That said, I'm a little less certain about this one's premise. Still, in case it's a keeper, here it is.
(note: This one's old. Like, before I even used em-dashes old.)
Draft 1.00
Title: Wild Animals Gone Wild
The Issue: A @@MAN_1@@ by the name of @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, renowned for taking care of a pet saber-toothed @@ANIMALPLURAL@@, had recently gone missing. @@HE@@ was eventually found — alas, in a place that no @@DEMONYM@@ should ever be found.
Validity: Pets are legal
Option 1: "This is terrible!" shouts @@RANDOMNAME_2@@, a concerned neighbor and close friend of @@FIRSTNAME_1@@. "I told @@HIM_1@@ that keeping those things as pets was dangerous, but @@HE_1@@ wouldn't listen to me! Oh, @@LEADER@@, you simply must ban people from keeping onto these beasts as pets! Do it... for @@FIRSTNAME_1@@!" @@HE_2@@ begins sobbing into a handkerchief.
[effect]it is technically illegal to adopt feral cats
Option 2: "Ah, please, there's no need to be so dramatic, dearie," mumbles @@RANDOMNAME@@, a disinterested neighbor and bitter rival of @@FIRSTNAME_1@@. "@@HE_1@@ was an idiot, yes, but not because @@HE_1@@ kept a wild animal — 'twas because @@HE_1@@ was a horrible pet owner. After all, where do domestic animals come from? Wild animals. Ergo, any and all pets should be free to be adopted, but only if the caregiver is judged good enough to have them."
[effect]adopting a hamster is about as difficult as it is to adopt an elephant
Option 3: "Indeed, domesticated pets do come from wild animals!" agrees @@RANDOMNAME@@, who was not close to @@FIRSTNAME_1@@ geographically or otherwise. "Obviously, then, they can't be trusted! Have you ever seen a cat staring at you? It's just waiting for the right moment to take over your mind. I swear! And do you know how many @@ANIMAL@@ attacks there are in a year? Honestly, we'd be better off if you just banned people from having pets at all."
[effect]thousands of guinea pigs are left to fend for themselves in the city streets
