[ACCEPTED] - The Sickest Criminals

[Candensia]

Heyo! It's a Candensia draft! As always, I truly appreciate all feedback. This one carries a somewhat serious tone, but I hope you all will enjoy it nonetheless.

First Draft

[DRAFT] - Infirm Due For Imminent Release?

[The Issue] - Inmate @@RANDOMNAME@@ died yesterday in prison from a tumor that went undetected for years. The death of the prisoner has prompted humanitarian groups to call on the government to craft a "compassionate release" policy for terminally ill or elderly inmates.
[issuevalidity] - Nation must have prisons.


[Option 1] - "@@LEADER@@, even prisoners should be afforded a degree of compassion," pleads @@RANDOMNAME@@, a well-known philanthropist and humanitarian. "A portion of our convicted population lives in holding cells when they really belong in hospice care. A compassionate release system will allow these inmates to live out their days free from the encumbrance of incarceration. Yes, they could commit crimes following their release, but anyone who considers the elderly, debilitated, or dying a danger to society should consider a wellness check themselves."

[effect] - the prison service cuts living expenses by releasing the dying


[Option 2] - "Compassionate release might cut costs, but it's also cutting corners as far as justice is concerned!" counters former sheriff @@RANDOMNAME@@, a staunch supporter of retributive criminal policy. "Sure, inmates freed on medical parole would likely be incredibly weak, but they would also have little to lose. By releasing desperate inmates and relying on nothing but good faith to keep them in line, we would be doing a great disservice to @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ communities. Criminals are in prison for a reason, and they should stay there without expectation of early release, regardless of age or medical condition!"

[effect] - inmates are more likely to be struck by lightning than released on parole


[Option 3] - "Maybe if we put more effort into caring for our inmates medically, we wouldn't be talking about releasing them for humanitarian reasons!" declares prison nurse @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Frankly, prison infirmaries are not adequately equipped or staffed to fully handle inmates, many of whom posses self-destructive or violent lifestyles. Instead of having prison doctors "make do" until inmates can be seen in better-equipped facilities, which might come too late, @@NAME@@ should invest in prison medical facilities and personnel broadly capable of supporting their inmate populations, both in reckless youth and in old age."

[effect] - life expectancies inside correctional facilities vastly exceed the national average

Second Draft

[DRAFT] - Infirm Due For Imminent Release?

[The Issue] - Inmate @@RANDOMNAME@@ died yesterday in prison from a tumor that went undetected for years. The death of the prisoner has prompted humanitarian groups to call on the government to craft a "compassionate release" policy for terminally ill, as well as elderly inmates with crippling medical conditions.

[issuevalidity] - Nation must have prisons.


[Option 1] - "@@LEADER@@, even convicts deserve compassion," pleads @@RANDOMNAME@@, a well-known philanthropist and humanitarian. "A portion of our imprisoned population lives in holding cells when they really belong in hospice care. A compassionate release system will allow these inmates to live out their days free from the encumbrance of incarceration. Sure, they might be criminals, but anyone who considers the elderly, debilitated, or dying a danger to society should consider a wellness check themselves."

[effect] - the prison service cuts living expenses by releasing the dying


[Option 2] - "Compassionate release might cut costs, but it's also cutting corners as far as justice is concerned," counters former sheriff @@RANDOMNAME@@, a staunch supporter of retributive criminal policy. " What's to say these misfits won't live like they're dying and just return to their wrongful ways? Criminals are in prison for a reason, and they should stay there without expectation of early release, regardless of age or medical condition!"

[effect] - inmates are more likely to be struck by lightning than released on parole


[Option 3] - "Maybe if we put more effort into caring for our inmates medically, we wouldn't need to prescribe compassionate release!" declares prison nurse @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Frankly, prison infirmaries are not adequately equipped or staffed to fully handle inmates. Instead of having prison doctors "make do" until inmates can be seen in better-equipped facilities, which might come too late, @@NAME@@ should invest in prison medical facilities and personnel broadly capable of supporting their inmate populations, both in reckless youth and in old age."

[effect] - life expectancies inside correctional facilities vastly exceed the national average

Third Draft

[DRAFT] - Infirm Due For Imminent Release?

[The Issue] - Inmate @@RANDOMNAME@@ died yesterday in prison from a tumor that went undetected for years. The death of the prisoner has prompted humanitarian groups to call for a "compassionate release" policy for terminally ill or elderly inmates.

[issuevalidity] - Nation must have prisons.


[Option 1] - "A portion of our imprisoned population lives in holding cells when they really belong in hospice care!" exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, a well-known philanthropist and humanitarian. “A compassionate release system will allow these inmates to live out their days free from the encumbrance of incarceration. Sure, they might be criminals, but anyone who considers the elderly, debilitated, or dying a danger to society should consider a wellness check themselves."

[effect] - the prison service cuts living expenses by releasing the dying


[Option 2] - "We can't just release inmates every time they get a hangnail!" counters former sheriff @@RANDOMNAME@@, a staunch supporter of retributive criminal policy. "Sure, it might cut costs, but what's to say these convicts won't live like they're dying and return to their wrongful ways once they're out? As I see it, inmates should serve the entirety of their sentences, even if it means they get paroled out the back door."

[effect] - the only way to escape lengthy prison terms is in a body bag


[Option 3] - "Frankly, prison infirmaries aren't adequately equipped or staffed to fully handle inmates, who often end up sick, stabbed, or sometimes both," declares prison nurse @@RANDOMNAME@@, pointing to over a dozen shanks on a nearby table. "Instead of having prison doctors "make do" until prisoners can be seen in better-equipped facilities, which might come too late, @@NAME@@ should invest in prison medical facilities and personnel capable of supporting all who dwell within the walls.”

[effect] - life expectancies inside correctional facilities vastly exceed the national average

Current Draft

[DRAFT] - The Sickest Criminals SUBMITTED 9/21/18

[The Issue] - Inmate @@RANDOMNAME@@ died yesterday in prison from a tumor that went undetected for years. The death of the prisoner has prompted humanitarian groups to call for a "compassionate release" policy for terminally ill or elderly inmates.

[issuevalidity] - Nation must have prisons.


[Option 1] - "A portion of our imprisoned population lives in holding cells when they really belong in hospice care!" exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, a well-known philanthropist and humanitarian. “A compassionate release system will allow these inmates to live out their days free from the encumbrance of incarceration. Yes, they might be criminals, but anyone who considers the elderly, debilitated, or dying a danger to society should consider a wellness check themselves."

[effect] - the prison service cuts living expenses by releasing the dying


[Option 2] - "We can't just release inmates every time they get a hangnail!" counters former sheriff @@RANDOMNAME@@, a staunch supporter of retributive criminal policy. "Sure, compassionate release might cut costs, but at what cost to the community? Tell me, what's stopping these crazies from going on crime sprees following their release? Arthritis? Keep these people in prison, @@LEADER@@! Convicts should serve the entirety of their sentences, even if it means they get paroled out the back door."

[effect] - the only way to escape lengthy prison terms is in a body bag


[Option 3] - "Frankly, prison infirmaries aren't adequately equipped or staffed to fully handle inmates, who often end up sick, stabbed, or sometimes both," declares prison nurse @@RANDOMNAME@@, pointing to over a dozen shanks on a nearby table. "Can't the government send some @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ our way? I mean, the sheer number of items one can substitute for a surgical suture is impressive and all, but @@NAME@@ should really invest in prison medical facilities and personnel capable of supporting all who dwell within the walls."

[effect] - life expectancies inside correctional facilities vastly exceed the national average

[Trotterdam]

Hmm. We had a draft about compassionate release once, but it turns out that it had all mentions of compassionate release scrubbed out by the time it was published, instead now being about parole (#919).

So I think you're good.

[Frieden-und Freudenland]

Hmm. We had a draft about compassionate release once, but it turns out that it had all mentions of compassionate release scrubbed out by the time it was published, instead now being about parole (#919).

So I think you're good.

CWA had written a draft on Rudolph Hess last year. Is that what it evolved into? Or is it a separate draft?

[Australian rePublic]

Option 3- yea, but terminal illness is still an inevitability

[Candensia]

Hmm. We had a draft about compassionate release once, but it turns out that it had all mentions of compassionate release scrubbed out by the time it was published, instead now being about parole (#919).

So I think you're good.

Phew. Thank you for checking that for me.

Option 3- yea, but terminal illness is still an inevitability

Yes of course, but with better medical care comes better chances of detecting said illnesses before they become terminal, if not already reducing the likelihood that they develop in the first place.

EDIT: After reading your post again, I'm sure you understood that.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Hmm. We had a draft about compassionate release once, but it turns out that it had all mentions of compassionate release scrubbed out by the time it was published, instead now being about parole (#919).

So I think you're good.

Right, would be good to see that lost topic revivified.

[The Margaritas]

Heyo! It's a Candensia draft! As always, I truly appreciate all feedback. This one carries a somewhat serious tone, but I hope you all will enjoy it nonetheless.

[DRAFT] - Infirm Due For Imminent Release?

[The Issue] - Inmate @@RANDOMNAME@@ died yesterday in prison from a tumor that went undetected for years. The death of the prisoner has prompted humanitarian groups to call on the government to craft a "compassionate release" policy for terminally ill, as well as elderly inmates with crippling medical conditions.

[issuevalidity] - Nation must have prisons.


[Option 1] - "@@LEADER@@, even prisoners should be afforded a degree of compassion," pleads @@RANDOMNAME@@, a well-known philanthropist and humanitarian. "A portion of our convicted population lives in holding cells when they really belong in hospice care. A compassionate release system will allow these inmates to live out their days free from the encumbrance of incarceration. Sure, they could commit crimes following their release, but anyone who considers the elderly, debilitated, or dying a danger to society should consider a wellness check themselves."

[effect] - the prison service cuts living expenses by releasing the dying


[Option 2] - "Compassionate release might cut costs, but it's also cutting corners as far as justice is concerned!" counters former sheriff @@RANDOMNAME@@, a staunch supporter of retributive criminal policy. "Sure, inmates freed on medical parole would likely be incredibly weak, but they would also have little to lose. By releasing desperate inmates and relying on nothing but good faith to keep them in line, we would be doing a great disservice to @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ communities. Criminals are in prison for a reason, and they should stay there without expectation of early release, regardless of age or medical condition!"

[effect] - inmates are more likely to be struck by lightning than released on parole


[Option 3] - "Maybe if we put more effort into caring for our inmates medically, we wouldn't be talking about releasing them for humanitarian reasons!" declares prison nurse @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Frankly, prison infirmaries are not adequately equipped or staffed to fully handle inmates, many of whom posses self-destructive or violent lifestyles. Instead of having prison doctors "make do" until inmates can be seen in better-equipped facilities, which might come too late, @@NAME@@ should invest in prison medical facilities and personnel broadly capable of supporting their inmate populations, both in reckless youth and in old age."

[effect] - life expectancies inside correctional facilities vastly exceed the national average

Once again, well done.

[Australian rePublic]

Hmm. We had a draft about compassionate release once, but it turns out that it had all mentions of compassionate release scrubbed out by the time it was published, instead now being about parole (#919).

So I think you're good.

Phew. Thank you for checking that for me.

Option 3- yea, but terminal illness is still an inevitability

Yes of course, but with better medical care comes better chances of detecting said illnesses before they become terminal, if not already reducing the likelihood that they develop in the first place.

EDIT: After reading your post again, I'm sure you understood that.

Yea, but the problem still exists . The problem existing to a lesser extent means that it still needs to be addressed

[Sacara]

Yea, but the problem still exists . The problem existing to a lesser extent means that it still needs to be addressed

You're concern really isn't relevant though. It's just an option seeking to add more funding to healthcare, really.

[Candensia]

Yea, but the problem still exists . The problem existing to a lesser extent means that it still needs to be addressed

You're concern really isn't relevant though. It's just an option seeking to add more funding to healthcare, really.

Precisely, Sacara.

Any further concerns? I’m not overly attached to the title, and am open to suggestions.

[Candensia]

I'm going to start moving this one towards submission. This draft is now on last call.

Unless any critical concerns arise, this draft will be sent to the guys and gals in gold.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

It's entirely solid, but somewhat humourless. This is the sort of issue that gets put in the yes pool, then sits there for a year, then either gets deleted or significantly rewritten.

Try and find more comedy.

[Candensia]

It's entirely solid, but somewhat humourless. This is the sort of issue that gets put in the yes pool, then sits there for a year, then either gets deleted or significantly rewritten.

Try and find more comedy.

Got it, I'll apply the brakes and go window-shopping in the puns department.

[Candensia]

Rapid Double-Post Sin, but I've returned from my window-shopping!

In the second draft, I have;

Reworded option 1, primarily in the conclusion.

Took the scissors to option 2, and reworded it considerably.

Reworded the opening of option 3.

Thank you for the continued feedback!

[Candensia]

Heyo! Draft version three is here!

Word count has been cut throughout the issue.

Option two has been slightly rewritten.

Effect 2 has been redone.

Do take a fresh look at this one, and tell me what you think!

[Candlewhisper Archive]

It's all sharper and still entirely competent. It's still not funny though...

For sure this passes muster for the yes-pool, but it just needs some humour to turn it from good to great.

[Candensia]

Okay, rewrote a bit.

Option 3 has been reworked.

It’s clear to me that I’m just missing a few bits and pieces on this one. This one is somewhat challenging to add humor to. I would appreciate any suggestions that could insert some hahas into this while keeping the tone as it is.

In any case, I’ve reworked option 3 in an attempt to close the gap.

Thanks for the continued feedback.

[Sacara]

For option three, I would describe something that the nurse is doing, so it doesn't seem so short.

[Candensia]

For option three, I would describe something that the nurse is doing, so it doesn't seem so short.

Good idea, I’ve gone ahead and tacked something in.

Also edited option 2 slightly.

Reworded option 2 slightly.

Reworded the speakers’ description in option 3.

How are we looking now?

[Krogon]

For option three, I would describe something that the nurse is doing, so it doesn't seem so short.

Good idea, I’ve gone ahead and tacked something in.

Also edited option 2 slightly.

Reworded option 2 slightly.

Reworded the speakers’ description in option 3.

How are we looking now?

quite a bit better, but maybe a teensy weensy bit more humour?
(specifically in option 3)

[Candensia]

Options 2 and 3 have been considerably reworked.

Sure, to accommodate that, I've rewritten option 3 on the back-end. I've also rewritten option 2 considerably.

Subsequently, I've updated the draft version, and I've gone all-out this time.



Thanks for the continued feedback!

[Krogon]

Option 3 made me laugh this time, as did Option 2. I think you've nailed the humor aspect.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Agree, this is looking very good.

Not 100% on the title though.

[Jutsa]

I'm a little surprised by that, CWA.
ed: talked it over with Candensia, apparently he didn't even realize the title doubles as a crude sex joke.

[Sacara]

I'm a little surprised by that, CWA.
ed: talked it over with Candensia, apparently he didn't even realize the title doubles as a crude sex joke.

Am I missing something? I didn’t realize there was a joke in the title...