Name: Down With That?
Issue: An international cruise ship ran aground last week off of the treacherous shores of southern @@NAME@@. The captain, @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, became the subject of infamy after it was found that @@HE_1@@ fled before all of the passengers on board safely made it off, defying centuries of maritime tradition.
[Option 1] "Twenty people drowned trying to get off, and that scumbag of a captain decided @@HIS_1@@ life was more important?" rhetorically asks one of the surviving passengers of the ship, still visibly shaken by what had occurred. "They cannot help the relief effort if they aren't on the actual ship! The captain should always see to it that everyone on board gets off safely before they do, and if they don’t, we must punish the coward to the fullest extent of the law!"
Effect: captains must wait until all rats are safe before jumping ship
[Option 2] "Let's not be too hasty about who we assign the blame to here," defends the captain of cruise ship, who’s remarkably shorter and skinnier than you expected @@HIM_1@@ to be. “I’m not superhuman, and I apologize for that. I’m just as traumatized as anyone else. I actually was helping coordinate the evacuation efforts, albeit from the safety of land. It's not my duty to add to the death total, is it? "
Effect: a shipwreck is everyone's fault but the captain's