Don't you agree?
[description]The @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ army is in a flurry over an inexplicable incident. Hundreds of officers of every rank woke up this morning to find that all the ammunition kept in army depots has turned into vegetables overnight. As usual, a bunch of pesky individuals barge into your room uninvited to bombard you with questions.
[validity]must have a military
1.[option]"I sw-swear th-this wasn't my fa-fault," stammers @@RANDOMNAME@@, a young sergeant and guard of a major military ammunition depot in @@CAPITAL@@, trying @@HIS@@ best to maintain a soldierly comportment with a rhubarb stalk slung over @@HIS@@ shoulder. "I kept vi-vigil all night at the o-only entrance to the de-depot, and not a m-mouse stirred the whole n-night. Please don't p-punish me @@LEADER@@. This is c-clearly the job of that Blackacrian w-witch called Valeria, she m-must have magically t-transformed our weapons into v-veggies. Make her pay f-for it, but s-spare me, @@LEADER@@!"
[effect]the international community doubts @@LEADER@@'s sanity
2. [option]"Huh, and how are we supposed to make her pay for it? By throwing a potato bomb on her residence?" roars @@RANDOMNAME@@, a senior army general, nervously fumbling with a cabbage, which had been a cannon ball until this morning. "This is a major crisis, @@LEADER@@. We should mobilize all our engineers and factory workers to design and manufacture new arms and then immediately seek out the traitors who played this prank on us and punish them. Death to the spies!"
[effect]@@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ are ordered to melt their silverware to help produce new weapons
3. [option]"Actually, a potato bomb isn't a very bad idea," muses Maria Steward, a famous TV cook, nonchalantly swinging her ladle. "If I understand these fellows right, our depots are filled to the brim with fresh veggies right now. Surely you won't let them rot, right? We could make ratatouille, butternut squash soup, cauliflower au gratin, and what not - in quantities that can keep the entire population fed for several weeks! As I always say, if life gives you lemons, you make a lemonade, and if life transforms your arms into veggies... well, you make a veggie casserole. What do you say?"
[effect]homeless people on the streets of @@CAPITAL@@ are enjoying a lavish feast
4. [option]"Let us not be hasty, @@LEADER@@. We have actually received intelligence that this may be a global problem," cautions @@RANDOMNAME@@, the head of the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Intelligence Agency, without taking off @@HIS@@ flashy sunglasses. "Our spies in Maxtopia have reported that the Maxtopian parliament convened for a secret emergency meeting this morning to discuss how their entire ammunition could turn into vegetables overnight. This is probably not a coincidence. If you divert some more funding to our department, we can deploy more spies abroad to investigate this matter more closely."
[effect]@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ spies follow the smell of onions to locate ammunition depots in foreign countries
5. [option]"Well, if this is true, then our enemies are not in a better position than us, and we need to revise our military strategies to accommodate the changing conditions," strategizes @@RANDOMNAME@@, a top military strategist, tapping on a flowchart with an extendable pointer. "Given the unavailability of firearms, we should come up with ways to deploy these vegetables to inflict the greatest possible amount of harm on enemy targets. Look here: broccoli florets. They might seem harmless at first sight, but they can be effective chemical weapons when used wisely - they definitely do a good job of repelling my kids from the kitchen table anyway. And if you're looking for a nationwide flatulence attack, look no further. Brussels sprouts got you covered. What do you say?"
[effect]a horde of military strategists and nutrition experts collaborate to find out the potential utility of asparagus in national defense
6. [option]"This can only be a sign from Mother Nature who wants us to stop fighting and find peace and relief in the bounty she offers us!" exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, an eccentric environmentalist whose naked body is concealed under a thick layer of moss and ivy. Pushing an unruly tendril off @@HIS@@ face, @@HE@@ continues. "@@LEADER@@, we should take this chance and make peace with all the other countries - and with ourselves! Nature provides us all the food we need! We need not kill other people to seize their resources, nor do we need to kill animals for food. We can eat peas and live in peace! Listen to Mother Nature, @@LEADER@@!"
[effect]pease porridge hot, pease porridge cold, war was something in days of old
7.[option]"Are you OK, Your Excellency?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, your personal physician, holding a little flashlight up into your eyes and raising your eyelids with @@HIS@@ fingers. "Oh yes, I think @@LEADER@@ is recovering consciousness, nurse. That's good news, very good news indeed. I cannot imagine the chaos our country would plunge into without our leader. Violet must have heard our prayers. Damn, @@LEADER@@ must be very hungry after spending weeks in this vegetative state. Nurse, will you bring food, please?" @@HE@@ leaves the room, while the nurse enters with an IV bag that seems to be filled with turnip juice.
[effect]@@LEADER@@ has the incredible superpower to get blood from a turnip
