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[SUBMITTED] - Picky Eaters

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Sacara
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[SUBMITTED] - Picky Eaters

Postby Sacara » Sun Dec 30, 2018 12:10 am

[Title] Picky Eaters
[Desc] Internet celebrity @@RANDOMNAME(1)@@ has recently generated a lot of negative attention towards @@NAME@@ after going on a Twitcher storm where @@HE(1)@@ complained about the lack of restaurants catering towards vegans, such as @@HIM(1)@@self.
[Validity] does not have vegetarianism

[option] "It was absolutely, like insane, that no places I went to had any food options for people like me," rants @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME(1)@@ on @@HIS@@ Twitcher account. "I had to go through seven restaurants in @@ANIMAL@@ City before I even found one with any sort of vegan option, and even that was a tiny salad that no bigger than my hand! If @@LEADER@@ was smart, every restaurant and every public place would be forced to have more than one vegan option on their menu. It wouldn’t hurt to be a little healthier either, right?"
[effect] greens sprinkle the menu of every @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ restaurant

[option] "Bah! Don’t listen to that green-thumbed nut job!" counters the manager of one of the restaurants @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME(1)@@ visited, obviously furious at the negative attention. "If businesses don’t want to have a menu with a vegan option, why should the government stick its hand where it isn't wanted? My customers want the finest meats around, and it'd be nice if we can get a little extra cash to help out with the costs, ya know?."
[effect] the only greens in the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ diet are the occasional herbs on a nice steak

[option] "That young celebrity might actually be onto something now," mutters your Minister of Progressive Thinking and Eating, happens to be preparing peppers in the corner of your office. "We don’t actually need meat in our diets at all, and it is probably proven that people who are vegan live longer. I think you ought to ban meat entirely, in the name of helping our poor citizens from hurting themselves."
[effect] steaks are rare in @@NAME@@
Last edited by Sacara on Tue Jan 29, 2019 9:57 am, edited 9 times in total.
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Sacara
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Postby Sacara » Sun Dec 30, 2018 12:12 am

I'm a little rusty at the whole issue thing; I haven't drafted one in quite some time. :)

Whilst drafting this, I could not think of a title for the life of me. I just threw the current one on at the very end so I would at least have something, as well as the one for option two a/b. I would appreciate feedback, especially regarding those two areas.
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Australian rePublic
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Postby Australian rePublic » Sun Dec 30, 2018 5:12 am

This issue is about 20 years too late
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Sacara
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Postby Sacara » Sun Dec 30, 2018 8:02 am

Australian rePublic wrote:This issue is about 20 years too late

https://www.google.com/amp/s/abc7.com/a ... s/4839002/
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Candlewhisper Archive
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Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Mon Dec 31, 2018 3:31 am

The premise works, the options are competent. The effect lines kinda stink, the title isn't great (as you said), and the chosen actions of the speakers aren't really raising a smile.

I think you need to find the funny, basically. You've got a great premise to hang jokes onto, so go hang jokes on it. In terms of narrative, this is an entirely sound issue. It's just not funny yet.
Last edited by Candlewhisper Archive on Mon Dec 31, 2018 3:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby Verdant Haven » Mon Dec 31, 2018 8:08 am

Is there any particular reason it's a foreign celebrity? Seems like domestic celebrity is more likely to get the attention of the government over something as petty as this. I mean, if an Englishman tweeted that the US didn't have a good cup of tea to be found, we'd probably laugh and say "yeah, probably." If veganism is so unusual in @@NAME@@ that only a foreign celebrity would feel the need to comment on a lack of service, then is it really a relevant issue within @@NAME@@ itself?

Regarding the effects text for option 1, restaurants not having vegan options is not "persecution of vegans." Persecution implies a national policy of specifically harming or harassing them. Not catering to an irrelevant market force is just normal operation for any business. If somebody thinks they are a relevant market force, they can demonstrate it by opening their own shop.

Options 2 and 3 are only distinguished by the term "CEO" and "manager" - there's no need to split the option for that. The term "manager" works for both capitalist and non-capitalist enterprises. Either way though, this is doing nothing as presently written - it's just saying "leave the status quo, where restaurants serve whatever they want." To make it actually distinct as an option, they would have to be suggesting an active step, like perhaps banning veganism for being "bad for the economy" or "incompatible with our evolutionary past" or something else. THIS is where you could actually start persecuting vegans.

Option 4 there's a grammatical slip in the dialogue tag - probably should be "who happens to be..." There's a word replacement needed in the final clause - it would work better as "helping our poor citizens avoid hurting..." I do like this effect line :-D

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Postby Australian rePublic » Tue Jan 01, 2019 2:04 am

They're legislating it? F%%k me dead, America, why did you shovs all your idipts in one state?
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Postby Jutsa » Tue Jan 01, 2019 9:10 am

Australian rePublic wrote:They're legislating it? F%%k me dead, America, why did you shovs all your idipts in one state?


I was gonna argue against it but then I thought "Maybe it's California".

Surely enough it's California.
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Postby Sacara » Tue Jan 01, 2019 7:03 pm

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:The premise works, the options are competent. The effect lines kinda stink, the title isn't great (as you said), and the chosen actions of the speakers aren't really raising a smile.

I think you need to find the funny, basically. You've got a great premise to hang jokes onto, so go hang jokes on it. In terms of narrative, this is an entirely sound issue. It's just not funny yet.
Yup, as I suspected. For the life of me, I couldn't think of a title or some effect lines. I'm taking suggestions for effect lines 1 & 2 and the title.

Verdant Haven wrote:Is there any particular reason it's a foreign celebrity? Seems like domestic celebrity is more likely to get the attention of the government over something as petty as this. I mean, if an Englishman tweeted that the US didn't have a good cup of tea to be found, we'd probably laugh and say "yeah, probably." If veganism is so unusual in @@NAME@@ that only a foreign celebrity would feel the need to comment on a lack of service, then is it really a relevant issue within @@NAME@@ itself?

Regarding the effects text for option 1, restaurants not having vegan options is not "persecution of vegans." Persecution implies a national policy of specifically harming or harassing them. Not catering to an irrelevant market force is just normal operation for any business. If somebody thinks they are a relevant market force, they can demonstrate it by opening their own shop.

Options 2 and 3 are only distinguished by the term "CEO" and "manager" - there's no need to split the option for that. The term "manager" works for both capitalist and non-capitalist enterprises. Either way though, this is doing nothing as presently written - it's just saying "leave the status quo, where restaurants serve whatever they want." To make it actually distinct as an option, they would have to be suggesting an active step, like perhaps banning veganism for being "bad for the economy" or "incompatible with our evolutionary past" or something else. THIS is where you could actually start persecuting vegans.

Option 4 there's a grammatical slip in the dialogue tag - probably should be "who happens to be..." There's a word replacement needed in the final clause - it would work better as "helping our poor citizens avoid hurting..." I do like this effect line :-D
I changed the celebrity from being a foreign celebrity to a domestic one. I also removed the doppelganger. I'll add something to option two to make it more active, as well. As I said earlier, I just threw together some effects because I couldn't think of anyone.

Thanks for the feedback. :)
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Postby Australian rePublic » Fri Jan 04, 2019 1:52 pm

Jutsa wrote:
Australian rePublic wrote:They're legislating it? F%%k me dead, America, why did you shovs all your idipts in one state?


I was gonna argue against it but then I thought "Maybe it's California".

Surely enough it's California.

Yep. California (and more specifically, the liberal parts). The place where America shoves all its idiots
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Verdant Haven
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Postby Verdant Haven » Mon Jan 07, 2019 12:11 pm

Australian rePublic wrote:
Jutsa wrote:
I was gonna argue against it but then I thought "Maybe it's California".

Surely enough it's California.

Yep. California (and more specifically, the liberal parts). The place where America shoves all its idiots


Yeah... let's leave the real life politics to real-life politics threads, and keep this one about in-game issues, eh?

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Jutsa
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Postby Jutsa » Mon Jan 07, 2019 12:24 pm

Besides, California's got smart people, and the rest of the US has dumb people. :P

Love the issue here, though, Sacara. I myself wouldn't mind a few more vegetarian places around,
but I make do with what regular restaurants have to offer. Every one I've been to, fortunately, has non-meat options,
so I've not really had this issue before.

One thing I'd like to note, however, is that this is currently set up in a way that only allows for nations with internet to receive it.

@@NAME@@ City

@@CAPITAL@@? @@ANIMAL@@ City? :P

mutters your Minister of Progressive Thinking and Eating, happens to be
who happens* (I know, tiny suggestion.)

Also, option 2 seems a little capitalist. Perhaps a communist version would do nicely? :P

it is probably proven
love this. :lol:
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New Ladavia
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Postby New Ladavia » Mon Jan 07, 2019 6:00 pm

Maybe for addition to one of the options or effect line highlight the non-meat burgers? While I haven't eaten one or burgers, in general, it certainly has gotten a lot of advertising and publicity in Canada.

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Postby Trotterdam » Mon Jan 07, 2019 8:23 pm

I'd think that even people who aren't vegetarians wouldn't want to eat meat for every single meal.

Except in the US, maybe.

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Jutsa
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Postby Jutsa » Mon Jan 07, 2019 8:27 pm

Trotterdam wrote:I'd think that even people who aren't vegetarians wouldn't want to eat meat for every single meal.

Except in the US, maybe.


Eh yeah, my grandfather and father are both testament of this.
Course, the rest of my family eats fish, and basically every time they go out, so...
guess it's only me in my family who would find this an issue. :rofl:
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Sacara
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Postby Sacara » Mon Jan 07, 2019 10:18 pm

Trotterdam wrote:I'd think that even people who aren't vegetarians wouldn't want to eat meat for every single meal.

Except in the US, maybe.
There is some type of meat in 99% of my meals. I'm really not a salad person, but I will make do for formal occasions. Though, I live in Iowa. Everyone eats meat all the time here. :)

Still, I would love to hear suggestions for titles. I'll work on incorporating the above suggestions, including injecting more humor into the issue as a whole, but I still can't think of a title for the life of me.
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Sacara
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Postby Sacara » Mon Jan 07, 2019 10:30 pm

Updated option two, with a new effect line.

Still thinking of an effect line for option one and a title.
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Postby Frieden-und Freudenland » Wed Jan 09, 2019 3:07 am

Title idea: "Lettuce be Free"

Suggestion for an effect line for 1: veggie appetizers get promoted to the entrée list in @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ menus

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Sacara
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Postby Sacara » Sun Jan 13, 2019 10:16 pm

Uh...

Still looking for a title. I like how this draft looks, just not the title. :(
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Postby Jutsa » Sun Jan 13, 2019 10:37 pm

Really? I'm quite fond of FuF's "Lettuce Be Free" myself. :rofl:
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Postby Sacara » Thu Jan 17, 2019 11:45 pm

I dunno.

Any more title ideas? That's really the only thing holding me back at this point from submitting it.
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Sacara
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Postby Sacara » Fri Jan 18, 2019 11:31 pm

I've tentatively changed the title to "Picky Eaters". What do you guys think of the new title?
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Postby Sacara » Mon Jan 21, 2019 10:35 pm

Putting on last call.
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Postby Bears Armed » Tue Jan 22, 2019 11:19 am

Re the Effect line on option 1: Some restaurants not offering a vegan option = persecution? Seriously?!?
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Postby Sacara » Tue Jan 22, 2019 11:33 am

Bears Armed wrote:Re the Effect line on option 1: Some restaurants not offering a vegan option = persecution? Seriously?!?
Looks like the joke didn’t land. I’ll try to think of something else.
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