[DRAFT] Bleeding Edge Jewelry

[Palos Heights]

Yes, yes, I know we had an issue (chain) that touched upon this subject, but we don't have an issue that really looks into the issue of "blood diamonds" itself. Zimbezi is Zambezi River plus Zimbabwe.
And before I get seven posts about it, Option 4 is an explicit reference to a pretty good indie movie out of Uganda called, "Who Killed Captain Alex?". For a film made on a $200 budget, it's actually pretty good.


[TITLE] Bleeding Edge Jewelry

[desc] A recent study has found that the majority of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ diamonds purchased overseas comes from warlords and rebel insurgents in the jungle nation of Zimbezi. The profits from these "blood diamonds" have gone on to finance unspeakable atrocities, and, as you nervously stare at your diamond-encrusted university class ring, you have assembled a group of advisors on how to handle this issue.

[validity] Does not have autarky policy, poor mining industry

[OPTION 1] "We've been unknowingly funding notorious war criminals and human rights abusers in our quest for vanity!" exclaims your Minister of Mineralogical Geoscience, and former university classmate, Kimberly Prohsciz. Nervously removing her own class ring, she continues,"If we had only done our due diligence and properly vetted all of our diamond imports, then we wouldn't have been complicit in the first place!"

[FALLOUT 1] diamonds form faster than it takes for their origins to be verified by customs officials

[OPTION 2] "If we only did our due diligence?" questions your Chief of Staff Leopold Hulce. Eyeing your university signet, he continues, "This would have never happened in the first place if we weren't fueling demand for these luxuries! Do we really need shiny wedding bands or class rings celebrating a C- grade point average? Ban all jewelry imports and confiscate any jewelry that even looks like it has dubious origins!"

[FALLOUT 2] "the Government took my wedding ring" is a common excuse for unfaithful spouses

[OPTION 3] Suddenly, renowned international MaxieTube star and MaxieCraft game expert xXDIAMONDEXCAVATOR73Xx bursts through your office doors. "Sup @@LEADER@@. So word on the tweet is that @@NAME@@ has a little diamond problem? My subscribers are millions strong and are experienced miners after watching my videos for years. If you don't want to buy diamonds from those Zimbezi griefers, then why not let my subscribers dig diamonds for you?"

[FALLOUT 3] children armed with pickaxes punch trees in the name of the @@DEMONYMADJ@@ diamond industry

[OPTION NV] "Diamond mining? In my nation? Shooooooooot partner, you've done lost your marbles!" exclaims your Minister of Environmental Run-Off and Run-Ons, Louis "Loamy" Davis. "Violet knows how terrible mining is on our environment, so rather than ruin our clean, clean drinking water, why not have our boys in the lab cook up some diamonds of our own? Sure they won't be as authentic, but they will be cheaper! Besides, what our wives don't know can't hurt them, right partner?"

[FALLOUT NV] cubic zirconium is considered a woman' best friend

[OPTION 4] "All this talk of mining and economics when we should be responding with military action!" shouts famous Army Captain Alex Nabwana. "This is serious! All of these atrocities must be answered for! I can personally vouch for the commandos of our elite helicopter squadrons, and I am confident that if we bring force to Zimbezi that we can show them the way that @@NAME@@ responds to genocidal war criminals. Action is coming, @@LEADER@@, I promise you."

[FALLOUT 4] crack military units are routinely deployed to ensure ethical foreign agricultural practices

[TITLE] Bleeding Edge Jewelry

[desc] A recent study has found that the majority of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ diamond jewelry purchased comes from warlords and rebel insurgents in the jungle nation of Zimbezi. The study further shows that funds made in selling these "blood diamonds" have gone on to finance unspeakable atrocities like genocide, slavery, and the use of child soldiers. As public outrage mounts, you have assembled a group of advisors on how to proceed.

[validity] Does not have autarky policy

[OPTION 1] "Have you seen the reports, @@LEADER@@?" questions your Minister of Mineralogical Geoscience Kimberly Prohsciz. "We've been unknowingly funding notorious war criminals and human rights abusers in our quest for vanity! If we had only done our due diligence and properly vetted all of our diamond imports, then we wouldn't have been complicit in countless atrocities in the first place!"

[FALLOUT 1] diamonds form faster than it takes for their origins to be verified by customs officials

[OPTION 2] "If we only did our due diligence?" questions your Chief of Staff @@RANDOMNAME@@. Massaging @@HIS@@ temple, @@HE@@ continues, "This would have never happened in the first place if we weren't fueling demand for these luxuries! Our need for precious ores and rare gemstones has only furthered the dark-hearted towards committing horrors against mankind, all in the name of financing their atrocious agendas. Ban all jewelry imports and confiscate any jewelry that even looks like it has dubious origins."

[FALLOUT 2] "the Government took my wedding ring" is a common excuse for unfaithful spouses

[OPTION 3] Suddenly, renowned international MaxieTube star and MaxieCraft game expert xXDIAMONDEXCAVATOR73Xx bursts through your office doors. "Sup @@LEADER@@. So word on the tweet is that @@NAME@@ has a little diamond problem." Stroking his horribly unkempt neckbeard, "The Diamond Dude Army, what I call all my MaxieTube subscribers, is millions strong with experienced gamers who love watching me play MaxieCraft. If you don't want to buy diamonds from those Zimbezi griefers, then why not let us dig diamonds for you? So long as I get a cut of the ad revenue, I'd be more than happy to promote mining here in @@NAME@@."

[FALLOUT 3] children armed with pickaxes punch trees in the name of the @@DEMONYMADJ@@ diamond industry

[OPTION NV] "Diamond mining? In my nation? Shooooooooot partner, you've done lost your marbles!" exclaims your Minister of Environmental Run-Off and Run-Ons, Louis "Loamy" Davis. "Violet knows how terrible mining is on our environment, with all the blast caps and toxic run-off ruining our water-ways. Rather than ruin our clean, clean drinking water, why not have our boys in the labs cook up some diamonds of their own? Sure they won't be as authentic, but they will be cheaper! Besides, what our wives don't know can't hurt them, right partner?"

[FALLOUT NV] cubic zirconium is considered a woman' best friend

[OPTION 4] "All this talk of mining and economics when we should be responding with military action!" shouts famous Army Captain Alex Nabwana. "This is serious! All of these atrocities must be answered for! Unfortunately, everybody in Zimbezi knows kung-fu making any ground operation there incredibly dangerous! However, I can personally vouch for the commandos of our elite helicopter squadrons, and I am confident that if we bring aerial force to those foreign shores that we can show them the way that @@NAME@@ responds to genocidal war criminals. Action is coming, @@LEADER@@, I promise you."

[FALLOUT 4] crack military units are routinely deployed to ensure ethical foreign agricultural practices

[OPTION 76] "Now wait just a second @@LEADER@@", interrupts your Minister of Backroom Deals, Tammany Daley. "I have assurances from our Zimbezi friends that the "study" in question was put forth by an opposition group meant to discredit an otherwise legitimate enterprise! To assuage our concerns, the Zimbezi have said that they will personally crack-down on any illicit mining operations. In addition, they'll offer us a discount on export tariffs AND give us a bundle of 10%-off coupons on all diamond purchases. Can you believe this? All in exchange for our continued patronage and a steady stream of armament sales! Honestly, I feel like we really are getting away with murder here, @@LEADER@@."

[FALLOUT 76] political assassinations are offered at buy-one-get-one free discounts

[Australian rePublic]

This issue is too long. Cut it down a bit...

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Blood diamonds are mentioned in passing in Delivering The Goods, but I think you're right that it needs its own issue.

However, I broadly agree with Aussie - I think the issue has too many words. (yeah, yeah: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUFwk1Ibwkc)

Also, it's three options in before you hit the first bit of humour. I'd suggest trying to make the underlying premise humorous in some way, and going from there.

[Palos Heights]

Blood diamonds are mentioned in passing in Delivering The Goods, but I think you're right that it needs its own issue.

However, I broadly agree with Aussie - I think the issue has too many words. (yeah, yeah: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUFwk1Ibwkc)

Also, it's three options in before you hit the first bit of humour. I'd suggest trying to make the underlying premise humorous in some way, and going from there.

I'll rework it so it's shorter and add some humor.

Anyone else want to offer some feedback before I start editing this bad boy?

[Sacara]

Sort of what I commented on your other draft, I think there are too many options here. Behind my reasoning: issues aren't supposed to be completely comprehensive and present every possible solution. I think the most important (and humorous) should be kept. Currently you have six, and at the length, I'm not sure that is going to work. I'd take a pair of scissors to the draft and see what you come up with.

Note that this isn't a bad draft, just something needs to be refined.

[Palos Heights]

Blood diamonds are mentioned in passing in Delivering The Goods, but I think you're right that it needs its own issue.

However, I broadly agree with Aussie - I think the issue has too many words. (yeah, yeah: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUFwk1Ibwkc)

Also, it's three options in before you hit the first bit of humour. I'd suggest trying to make the underlying premise humorous in some way, and going from there.

My response: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vKpftPmAMe0

Sort of what I commented on your other draft, I think there are too many options here. Behind my reasoning: issues aren't supposed to be completely comprehensive and present every possible solution. I think the most important (and humorous) should be kept. Currently you have six, and at the length, I'm not sure that is going to work. I'd take a pair of scissors to the draft and see what you come up with.

Note that this isn't a bad draft, just something needs to be refined.

Like a Rockefeller Standard Oil product, this ish been refined.

Tightened it up, humored it up, and added Tom Hulce laughing to appease Emperor Leopold Candlewhisper III.

Added poor mining industry validity and removed Option 76. Let me know what I need to improve upon with this bad boy!

[Verdant Haven]

Just a quick question re: Fallout 4. I know you said that Choice is a reference to a movie, but where does agriculture come in to it? If that's a reference, I think it needs to be set-up somewhere. Otherwise, perhaps "industrial" might be more accurate?

Also, in Choice 3, the "Stroking their horribly unkempt neckbeard," is a bit stilted and out of place. It would probably flow better by removing that segment and just making it one continuous quote. Also, the antecedent to the final "them" in this choice is the Zimbezi griefers. Might be necessary to specify the intended subject again.

[Palos Heights]

Just a quick question re: Fallout 4. I know you said that Choice is a reference to a movie, but where does agriculture come in to it? If that's a reference, I think it needs to be set-up somewhere. Otherwise, perhaps "industrial" might be more accurate?

Also, in Choice 3, the "Stroking their horribly unkempt neckbeard," is a bit stilted and out of place. It would probably flow better by removing that segment and just making it one continuous quote. Also, the antecedent to the final "them" in this choice is the Zimbezi griefers. Might be necessary to specify the intended subject again.

General idea re:Fallout 4 was that since you're sending the military over to foreign shores over ensuring ethical practices, then this would also translate to something like agriculture. I was trying to extend that concept further so you might get something like an army deployment having to watch over a bunch of old people plucking tea leaves or watching grass used in sod grow. Something like that.

I'll do a quick-edit for Option 3.

[Palos Heights]

Made the edits, bump for feedback.