[ACCEPTED; #1123] - Till Death Do Us Part

[Sacara]

Reversed version three back to version two, due to its unpopularity.

[Name] Till Death Do Us Part
[Desc] @@RANDOMMALENAME@@ tragically passed away yesterday due to heart complications during a baby making session with his wife. A day later, she requested her local hospital to harvest the sperm from her former husband's deceased body, thrusting the incident into the national spotlight.
[Validity] allows sex, allows marriage, decent scientific advancement, adult

[option] "All I want to do is have a child!" somewhat convincingly sobs @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, the wife at the center of controversy. "And we were so close to doing so, before he decided to croak in the heat of things. I've been planning this since our wedding, and I'm sure this is what he would’ve wanted. Quickly, alert the hospital and tell them it’s a go!"
[effect] disturbing the dead is justified to continue the family tree

[option] "Absolutely, one-hundred percent, no!" exclaims your Minister of Tradition, who looks surprisingly young for @@HIS@@ role. "Where have our nation's morals gone if we allow this blatant disrespect of dead bodies? Any procedure after death is not acceptable without prior consent. You must mandate that hospitals reject this and every other case like this, for the sake of decency."
[effect] autopsies have become much more difficult to perform

[option] "If only the deceased had been made to donate prior to his death, we would not have to deal with this problem now," rebuts your radical Minister of Forward-Thinking, while looking at a diagram of the male body. "We should force young males across the nation to contribute to our department. Maybe we could make a few @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ off of this, too, if we sell them to the highest bidders."
[effect] unathletic men have found a satisfying way to help their country

[Name] Till Death Do Us Part
[Desc] @@RANDOMMALENAME@@, a well-known magician, tragically passed away yesterday after failing to swallow his sword properly. A day later, his wife requested her local hospital to harvest the sperm from her former husband's deceased body, thrusting the incident into the national spotlight.
[Validity] allows sex, allows marriage, decent scientific advancement, adult

[option] "All I want to do is have a child!" somewhat convincingly sobs @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, the wife at the center of controversy. "A child with my last name is all I've wished for. I've been planning this since our wedding, and I'm sure this is what he would’ve wanted. Quickly, alert the hospital and tell them it’s a go!"
[effect] disturbing the dead is justified to continue the family tree

[option] "Absolutely, one-hundred percent, no!" exclaims your Minister of Tradition, who looks surprisingly young for @@HIS@@ role. "Where have our nation's morals gone if we allow this blatant disrespect of dead bodies? Any procedure after death is not acceptable without prior consent. You must mandate that hospitals reject this and every other case like it, for the sake of decency."
[effect] autopsies have become much more difficult to perform

[option] "If only the deceased had been made to donate prior to his death, we would not have to deal with this problem now," rebuts your radical Minister of Forward-Thinking, while looking at a diagram of the male body. "We should force young males across the nation to contribute to our department. Maybe we could make a few @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ off of this, too, if we sell them to the highest bidders."
[effect] unathletic men have found a satisfying way to help their country

[Name] Till Death Do Us Part
[Desc] @@RANDOMMALENAME@@ tragically passed away yesterday due to heart complications during a baby making session with his wife. A day later, she requested her local hospital to harvest the sperm from her former husband's deceased body, thrusting the incident into the national spotlight.
[Validity] allows sex, allows marriage, decent scientific advancement, adult

[option] "All I want to do is have a child!" somewhat convincingly sobs @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, the wife at the center of controversy. "And we were so close to doing so, before he decided to croak in the heat of things. I've been planning this since our wedding, and I'm sure this is what he would’ve wanted. Quickly, alert the hospital and tell them it’s a go!"
[effect] disturbing the dead is justified to continue the family tree

[option] "Absolutely, one-hundred percent, no!" exclaims your Minister of Tradition, who looks surprisingly young for @@HIS@@ role. "Where have our nation's morals gone if we allow this blatant disrespect of dead bodies? Any procedure after death is not acceptable without prior consent. You must mandate that hospitals reject this and every other case like this, for the sake of decency."
[effect] autopsies have become much more difficult to perform

[option] "If only the deceased had been made to donate prior to his death, we would not have to deal with this problem now," rebuts your radical Minister of Forward-Thinking, while looking at a diagram of the male body. "We should force young males across the nation to contribute to our department. Maybe we could make a few @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ off of this, too, if we sell them to the highest bidders."
[effect] unathletic men have found a satisfying way to help their country

[Name] Till Death Do Us Part
[Desc] @@RANDOMMALENAME@@ tragically passed away yesterday due to heart complications during an apparent baby making session with his wife. A day later, she has now thrust his name into the national spotlight after she requested her local hospital to harvest the sperm from her former husband's deceased body.
[Validity] allows sex, allows marriage, decent scientific advancement, adult

[option] "All I want to do is have the perfect child!" somewhat convincingly sobs @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@, the wife at the center of controversy. "And I was so close to doing so, before he decided to croak in the heat of things. I've been planning this since our wedding, and I'm sure this is what he would've wanted. Quickly, alert the hospital and tell them it's a go!"
[effect] disturbing the dead is justified to continue the family tree

[option] "Look, I'm not entirely opposed to the idea," explains the head surgeon at her local hospital, who is obviously distressed from the position he has been put in. "It's just that this case is very hard for me to choose a side on. The dead man gave no consent for this procedure to be done. Maybe asking that all men include what they wish to do with their, uh, gametes would be a good place to start."
[effect] the average male @@DEMONYM@@ will continues to grow

[option] "Absolutely, one-hundred percent, no!" exclaims your Minister of Tradition, who looks surprisingly young for @@HIS@@ role. "Where have our nation’s morals gone if we allow this blatant disrespect of dead people's bodies? You must mandate that hospitals reject this in every instance, for the sake of decency."
[effect] autopsies have become much more difficult to perform

[option] "On the contrary, don't you think it is selfish for men not to donate?" rebuts your radical Minister of Forward-Thinking, while looking at a diagram of the male body. "Cryobanks are at a shortage of donations currently. We should force young men across the nation to contribute to our department, if we are to keep @@NAME@@ healthy and strong."
[effect] young men across the nation are satisfied about helping their nation

• Changed all quotation marks from 'smart' to 'straight'
• Version two released: removed option two, edited option three slightly, and changed the premise behind option three
• Fixed a few grammatical errors
• Apparently all quotes weren't straight and changed description
• Version three released: changed the cause of death
• Version two implemented again

[Jutsa]

Very good. Premise I'm 100% with.

I think the options could probably use a little bit more eye-watering humor, but I do like the stuff that's already there.

@Option 1: Can I just point out how she seems to pretty much not care about her died-just-yesterday husband?

@Option 3: First it mentions her not having his consent, but then it mentions that it's immoral and shouldn't be done at all.
@Option 2: Good idea, but that doesn't really help this particular instance.

I propose moving the "not having consent" part to option 2, to address this particular case, meanwhile option 3's strictly about moral decency.

@Option 4: You use "across the nation" twice. Might I suggest removing* the first of the two?

Final note: You've used “smart quotes” instead of "dumb quotes". :3

Gl, Sacara.

[Sacara]

Very good. Premise I'm 100% with.

Thanks!

I think the options could probably use a little bit more eye-watering humor, but I do like the stuff that's already there.

That's always the case.

@Option 1: Can I just point out how she seems to pretty much not care about her died-just-yesterday husband?

Currently, I don't see that as a problem. However, I'm willing to change if need be.

@Option 2: Good idea, but that doesn't really help this particular instance.

I added another sentence in.

@Option 3: First it mentions her not having his consent, but then it mentions that it's immoral and shouldn't be done at all.

Changed.

@Option 4: You use "across the nation" twice. Might I suggest removing* the first of the two?

Changed.

Gl, Sacara.

Thanks!

[USS Monitor]

@Option 1: Can I just point out how she seems to pretty much not care about her died-just-yesterday husband?

Currently, I don't see that as a problem. However, I'm willing to change if need be.

I think it's currently in this awkward place where she's being callous, but it's not clear if that's intentional. Either make her sound more sincerely upset, or go the other way and make her openly over-the-top heartless and selfish.

The dialogue is actually OK, but maybe have something about her behavior that reinforces the idea that her grief is insincere.

[Sacara]

I think it's currently in this awkward place where she's being callous, but it's not clear if that's intentional. Either make her sound more sincerely upset, or go the other way and make her openly over-the-top heartless and selfish.

The dialogue is actually OK, but maybe have something about her behavior that reinforces the idea that her grief is insincere.

Ah. When I originally wrote it, I thought it was clear. I added an extra point in to hopefully clarify.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Love the premise.

[Sacara]

Love the premise.

I had a feeling that you might.

Any comments on the execution/suggestions?

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Yeah, straighten those curvy quote marks, they cause us SO much hassle backstage.

Option 1 perhaps needs to be more explicit about how his consent is implied by the fact he engaged in unprotected sex.

Option 2 is too wishy-washy and could be cut with no narrative harm.

Option 3 doesn't say enough to justify the effect line. It should perhaps say that harvesting any organ or biological material from a deceased person without their explicit consent is an infringement of their bodily autonomy.

Above comments should be in the character's existing voices, of course, rather than word for word insertions of above ideas.

Option 4 is a bad fit for the issue, in my opinion, and I think we could do better in "third way" ideas.

Brainstorming ideas:
- Make sperm-harvesting mandatory, but make the semen government property. The government could then raise revenue by selling sperm to any willing to pay a license fee. A woman who wants to father the child of their favourite deceased celebrity could now do so, as long as they're willing to pay.
- Clone the dad, and when he is grown up, he can decide for himself whether he still wants to have a baby with the mum. Oh, she'll be too old by then? Well, clone her too then!
- She can have the sperm so long as she receives it naturally. Taxidermy + animatronics = just like the real thing!

Okay, scratch that last one. A bit TOO much for NS, eh?

[Sacara]

Following CWA's suggestions, I've made the following changes:

• Changed all quotation marks from 'smart' to 'straight'
• Removed option two
• Changed option three up quite a bit
• I left the description and option one as-is

Originally, the description was the following:

[Desc] @@RANDOMMALENAME@@ tragically passed away yesterday due to heart complications after he found his wife ready to have a baby with an overabundance of leather. His wife has now thrust his name into the national spotlight after she requested her local hospital to harvest the sperm from her former husband’s deceased body.

I changed it to what it was now because the reference might've been a little too far out there.

Feedback still welcomed.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Changed all quotation marks from 'smart' to 'straight'

Hmm... They all look curvy still to me.

[Jutsa]

Ah, oof, Sacara, you straightened the quotes in the old version. >_>

[Sacara]

Hmm... They all look curvy still to me.

Ah, oof, Sacara, you straightened the quotes in the old version. >_>

This^. What a waste of time on my part.

Anywho, I fixed a few grammatical errors I spotted while running a comb through of the entire draft. Still looking for feedback!

[Chan Island]

This is an awesome idea and wish it well.

[Sacara]

This is an awesome idea and wish it well.

Thanks, Chan!

Don't be afraid to rip into this draft -- I want it to be of the highest quality possible before I submit it.

EDIT: I rephrased the description to make it less clunky, with the help of Jutsa.

[Australian rePublic]

Problem is, why store/donate sperm if you don't want anyone yl use it?

[Sacara]

Problem is, why store/donate sperm if you don't want anyone yl use it?

I'm not quite following your train of thought, Aussie. If you are referring to the third option, the speaker does not advocate for the stance that is should be banned. Rather, they are in full support of it and they want every male to donate.

[Hediacrana]

Hilarious premise, great execution.

The one bit where I see room for improvement is in the third option, because to me that one feels a bit disconnected from the original premise. Your issue is basically asking: should post-mortem sperm harvesting be allowed? The third option does not take a position on that. Instead, it talks about making sperm harvesting mandatory for living young men, for the sake of future general health.

Maybe instead you could present mandatory sperm harvesting as a preventative measure: "If only the deceased had been made to donate prior to his death, we would not have to deal with this problem now."

[Sacara]

Maybe instead you could present mandatory sperm harvesting as a preventative measure: "If only the deceased had been made to donate prior to his death, we would not have to deal with this problem now."

Great feedback, Hediacrana. I edited it accordingly. I think this issue flows together quite nicely, now. It's coming along quite nicely.

Still looking for feedback.

[Australian rePublic]

Problem is, why store/donate sperm if you don't want anyone yl use it?

I'm not quite following your train of thought, Aussie. If you are referring to the third option, the speaker does not advocate for the stance that is should be banned. Rather, they are in full support of it and they want every male to donate.

I don't see what the issue is. Donating sperm=concent to use it. Isn't it common sense that a sperm donor would expect his sperm to be used to consieve a baby?
It's like donating blood, but not giving concent for the blood bank to use said blood.
It's like donating money to charity, but not allowing the benefactor to use l said money (or commodities purchased with it)
Obviously the man wanted his sperm to be used to consieve a baby, otherwise he wouldn't have donated it. The act of donating sperm= giving concent for it to be used, and I don't see why death would erase that

[The Marsupial Illuminati]

Problem is, why store/donate sperm if you don't want anyone yl use it?

I'm not quite following your train of thought, Aussie.

He thinks that the man donated sperm before he died.

Regarding our previous discussion, have you decided on another way for the man to die?

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Aussie, the man didn't donate sperm. He died during sexual intercourse, and the partner wants to harvest post-mortem sperm from his dead testicles. Generally you've got a 24-36 hour window to do this before sperm become non-viable, so the timescales are probably a bit unrealistic to get a decision from anyone but a doctor on site: a court would take too long, let alone an opinion from a nation's ruler.

However, I think we'd be happy to suspend disbelief and handwave that detail rather than clutter the issue with explanations that the sperm has been harvested and is awaiting legal consent for its use.

[Chan Island]

Aussie, the man didn't donate sperm. He died during sexual intercourse, and the partner wants to harvest post-mortem sperm from his dead testicles. Generally you've got a 24-36 hour window to do this before sperm become non-viable, so the timescales are probably a bit unrealistic to get a decision from anyone but a doctor on site: a court would take too long, let alone an opinion from a nation's ruler.

However, I think we'd be happy to suspend disbelief and handwave that detail rather than clutter the issue with explanations that the sperm has been harvested and is awaiting legal consent for its use.

Of course, you could also explain it away by having her charge at @@LEADER@@ and break into their office to inform them of this situation before the body is cold.

But best to just leave it nebulous.

[Australian rePublic]

Aussie, the man didn't donate sperm. He died during sexual intercourse, and the partner wants to harvest post-mortem sperm from his dead testicles.

Oh. Okay, now that makes sense. Sac should probably explain this better

Generally you've got a 24-36 hour window to do this before sperm become non-viable, so the timescales are probably a bit unrealistic to get a decision from anyone but a doctor on site: a court would take too long, let alone an opinion from a nation's ruler.

However, I think we'd be happy to suspend disbelief and handwave that detail rather than clutter the issue with explanations that the sperm has been harvested and is awaiting legal consent for its use.

The woman won't artificially inciminate herself. She could have put the sperm in the freezer, took it to the IVF clinic, told the IVF clinic her story and have them freeze until s decision is made on the ethics of such. Alternatively, we could have forced abortion and/or "for future reference"

[Sacara]

Regarding our previous discussion, have you decided on another way for the man to die?

Yes, I changed the way the man died. Check it out

[The Marsupial Illuminati]

Regarding our previous discussion, have you decided on another way for the man to die?

Yes, I changed the way the man died. Check it out

I approve of the death.

You now have to amend the opening and the first option:

@@RANDOMMALENAME@@, a well-known magician, tragically passed away yesterday after failing to swallow his sword properly. A day later, she requested her local hospital to harvest the sperm from her former husband's deceased body, thrusting the incident into the national spotlight.

Who is she?

And we were so close to doing so, before he decided to croak in the heat of things.

The man no longer dies during sex.