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Valentine Z
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Founded: Nov 08, 2015
Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Valentine Z » Thu Jan 14, 2021 6:27 am

Option 5 could be re-written clearly, but yeah, that is (unfortunately) the premise that I am writing because we have that problem a lot of times in Burma. Yes, they are less fuel-efficient and possibly even more polluting. So RL example, they started off as temporary solutions to hold you by (blackouts back in 2004 would only last maybe 1-2 hours at worst), BUT alas, situations got worse and worse so much so that you are effectively buying fuel from black market or goodness knows where else in order to fuel your generators.

There also might be an issue (no pun) with getting fuel from gas stations, then going to one of those roadside siphoners to get that fuel out of your car. Yeah, those things have more or less happened and I have seen it. Though to be fair, I'm not sure if the situation has become better or worse because 2016 was the last time I have been to my homeland.

I will take your words into consideration and draft it up again, thanks! ♥
Last edited by Valentine Z on Thu Jan 14, 2021 6:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Val's Stuff.
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Issues Thread 4th in Gen Sec

The Sixty! Opinions Deposit! Valentian Stories! Gwen's Adventures! Cat Anthem! Valentian News.
If you are reading my sig, I want you to have the best day ever ! You are worth it, do not let anyone get you down !
Glory to De Geweldige Sierlijke Katachtige Utopia en Zijne Autonome Machten ov Valentine Z !
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Clarissa mistaken for Smurf/Avatar: 14
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Valentijn now a She!

• Never trouble trouble until trouble troubles you.
• As a wise man once said: 我等は砲兵 皇国の護り (We are Artillery Guardians of the Empire).
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Valentine Z
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Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Valentine Z » Thu Jan 14, 2021 7:55 am

My 7th draft is up! So as per Trot's suggestions, along with a few of my reworkings and reconsiderations, I have decided on just fossil fuels instead of natural gas. I was following Burma too much to the T and put in the natural gas bit, so that doesn't fit so well.

I am still wanting to hold onto the last option, because I have a good feeling that it has potential alongside.

Feedback welcome! Now I have to work on my Kickstarter issue. :P
Last edited by Valentine Z on Thu Jan 14, 2021 8:02 am, edited 1 time in total.
Photography Stuff. ♡ ^_^ ♡ For You
Published my first issue.


Val's Stuff.
Flag Bracket - 1st for Mk I! 2nd for Mk II!
Issues Thread 4th in Gen Sec

The Sixty! Opinions Deposit! Valentian Stories! Gwen's Adventures! Cat Anthem! Valentian News.
If you are reading my sig, I want you to have the best day ever ! You are worth it, do not let anyone get you down !
Glory to De Geweldige Sierlijke Katachtige Utopia en Zijne Autonome Machten ov Valentine Z !
Q & A Here! | Heights of NS! | F7 Etiquette

Clarissa mistaken for Smurf/Avatar: 14
Valentijn Misgendered: 57
Valentijn now a She!

• Never trouble trouble until trouble troubles you.
• As a wise man once said: 我等は砲兵 皇国の護り (We are Artillery Guardians of the Empire).
• World Map is a cat playing with Australia.

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Fauxia
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Founded: Dec 22, 2016
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Fauxia » Thu Jan 14, 2021 4:15 pm

Hey Val! Good issue here. I've got some nitpicking to do, since that's what I do ;)

You're switching a bit between tenses (in the first sentence you go from "took over" to "has grinded" is past to present. The latter would properly be "has ground", but really I think you should just make it "ground" to fix the tense issue there. There's a couple of those throughout the issue, so try to see if you can fix those. I realize English tenses are weird (and also the mistake in the first sentence is excusable - the newspapers already ran the headlines but the blackout is ongoing. However, you're still not allowed to switch like that in English, sadly), so I can point them out to you later when I have a bit more time and energy if you need me to.

For option 1, I think you should just make the first sentence "I've come to talk with you again!" That is the next line in the song, and the additional words don't really change the meaning at all.
Reploid Productions wrote:Unfortunately, Max still won't buy the mods elite ninja assassin squads to use, so... no such luck.
Sandaoguo wrote:GP is a den of cynics and nihilists

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Valentine Z
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Postby Valentine Z » Thu Jan 14, 2021 9:34 pm

Oh man, that's a bit of a problem I have with myself - grammar and tenses. Thanks for looking into it, I'll make the changes soon! :D

EDIT: Changes have been made. ^^ The issue header was also changed a little because traffic jams seem a little out of place, and I took out dairy products because I'm afraid that it would narrow the validity (must have Cheese/Dairy Industry). The uncooled drinks seems plausible even without the beverage industry.
Last edited by Valentine Z on Thu Jan 14, 2021 11:27 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Photography Stuff. ♡ ^_^ ♡ For You
Published my first issue.


Val's Stuff.
Flag Bracket - 1st for Mk I! 2nd for Mk II!
Issues Thread 4th in Gen Sec

The Sixty! Opinions Deposit! Valentian Stories! Gwen's Adventures! Cat Anthem! Valentian News.
If you are reading my sig, I want you to have the best day ever ! You are worth it, do not let anyone get you down !
Glory to De Geweldige Sierlijke Katachtige Utopia en Zijne Autonome Machten ov Valentine Z !
Q & A Here! | Heights of NS! | F7 Etiquette

Clarissa mistaken for Smurf/Avatar: 14
Valentijn Misgendered: 57
Valentijn now a She!

• Never trouble trouble until trouble troubles you.
• As a wise man once said: 我等は砲兵 皇国の護り (We are Artillery Guardians of the Empire).
• World Map is a cat playing with Australia.

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Valentine Z
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Founded: Nov 08, 2015
Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Valentine Z » Sun Jan 17, 2021 4:07 am

I hope this wasn't too early of a bump, but if there are no further comments on this - and so far, I am quite satisfied with the draft - I can submit this once again if that is okay. :D
Photography Stuff. ♡ ^_^ ♡ For You
Published my first issue.


Val's Stuff.
Flag Bracket - 1st for Mk I! 2nd for Mk II!
Issues Thread 4th in Gen Sec

The Sixty! Opinions Deposit! Valentian Stories! Gwen's Adventures! Cat Anthem! Valentian News.
If you are reading my sig, I want you to have the best day ever ! You are worth it, do not let anyone get you down !
Glory to De Geweldige Sierlijke Katachtige Utopia en Zijne Autonome Machten ov Valentine Z !
Q & A Here! | Heights of NS! | F7 Etiquette

Clarissa mistaken for Smurf/Avatar: 14
Valentijn Misgendered: 57
Valentijn now a She!

• Never trouble trouble until trouble troubles you.
• As a wise man once said: 我等は砲兵 皇国の護り (We are Artillery Guardians of the Empire).
• World Map is a cat playing with Australia.

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Fauxia
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Founded: Dec 22, 2016
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Fauxia » Sun Jan 17, 2021 1:10 pm

The options are quite long if you’re going to have 5 of them.
Reploid Productions wrote:Unfortunately, Max still won't buy the mods elite ninja assassin squads to use, so... no such luck.
Sandaoguo wrote:GP is a den of cynics and nihilists

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Valentine Z
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Founded: Nov 08, 2015
Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Valentine Z » Sun Jan 17, 2021 1:13 pm

Fauxia wrote:The options are quite long if you’re going to have 5 of them.

I could take out Option 2 now that I think about it. Option 1 and 2 are a little too similar with the way they work.

What do you think of it? ^^
Last edited by Valentine Z on Sun Jan 17, 2021 1:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Photography Stuff. ♡ ^_^ ♡ For You
Published my first issue.


Val's Stuff.
Flag Bracket - 1st for Mk I! 2nd for Mk II!
Issues Thread 4th in Gen Sec

The Sixty! Opinions Deposit! Valentian Stories! Gwen's Adventures! Cat Anthem! Valentian News.
If you are reading my sig, I want you to have the best day ever ! You are worth it, do not let anyone get you down !
Glory to De Geweldige Sierlijke Katachtige Utopia en Zijne Autonome Machten ov Valentine Z !
Q & A Here! | Heights of NS! | F7 Etiquette

Clarissa mistaken for Smurf/Avatar: 14
Valentijn Misgendered: 57
Valentijn now a She!

• Never trouble trouble until trouble troubles you.
• As a wise man once said: 我等は砲兵 皇国の護り (We are Artillery Guardians of the Empire).
• World Map is a cat playing with Australia.

User avatar
Fauxia
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Posts: 4665
Founded: Dec 22, 2016
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Fauxia » Sun Jan 17, 2021 1:16 pm

Yeah, I think you could combine those ones.

On that topic, they seem a little too corporation-friendly for what the options support. It’s not a crazy communist option to suggest nationalizing the energy industry. Or keep Option 1, maybe, but NS likes knee-jerk reactions :P

Out of curiosity, why does this require high corruption?
Reploid Productions wrote:Unfortunately, Max still won't buy the mods elite ninja assassin squads to use, so... no such luck.
Sandaoguo wrote:GP is a den of cynics and nihilists

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Valentine Z
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Founded: Nov 08, 2015
Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Valentine Z » Sun Jan 17, 2021 1:20 pm

Fauxia wrote:Yeah, I think you could combine those ones.

On that topic, they seem a little too corporation-friendly for what the options support. It’s not a crazy communist option to suggest nationalizing the energy industry. Or keep Option 1, maybe, but NS likes knee-jerk reactions :P

Out of curiosity, why does this require high corruption?

I will have to write it up later - got a few other things on my mind for now, but thanks, I will see what I can do! :P I could make Option 2 to be more socialist and nationalise the entire thing instead of just a half-half thing with the G-men and the corporations. ^^

As for the High Corruption, hmm, I will take out the validities because I am not the one to know too much about them. I just thought it would be the government being corrupt, but now that I think of it, the corruption is something that the government can't really control, i.e. the corporations are the one doing without the govt knowing. Either way, I will take that bit out.
Photography Stuff. ♡ ^_^ ♡ For You
Published my first issue.


Val's Stuff.
Flag Bracket - 1st for Mk I! 2nd for Mk II!
Issues Thread 4th in Gen Sec

The Sixty! Opinions Deposit! Valentian Stories! Gwen's Adventures! Cat Anthem! Valentian News.
If you are reading my sig, I want you to have the best day ever ! You are worth it, do not let anyone get you down !
Glory to De Geweldige Sierlijke Katachtige Utopia en Zijne Autonome Machten ov Valentine Z !
Q & A Here! | Heights of NS! | F7 Etiquette

Clarissa mistaken for Smurf/Avatar: 14
Valentijn Misgendered: 57
Valentijn now a She!

• Never trouble trouble until trouble troubles you.
• As a wise man once said: 我等は砲兵 皇国の護り (We are Artillery Guardians of the Empire).
• World Map is a cat playing with Australia.

User avatar
Valentine Z
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Posts: 9863
Founded: Nov 08, 2015
Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Valentine Z » Tue Jan 19, 2021 2:34 pm

The 8th draft is up! :D
Photography Stuff. ♡ ^_^ ♡ For You
Published my first issue.


Val's Stuff.
Flag Bracket - 1st for Mk I! 2nd for Mk II!
Issues Thread 4th in Gen Sec

The Sixty! Opinions Deposit! Valentian Stories! Gwen's Adventures! Cat Anthem! Valentian News.
If you are reading my sig, I want you to have the best day ever ! You are worth it, do not let anyone get you down !
Glory to De Geweldige Sierlijke Katachtige Utopia en Zijne Autonome Machten ov Valentine Z !
Q & A Here! | Heights of NS! | F7 Etiquette

Clarissa mistaken for Smurf/Avatar: 14
Valentijn Misgendered: 57
Valentijn now a She!

• Never trouble trouble until trouble troubles you.
• As a wise man once said: 我等は砲兵 皇国の護り (We are Artillery Guardians of the Empire).
• World Map is a cat playing with Australia.

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Electrum
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Founded: Jan 20, 2013
Capitalizt

Postby Electrum » Wed Jan 20, 2021 6:24 am

Valentine Z wrote:Context: So for these past decade or so, Myanmar has suffered blackouts rather frequently. Problem was, we have enough natural gas for everyone, but the exports (especially to China) was so excessive that we don't have enough for our OWN people.


Honestly this is a problem the world over, it's happened where I live too (though, we don't suffer blackouts because we export too much of our own energy) because the gas companies are locked in long-term contracts to supply gas, and overseas gas prices are really high so there is no incentive to sell domestically.

Anyways, here are some remarks:

In general - Issue is quite long. I think it can do with some brevity. And because of the issue title, I think you can add more references to that Simon + Garfunkel song.

Option 1 - The option doesn't explain the link between the 'corrupt' companies and the export of fossil fuels. Are they accepting bribes to export it to a third country? If you're going to go for the corruption angle, it should be explained more clearly.
Option 2 - OK I guess. Could be merged with another option to make the issue shorter, but I'd like to see you update Option 1 first.
Option 5 - If there's not enough fossil fuels to power power plants, where are these people getting their fossil fuels from then? Needs a rethink.
Last edited by Electrum on Wed Jan 20, 2021 6:24 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Valentine Z
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Founded: Nov 08, 2015
Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Valentine Z » Wed Jan 20, 2021 7:03 am

Electrum wrote:Honestly this is a problem the world over, it's happened where I live too (though, we don't suffer blackouts because we export too much of our own energy) because the gas companies are locked in long-term contracts to supply gas, and overseas gas prices are really high so there is no incentive to sell domestically.

Anyways, here are some remarks:

In general - Issue is quite long. I think it can do with some brevity. And because of the issue title, I think you can add more references to that Simon + Garfunkel song.

Option 1 - The option doesn't explain the link between the 'corrupt' companies and the export of fossil fuels. Are they accepting bribes to export it to a third country? If you're going to go for the corruption angle, it should be explained more clearly.
Option 2 - OK I guess. Could be merged with another option to make the issue shorter, but I'd like to see you update Option 1 first.
Option 5 - If there's not enough fossil fuels to power power plants, where are these people getting their fossil fuels from then? Needs a rethink.

I could work with these, thanks again! ^^ I will rewrite Option 1, see what I can do. Option 2, ahh... I guess I will merge it with Option 1.

As for Option 5, it's not really that the country does not have fossil fuels. Rather, the resources are all routed to the companies that sold them, so... that would be a suggestion of people buying fuel directly from these exploiting companies instead of relying on the government power grid.

I could take out Option 3 to make it shorter. I do feel like Option 3 is just there to "Let it flow" but that would be a little akin to dismissing the issue, i.e. just letting these companies continue, anyway.

-----

EDIT: I did my 9th Draft! My mind's fresh enough to do the changes now, hehe. ♥
Last edited by Valentine Z on Wed Jan 20, 2021 7:15 am, edited 2 times in total.
Photography Stuff. ♡ ^_^ ♡ For You
Published my first issue.


Val's Stuff.
Flag Bracket - 1st for Mk I! 2nd for Mk II!
Issues Thread 4th in Gen Sec

The Sixty! Opinions Deposit! Valentian Stories! Gwen's Adventures! Cat Anthem! Valentian News.
If you are reading my sig, I want you to have the best day ever ! You are worth it, do not let anyone get you down !
Glory to De Geweldige Sierlijke Katachtige Utopia en Zijne Autonome Machten ov Valentine Z !
Q & A Here! | Heights of NS! | F7 Etiquette

Clarissa mistaken for Smurf/Avatar: 14
Valentijn Misgendered: 57
Valentijn now a She!

• Never trouble trouble until trouble troubles you.
• As a wise man once said: 我等は砲兵 皇国の護り (We are Artillery Guardians of the Empire).
• World Map is a cat playing with Australia.

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Valentine Z
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Posts: 9863
Founded: Nov 08, 2015
Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Valentine Z » Thu Jan 21, 2021 6:43 am

I am pretty confident with the submission, so... here it is now. Here's to hoping! ♥

And thank you all for the wonderful and delightful feedback throughout since a few years back! :hug:
Photography Stuff. ♡ ^_^ ♡ For You
Published my first issue.


Val's Stuff.
Flag Bracket - 1st for Mk I! 2nd for Mk II!
Issues Thread 4th in Gen Sec

The Sixty! Opinions Deposit! Valentian Stories! Gwen's Adventures! Cat Anthem! Valentian News.
If you are reading my sig, I want you to have the best day ever ! You are worth it, do not let anyone get you down !
Glory to De Geweldige Sierlijke Katachtige Utopia en Zijne Autonome Machten ov Valentine Z !
Q & A Here! | Heights of NS! | F7 Etiquette

Clarissa mistaken for Smurf/Avatar: 14
Valentijn Misgendered: 57
Valentijn now a She!

• Never trouble trouble until trouble troubles you.
• As a wise man once said: 我等は砲兵 皇国の護り (We are Artillery Guardians of the Empire).
• World Map is a cat playing with Australia.

User avatar
Fauxia
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Posts: 4665
Founded: Dec 22, 2016
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Fauxia » Thu Jan 21, 2021 4:38 pm

Good luck Val! It's a good one.
Reploid Productions wrote:Unfortunately, Max still won't buy the mods elite ninja assassin squads to use, so... no such luck.
Sandaoguo wrote:GP is a den of cynics and nihilists

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Frieden-und Freudenland
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Founded: Jul 30, 2015
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Frieden-und Freudenland » Thu Jan 21, 2021 4:43 pm

I really admire your tenacity, Valentine Z. Working on an issue draft for 2,5 years takes lots of grit and patience. You deserve to be applauded for that. And needless to say, this is a really good issue.
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Valentine Z
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Founded: Nov 08, 2015
Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Valentine Z » Thu Jan 21, 2021 4:54 pm

Frieden-und Freudenland wrote:I really admire your tenacity, Valentine Z. Working on an issue draft for 2,5 years takes lots of grit and patience. You deserve to be applauded for that. And needless to say, this is a really good issue.

Thank you very much, I appreciate the sentiment! ♥

To be honest, I am not trying to shift the blame and I really am grateful that my previous editor helped as best as they could. Though yes, I think a good time of that went to me just waiting it out. It just so happened that I recently asked if the issue had a "soft reject" due to inactivity and so here we are. :3
Photography Stuff. ♡ ^_^ ♡ For You
Published my first issue.


Val's Stuff.
Flag Bracket - 1st for Mk I! 2nd for Mk II!
Issues Thread 4th in Gen Sec

The Sixty! Opinions Deposit! Valentian Stories! Gwen's Adventures! Cat Anthem! Valentian News.
If you are reading my sig, I want you to have the best day ever ! You are worth it, do not let anyone get you down !
Glory to De Geweldige Sierlijke Katachtige Utopia en Zijne Autonome Machten ov Valentine Z !
Q & A Here! | Heights of NS! | F7 Etiquette

Clarissa mistaken for Smurf/Avatar: 14
Valentijn Misgendered: 57
Valentijn now a She!

• Never trouble trouble until trouble troubles you.
• As a wise man once said: 我等は砲兵 皇国の護り (We are Artillery Guardians of the Empire).
• World Map is a cat playing with Australia.

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