NationStates

My first time writing an issue. Please tell me what I can improve on.

DRAFT VERSION II

[issue]After a fire has recently burned down an abandoned factory in @@CAPITOL@@, the subject of what is to be done about the land has come to fruition.
[validity]All nations

[option]A man in a wheelchair rolls into your office, and manages to squeak, "Stay off my... uh... what was the word again... land! Back in my day, that f-factory was the greatest in @@CAPITOL@@! But we w-went out of business, and couldn't afford to call a demolition c-comp-company! So I left it to decay, in the h-hope that my p-poor family could eventually revive the f-factory." He then falls asleep in his chair.
[effect]When a building gets destroyed, it's not construction companies that are the hassle, it's the families that own the building.

[option]Suddenly, a dark cloud of purple smoke comes into your offices, and morphs into a dark figure in a purple cloak and hood. The figure says, in a deep, mysterious voice, "I am @@RANDOMNAME1@@. I am part of the Cult of Violet. We demand you hand over the land, or be annihilated." Before you can answer "What in the blazes?!", he points a purple scepter at you. Now, or be annihilated. With sweat dripping down your forehead, your mind finds an answer.
[effect]some say that religious cults control the government.

[option]"How about we make it a cornfield?" says country farmer @@RANDOMNAME2@@, who crashed into your office wall with a tractor, killing @@RANDOMNAME1@@ "It'll be nice to finally bring back some of the country to @@CAPITOL@@! It'll make food, clean up the air a bit, and soon people all over the world will fly to @@NATION@@ to taste some good-ol' @@DEMONYM@@ corn!" He then proceeds to spit in your favorite vase.
[effect]@@CAPITOL@@ is oddly filled with more farmland than urban land.

[option]"We could just build up a new factory." says @@RANDOMNAME3@@, a wealthy entrepreneur. "I mean, you're not going to listen to some hillbilly, are you? We need more factories, to provide jobs for the poor!" As @@RANDOMNAME3@@ is walking out the door, he adds, "You want me to patch up that wall of yours? I need a quick buck."
[effect]Unemployment is going down, and pollution is going up, causing what some call "Eternal Winter, but hey, at least the economy's up!"

[option]After @@RANDOMNAME3@@ fixed your wall, it instantly bursts into flames, and you are knocked unconscious. You awake in a dank sewer tunnel, tied to a chair. You hear behind you, "Hello @@NAME@@." Suddenly, a dark figure jumps into the sewer. "I am @@RANDOMNAME4@@. The fire is all part of my plan." You are visibly confused. "Allow me to explain. I set the factory on fire, so I could hold you hostage, force you to issue an order to build a nuclear power plant, and then blow it up, destroying all of @@CAPITOL@@!" You clutch a grenade you have in your pocket, and he says, "Whaddya say? Wanna blow something up today?"
[effect]@@CAPITOL@@ has been completely obliterated after a nuclear power plant blew up.

Not a bad first attempt. I especially like the kidnapper choice (though that option suffers some mild player autonomy problems).

But you are missing an important question: who owned that land before the fire?

An abandoned building in the middle of a capital city stays that way for a reason, and that reason is not addressed. Was knocking it down going to be too expensive for what that land is worth? Was it in an economically depressed area? Was the owner deliberately choosing not to do anything with the building because whatever reason the owner might have? Was it on government property, and which case then the question of what to do with that abandoned factory must have cropped up before the fire? Was the building prevented from being knocked down by community pressure (not entirely unprecedented- it's what happened at Battersea), in which case the question arrises of what do local leaders think?

Chan Island wrote:Not a bad first attempt. I especially like the kidnapper choice (though that option suffers some mild player autonomy problems).

But you are missing an important question: who owned that land before the fire?

An abandoned building in the middle of a capital city stays that way for a reason, and that reason is not addressed. Was knocking it down going to be too expensive for what that land is worth? Was it in an economically depressed area? Was the owner deliberately choosing not to do anything with the building because whatever reason the owner might have? Was it on government property, and which case then the question of what to do with that abandoned factory must have cropped up before the fire? Was the building prevented from being knocked down by community pressure (not entirely unprecedented- it's what happened at Battersea), in which case the question arrises of what do local leaders think?

Ooh! I should add that, thanks for the suggestion!
I also thought the kidnapping was kinda crossing the line for a bit, but I added it so the "lmao kill everyone i'm so edgy" nations could have some fun.

New Excalibus wrote:

Chan Island wrote:Not a bad first attempt. I especially like the kidnapper choice (though that option suffers some mild player autonomy problems).

But you are missing an important question: who owned that land before the fire?

An abandoned building in the middle of a capital city stays that way for a reason, and that reason is not addressed. Was knocking it down going to be too expensive for what that land is worth? Was it in an economically depressed area? Was the owner deliberately choosing not to do anything with the building because whatever reason the owner might have? Was it on government property, and which case then the question of what to do with that abandoned factory must have cropped up before the fire? Was the building prevented from being knocked down by community pressure (not entirely unprecedented- it's what happened at Battersea), in which case the question arrises of what do local leaders think?

Ooh! I should add that, thanks for the suggestion!
I also thought the kidnapping was kinda crossing the line for a bit, but I added it so the "lmao kill everyone i'm so edgy" nations could have some fun.

It's one to think about carefully though. Your entire issue narrative is, by necessity, going to have to pivot around that point.

And nothing wrong with having some 'burn, baby, burn' options.

Can't really see the issue here.

If private land has a fire on it, the ownership of that land doesn't change.

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:Can't really see the issue here.

If private land has a fire on it, the ownership of that land doesn't change.

This. They would just rebuild

Why did you already submit this?

Eh, the author submitted the issue on the same day the draft went up. What a waste of everyone's time.

Worst thing was I had to read and reject it TWICE. Ah well.