someone's acne inside your office, "Can you feel it? Can you feel the Spirit within you? Hallelujah, praise be! Now, step right down @@LEADER@@, I can feel that you got something wrong within you, something you don't even know about! The spirit will let me cure it for just 100 @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@! You hear that? Blulhullalubah! That's the sound of the devil fighting against me, and losing! The devil who gives you these diseases. Bluhelabellebe! I'm not making this up!"

[option] "Aballeballoubah Abelahabe!" chants priest @@randomname@@, whilst curing someone's acne inside your office, "Are you feeling it? Are you feeling the spirit within you? Hallelujah, praise be! Now, step right down @@LEADER@@, I can feel that you got something wrong within you, something you don't even know about! The spirit will let me cure it for just a small price, You hear that? Blulhullalubah! That's the sound of evil fighting against me, and losing! The evil that gives you these diseases. Bluhelabellebe! I'm not making this up!"

added clarification to option 1, option 2 needed to be nearly completely re-written and option 3 is left as it is

Thanks, this has still got a bit of bias in it

[Australian rePublic]

Sorry for the delay, I've had a lot of problems IRL. Thanks for your help everyone. The next draft is up

[Australian rePublic]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TPK6YbIYV9U

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Sorry for the delay, I've had a lot of problems IRL. Thanks for your help everyone. The next draft is up

First, get the spelling of your co-author's name right. You've spelt in differently in thread title AND draft, and both are wrong.

Second, finish it. Put the line breaks in the right place, give every option an effect line, just clean it up.

There's some really funny stuff here, but it's just so unprofessionally presented. Do better.

[Australian rePublic]

Next draft is up. Thanks for the help CWA

[Verdant Haven]

[desc] The media reported about an outrageous case of a man suffering from lupus who sold @@his@@ house to a chaplain promising to heal @@him@@, however, the affliction still remains on @@him@@. Many now wonder on what to do with alleged faith-healers.

As you've stated that it is a "man" who was the afflicted and victimized party, you can just use "his" and "him" instead of the "@@his@@" and "@@him@@" macros.

The line "many now wonder..." is very similar to the unnecessary "people are asking for your opinion" lines that typically get culled. Is there a stronger way to state the issue? Perhaps a bill has been presented to ban them, or there are riots against them - something to really bring to government in to it. This is a good premise, but can be presented with more clarity of purpose than "there are media reports" of a single incident. Otherwise the courts could simply handle it as a fraud case like any other.

[option] "They took my money and guaranteed I would walk again!" cries wheelchair-bound @@randomname@@, reading a holy book. "I'm not even religious but I was desperate and didn't have the money, so these con-artists made me take out a loan! I still can't walk and I demand you punish the phony!
[effect] religious organisations who solicit donations face criminal charges

If this is supposed to be the man from the description, it should be limited to "@@RANDOMMALENAME@@" to ensure continuity. I'm not sure if it's believable that a person claiming not to be religious would sell their house and give the money to faith healers rather than proper doctors, who presumably are also available. Effect text spelling: "organizations." It doesn't sound like the act of soliciting donations is the problem, but rather failing to deliver on promises. Would "religious organizations face criminal charges for unanswered prayers" work as a more accurate effect text?

[option] "I don't believe that that proposal is adequate." asserts noted physician@@randomname@@, whilst reading 'The Wonder of Neurons.' "Punishing the scammers isn't good enough. We must teach our fellow @@domonymplural@@ that medicine and science are the way to go, no more of this religious preach chanting mumbo-jumbo."
[effect] religions are audited whenever their followers prey in hospitals

Spelling: @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@. Effect text, you want "pray" rather than "prey" (though hopefully they'd face trouble if their followers preyed in hospitals as well!).

[option] "Aballeballoubah Abelahabe!" chants priest @@randomname@@, whilst curing someone's acne inside your office, "Are you feeling it? Are you feeling the spirit within you? Hallelujah, praise be! Now, step right down @@LEADER@@, I can feel that you got something wrong within you, something you don't even know about! The spirit will let me cure it for just a small price, You hear that? Blulhullalubah! That's the sound of evil fighting against me, and losing! The evil that gives you these diseases. Bluhelabellebe! I'm not making this up!"
[effect] screaming gibberish for a substantial fee qualifies one as a medical doctor

Are they actually curing acne, or merely attempting to? If they're legit curing it, then maybe there is something to it. Is there a reason for using the phrase "step right down" rather than "step right up" when addressing @@LEADER@@? "Step down" spoken to a leader would suggest a demand to resign one's office, whilst "step up" is the classic carnival barker encouragement to participate. What is the actual policy decision being made with this option? A personal choice to allow somebody to try a spell on you isn't implicitly a government policy, so I'd suggest perhaps having the faith healer here ask for a specific policy or dispensation to continue their work. I do like the effect text a lot.

One more thought on this one, and maybe I'm being a bit over-reactive, but the instant I saw the "gibberish" being chanted at the beginning of the option, I thought it said or was a riff on "Allahu Akbar" - the Arabic language expression widely used in Islam to mean roughly "God is great." I actually had to sound it out to convince myself it didn't say that. I would hesitate to use something that so quickly brings to mind a real world religious phrase. I think just dropping the A's off the beginning of those two words, so they just start with the B's (like they do later in the same option) would resolve the problem.

[Socio Polor]

Me and Aussie both agreed to continue working on this old draft of ours and as such it's being revived. We'll post when we got an updated version up