[SUBMITTED] Are We Not People Too?

[Jutsa]

Still on an animal craze, although I must profess that this is the last one I've made.

I have no idea if this is any good, but...

Title: Are We Not People Too?
The Issue: A famous @@ANIMAL@@ rights activist, @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, recently got sick and was taken to a vet by @@HIS@@ "human translator". @@HE@@ is, apparently, now bothering the government to let @@HIM@@ be admitted to a human hospital.
Validity: @@ANIMAL@@s are officially recognized as people

Option 1: "We demand that we be treated in the same hospitals as our human brethren," announces @@RANDOMNAME@@, the alleged translator for the @@ANIMAL@@. "It is our privilege and our right to be treated like everyone else, and having to receive the same treatment as other animals is unfair, unsanitary, and humiliating. @@ANIMAL@@ specialists must be assigned to hospital staff until doctors learn how to treat both our species."
[effect] hospital patients sometimes wake up to find themselves covered in unfamiliar substances

Option 2: "Look, it's not that we don't want to have you in our hospitals," begins Dr. @@RANDOMNAME@@, spraying some disinfectant spray around the nearby @@ANIMAL@@ and @@HIS_1@@ translator. "It's just that we're not trained to work with them. Vets are. We'd have to undergo a massive shift in our equipment, and extensively expand our already crowded hospitals. Just help out the vets by giving them more funds, and better training, alright?"
[effect] people would prefer be operated on by a veterinarian

Option 3: "This is ridiculous!" complains @@RANDOMNAME@@, who somehow put a collar and a leash on the @@ANIMAL@@ without @@HIS_1@@ noticing. "Why the heck are you seriously even considering this? Revoke all this nonsense about them being 'people'; they're not. It's more accurate to say they're savage four-pawed cross-breeding half-domesticated glowing marine herd abominations. Stop trying to push them and our society together."
[effect]@@ANIMALPLURAL@@ have been rejected by society

Option 4: "Speciesist!" growls what's either a bear or @@A@@ @@ANIMAL@@ in a bear costume. "Rawr!" Either way, it's talking. "You should break down these barriers altogether! Let @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ and humans and bears and guppies be operated on together! Let animals become doctors if they want to! Everyone will be safe! Everyone can prevent forest fires!" You take a moment to shake your head, seconds later to find the bear and your lunch missing.
[effect] fleas are voluntarily operating on cattle

Title: Are We Not People Too?
The Issue: A famous @@ANIMAL@@ rights activist, @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, recently got sick and was taken to a vet by @@HIS@@ "human translator". @@HE@@ is, apparently, now bothering the government to let @@HIM@@ be admitted to a human hospital.
Validity: @@ANIMAL@@s are officially recognized as people

Option 1: "We demand that we be treated in the same hospitals as our human brethren," announces @@RANDOMNAME@@, the alleged translator for the @@ANIMAL@@. "It is our privilege and our right to be treated like everyone else, and having to receive the same treatment as other animals is unfair, unsanitary, and humiliating."
[effect] hospital patients sometimes wake up to find

Option 2: "Look, it's not that we don't want to have you in our hospitals," begins Dr. @@RANDOMNAME@@, spraying some disinfectant spray around the nearby @@ANIMAL@@ and @@HIS_1@@ translator. "It's just that we're not trained to work with them. Vets are. We'd have to undergo a massive shift in our equipment, and extensively expand our already crowded hospitals. Just help out the vets by giving them more funds, and better training, alright?"
[effect] people would prefer be operated on by a veterinarian

Option 3: "This is ridiculous!" complains @@RANDOMNAME@@, who somehow put a collar and a leash on the @@ANIMAL@@ without @@HIS_1@@ noticing. "Why the heck are you seriously even considering this? Revoke all this nonsense about them being 'people'; they're not. It's more accurate to say they're savage four-pawed cross-breeding half-domesticated glowing marine herd abominations. Stop trying to push them and our society together."
[effect]@@ANIMALPLURAL@@ have been rejected by society

[Hediacrana]

"We demand that we be treated in the same hospitals as our fellow humans" --> probably write "fellow citizens" here, as they're still not human, right?

An additional 'crazy' option idea, taking this to its logical extreme, could be to take the next step and give all animals equal rights as humans... And by effect opening the door to surgeons performing heart surgery on fruitflies or something.

[Jutsa]

@fellow humans: Changed to human brethren. Surprised I missed that.

@Final option: I do like this idea, yes... might just be worth adding that. :3c

Thank you, Hediacrana. :3

[Trotterdam]

Human doctors would probably not know how to treat an animal well. Each species has its own biology, and the best care comes from a doctor/veterinarian familiar with your species.

In fact, I would sooner trust a veterinarian to work on a human than trust a human doctor to work on an animal. Veterinarians at least already have experience with multiple species, and may even have experience with primates, plus our medical science and biology education is kind of geared at humans by default, so most veterinarians would probably pick up some of that before specializing into animals.

The one thing human doctors have going for them is that they try harder. They'll keep trying past the point where a veterinarian would have just recommended euthanasia, and most hospitals have better equipment than most veterinary offices.

Option 2: "Look, it's not that we don't want to have you in our hospitals," begins Dr. @@RANDOMNAME@@, spraying some disinfectant spray around the nearby @@ANIMAL@@ and @@HIS_1@@ translator. "It's just that we're not trained to work with them. Vets are. We'd have to undergo a massive shift in our equipment, and extensively expand our already crowded hospitals. Just help out the vets by giving them more funds, and better training, alright?"
[effect] people would prefer be operated on by a veterinarian

So, umm, it turns out you already acknowledged this. That makes this too much of an obviously-correct option. Option 1 just looks crazy by comparison.

An additional 'crazy' option idea, taking this to its logical extreme, could be to take the next step and give all animals equal rights as humans... And by effect opening the door to surgeons performing heart surgery on fruitflies or something.

For a moment I read that as the fruitflies performing the surgeries, which would be vastly more amusing.

[Sacara]

-snip-

Why can't they just bring veterinarians to the hospitals?

[Australian rePublic]

Damn, I was expecting an option where you hired @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ doctors

[Jutsa]

So, umm, it turns out you already acknowledged this. That makes this too much of an obviously-correct option. Option 1 just looks crazy by comparison.

Why can't they just bring veterinarians to the hospitals?

Still choice 1 seems incomplete.

Alrighty, added "@@ANIMAL@@ specialists must be assigned to hospital staff until doctors learn how to treat both our species." to option 1.
Idk if this is enough, frankly, but then again, if you're willing to give your national animal personhood or even voting rights, this might not be too out there.

An additional 'crazy' option idea, taking this to its logical extreme, could be to take the next step and give all animals equal rights as humans... And by effect opening the door to surgeons performing heart surgery on fruitflies or something.

For a moment I read that as the fruitflies performing the surgeries, which would be vastly more amusing.

Damn, I was expecting an option where you hired @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ doctors"

Oh god what have you made me do... >.>

[Danganronpia]

This is objectively one of my favorite issue drafts I've seen since I've gotten interested in writing issues.

This will definitely result in various Animal Citizenship issues, especially if the last one is chosen, which I think is a fun thing to explore. Hope this gets in!

Since the fourth option is bringing up animals to the same status as humans (probably make this a little more prevalent, since they just seem to be able to be doctors, probably establish full human citizenship, or maybe make that its own option?), imagine an option bringing down humans (or some humans) down to the status of animals.

[Jutsa]

I actually had a draft like that up already, but I realized that full citizenship in the issue declaring animals as persons was just for voting rights.

I honestly doubt option 4 can stay the way it is now, and I honestly don't even know if it or this issue will work, but I've gotta say that I'm having a lot of fun with this one.

Many thanks for your complements, and interest in the subject! I'd write more for it but honestly I've been monopolizing on the animal issues since 2017.
ed: sadly, none of which have seen the light of issuehood yet. *sheds a single tear*

[Bears Armed]

Everyone can prevent forest fires!" You take a moment to shake your head, seconds later to find the bear and your lunch missing

Speciesist stereotyping!

^_^

(OOC: )

[Danganronpia]

Everyone can prevent forest fires!" You take a moment to shake your head, seconds later to find the bear and your lunch missing

Speciesist stereotyping!

^_^

(OOC: )

Hey, I think it's fine. It shows he's smarter than the average bear, right? Helps prove his point.

[Trotterdam]

I thought it's the bears' lunches that go missing?

[Jutsa]

I think bears stealing lunch is revenge for that incident.
I'd bet 5 @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ (tax-deductable) that there is a secret war going on between armed bears and "humans".
ed: I'd like to also point out the implications of @@ANIMAL@@ being "bear".

[Trotterdam]

ed: I'd like to also point out the implications of @@ANIMAL@@ being "bear".

Yes, yes. I noticed that one already.

A bear in a bear costume would be silly, but not impossibly silly.

[Danganronpia]

ed: I'd like to also point out the implications of @@ANIMAL@@ being "bear".

Yes, yes. I noticed that one already.

A bear in a bear costume would be silly, but not impossibly silly.

I mean, we humans get in human costumes a lot, y'know? Especially on Halloween.

[Jutsa]

I mean, a bear being in a bear costume is frankly the least concerning thing of that entire option.

[Sacara]

I mean, a bear being in a bear costume is frankly the least concerning thing of that entire option.

I was going to comment this, but you beat me to it

[Jutsa]

Guess it's time to bump this 'un.

Probably won't leave this one up for too much longer, but I know I not-too-long-ago made a fairly big change by adding a pretty radical option, so I'm not that confident just yet.

[Hediacrana]

To me (as a non-experienced author, mind) this one looks great and ready to go!

[Krogon]

To me (as a non-experienced author, mind) this one looks great and ready to go!

I agree! Go for it!

[Jutsa]

Welp, half a week and two suggestions to submit...

I know this one's a bit of a doozy, but here goes nothing!

Submitted. Thank you all.