TITLE:
Losing Touch
VALIDITY:
Any, Immigration not banned
DESCRIPTION:
The Merovingian President is on his way over to you for a state visit, but the man is extremely tactile, always keen to over-extend handshakes, to hug at the slightest provocation, and even to cordially rest his left hand on your inner thigh during conversations.
OPTION ONE
"We need some sort of strategy to keep a diplomatic distance here," whispers your Minister of Safe Spaces, leaning in conspiratorially to just under seven inches from your nose. "We can position your seats either side of a large table, and ensure that at all the events you attend you always have an aide or three between you. That way he can't be tempted to get too touchy."
OUTCOME:
political visitors to the nation are forced to stop ten paces from @@LEADER@@'s throne
OPTION TWO
"Zut alors, this is not the president being tres romantique!" points out Pierre, one of your aides who happens to be a Merovingian expat. "He is not asking you 'voulez vous couchez avec moi'! Non! This is just the Merovingian way of being polite. You should just embrace him hard, take his boeuf bourguignon in hand, and plant a kiss on each of his cheeks. This will show you are a politicien du monde, quoi."
OUTCOME:
visiting dignitaries often end up cuddling in the hot tub with @@LEADER@@
OPTION THREE
"We should neither be manoeuvring to avoid his advances, nor be forced to be inappropriately manhandled," snaps dog trainer Milo Cesar, grabbing Pierre by the collar, and forcing him away from you. "Instead, the next time the Merovingian President touches you, just hold one hand up, and sharply scold him with a loud 'No! Bad man! Sit!' He, and all the other grab-happy gropers, need to be told that it is never acceptable to touch anybody without permission. Indeed, there must be a law against it!"
OUTCOME:
mums always ask their three-year-olds for permission before hugging them
FIRST DRAFT:
