[ACCEPTED] - Beating Exotic Eats!

[Candensia]

I need to get back into the swing of things. So here, take this.
First Draft

[DRAFT] - Beating Exotic Eats!

[The Issue] - A recent viral outbreak wreaked havoc in Kawandaland. The virus, while not directly harmful to the populace, wiped out their banana crop, a major food source and national export. World Assembly investigators later determined the pathogen likely entered the nation within contaminated fruit brought by travelers from abroad. Now, your advisors urge that action should be taken to avoid a similar disaster in @@NAME@@.


[Option 1] - "We're at condition red delicious here at the Ministry of Agriculture," reports Minister of Agriculture @@RANDOMNAME@@, @@HIS@@ worried face appearing on a monitor in front of you as @@HE@@ transmits from the ministry's "citruation" room. "@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ agriculture is under increasing threat from foreign pathogens and pests. Strict guidelines need to be created regarding what types of food products are allowed into the nation. If someone refuses to allow customs officers to confiscate prohibited items, they'll just have to make like a banana- and split right back to where they came from."

[Effect] - travelers are suspect to extensive searches if even a crumb is visible on their clothing


[Option 2] - "A strategy like the one the Agriculture Minister is proposing looks sensible, but if you look a little farther you'll realize that our agriculture is still entirely susceptible to rot from within," counters @@RANDOMNAME@@, a well-known private geneticist with a shady ethical record. "Luckily, science can make our plants and poultry stronger, healthier, and better than ever before! If the government were to sponsor a large-scale gene modification program, the next generation of domesticated flora and fauna won't even blink at exotic diseases! And besides, I've always wanted to make a chicken glow in the dark."

[Effect] - food products labelled "natural" can feature up to four asterisks and paragraphs upon paragraphs of fine print


[Option 3] - "GMO? More like GM Nooo," professes young, self-proclaimed hippie saint @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We shouldn't be messing with mother nature, like, ever. The only reason why things get sick in the first place is because they haven't been exposed to the, uh, sickening thing. We should just let nature take its course and encourage our farm-bound plants and animals to get stronger naturally by exposing them to new things. After all, its worked just fine in nature for like millions of years and stuff."

[Effect] - the organic fertilizer industry has seen a massive increase in both supply and demand

Second Draft

[DRAFT] - Beating Exotic Eats!

[The Issue] - A recent viral outbreak wreaked havoc in Kawandaland, which, while not directly harmful to the populace, wiped out their banana crop, a major food source and national export. World Assembly investigators later determined the pathogen entered the nation within contaminated fruit brought by travelers from abroad. Fearing a similar disaster in @@NAME@@, your advisors urge you to take action.


[Option 1] - "We're at condition red delicious here at the Ministry of Agriculture," reports Minister of Agriculture @@RANDOMNAME@@, @@HIS@@ worried face appearing on a monitor in front of you as @@HE@@ transmits from the ministry's 'citruation' room. "@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ agriculture is under increasing threat from foreign pathogens and pests. Strict regulations must dictate which food products are allowed into @@NAME@@. If someone refuses to allow customs officers to confiscate prohibited items, they'll just have to make like a banana- and split right back to where they came from."

[Effect] - travelers are subject to extensive searches if even a crumb is visible on their clothing


[Option 2] - "The honorable Minister's strategy appears sensible, but our agriculture would still be entirely susceptible to rot from within," counters unorthodox geneticist @@RANDOMNAME@@ while taking off @@HIS@@ hooded lab-coat and gloves. "Luckily, science can make our plants and poultry stronger, healthier, and better than ever before! If the government were to sponsor a large-scale gene modification program, the next generation of domesticated flora and fauna won't even blink at exotic diseases. And besides, I've always wanted to make a chicken glow in the dark."

[Effect] - chocolate milk really does come from brown cows


[Option 3] - "GMO? More like GM No," professes self-proclaimed hippie saint @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We shouldn't be messing with mother nature, like, ever. The only reason why things get sick in the first place is because they haven't been exposed to the, uh, sickening thing. Anyway, we should be encouraging our farm-bound plants and animals to get stronger naturally by exposing them to new things. After all, its worked just fine in nature for like millions of years and stuff."

[Effect] - immigrant bugs steal jobs from native plant pests

Current Draft

[DRAFT] - Beating Exotic Eats! SUBMITTED 2/5/2019

[The Issue] - A viral outbreak has wreaked havoc in Kawandaland. While not directly harmful to the populace, the virus did wipe out their banana crop, a major food source and national export. World Assembly investigators later determined the pathogen entered the nation via contaminated fruit brought by travelers from abroad. Fearing a similar disaster in @@NAME@@, your advisors urge you to take action.


[Option 1] - "We're at condition red delicious here at the Ministry of Agriculture," reports Minister of Agriculture @@RANDOMNAME@@, @@HIS@@ worried face appearing on a monitor in front of you as @@HE@@ transmits from the ministry's 'citruation' room. "@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ agriculture is under increasing threat from foreign pathogens and pests. Strict regulations must dictate which food products are allowed into @@NAME@@. If someone refuses to let customs officers confiscate prohibited items, they'll just have to make like a banana- and split right back to where they came from."

[Effect] - travelers are subject to extensive searches if even a crumb is visible on their clothing


[Option 2] - "The honorable Minister's strategy appears sensible, but our agriculture would still be entirely susceptible to rot from within," counters unorthodox geneticist @@RANDOMNAME@@ while taking off @@HIS@@ hooded lab-coat and gloves. "Luckily, science can make our plants and poultry stronger, healthier, and better than ever before! Should the government sponsor a large-scale gene modification program, the next generation of domesticated flora and fauna won't even blink at exotic diseases. Besides, I've always wanted to make a chicken glow in the dark."

[Effect] - chocolate milk really does come from brown cows


[Option 3] - "GMO? More like GM No," professes self-proclaimed hippie saint @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We shouldn't mess with mother nature, like, ever. The only reason why things get sick in the first place is because they haven't been exposed to the, uh, sickening thing. Let’s encourage our farm-bound plants and animals to get stronger naturally by exposing them to new things. After all, its worked just fine in nature for like millions of years and stuff."

[Effect] - immigrant bugs are stealing jobs from native plant pests

[Australian rePublic]

Option 3- I hope he realises that quarantine does not stop evolution

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Good draft. I think there's not been anything on the topic of fruit imports before. Fruit basket gifts, sure, but this one seems unique.

[DRAFT] - Beating Exotic Eats!

[The Issue] - A recent viral outbreak wreaked havoc in Kawandaland. The virus, while not directly harmful to the populace, wiped out their banana crop, a major food source and national export. World Assembly investigators later determined the pathogen likely entered the nation within contaminated fruit brought by travelers from abroad. Now, your advisors urge that action should be taken to avoid a similar disaster in @@NAME@@.

Decent. Maybe could be 20% less wordy, but well within acceptable limits.

[Option 1] - "We're at condition red delicious here at the Ministry of Agriculture," reports Minister of Agriculture @@RANDOMNAME@@, @@HIS@@ worried face appearing on a monitor in front of you as @@HE@@ transmits from the ministry's "citruation" room.

Use single quote marks around non-speech, to avoid visual confusion.

"@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ agriculture is under increasing threat from foreign pathogens and pests. Strict guidelines need to be created regarding what types of food products are allowed into the nation. If someone refuses to allow customs officers to confiscate prohibited items, they'll just have to make like a banana- and split right back to where they came from."

[Effect] - travelers are suspect to extensive searches if even a crumb is visible on their clothing

Subject, not suspect.

[Option 2] - "A strategy like the one the Agriculture Minister is proposing looks sensible, but if you look a little farther you'll realize that our agriculture is still entirely susceptible to rot from within," counters @@RANDOMNAME@@, a well-known private geneticist with a shady ethical record.

Again decent, but could be more efficient. For example, could read:

"A strategy like that sounds sensible, but our agriculture would still be susceptible to rot from within," counters @@RANDOMNAME@@, an ethically shady geneticist.

Though, tbh, I'm not sure what his reported shadiness adds to the narrative. Better instead to show, not tell, and have him be doing an action that reflects his nature.

"Luckily, science can make our plants and poultry stronger, healthier, and better than ever before! If the government were to sponsor a large-scale gene modification program, the next generation of domesticated flora and fauna won't even blink at exotic diseases! And besides, I've always wanted to make a chicken glow in the dark."

[Effect] - food products labelled "natural" can feature up to four asterisks and paragraphs upon paragraphs of fine print

Good humour again. Try to be more efficient with words, especially in effect lines. See if you can transmit the same joke in half the words.

This issue is already at a pass standard for inclusion, but why not step up your game even further, and show is some self-editing skills? That sort of thing is always something we keep a note of, y'know.

[Baggieland]

And besides, I've always wanted to make a chicken glow in the dark.

[Candensia]

I'm now ready to unveil the second draft.

The Intro has been touched up slightly.
Option 2 has seen its length reduced, and it has been reworded in certain areas.
Option 3 has been reworded in areas slightly.
Effect 2 has been replaced.

Thank you for the continued feedback, everyone.

EDIT: @CWA I am glad you got the 'citruation' room joke. I wasn't sure if it would work.

[Candensia]

The Scissors™️ have continued to snip words throughout the issue.
Effects 2 and 3 have been changed...again.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

EDIT: @CWA I am glad you got the 'citruation' room joke. I wasn't sure if it would work.

Actually, I missed the joke, just assumed it was a real word.

Googling it, I can't find that the word exists, except as the name of an obscure ale...

[Candensia]

EDIT: @CWA I am glad you got the 'citruation' room joke. I wasn't sure if it would work.

Actually, I missed the joke, just assumed it was a real word.

Googling it, I can't find that the word exists, except as the name of an obscure ale...

Well, I’ll just say it’s a citrus pun so bad it’s probably mod-actionable.

[Jutsa]

Yeah that's a bananable lemon you've got there, Candensia. Truly sublime.
Orange ya glad CWA hadn't caught on?

I'll be grapeful for this moment and cherryish it forever.

Ok I'm done. no, wait. Coconut. There now I'm done.

[Candensia]

Third draft up. Most of the changes are just length-trimming related.

[Candensia]

Further comments are welcome.

[Jutsa]

Like the title: as-is, but between the topic at hand and an overused NS pun (used twice in cards against nationstates),
I can't help but think of another one:

"A Fruit by Any Other Nation Would Taste Just as Sweet".



I'd say maybe replace an effect line with that but honestly I love them all.

[Candensia]

Like the title: as-is, but between the topic at hand and an overused NS pun (used twice in cards against nationstates),
I can't help but think of another one:

"A Fruit by Any Other Nation Would Taste Just as Sweet".



I'd say maybe replace an effect line with that but honestly I love them all.

Thank you, Jutsa. I think the title and effects will stay the same, although I do see the fruity twist you’re putting on the “rose by any other name” phrase.

I think this one is eager to leave the nest. Last call before it’s sent on its way.

[Candensia]

Draft away!

Thanks for your time and assistance, everyone. I truly appreciate it.