Alright, so, I wrote a little bot for a class that isn't that smart. I thought it would be fun to make it write a few issues, just for fun. So here is the first one! I'll be adding more to the bottom of this post should interest continue. And hopefully, it will get smarter over time.
Mr. Bot has a name now! Thanks for all your suggestions! Its name will be Xam Botty: The Bot with Issues from now on. But you can just call him Xam
Without further ado, here is the first issue, in all its nonsensical glory.
Bot-Issue 1
The issue
" this is a travesty of the @@capital@@! " exclaims @@randomname@@ of your antique mirrors " it's quite simple really. The people voted for the whole world of @@name@@'s most sacred toy rayguns. "
Option 1:
"earlier the problem isn’t good. It's a helmet of the law enforcement in @@name@@. we should have heavily armed paramilitary rayguns" says @@randomname@@ while glaring at the tank outside.
Option 2:
" hey now, civil rights abusers have to worry about the rayguns. It's not just going to be protesting anymore. " advises @@randommalename@@ while slamming itself into the nearest political enemy. " we must teach the children that rayguns are just delaying it. "
Option 3:
"of the law we must clampdown! " cries your window as he appears seemingly out of nowhere. " you know we can not have rayguns! destroy all of them! "
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Bot-Issue 2
Well...it seems less funny than the first, but a few coding bugs are worked out so it uses proper caps now!
The issue:
Technology which holds the record for most trivial things wants to be on every street sign in their path, or maybe it was terrorists.
Option 1:
"You can't have the technology in the shower! Why would it go on every street sign? " asks @@randomname@@, president of this appalling company. "We need to tell it to get away! "
[Effect]
the nation's street signs must be without help from technology
Option 2:
"It's all over! " wails @@randommalename@@ as @@he@@ points @@his@@ ceremonial hat in your face. "They might not like it! We don't know how much more we should be encouraging! "
[Effect]
the development of your group has stopped
Option 3:
"Are you insane? There are terrorists who would be happy to send us back to the stone age by tricking a new division! We can't not have a street! " yells perpetually offended activist @@randomname@@ while thrusting a local beekeeper into a fifth accident. "It will happen! "
[Effect]
to make a road, you should make them go far
Option 4:
After the others are unoccupied, an aide adds " The fact is a blueprint is legal. There would be nothing without it. No significant problem. "
[Effect]
where have all the cities gone?
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Taking your feedback into account, I present this one, which makes only slightly more sense.
Bot-issue 3
The issue:
Demand for the government to prohibit their citizens from revealing motorcycles has risen. The government needs to start getting involved before there are mass mental breakdowns.
Option 1:
"We need to save nature! " exclaims devout extremist bureaucrats "The motorcycles are all of this problem. If we were to get rid of these boring and fashionable things, they can be forgotten. "
[Effect]
overzealous police pulverized the motorcycles
Option 2:
"Subliminal messages and the jabber needs to stop. " whimpers @@randomname@@ while checking for the sake of checking. "Motorcycles are just bursting with both! Get your hands on them, and you can control what people have to listen to. "
[Effect]
the development of motorcycles now complain about the jabber
Option 3:
"You need to make everyone in @@name@@ ride a motorcycle! " says your minister of the department of these smelly maxtopian hornets. "That way whoever wants to complain about the motorcycles will love thinking that motorcycles are their lives. "
[Effect]
competitive gas will give the people a tax cut
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Well this took an interesting turn...
Bot-Issue 4
The Issue:
Swimming in the nation's old water fountain has been beloved for generations. However, clearly the nation's ability to be governed is at stake.
Option 1:
This is a little problem isn't it? " suggests stoneman mogul @@randommalename@@ after weeks of moral crusades. "We need to stabilize the government by screaming at all the swimmers. "
[Effect]
victim's of screaming acolytes blackout in the shower
Option 2:
"Don'tcha all know how much happier people are for swimming in the water? " counters leading tenor @@randomname@@. "We clearly need to hire those annoying protesters to make an alternative water to swim in. "
[Effect]
another tourist attraction is roaring
Option 3:
"Sedgistan does not have a swimming problem because they neglect their citizens in all important ways. We need more neglected and disciplined men and women. " says former human services minister @@randomfemalename@@. "We definitely need to update our policies to neglect our citizens. "
[Effect]
nightly political diatribe is shocking
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My Professor gave me an upgrade for Xam! What do you guys think?
Bot-Issue 5
The Issue:
After weeks of your aides' awful language, your Minister of Language has suggested a new law to ban this language.
Option 1:
"The fact is that these days, proper manners of speaking to authority is not part of schooling. If we were to increase the budget, we might not have this problem. " Explains your elderly Minister of Language.
[Effect]
old forms of the nation's language are all the rage
Option 2:
"I'll speak however the **** I want to ******** ****** ****** to the ***** ***** ****** leader of @@name@@! " declares @@randomfemalename@@, while combing the web for new foul language. "You better ****** not ****** ***** ***** **** ****** abolish ****** free speech! "
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I'm not really sure what it thinks the issue is: roads or cars?
Bot-Issue 6
The issue:
While chauffeuring you to work, your chief of drivers has proposed that the earth is definitely perfectly fine without roads. With nothing better to do, you field the topic of conversation.
Option 1:
"I mean, it just takes a few years to make the roads, but it takes forever for Earth to do the thing. " complains @@randomfirstname@@, your driver. "How much work and stuff will it take to get rid of them? Not longer than they were made. "
[Effect]
the nation has lost any roads it has
Option 2:
The radio turns on as you try to ignore your driver. "@@randomname@@ industries: the drone of the car. Just a few more funds and time, and the person can head to the stars... err, or just the tallest building that looks like metal. Invest in our own people: donate to us. No, really, we need your money. "
[Effect]
crashing into skyscrapers is a popular pastime
Option 3:
A dubious looking figure jumps onto your car while banging on the window and screaming "No more cars! Only battleships! Or Bikes! Whatever the things that go on two wheels are. We need to take back the driver's licenses. Then there’d be a good thing for this planet. And the roads can be small! OOOO! Tiny tracks and ramps on every corner! "
[Effect]
every city in @@name@@ is basically a giant skate park
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Bot-issue 7
The issue:
After the country was tossed into chaos by decisions you can't remember, things come to an end when two aides drag a nervous looking figure into your office.
Option 1:
"@@leader@@?! " exclaims @@randomfirstname@@, your most loyal aide to date, looking between you and your double they have dragged in. "I'm so sorry, @@leader@@, but which one of you is real? Quick, say something only you would know. Like any sort of legal garbage. "
[Effect]
politicians must keep coming up with new ways to prove their identities
Option 2:
Your second aide suspiciously eyes the you standing next to him, then punches them in the face. "OWWWW! " yells your aide, holding @@his@@ hand as the second you remains unfazed, with only a few cracks in their kin to show for it. "It's a robot! @@leader@@, forbid these robots from ever being made. This would never be a problem if there were no robots! "
[Effect]
car manufacturing robots are often destroyed for 'impersonating a human'
Option 3:
"If I may? " asks the robot, sounding exactly like you. "I was created to replace you should anything happen. I was merely training, no harm intended. "
[Effect]
there are so many backups of backups that no one knows who’s who
Option 4:
"The most recent edition of the prestigious virtual planet could use a Leader like you" says grumpy middle scientist @@randomname_1@@. "We should just ship this impostor off to the virtual planet and take over both planes of existence. "
[Effect]
@@leader@@ can be found everywhere and anywhere
Option 5:
"Lots of people dress like you, @@leader@@! " enthuses wide eyed @@randomfemalename@@, having broken into your office through the still irate window. "These robots could be the next comedic impersonators! If you ask me, these robots are just bored and need a purpose! It'll even boost patroitism and make you soooo relatable. "
[Effect]
Tuesday night with @@leader@@ is the most popular comedy show in @@name@@
Option 6:
"I agree that these bots need a purpose, but being completely humorous is simply childish. Instead we should just give them all to the military. Then they'll be useful. And, can I add, out of your hair? After all, who cares about a few robots lives when we are saving humans? " Your chief defense minister gives the robot a solid knock on the head before leaving your office the same way he came in - through a massive, gloppy, broken hole on the floor.
[Effect]
people worry that the all robot military will turn on them at any second.
