[SUBMITTED 1.3.19] A Boatload of Trouble

[Candlewhisper Archive]

THIRD:

TITLE:

A Boatload of Trouble

VALIDITY:

Somewhat tight border controls.

DESCRIPTION:

Coastguard have reported that following stormy weather a trio of small ships have capsized in the @@ANIMAL@@ Strait, resulting in the deaths of 78 illegal immigrants who were trying to enter @@NAME@@ under cover of darkness, including many children and two pregnant women.

OPTION ONE

"It's our moral responsibilty to stop people drowning in our waters," lectures Maritimes Operations Officer @@randomname@@, respectfully removing @@HIS@@ cap. "You should deploy more coastguard vessels, linked to surveillance drones and a dedicated networked HQ. Give me an eye on every square metre of our seas, and no-one will drown again."

OUTCOME:

the government considers it a sacred duty to video bikini-clad beach swimmers

OPTION TWO

"Why don't we just lay out a welcome mat while we're at it?" complains Immigration Minister @@randomname@@, closing the office door to keep a draught out. "The danger of the journey acts as a deterrent, and that keeps illegal immigration numbers down. If anything, we should be reducing the coastguard, and concentrating solely on protecting fishermen, beach-users and marina business. If the journey across the strait is even more dangerous, then even fewer illegals will attempt the journey."

OUTCOME:

small shoes often wash up on the beach

OPTION THREE

"Deterrence is certainly the name of the game, but an attractive alternative needs to be provided," muses your Minister for Extracartonic Cognition. "Why don't we provide a free ferry service to bring anyone who wants to come into the country? We'll also need unrestricted immigration and generous compassionate welfare payments. I'm sure these unskilled immigrants will boost our economy. Eventually."

OUTCOME:

even immigrants complain that immigrants keep taking their jobs

SECOND:

TITLE:

A Boatload of Trouble


VALIDITY:

Somewhat tight border controls.


DESCRIPTION:

Coastguard have reported that following stormy weather a trio of small ships have capsized in the @@ANIMAL@@ Strait, resulting in the deaths of 78 illegal immigrants who were trying to enter @@NAME@@ under cover of darkness, including many children and two pregnant women.


OPTION ONE

"It's our moral responsibilty to stop people drowning in our waters, regardless of whether they are citizens or illegal immigrants," lectures Maritimes Operations Officer @@randomname@@, taking @@HIS@@ cap off in respect to the dead. "You have to fund and deploy at least twelve more coastguard vessels, linked to surveillance drones and a dedicated networked HQ. Give me that, and we'll have an eye on every square metre of the sea, and no-one will drown again."

OUTCOME:

bikini-clad beach swimmers are videoed by the government


OPTION TWO

"Why don't we just lay out a welcome mat while we're at it?" complains Immigration Minister @@randomname@@, closing the office door to keep a draught out. "The danger of the journey acts as a deterrent, and that keeps illegal immigration numbers down. If anything, we should be bringing existing coastguard efforts back closer to our shores, to concentrate on protecting beach tourists and marina users. If the journey across the strait is even more dangerous, then even fewer illegals will attempt the journey."


OUTCOME:

small shoes often wash up on the beach



OPTION THREE

"Deterrence is certainly the name of the game, but an attractive alternative needs to be provided," muses your Minister for Extracartonic Cognition. "Why don't we fully open our borders so that anyone who wants to immigrate here can, and provide a free ferry service to bring anyone who wants to into the country? We'll also need a generous financial welcome package and government-funded education to acquire workplace skills, and I reckon we'll have net benefit as a society. Well... eventually, anyway, after maybe a decade or two of increased spending."

OUTCOME:

even immigrants complain that immigrants keep taking their jobs

FIRST:

TITLE:

A Boatload of Trouble


VALIDITY:

Somewhat tight border controls.


DESCRIPTION:

Coastguard have reported that following stormy weather a trio of small ships have capsized in the @@ANIMAL@@ straits, resulting in the deaths of 78 illegal immigrants who were trying to enter @@NAME@@ under cover of darkness, including many children and two pregnant women.


OPTION ONE

"It's our moral responsibilty to stop people drowning in our waters, regardless of whether they are citizens or illegal immigrants," lectures Maritimes Operations Officer @@randomname@@, taking @@HIS@@ cap off in respect to the dead. "You have to fund and deploy at least twelve more coastguard vessels, linked to surveillance drones and a dedicated networked HQ. Give me that, and we'll have an eye on every square metre of the straits, and no-one will drown again."

OUTCOME:

bikini-clad beach swimmers are videoed by the government


OPTION TWO

"Why don't we just lay out a welcome mat while we're at it?" complains Immigration Minister @@randomname@@, closing the office door to keep a draught out. "The danger of the journey acts as a deterrent, and that keeps illegal immigration numbers down. If anything, we should be bringing existing coastguard efforts back closer to our shores, to concentrate on protecting beach tourists and marina users. If the journey across the straits is even more dangerous, then even fewer illegals will attempt the journey."


OUTCOME:

small shoes often wash up on the beach



OPTION THREE

"Deterrence is certainly the name of the game, but an attractive alternative needs to be provided," muses your Minister for Extracartonic Cognition. "Why don't we fully open our borders so that anyone who wants to immigrate here can, and provide a free ferry service to bring anyone who wants to into the country? We'll also need a golden handshake welfare payment and government-funded education to acquire workplace skills, and I reckon we'll have net benefit as a society. Well... eventually, anyway, after maybe a decade or two of increased spending."

OUTCOME:

even immigrants complain that immigrants keep taking their jobs

[Verdant Haven]

Option 1:
If the speaker is meant to be from the Coast Guard, a different title might fit better. “Patrol Officer” (at least in the US, apologies if different over there!) is a term that refers to a policeman on the street. Both the USCG and HMCG use naval insignia, with either naval (USCG) or CG-specific (HMCG) titles. Since it sounds like this person is meant to be a high official in the CG, perhaps they could make sense as a “captain” or similar nautical term?

I might also avoid specifying an exact number of new ships needed. Twelve could be a tiny number or a huge number, depending on the nation. The RNLI already has 444 lifeboats, for example, while the USCG has close to 250 large cutters and over 1600 other watercraft. Maybe just “a fleet of new coastguard vessels” would fit?

Option 2:
That effect text. Ouch.
Well-chosen and appropriate.
But ouch.

Option 3:
That is a fantastic title for the speaker :-D :-D :-D I think my only question here is if this response is in proportion to the others? Would an issue about saving people from drowning extend to also paying them to move here, and then funding their education? The ferry service seems within bounds for a maritime issue, but those other elements feel like a bit of a stretch? Also, I think the term “golden handshake” usually means a severance package, rather than a welcome package, doesn’t it?

[Trotterdam]

Also, I think the term “golden handshake” usually means a severance package, rather than a welcome package, doesn’t it?

You're thinking of a golden parachute.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Option 1:
If the speaker is meant to be from the Coast Guard, a different title might fit better. “Patrol Officer” (at least in the US, apologies if different over there!) is a term that refers to a policeman on the street. Both the USCG and HMCG use naval insignia, with either naval (USCG) or CG-specific (HMCG) titles. Since it sounds like this person is meant to be a high official in the CG, perhaps they could make sense as a “captain” or similar nautical term?

I was trying to be generic rather than tieing to a particular nation - the Coast Guard being a militarised organisation isn't a universality, and the US probably takes it to an extreme.

As I'm a British author though, I'll amend it to something that is more nautical AND a British Coast Guard rank: Maritimes Operations Officer.

I might also avoid specifying an exact number of new ships needed. Twelve could be a tiny number or a huge number, depending on the nation. The RNLI already has 444 lifeboats, for example, while the USCG has close to 250 large cutters and over 1600 other watercraft. Maybe just “a fleet of new coastguard vessels” would fit?

True, but regardless of nation size the absolute government spend increase will be the same. I went with "at least" to be vague, and didn't specify vessel size.

Option 3:
That is a fantastic title for the speaker :-D :-D :-D I think my only question here is if this response is in proportion to the others? Would an issue about saving people from drowning extend to also paying them to move here, and then funding their education? The ferry service seems within bounds for a maritime issue, but those other elements feel like a bit of a stretch? Also, I think the term “golden handshake” usually means a severance package, rather than a welcome package, doesn’t it?

My preference is for two "reasonable" responses and one over-the-top third way. Besides, I don't want to make it too easy for pro-immigration nations to pretend there's no cost to allowing unlimited immigration, even if that's my preferred stance in real life.

[Verdant Haven]

Also, I think the term “golden handshake” usually means a severance package, rather than a welcome package, doesn’t it?

You're thinking of a golden parachute.

They are related, but very similar, concepts. A golden handshake is actually sometimes considered "better" than a golden parachute, because it gives additional benefits, and can be applied in a wider range of circumstances.

[Australian rePublic]

Were they in @@NAME@@'s waters?

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Were they in @@NAME@@'s waters?

Yes. Option 1 implies that with "our waters".

[Candlewhisper Archive]

You're thinking of a golden parachute.

They are related, but very similar, concepts. A golden handshake is actually sometimes considered "better" than a golden parachute, because it gives additional benefits, and can be applied in a wider range of circumstances.

Yeah, you're right, having looked into it. Handshake is still for retirement, though I'm sure I've seen it in the context of welcomes too.

Will change it to a "financial welcome package".

[Yohannes]

a free ferry service to bring anyone who wants to into the country?

Hi Candlewhisper Archive! Missing word there I think (maybe "move"?)

[Australian rePublic]

Were they in @@NAME@@'s waters?

Yes. Option 1 implies that with "our waters".

Yes, and that's what I was refering to. What about international waters?

[Candlewhisper Archive]

I think international waters, it'd be easier to say it's an international problem. This issue is specifically about events occurring in the nation's waters.

[Chan Island]

There is a bit of traction in real life for what would amount to an option 4: actively destroying the migrant boats, or at least deliberately intervening in a way that makes life uncomfortable for the immigrants on said vessels (which is Australia's tack). Italian deputy prime minister Matteo Salvini infamously called for this (mercifully not state policy).

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

I see that you keep using the word "straits." I feel like this is the first time I hear it used in plural form - before that, I have heard it only in singular form, as in Bosphorus Strait, Bering Strait, Strait of Gibraltar, etc. What would the plurality imply? Multiple straits?

------

Also, a recent news article I read was problematizing the Italian government's cooperation with the Libyan coast guard to capture the migrants and send them back to Africa. Crucially, the Libyan Coast Guard is notorious for their brutal practices and their incompetence & heavy-handed methods caused the deaths of many migrants during a recent altercation. There was a boat full of volunteers from Germany and the Libyan Coast Guard, and the migrants who had been "rescued" by the Libyan Coast Guard were jumping overboard to swim to the German ship.

Sometimes European countries also team up with dubious "privateers" to keep the migrants off. I don't know if you'd be interested, but if you would, I suppose you could work something like that into your issue as well.

[Trotterdam]

I see that you keep using the word "straits." I feel like this is the first time I hear it used in plural form - before that, I have heard it only in singular form, as in Bosphorus Strait, Bering Strait, Strait of Gibraltar, etc. What would the plurality imply? Multiple straits?

You're right. I guess you don't see the plural often because, for the most part, there is little geological reason for multiple straits to form near each other. I think the closest would be if you have an archipelago with many islands bunched rather close to each other separated by narrow gaps - something like the Canadian Arctic Archipelago?

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Can't argue with that. I had the "Danish straits" and "Haro Straits" in mind, but certainly the singular use is more common in geography. Depluralised.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Slight trim for draft 3. Comments welcome.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Gonna pinch this one off shortly, with an editorial clench, before I flush it away into the grand sewage processing plant of the "CWA issues" pool backstage.

Any last thoughts?