[ACCEPTED] - The Sickest Criminals

by **USS Monitor** » Wed Sep 19, 2018 7:54 am

Sacara wrote:
Jutsa wrote:I'm a little surprised by that, CWA.
ed: talked it over with Candensia, apparently he didn't even realize the title doubles as a crude sex joke.
Am I missing something? I didn’t realize there was a joke in the title...

The "joke" itself isn't as funny as you and Candensia missing it.

I think the draft is shaping up pretty well overall, but the title is one of the weakest parts. The problem with the title is that it's too bland, not that it's too crude.

by **Radical Islamic Buddhism** » Wed Sep 19, 2018 8:31 am

Yeah, I only realized it could be a sex joke when Justa said it doubles as a sex joke. Honestly the title is a bit boring. Try to come up with multiple title ideas and post them here.

by **Candensia** » Wed Sep 19, 2018 9:14 am

I’ve got a bunch of alliterative titles floating around.

However, I think I’ve got a good title thought up, although perhaps you guys can help me frame it better. How about this?

“Convict Cane Drain?”

or

“@@DEMONYM@@ Prisons Facing Cane Drain?”

Cane Drain being a pun on “brain drain”, in which intellectuals flee a particular area.

Cane drain is a pun on that, refering to the possible release of elderly convicts from the prison system.

Any help reframing this, if viable, would be appreciated, and I really appreciate the feedback!

by **USS Monitor** » Wed Sep 19, 2018 9:22 am

"Prison Cane Drain" would be clearer, since "convict" can also be a verb. Spoken, it's clear because the verb and noun are pronounced differently, but written it took me a minute to parse what you were saying.

I'm still not madly in love with it, but I can't think of anything great off the top of my head...

Maybe something about "Getting Too Old For This"?

Or something playing on the fact that people sometimes call criminals "sick" referring to their state of mind, but here it is about their actual health. "The Sickest Criminals in @@NAME@@"?

I'm not in love with those suggestions either, but like I said, I can't think of anything great.

by **Candensia** » Wed Sep 19, 2018 9:27 am

Or perhaps something like

“Hard Time Too Hard, Crippled Convicts Say”

How bout that?

by **Candlewhisper Archive** » Wed Sep 19, 2018 9:35 am

USS Monitor wrote:Maybe something about "Getting Too Old For This"?

Or something playing on the fact that people sometimes call criminals "sick" referring to their state of mind, but here it is about their actual health. "The Sickest Criminals in @@NAME@@"?

Both of those are quite strong. Just "Sick Criminals" could work.

by **Candensia** » Wed Sep 19, 2018 9:51 am

I actually like

The Sickest Criminals

and I think that’s what I’m going with. Thanks for the help, Monitor and CWA!

by **Candensia** » Wed Sep 19, 2018 4:40 pm

anything still need sorting?

or are we sick of seeing this one?

by **USS Monitor** » Wed Sep 19, 2018 8:17 pm

It looks pretty solid to me.

by **Candensia** » Thu Sep 20, 2018 7:52 am

Alrighty then, “The Sickest Criminals” is now on last call status!

Unless any critical concerns are risen, this issue will be sent to a far away land within the next few days!

by **Candensia** » Fri Sep 21, 2018 9:10 am

The Sickest Criminals has been submitted, thanks for the help everyone!

by **Jutsa** » Fri Sep 21, 2018 10:22 am

Good luck, Candensia.

by **Krogon** » Fri Sep 21, 2018 2:20 pm

Good luck!

by **Australian rePublic** » Fri Sep 21, 2018 3:02 pm

Good luck

by **Sacara** » Fri Sep 21, 2018 8:00 pm

Good luck!

by **Australian rePublic** » Sat Sep 22, 2018 6:14 pm

Good luck!

by **Candensia** » Sat Sep 22, 2018 6:33 pm

Oho~ Twice as much good luck from Aussie. :lol2:

Thanks Everyone!

by **Candlewhisper Archive** » Mon Sep 24, 2018 1:28 am

Candensia wrote:Oho~ Twice as much good luck from Aussie.

Thanks Everyone!

Well, at least you didn't get another fruit basket, eh?

by **Candensia** » Mon Sep 24, 2018 7:06 am

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:
Candensia wrote:Oho~ Twice as much good luck from Aussie.

Thanks Everyone!

Well, at least you didn't get another fruit basket, eh?

Looking back on my first issue draft though, Aussie never gave me a fruit basket. I remain fruitless even today.

viewtopic.php?f=13&t=438606 - viewer discretion advised, cringey early Candensia writing.

[ACCEPTED] - The Sickest Criminals

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