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[ACCEPTED] - Side Effects

A place to spoil daily issues for those who haven't had them yet, snigger at typos, and discuss ideas for new ones.
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Candensia
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Founded: Apr 20, 2017
Left-Leaning College State

[ACCEPTED] - Side Effects

Postby Candensia » Sun Nov 11, 2018 5:18 pm

Hello GI colleagues. I'd like to offer up a small draft related to foreign aid. Peer-review is appreciated.

First Draft
[DRAFT] - Side Effects

[The Issue] - @@ANIMAL@@ Pharmaceuticals, a major international drug company based in @@NAME@@, was recently linked to illegal human experimentation and organ harvesting operations occurring in the underdeveloped, jungle nation of Kawandaland. Its atrocities exposed, the company has gone bottom-up, throwing @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ markets into turmoil, and largely eliminating access to inexpensive medical supplies in Kawandaland.

[issuevalidity] - High black market, capitalist, below average economy or worse.


[Option 1] - "@@ANIMAL@@ Pharmaceuticals was both dealing diphenhydramine and defiling human rights," states @@RANDOMNAME@@, the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ ambassador to Kawandaland. "And while they should have simply stayed with the former, we cannot allow this to cause a fatal reaction as far as @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@-Kawandalandian relations are concerned. Let's begin medical aid shipments to Kawandaland. While it might not be cheap, such an action may yet preserve our honor in the eyes of the Kawandalandian people."

[effect] - water is thicker than blood


[Option 2] - "Oh, I'd love to bandage up Kawandaland too, ambassador," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a top-level economic official. "But you do remember that our economy is absolutely hemorrhaging money, right? While I do agree that the situation in Kawandaland is a sad one indeed, we must save ourselves before helping others. Instead of spending millions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ on medical aid, we should use those funds to stabilize our markets. It might seem cold and heartless, but I'm just following triage procedures, and I believe the bleeding is worse here in @@NAME@@."

[effect] - the government neither sees nor hears nor sends any evil


Current Draft

[DRAFT] - Side Effects SUBMITTED 11/18/2018

[The Issue] - @@ANIMAL@@ Pharmaceuticals, a major international drug company based in @@NAME@@, was recently linked to illegal human experimentation and organ harvesting operations occurring in the underdeveloped, jungle nation of Kawandaland. Its atrocities exposed, the company has gone bottom-up, throwing @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ markets into turmoil, and largely eliminating access to inexpensive medical supplies in Kawandaland.

[issuevalidity] - High black market, capitalist, below average economy or worse.


[Option 1] - "@@ANIMAL@@ Pharmaceuticals was both dealing diphenhydramine and defiling human rights," states @@RANDOMNAME@@, the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ ambassador to Kawandaland. "And while they should have simply stayed with the former, we cannot allow this to cause a fatal reaction as far as @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@-Kawandalandian relations are concerned. Let's begin medical aid shipments to Kawandaland. While it might not be cheap, such an action may yet preserve our honor in the eyes of the Kawandalandian people."

[effect] - water is thicker than blood


[Option 2] - "Oh, I'd love to bandage up Kawandaland too, ambassador," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a top-level economic official. "But you do remember that our economy is absolutely hemorrhaging money, right? I do agree that the situation in Kawandaland is a sad one indeed, but we must save ourselves while we still have the chance. Instead of spending millions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ on medical aid, we should use those funds to stabilize our markets. It might seem cold and heartless, but I'm just following triage procedures, and I believe the bleeding is worse here in @@NAME@@."

[effect] - the government neither sees nor hears nor sends any evil


[Option 3] - "The actions of my former employers are quite repulsive, and have left quite a mess," admits @@RANDOMNAME@@, a former representative of @@ANIMAL@@ Pharmaceuticals. "But do not despair, I have a fast-acting, extra-strength, non-drowsy method to resolve this! In order to have both economies bounce back, the vacuum left by @@ANIMAL@@ Pharmaceuticals must be filled, and not through foreign aid. If the government provides enough financial backing to rally markets in @@NAME@@, then it’s only a matter of time before corporations like @@CAPITAL@@ Medical shift their interests back towards Kawandaland.”

[effect] - the government prefers to hate the drugs rather than the dealers
Last edited by Candensia on Wed Jan 23, 2019 9:54 am, edited 27 times in total.
The Free Joy State wrote:Time spent working on writing skills -- even if the draft doesn't work -- is never wasted.

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USS Monitor
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby USS Monitor » Sun Nov 11, 2018 5:29 pm

Can we replace Ketralore with an existing NPC rather than complicate issues canon with a bazillion NPC nations?
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Candensia
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Founded: Apr 20, 2017
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Candensia » Sun Nov 11, 2018 5:45 pm

USS Monitor wrote:Can we replace Ketralore with an existing NPC rather than complicate issues canon with a bazillion NPC nations?


I think this is more of a philosophical dispute regarding the nature of the issue base.

Regardless, it can be replaced, and I am open to suggestions.
Last edited by Candensia on Sun Nov 11, 2018 5:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
The Free Joy State wrote:Time spent working on writing skills -- even if the draft doesn't work -- is never wasted.

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Sacara
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Postby Sacara » Sun Nov 11, 2018 5:54 pm

Looking at the description, rather than saying "but based in @@NAME@@", it would sound better as "... Pharmaceuticals, a major international drug company based in @@NAME@@,".

For option one, is the reason you used Benadryl's 'medical' name so you could pass it off as alliteration? :p You need a 'the' after 'states'. I don't think 'interaction' is the best word for what you are trying to say in the second sentence of dialogue; maybe say 'fatal blow', and add a comma after whatever word you decide to use. You'll also need to capitalize whatever demonym you use at the end.

For option two, comma after 'oh'. Not sure that a ';' is the proper punctuation needed after 'procedures' either.

I love two option issues. However, I'm not sure this one is fit to be only two options with your current premise. The description boils down to '@@DEMONYM@@-based pharmaceutical company that helped out third-world country was really shady and its practices were found out'. From that, I can see more than two options are needed. The two you have are fine, but I would suggest another option that has you helping the disgraced company back onto its feet or even a different company helping out the foreign nation.

All in all, I like this draft. :)

USS Monitor wrote:Can we replace Ketralore with an existing NPC rather than complicate issues canon with a bazillion NPC nations?
This too.
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Candensia
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Left-Leaning College State

Postby Candensia » Sun Nov 11, 2018 6:20 pm

Thank you, Sacara. I implemented some stuff. This is what I get for writing this draft on my phone, eh? Imma address your comments now.

Yes, diphenhydramine was used for alliteration. I hardly even know what Benadryl is, I come from a family of pharmacists. :p

“Fatal-Interaction” has been reworded as “fatal reaction”. Drug wordplay.

Things such as a possible third option and replacing Ketralore with an extant NPC nation will need to come a bit later.
Last edited by Candensia on Mon Nov 12, 2018 12:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.
The Free Joy State wrote:Time spent working on writing skills -- even if the draft doesn't work -- is never wasted.

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Jutsa
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Founded: Dec 06, 2015
Capitalizt

Postby Jutsa » Sun Nov 11, 2018 6:27 pm

1) Reminds me of a draft of mine... ;) (seriously gl with it; seems like everyone'd rather I changed the premise of it anyway)
2) Wait, this was shut down in your nation?
• a) autarky policy,
• b) couldn't it just be an ally that lost their medical supplies? keeping it as-is also restricts this from communist nations or those without black markets, and
• c) Assuming you keep it as-is, no third option about reopening the company?

ed: Otherwise, pretty nice to see :3
Last edited by Jutsa on Sun Nov 11, 2018 6:27 pm, edited 2 times in total.
You're welcome to telegram me any questions you have of the game. Unless I've CTE'd (ceased to exist) - then you physically can't do that.

Helpful* Got Issues? Links (Not Pinned In Forum) *mostly: >List of Issue-Related Lists | >Personal List of Issue Ideas | >List of Known Missing Issues/Options |
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Candlewhisper Archive
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Founded: Aug 28, 2015
Anarchy

Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Mon Nov 12, 2018 6:38 am

Candensia wrote:
USS Monitor wrote:Can we replace Ketralore with an existing NPC rather than complicate issues canon with a bazillion NPC nations?


I think this is more of a philosophical dispute regarding the nature of the issue base.

Regardless, it can be replaced, and I am open to suggestions.


I'd go with Brasilistan or Kawandaland.

Good premise, btw.
editors like linguistic ambiguity more than most people

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Candensia
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Founded: Apr 20, 2017
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Candensia » Mon Nov 12, 2018 10:11 am

Thank you for the comments, colleagues.

Ketralore has been scrubbed in favor of Kawandaland.
Last edited by Candensia on Mon Nov 12, 2018 11:39 am, edited 1 time in total.
The Free Joy State wrote:Time spent working on writing skills -- even if the draft doesn't work -- is never wasted.

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Candensia
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Founded: Apr 20, 2017
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Candensia » Mon Nov 12, 2018 11:28 am

Second draft is up!

A third option has been added.

Thank you for the continued feedback.
The Free Joy State wrote:Time spent working on writing skills -- even if the draft doesn't work -- is never wasted.

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Sacara
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Founded: May 13, 2014
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Sacara » Mon Nov 12, 2018 3:20 pm

I like the idea.

However, 'old' and 'new' get thrown out quite a bit in the new option, and I'm not sure a new company (no matter their intent) would want a name so close to the original. Personally, I think you should make it an executive from the old company forming a new company with a different name.
The Spacefaring Federation of Sacara
I spend most of my time in the Got Issues? sub-forum.
Issues That I've Authored (15)
Commended by SC #382
"Our Universe is under no obligation to make sense to you" - Neil deGrasse Tyson

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Candensia
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Founded: Apr 20, 2017
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Candensia » Mon Nov 12, 2018 5:23 pm

Sacara wrote:I like the idea.

However, 'old' and 'new' get thrown out quite a bit in the new option, and I'm not sure a new company (no matter their intent) would want a name so close to the original. Personally, I think you should make it an executive from the old company forming a new company with a different name.



Well that’s the joke, it is the same company. If it isn’t working, though, I can have a crack at a different angle.

Edit: I reworded option 3’s ending in an attempt to make it a bit more wieldy and less wordy.
Last edited by Candensia on Mon Nov 12, 2018 5:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Australian rePublic
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Postby Australian rePublic » Tue Nov 13, 2018 11:10 am

Option 1- Where do you plan to get those drugs?
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Candensia
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Founded: Apr 20, 2017
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Candensia » Tue Nov 13, 2018 1:00 pm

I’ve reworked option 3. It should be less confusing now.
The Free Joy State wrote:Time spent working on writing skills -- even if the draft doesn't work -- is never wasted.

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Sacara
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Postby Sacara » Wed Nov 14, 2018 11:43 am

I like it.

This one has the stamp of approval from me. :)
The Spacefaring Federation of Sacara
I spend most of my time in the Got Issues? sub-forum.
Issues That I've Authored (15)
Commended by SC #382
"Our Universe is under no obligation to make sense to you" - Neil deGrasse Tyson

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Candensia
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Posts: 919
Founded: Apr 20, 2017
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Candensia » Wed Nov 14, 2018 1:57 pm

Sacara wrote:I like it.

This one has the stamp of approval from me. :)


I shall add your stamp to my collection. :)

Any further comments?
The Free Joy State wrote:Time spent working on writing skills -- even if the draft doesn't work -- is never wasted.

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Candensia
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Posts: 919
Founded: Apr 20, 2017
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Candensia » Fri Nov 16, 2018 8:19 am

I'm content with how this draft has developed, and shall now push it towards submission.

Last call.
The Free Joy State wrote:Time spent working on writing skills -- even if the draft doesn't work -- is never wasted.

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Candensia
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Posts: 919
Founded: Apr 20, 2017
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Candensia » Sun Nov 18, 2018 8:22 am

Submitted.

Thank you everyone, your help was invaluable. :D
The Free Joy State wrote:Time spent working on writing skills -- even if the draft doesn't work -- is never wasted.

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Jutsa
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Founded: Dec 06, 2015
Capitalizt

Postby Jutsa » Sun Nov 18, 2018 8:47 am

Good luck, Candensia. :)
You're welcome to telegram me any questions you have of the game. Unless I've CTE'd (ceased to exist) - then you physically can't do that.

Helpful* Got Issues? Links (Not Pinned In Forum) *mostly: >List of Issue-Related Lists | >Personal List of Issue Ideas | >List of Known Missing Issues/Options |
>Trotterdam's Issue Results/Policies Tracker | >Val's Bonus Stats | >Fauzjhia's Easter Egg Guide | >My Joke Drafts List | >Sherp's Author Rankings

Other Nifty Links: >Best-Ranked Useful Dispatches | >NSindex | >IA's WA Proposal Office | >Major Discord Links | >Trivia | >Cards Against NS | >Polls

"Remember, licking doorknobs is perfectly legal on other planets." - Ja Luıñaí

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Australian rePublic
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Posts: 27167
Founded: Mar 18, 2013
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Australian rePublic » Sun Nov 18, 2018 1:01 pm

Good luck
Hard-Core Centrist. Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right.
All in-character posts are fictional and have no actual connection to any real governments
You don't appreciate the good police officers until you've lived amongst the dregs of society and/or had them as customers
From Greek ancestry Orthodox Christian
Issues and WA Proposals Written By Me |Issue Ideas You Can Steal
I want to commission infrastructure in Australia in real life, if you can help me, please telegram me. I am dead serious


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