[SUBMITTED] Toxic Bonds

[Altmer Dominion]

1 of 2 chemistry-inspired drafts. Based on an incident at the university level.

Draft 3:

[name] Toxic Bonds

[validity] moderate scientific advancement

[description] A student at @@CAPITAL@@ High School has made headlines after being caught poisoning the lunches of his school bullies. Once questioned, the student admitted that he retrieved the substance -- a carcinogen -- from the chemistry lab stockroom.

[option] "Poor safety etiquette led to a mass poisoning!" exclaims safety advocate @@RANDOMNAME@@, trying on different brands of safety goggles. "Why are schools keeping all these dangerous chemicals around? It's not like a chemistry class is going to be in dire need of hydrochloric acid soon. Schools across the nation must inventory their stockrooms to determine what they actually have. In my view, if a substance can be used for anything more powerful than a baking soda and vinegar volcano, into the trash it goes."
[effect] exploding high school dumpsters have put @@DEMONYM@@ bomb squads on national alert

[option] "You do realize the scientific name for vinegar is acetic acid?" frets concerned mother @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, knitting a sweater out of bubblewrap. "I never use it in the kitchen myself; too much of an irritant. Even after this terrible incident, the general attitude I'm observing worries me. As we've seen, Chemistry substances are poisonous, Biology experiments are messy, and even Physics projectiles can be dangerous. Unless science classes are done away with for good, I just don't see how it's safe to send my son back to school."
[effect] children are grounded for using the scientific method

[option]"This is a first," mutters police officer @@RANDOMNAME@@, closely examining a vial of the offending substance. "Law enforcement is planning on charging the kid for masterminding a poisoning, but we don't know any long-term exposure effects for this compound. The conviction case'll be cut-and-dry, but sentencing will be a nightmare unless we put some thought into it. My view? It may be draconian, but the culprit should be forced to drink the same garbage he slipped to his victims -- for the same duration, too. If he lives, he lives. If he doesn't, it's easy to just chalk it up to karma."
[effect] @@DEMONYM@@ justice can leave a bad taste in one's mouth

[option] "Hold on a moment," advises Professor @@RANDOMNAME@@, the head of @@CAPITAL@@ University's Chemistry department. "The toxicology unit sent some samples from the incident to our labs for testing. During analysis, it was discovered that the suspected student modified the chemical reaction to induce a poisonous chiral effect. To our surprise, the resulting compound is something we've never seen before! I have three different professors begging to meet the kid. I know it's extraordinary circumstances to ask for a pardon, but what's a little criminality when it comes to the collective knowledge of our nation?"
[effect] mad scientists get their start at an early age

Draft 2:

[box][name] Toxic Bonds

[validity] moderate scientific advancement

[description] A student at @@CAPITAL@@ High School has made headlines after being caught poisoning the lunches of his school bullies. Once questioned, the student admitted that he retrived the substance -- a carcinogen -- from the chemistry lab stockroom.

[option] "Poor safety etiquette led to a mass poisoning!" exclaims safety advocate @@RANDOMNAME@@, trying on different brands of safety goggles. "Why are schools keeping all these dangerous chemicals around? It's not like a chemistry class is going to be in dire need of hydrochloric acid soon. Schools across the nation must inventory their stockrooms to determine what they actually have. In my view, if a substance can be used for anything more powerful than a baking soda and vinegar volcano, into the trash it goes."
[effect] chemistry classes are more likely to resemble culinary courses

[option] "You do realize the scientific name for vinegar is acetic acid?" frets concerned mother @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, knitting a sweater out of bubblewrap. "I never use it in the kitchen myself; too much of an irritant. Even after this terrible incident, the general attitude I'm observing worries me. As we've seen, Chemistry substances are poisonous, Biology experiments are messy, and even Physics projectiles can be dangerous. Unless science classes are done away with for good, I just don't see how it's safe to send my son back to school."
[effect] knowledge is a dangerous game

[option]"This is a first," mutters police officer @@RANDOMNAME@@, closely examining a vial of the offending substance. "Law enforcement is planning on charging the kid for masterminding a poisoning, but we don't know any long-term exposure effects for this compound. The conviction case'll be cut-and-dry, but sentencing will be a nightmare unless we put some thought into it. My view? It may be draconian, but the culprit should be forced to drink the same garbage he slipped to his victims -- for the same duration, too. If he lives, he lives. If he doesn't, it's easy to just chalk it up to karma."
[effect] @@DEMONYM@@ justice can leave a bad taste in one's mouth

[option] "Hold on a moment," advises Professor @@RANDOMNAME@@, the head of @@CAPITAL@@ University's Chemistry department. "The toxicology unit sent some samples from the incident to our labs for testing. During analysis, it was discovered that the suspected student modified the chemical reaction to induce a poisonous chiral effect. To our suprise, the resulting compound is something we've never seen before! I have three different professors begging to meet the kid. I know it's extraordinary circumstances to ask for a pardon, but what's a little criminality when it comes to the collective knowledge of our nation?"
[effect] mad scientists get their start at an early age

[name] Toxic Bonds

[validity] moderate scientific advancement

[description] A student at @@CAPITAL@@ High School has made headlines after being caught poisoning the lunches of his school bullies. Once questioned, the student admitted that he retrived the substance -- a carcinogen -- from the chemistry lab stockroom.

[option] "Poor safety etiquette led to a mass poisoning!" exclaims safety advocate @@RANDOMNAME@@, trying on different brands of safety goggles. "Why are schools keeping all these dangerous chemicals around? It's not like a chemistry class is going to be in dire need of hydrochloric acid soon. Schools across the nation must inventory their stockrooms to determine what they actually have. In my view, if a substance can be used for anything more powerful than a baking soda and vinegar volcano, into the trash it goes."
[effect] chemistry classes are more likely to resemble home ec courses

[option] "You do realize the scientific name for vinegar is acetic acid?" frets concerned mother @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, knitting a sweater out of bubblewrap. "I never use it in the kitchen myself; too much of an irritant. Even after this terrible incident, the general attitude I'm observing worries me: As we've seen, Chemistry substances are poisonous. Biology experiments are messy. Physics projectiles are dangerous. Unless Science classes are done away with for good, I just don't see how it's safe to send my son back to school."
[effect] knowledge is a dangerous game

[option] "Hold on a moment," advises Professor @@RANDOMNAME@@, the head of @@CAPITAL@@ University's Chemistry department. "The toxicology unit sent some samples from the incident to our labs for testing. During analysis, it was discovered that the suspected student modified the chemical reaction to increase the potency of the poisonous effect. To our suprise, the resulting compound is something we've never seen before! I have three different professors begging to meet the kid. I know it's extraordinary circumstances to ask for a pardon, but what is a little attempted murder when it comes to the collective knowledge of our nation?"
[effect] mad scientists get their start at an early age

[Australian rePublic]

@@CAPITAL@@ implies that the entire city only has one high school

[Jutsa]

Ah, it's actually @@CAPITAL@@ High, which means that it's the high school in @@CAPITAL@@.

[Australian rePublic]

Ah, it's actually @@CAPITAL@@ High, which means that it's the high school in @@CAPITAL@@.

Yep. My point still stands. Also, not adding the word "School" is an American thing. The word "school" is not implied in the rest of the world

[Altmer Dominion]

Finally getting back to this. I've added the word 'School' back, just in case. In regards to the '@@CAPITOL@@' naming scheme, I don't necessarily agree. There's a high school named after my town, but's it's only one of four or five nearby in the area. It only indicates the original building with all the newer institutions being more inventive with their names.

[Australian rePublic]

Has anything loke this happened in real life?

[Socio Polor]

Good issue here. Though I feel it's missing an option that actually punishes the student in question.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

I think "home ec" may be a slang term for a course that no longer exists in modern schools. Maybe change that.

[Freslia]

I think "home ec" may be a slang term for a course that no longer exists in modern schools. Maybe change that.

Where I live it’s FACS (Family And Consumer Sciences).

I’d maybe add another option calling for increased budget to secure schools or implementing harsher punishments.

[Candensia]

Even after this terrible incident, the general attitude I'm observing worries me: As we've seen, Chemistry substances are poisonous. Biology experiments are messy. Physics projectiles are dangerous. Unless Science classes are done away with for good, I just don't see how it's safe to send my son back to school."

Any reason why the highlighted words in option 2 are capitalized?

Even after this terrible incident, the general attitude I'm observing worries me. As we've seen, chemistry substances are poisonous, biology experiments are messy, and physics projectiles are dangerous. Unless science classes are done away with for good, I just don't see how it's safe to send my son back to school."

Though this is more of a stylistic thing, I'm not sure a colon is the best punctuation to use in the above option. I'd probably let the commas invade, but that's just me.

[Altmer Dominion]

Biggest change is a new option calling for a harsher punishment. Also edited grammar and effect lines.

[quote="Candensia";p="35407762"]

Even after this terrible incident, the general attitude I'm observing worries me: As we've seen, Chemistry substances are poisonous. Biology experiments are messy. Physics projectiles are dangerous. Unless Science classes are done away with for good, I just don't see how it's safe to send my son back to school."

I deliberately 'Proper Nouned' most of them, so to speak. They're dual-referring to both a scientific discipline and a specific class offered at the school; figured it was the best way to drive the point home. The last 'Science' and the colon have been converted to lowercase and a period, respectfully.

[Altmer Dominion]

Has anything loke this happened in real life?

Ah, I forgot to answer this! The answer is yes, though at the University level. Just a few months ago, a chemistry major at a Pennsylvanian university was found to have poisoned his roommate and a friend with thallium obtained from university labs. There was also a similar incident in Canada with a more complicated chemical compound. The question of whether higher education should be allowed to play with dangerous chemicals isn't exactly an interesting one, but translating such a conflict to the high school arena among younger individuals creates a more compelling narrative around chemistry safety.

[Altmer Dominion]

Any other comments?

[Verdant Haven]

In my view, if a substance can be used for anything more powerful than a baking soda and vinegar volcano, into the trash it goes."
[effect] chemistry classes are more likely to resemble culinary courses

I think the last sentence of option 1 could give a much more amusing effect line here. Can you imagine if they actually tossed most of their lab chems in the trash? Even with basic stuff from a high school you'd be making a heck of an unpleasant reaction! Maybe something about safety campaigners now fearing school trash instead of labs, or the bomb squad responding to the dumpsters of schools around the nation?

[effect] knowledge is a dangerous game

Is it really dangerous, or is it just thought to be? What would be the consequence of such a position? I could see an effect along the lines of "children are grounded for using the scientific method" if we want to emphasize the restrictive part of it, or "elementary chemistry is treated like an extreme sport" if you want to focus on the danger.

"This is a first," mutters police officer @@RANDOMNAME@@, closely examining a vial of the offending substance. "Law enforcement is planning on charging the kid for masterminding a poisoning, but we don't know any long-term exposure effects for this compound. The conviction case'll be cut-and-dry, but sentencing will be a nightmare unless we put some thought into it. My view? It may be draconian, but the culprit should be forced to drink the same garbage he slipped to his victims -- for the same duration, too. If he lives, he lives. If he doesn't, it's easy to just chalk it up to karma."
[effect] @@DEMONYM@@ justice can leave a bad taste in one's mouth

A solid option and effect, but a bit wordy. I'd try to edit it down a little. The possible death penalty for assault is super extreme, and there could be some play on the randomness of such a sentence, but the original effect is fine I think.

[Altmer Dominion]

Made some changes based on Verdant Haven's suggestions.

[Altmer Dominion]

Last call before submission.

[Altmer Dominion]

And, submitted.

[Verdant Haven]

Nice! I look forward to seeing it :-D

[Australian rePublic]

Good Luck!