NationStates

USS Monitor wrote:It's long...

It takes 5 seconds longer to read it than the average issue description.

Radical Islamic Buddhism wrote:

USS Monitor wrote:It's long...

It takes 5 seconds longer to read it than the average issue description.

Not the description, the descriotion's fine. The entire issue. As a general rule of thumb, the more an options an issue has, the shorter each option should be. I'll see if I can cut it down a bit, then TG you

Australian rePublic wrote:

Radical Islamic Buddhism wrote:
It takes 5 seconds longer to read it than the average issue description.

Not the description, the descriotion's fine. The entire issue. As a general rule of thumb, the more an options an issue has, the shorter each option should be. I'll see if I can cut it down a bit, then TG you

I actually meant the description.

USS Monitor wrote:

Australian rePublic wrote:Not the description, the descriotion's fine. The entire issue. As a general rule of thumb, the more an options an issue has, the shorter each option should be. I'll see if I can cut it down a bit, then TG you

I actually meant the description.

Oh

The options are actually fine. Remember, the way you see the paragraphs, it's with an additional line for the effect, so it may look more intimidating. Lmao idk.

Naeh, the description's long, but it's not too long. #1063's is actually longer, and #1037's is actually way longer.
Sometimes issue descriptions, especially as complicated as this one, just end up lengthy.

Radical Islamic Buddhism wrote:[desc]An ancient city-state called Jeevoosh had been rumored to exist within the territory of @@NAME@@, but the evidence for Jeevoosh is sketchy at best. Recently, archaeologists discovered stone tablets in the border town of Red Hill. Written in a language that seems to be the ancestor of Lilliputian, the tablets are an epic poem with a plot similar to the famous Lilliputian epic, “The King of Books.” The government of Lilliput has proclaimed Jeevoosh to be Lilliput's ancient heritage and wants to reclaim their newly discovered homeland.

Okay, so this is where it's at then.

Criticising this from scratch my two main comments are:

1) Too many bits of new information introduced. We've got Jeevosh, Red Hill, Lilloputian. That's two made-up things too many for an issue description.
2) There's all this stuff that has happened, but there's no credible issue. The last sentence isn't a dilemma, it's a nation's response to the situation, and belongs in an option. Move it to an option, and it becomes clear - the situation is not demanding any response.

Let's reframe what you've written here. Take out the flourishes and you've got.

Shebooby was a place. A Shebooby Macguffin has been found in a town. Swooplepeeps say that Shebooby is Swooplepeepian. Swooplepeeps want the town.


It makes no sense, it's got no narrative coherence to it, and the dilemma feels forced.

I will let Australia deal with this one, sorry, I'm sorta busy nowadays so I'll check back in a while.

title]Can't Swallow that Tablet

[desc] The border town of Red Hill was rumoured to be an ancient city-state conquered and renamed by @@NAME@@ several centuries prior. However, there was no proof of this until last week's archiological discovery unearthed a major tablet

[validity]Co-Authored by Radical Islamic Buddhism, must allow private property

[option] “This land is mine, God gave this land to me,” crows @@RANDOMNAME@@, the ambassador from Lilliput, a country which borders Red Hill. He stops singing and proudly shouts, “W knew that you stole our city of Jeevoosh and renamed it! Now we have proof! Many words of the Modern Lilliputian derived from words on that tablet! What other proof do you need? Free Jeevoosh, @@LEADER@@, free Jeevoosh!”
[effect] Aggressive foreign countries have annexed 90% of @@NAME@@’s territory by claiming their ancestors lived there 3000 years ago.

[option] "These claims are totally baseless!" sneers @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Patriotism.” Red Hill is formally recognized as a part of our country, and Lilliput is violating our territorial integrity. Everyone knows the Lilliputians are from the mountains on the opposite end of @@REGION@@! Why are we even taking them seriously, @@LEADER@@?”
[effect] burning land deeds and claiming nobody ever owned the land has replaced eminent domain in @@NAME@@.

[option] Cheep Haggles, a so-called ‘compromise enthusiast,’ stumbles into your room, looking extremely exhausted. “Uhhh, ya know what…oh, I’m so tired…why don’t we just rename it Jeevoosh and make the town autonomous?” Cheep yawns loudly and continues, “That way, both countries are happy and the citizens get freedom to acknowledge the great history behind that part of @@NAME@@...” Cheep falls asleep on the floor.
[effect] liberty-lovers across @@NAME@@ have opened up an industry for creating fake ancient monuments.

[option] “Let’s just chill,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Creative Solutions, while drawing lines all over your office. “According to the tablet, the flag of Jeevoosh was fully purple to show off the city's wealth. Incidentally, half the houses in Red Hill are purple! Let’s give the purple houses to Lilliput to show our respect for their heritage, and let’s keep the non-purple houses. What could possibly go wrong?!”
[effect] children are stopped at border checkpoints 200 times on their way to school.

title]Can't Swallow that Tablet

[desc] The border town of Red Hill was rumoured to be an ancient city-state conquered and renamed by @@NAME@@ several centuries prior. However, there was no proof of this until last week's archiological discovery unearthed a major tablet

[validity]Co-Authored by Radical Islamic Buddhism, must allow private property

[option] “This land is mine, God gave this land to me,” crows @@RANDOMNAME@@, the ambassador from Lilliput, a country which borders Red Hill. He stops singing and proudly shouts, “W knew that you stole our city of Jeevoosh and renamed it! Now we have proof! Many words of the Modern Lilliputian derived from words on that tablet! What other proof do you need? Free Jeevoosh, @@LEADER@@, free Jeevoosh!”
[effect] Aggressive foreign countries have annexed 90% of @@NAME@@’s territory by claiming their ancestors lived there 3000 years ago.

[option] "These claims are totally baseless!" sneers @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Patriotism.” Red Hill is formally recognized as a part of our country, and Lilliput is violating our territorial integrity. Everyone knows the Lilliputians are from the mountains on the opposite end of @@REGION@@! Why are we even taking them seriously, @@LEADER@@?”
[effect] burning land deeds and claiming nobody ever owned the land has replaced eminent domain in @@NAME@@.

[option] Cheep Haggles, a so-called ‘compromise enthusiast,’ stumbles into your room, looking extremely exhausted. “Uhhh, ya know what…oh, I’m so tired…why don’t we just rename it Jeevoosh and make the town autonomous?” Cheep yawns loudly and continues, “That way, both countries are happy and the citizens get freedom to acknowledge the great history behind that part of @@NAME@@...” Cheep falls asleep on the floor.
[effect] liberty-lovers across @@NAME@@ have opened up an industry for creating fake ancient monuments.

[option] “Let’s just chill,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Creative Solutions, while drawing lines all over your office. “According to the tablet, the flag of Jeevoosh was fully purple to show off the city's wealth. Incidentally, half the houses in Red Hill are purple! Let’s give the purple houses to Lilliput to show our respect for their heritage, and let’s keep the non-purple houses. What could possibly go wrong?!”
[effect] children are stopped at border checkpoints 200 times on their way to school.

Definitely in better shape now. Not much more to say than that.

Australian rePublic wrote:[desc] The border town of Red Hill was rumoured to be an ancient city-state conquered and renamed by @@NAME@@ several centuries prior. However, there was no proof of this until last week's archiological discovery unearthed a major tablet

And?

This still suffers from the problem that it's unclear what the dilemma is after reading the desc.

Aussie, I know you busted your butt on this and you found a new writing buddy and all of that is cool, but I am not sure if you can make this work.

Australian rePublic wrote:Should we ditch this?

Yes.

USS Monitor wrote:

Australian rePublic wrote:[desc] The border town of Red Hill was rumoured to be an ancient city-state conquered and renamed by @@NAME@@ several centuries prior. However, there was no proof of this until last week's archiological discovery unearthed a major tablet

And?

This still suffers from the problem that it's unclear what the dilemma is after reading the desc.

Aussie, I know you busted your butt on this and you found a new writing buddy and all of that is cool, but I am not sure if you can make this work.

I have to agree. There's no dilemma here.

The original description introduced too many new places without any way to connect the reader to them, and had no real dilemma. You still have no dilemma.

Not every idea is destined to be an issue.

I'll see what RIB thinks