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[ACCEPTED; #1050] - Criminal Guns Soon to Be Shooting Blanks

A place to spoil daily issues for those who haven't had them yet, snigger at typos, and discuss ideas for new ones.

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Frieden-und Freudenland
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Founded: Jul 30, 2015
Democratic Socialists

Postby Frieden-und Freudenland » Tue Aug 07, 2018 2:46 pm

Petty points.

proceed with the procedure


Sounds a bit too proceed-y. Maybe say something like "go through with the procedure?"

rebuts @@RANDOMMALENAME@@


"Rebuts" sounds a bit biased. I mean, the verb is defined to mean "to claim or prove that (evidence or an accusation) is false." If Option 2 indubitably falsifies the guy in Option 1, we need not discuss it further, do we?

Maybe say something like he "retorts" or "rejoins."

a former inmate who now is a prominent masseur


Is there a specific reason why the speaker here is a masseur?

else wise


elsewise
When I write, I don't have an accent.

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Sacara
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Founded: May 13, 2014
Capitalist Paradise

Postby Sacara » Tue Aug 07, 2018 8:02 pm

Frieden-und Freudenland wrote:Petty points.
Thanks! Implemented. Also on last call.
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Hediacrana
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Founded: Nov 20, 2017
New York Times Democracy

Postby Hediacrana » Wed Aug 08, 2018 8:12 am

If, in the last option, prisoners lose the right to eat, is that meant to convey that this option in effect introduces the death penalty through starvation? This may be well what you intend, given the speaker's obvious extremism; but if so, maybe make it a little more clear that that is what will happen, because while the text suggests it, I believe it's the kind of thing that not every reader will pick up on, so they might be surprised by the outcome.

That aside, I believe this issue looks good to go. :)

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Sacara
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Capitalist Paradise

Postby Sacara » Wed Aug 08, 2018 3:03 pm

Hediacrana wrote:If, in the last option, prisoners lose the right to eat, is that meant to convey that this option in effect introduces the death penalty through starvation? This may be well what you intend, given the speaker's obvious extremism; but if so, maybe make it a little more clear that that is what will happen, because while the text suggests it, I believe it's the kind of thing that not every reader will pick up on, so they might be surprised by the outcome.

That aside, I believe this issue looks good to go. :)

I changed it to "decent" food to get rid of that risk.
The Spacefaring Republic of Sacara,
I tend to hang out in Got Issues? a lot, with the occasional NSG comment.
Issues That I've Authored (12)

"Somewhere something incredible is waiting to be known." - Carl Sagan

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Sacara
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Founded: May 13, 2014
Capitalist Paradise

Postby Sacara » Wed Aug 08, 2018 5:54 pm

I will hold off on submitting this for now.
The Spacefaring Republic of Sacara,
I tend to hang out in Got Issues? a lot, with the occasional NSG comment.
Issues That I've Authored (12)

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Chan Island
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Founded: Nov 26, 2015
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Chan Island » Wed Aug 08, 2018 10:40 pm

Sacara wrote:I will hold off on submitting this for now.


....OR, if you're at that point when you're announcing your last calls, you could just... copy the draft....and then head on over to the issue submissions page, and then paste. Trust me, miracles happen then. ;)
Conserative Morality wrote:"It's not time yet" is a tactic used by reactionaries in every era. "It's not time for democracy, it's not time for capitalism, it's not time for emancipation." Of course it's not time. It's never time, not on its own. You make it time. If you're under fire in the no-man's land of WW1, you start digging a foxhole even if the ideal time would be when you *aren't* being bombarded, because once you wait for it to be 'time', other situations will need your attention, assuming you survive that long. If the fields aren't furrowed, plow them. If the iron is not hot, make it so. If society is not ready, change it.

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Sacara
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Founded: May 13, 2014
Capitalist Paradise

Postby Sacara » Thu Aug 09, 2018 11:05 am

Chan Island wrote:....OR, if you're at that point when you're announcing your last calls, you could just... copy the draft....and then head on over to the issue submissions page, and then paste. Trust me, miracles happen then. ;)
It's now submitted.

Thanks once again to everyone who helped me!
The Spacefaring Republic of Sacara,
I tend to hang out in Got Issues? a lot, with the occasional NSG comment.
Issues That I've Authored (12)

"Somewhere something incredible is waiting to be known." - Carl Sagan

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Australian rePublic
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Australian rePublic » Thu Aug 09, 2018 2:39 pm

Good Luck
Disclaimer: In-Character posts are NOT a reflection of the real world Australian government, any government departments, or any Australian states or territories. I have no authority over real world government decisions. This nation does not reflect my views, as I am trying to unlock banners
As a centrist, I have been called both an extreme leftist and an extreme right-winger.
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Why stylised as "rePublic"
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Sacara
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Founded: May 13, 2014
Capitalist Paradise

Postby Sacara » Tue Aug 21, 2018 7:06 pm

Thanks to everyone that helped this draft. This has been accepted as #1050: Criminal Guns Soon to Be Shooting Blanks.
The Spacefaring Republic of Sacara,
I tend to hang out in Got Issues? a lot, with the occasional NSG comment.
Issues That I've Authored (12)

"Somewhere something incredible is waiting to be known." - Carl Sagan

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Hediacrana
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Founded: Nov 20, 2017
New York Times Democracy

Postby Hediacrana » Tue Aug 21, 2018 7:11 pm

Sacara wrote:Thanks to everyone that helped this draft. This has been accepted as #1050: Criminal Guns Soon to Be Shooting Blanks.


Yay! Congrats Sacara. It's a good one and I'm looking forward to answering it. :)

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