[I GIVE UP] Foreign Immigration, Wants Restoration

[Crazybloxian Empire]

ISSUE DRAFT!

!! This issue may contain racist language, so this issue is edited by me to remove any racist wording. !!
——-
v1.01 - Complete draft, and completely revamped

v0.01:
• Created issue
v0.02:
Added 2 options
Added effect for all options
v0.03:
Expanded description
v0.04:
Added 4th option
v0.05:
Fixed 2 typos
- poof -> poor
- emigation -> emigration
v0.06:
Biased option 1
v0.06-1:
Expanded effect line of option 3
v0.06-2:
Fixed grammar error (improper words used) in option 1’s effect line
v0.07:
Added occupation info for person mentioned in Option 2
v0.08:
• Fixed typo
- hey -> they
• Added occupation info for all other options except option 1
v0.09:
Changed description to match average issue description
v0.10:
Completely revamped desc
v0.11:
Partly revamped option 1
v1.00
Complete revamp, thanks to Chan Island!
v1.01
Changed number of Maxtopians

Draft:

[title]Foreign Immigration, Wants Restoration

[desc]After dozens of Maxtopians complaining of genocide in the neighbouring countries of @@REGION@@ attempted to knock your border wall down unsuccessfully, thousands of people have come knocking to your door, angry.

Option 1.
[option]“Pfft? Who needs immigration when you can have emigration? Let’s force/emigrate every foreigner from our nation!” shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, a supporter of the @@NAME@@ Racial Singularity League, “We only want one race in @@NAME@@ and that race can only be @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@! All other races should definitely stay out!".
[effect] thousands of cannons are lined up on the borders blasting “immigrant” cannonballs back to their home countries
Option 2.
[option]”I WANT MORE IMMIGRANTS!” shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, a librarian with an interest in anthropology (study of human behavior and society) while throwing, ripping apart, and vandalizing various papers documenting the immigration law.
“Why would you not allow these poor guys to enter? They are vital!”
[effect] immigrants flow in millions, so much that they are dumped in truckloads everyday

Option 3.
[option]”Oh wait. You think the immigrants are a threat? Let em’ in and let’s lock em’ up in out government facilities and let them live miserably!” shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, a racist @@NAME@@pedia editor. We only want just ONE RACE amd that race shall be @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ only. We do not need anymore racial diversity in @@NAME@@. “Simple as 1-2-3! We just let them enter, then we suddenly round em’ up and lock em’ up till kingdom come!"
[effect] immigrants are dumped into prisons and mistreated for so long that they don’t even know the sun exists

Option 4.
[option]”Mmm, hmm. Keeping the ban on immigration huh? What about indigenious peoples and our fellow dang ancestors who lived before us? Kick them out? NO WAY!” @@RANDOMNAME@@, a former criminal convicted on drug offences, shouts into your ear, “These immigrants are probaby ancestors, or our indigenious peoples! Let them in!”.
[effect] immigrants are blasted with millions of racist questions like "Are you a white?" for days upon days before they enter

As for the premise itself, it seems like it has been done before, but some of your effect lines are pretty amusing. For example:

[effect] thousands of cannons are lined up on the borders blasting “immigrant” cannonballs back to their home countries
ISSUE ABANDONED

[Altmer Dominion]

Please respect the time and effort of other posters by not posting to GI till you have a complete draft.

Coming in and seeing a sketched outline like this basically makes us regulars inclined to not visit the thread again.

In this case, characterizing the current draft (right now a description and one option) as an 'outline' would be an overly charitable interpretation.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Glad to see this one looking more complete now.

Broadly, I think the underlying premise is too broad and has doesn't cover much by way of new ground. Currently there's 10 issue options in the game that reverse the ban on immigration, with Issue 909 acting as the most direct "policy reversal". All of those issues have got strong narratives which justify their existence, and ask more complex questions than "shall we reinstate immigration?"

I don't think there's room for this issue in the game as it stands. Essentially, what you're doing is writing from the wrong end of an issue. You've started by thinking about what you want the issue to do (reverse immigration ban), whereas where you should have started is with the premise of the underlying story. Think of a dilemma or situation that would need government attention, then go from there.

[Crazybloxian Empire]

Glad to see this one looking more complete now.

Broadly, I think the underlying premise is too broad and has doesn't cover much by way of new ground. Currently there's 10 issue options in the game that reverse the ban on immigration, with Issue 909 acting as the most direct "policy reversal". All of those issues have got strong narratives which justify their existence, and ask more complex questions than "shall we reinstate immigration?"

I don't think there's room for this issue in the game as it stands. Essentially, what you're doing is writing from the wrong end of an issue. You've started by thinking about what you want the issue to do (reverse immigration ban), whereas where you should have started is with the premise of the underlying story. Think of a dilemma or situation that would need government attention, then go from there.

Well ok, Candlewhisper Archive, although I definitely want a hand at creating my own issues! Hopefully I dream of being the largest author of issues. 1k issues? That is not my dream. But 100k+ issues, that Is what I define the future of NationStates.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Entirely attainable.

But don't try to move the mountain till you can move the pebble. Let's get you able to write a single issue first before we have you challenging Nation of Quebec's record.

[Australian rePublic]

Option 1- only ethnic @@DENONYMPLURAL@@? What about decendants of immigrants? Indigenous peoples?

[Crazybloxian Empire]

Entirely attainable.

But don't try to move the mountain till you can move the pebble. Let's get you able to write a single issue first before we have you challenging Nation of Quebec's record.

55 issues? I could have created like 2,000 The Crazybloxian Times issues in that time! My dream is of being able to write and author at least 15k issues, but I expect to achieve that by the 2070s.

[Chan Island]

I'm sorry, but that description can only make me think of this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_aLESDql1U

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Entirely attainable.

But don't try to move the mountain till you can move the pebble. Let's get you able to write a single issue first before we have you challenging Nation of Quebec's record.

55 issues? I could have created like 2,000 The Crazybloxian Times issues in that time! My dream is of being able to write and author at least 15k issues, but I expect to achieve that by the 2070s.

Love it, mate, you're like an NS version of Donald Trump.

"I'm going to publish two thousand issues, people. Two thousand. Two thousand. It's going to be huge. I'm the best issue writer there is."

[Crazybloxian Empire]

Well, is this issue ok for submission now? I hope so. But SEEEEERIOUSLY, I gotta beat Nation Of Quebec’s 55 issues authored record.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Well, it's a better issue than your last effort, but that's a bit like saying that dog shit is creamier than cat shit. I still wouldn't put either one on my strawberries.

Give it up mate, you're not cut out for this.

[Crazybloxian Empire]

Well, it's a better issue than your last effort, but that's a bit like saying that dog shit is creamier than cat shit. I still wouldn't put either one on my strawberries.

Give it up mate, you're not cut out for this.

Well then, is it a YES or a NO.

[Chan Island]

For now, a no.

Well, is this issue ok for submission now? I hope so. But SEEEEERIOUSLY, I gotta beat Nation Of Quebec’s 55 issues authored record.

Congratulations, you've earned a Chan IslandTM megapost.

If you're serious about that, really serious about this, then you're going to change your attitudes a bit more. Your spirit is great. But currently you're too focused on the dream of writing lots of issues without any consideration as to what those issues are about, how well they are presented, and what unique things you can add into the mix. You say you want to write 2000 issues. A noble goal. Unfortunately, if 2/3rds of NationStates's issues are barely comprehensible rubbish, the issues aspect of this site will die.

Let's pick this draft apart, piece, by piece, to demonstrate exactly what I mean.

Description: So in this description, I have decided to ban all immigration. OK, great. Many interesting dilemmas can come out of this extreme policy position. In fact, it is something that many issues allow you to do, and there are already a handful that discuss the various consequences. You can review the total list here, just to be sure that your issue does not overlap something already written or, if it does, find a way to make it sufficiently different as to justify it existing as a separate issue.

As it stands, this description does not bring much in the way of originality into the issues base. So I've banned immigration, great, and now millions of people are clambering at the border begging me to let them in.... why though? Are they fleeing a war in a neighbouring country? Is, somehow despite all of the evidence in the world right now, @@NAME@@ prospering more than everywhere else? Do they think they can make it in? Have they just not heard? Do they believe that with big mob tactics they can zerg-rush the immigration officials, even if a few hundred die in the process? Have they realised that once you're inside, there is very little chance of actually being deported? You need to ask yourself these questions, because the answer will drastically change the flavour of the resulting issue.

And also, we find out that millions of people are demanding you open the border... again though, why? Are they just leftie luvvies who like to see the world as one big John Lennon fantasy, or are they restauranteurs realising they are running out of waiters? I definitely remember we have an issue about where a family has been separated because of the closed border, so that angle can't be used, but what about a foreign businessman with assets in the country he now can never personally inspect? Once again, the way you answer these questions will dramatically alter the final draft.

Also, you haven't asked, again, why this open borders movement is suddenly strong enough to get the leader of the nation's attention. Presumably, the leader of the nation adopted the policy because (in character) it was a politically expedient or popular thing to do or (out of character) because the player genuinely believes closed borders are the best borders. How are either of these being challenged in this description? What, if you will, could force a player to change their mind?

Let's go back to issue 909 to illustrate. In this dilemma, we see a consequence of closing borders. One spouse and the kids have safely made it to @@NAME@@, but the other one is stuck abroad, braving death camps and bombs yet unable to rejoin their loved ones. It's a horrible situation, and many people who, in theory, love the idea of closed borders are not so hard in the heart as to deny this exception. Or maybe they are. It's not for us to judge. We present the dilemma and let the player role-play their nation however they want to.

Options: These options are extremely basic. Now, I am certainly not opposed to having one liner choices presenting a simple idea, but we can be more creative than that. Who are these people who somehow have access to the leader of the nation? I certainly don't have Mrs May on speed dial, much as I'd like too, so how are these people getting that access? What exactly are they proposing? How would they implement them? What are they doing?
And, more importantly, what are their biases? How are their positions in some way clearly flawed? NationStates is a site that thrives off people feeling like they may have chosen the wrong option. For example, I once answered issue 937 (Ebony Pride) with my utopia account I quickly regretted. That's just part and parcel of this game.

Just as importantly, why are these positions important enough to be merited an ear? And what positions are you going to deliberately exclude from the dilemma? For example, my own issue 973. It is arguably the best one I've ever written. It's an unfunny 2 choicer where, with only seconds to spare before your drone is blown up, do you or do you not shoot to kill a terrorist, despite the presence of innocents. Now, when I presented the choice to my friends and family, I was asked why not manoeuvre the drone to take out the missile guy aiming to blow it up. It's a reasonable choice, but narratively a cop-out. It's too perfect a solution, which is why the issue explicitly tells you there isn't much time.

Effect Lines: None of these currently make much sense, or are just not very interesting. Cannonballs are the ammunition, not the gun itself. Or has the term 'bullet' changed while I wasn't looking?

Dumped by the truckload may make a funny joke, but this current effort doesn't deliver on this potential promise at all.

Immigrants are mistreated for just a year in our prisons? But what if I actually want these people to forget that sunlight is a thing? Surely this line could make a reference to morlocks or.... something.

The idea behind this last line is one I find profoundly amusing. I like to imagine playing Papers Please and handing out questionnaires with questions like "Are you really, really sure you want to come? You can take your time, we know you Maxtopians are indecisive" or "Are you sure your God isn't a savage barbarian?" etc. But, once again, it fails to quite distill that essence into anything funny.

Summary

You have spirit, but need to do a lot of thinking before you can surpass Nation of Quebec. I like your spirit by the way. Makes me wish I could be like that. But your mindset is entirely topsy-turvy. And until you review that mindset, you are going to be held back at every stage of this odyssey to 2000.

[Australian rePublic]

Well, is this issue ok for submission now? I hope so. But SEEEEERIOUSLY, I gotta beat Nation Of Quebec’s 55 issues authored record.

Slow down mate! You don't even have one publisher issue, let alone more than 50. Slow down and get your first one good enough for publication first and keep your goals realistic. Until about 30 minutes ago, my goal was to get into the double digits club, and now that I've achieved that, my next goal is to become a 1%er (i.e. 1% or more of all published issues are mine). If I achieve this, it'll probably be the biggest achievement of my life so far (I know, I know, I'm pathetic) That's realistic as I am only a single issue away from being a 1%er (or two issue, if we reach 1099). Of coarse, I'll have to keep producing good quality issues if I'd want to remain a 1%er, but I have to get there first. My point is slow down and focus on each individual issue, because you're not gonna to get to 56 if you can't even get to one.

Also, I hate to burst your bubble, but it's not likely you'll ever be the number 1 issue publisher. This would mean that NoQ would have to stop producing new issues entierly, and if that did happen, someone else who's significantly closer to that number will just keep pushing up the number you must reach. Unless something were to immediately stop all current published authors from producing new issues, you're never gonna catch up, and the odds of that happening are astronomical. Mathematically speaking, it's virtually impossible to be the number 1 author as you started way too late, and those ahead of you haven't stopped. I'm sorry to break it to you, but the mathematics is against your favour. That's not to say that 56 issues isn't achievable, it is. But by the time you get there, the number 1 slot will be in the hundreds. Alternatiely, you could write a few stupidly long issue chains, which would probably get you ahead, assiming they're all published in a single seating, but to do that, you first must havd many publishex issues. I can give you one million different tips, but it all comes down to "the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step"

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Well, Aussie, I started after most of the editors and I've overtaken them all on number of edits. I'm closing that gap on issues authored too.

I'm also of the opinion that this game could have 10,000 issues, though we'd need a different set-up for that to be feasible, probably at least six times the number of editors. Unlikely to happen though, as this is already an old text-based webgame on a sparkly internet full of other things for people to do.

I'd apologise here for derailing the thread to chat about stuff, but honestly, it's as good a use for this drafting thread as any seeing as the author clearly has no intention of changing his draft in response to criticisms.

If you want a real good laugh though, look at the author's FIRST issue submission. This draft us a work of art compared to that car crash.
viewtopic.php?f=13&t=444829

---

Crazybloxian Empire, if you keep improving at that rate, then I reckon in 4 or 5 drafts time you'll have something that is merely bad rather than terrible. Keep dreaming the dream, dude! I'm finding it funny, if nothing else.

[Crazybloxian Empire]

Well, is this issue ok for submission now? I hope so. But SEEEEERIOUSLY, I gotta beat Nation Of Quebec’s 55 issues authored record.

Slow down mate! You don't even have one publisher issue, let alone more than 50. Slow down and get your first one good enough for publication first and keep your goals realistic. Until about 30 minutes ago, my goal was to get into the double digits club, and now that I've achieved that, my next goal is to become a 1%er (i.e. 1% or more of all published issues are mine). If I achieve this, it'll probably be the biggest achievement of my life so far (I know, I know, I'm pathetic) That's realistic as I am only a single issue away from being a 1%er (or two issue, if we reach 1099). Of coarse, I'll have to keep producing good quality issues if I'd want to remain a 1%er, but I have to get there first. My point is slow down and focus on each individual issue, because you're not gonna to get to 56 if you can't even get to one.

Also, I hate to burst your bubble, but it's not likely you'll ever be the number 1 issue publisher. This would mean that NoQ would have to stop producing new issues entierly, and if that did happen, someone else who's significantly closer to that number will just keep pushing up the number you must reach. Unless something were to immediately stop all current published authors from producing new issues, you're never gonna catch up, and the odds of that happening are astronomical. Mathematically speaking, it's virtually impossible to be the number 1 author as you started way too late, and those ahead of you haven't stopped. I'm sorry to break it to you, but the mathematics is against your favour. That's not to say that 56 issues isn't achievable, it is. But by the time you get there, the number 1 slot will be in the hundreds. Alternatiely, you could write a few stupidly long issue chains, which would probably get you ahead, assiming they're all published in a single seating, but to do that, you first must havd many publishex issues. I can give you one million different tips, but it all comes down to "the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step"

Well, you mean? Well I’m gonna have to wait 600 years to write and author 20k issues. I could have generated 25 million issues of my news publication called The Crazybloxian Times in 600 years.

[The Free Joy State]

Slow down mate! You don't even have one publisher issue, let alone more than 50. Slow down and get your first one good enough for publication first and keep your goals realistic. Until about 30 minutes ago, my goal was to get into the double digits club, and now that I've achieved that, my next goal is to become a 1%er (i.e. 1% or more of all published issues are mine). If I achieve this, it'll probably be the biggest achievement of my life so far (I know, I know, I'm pathetic) That's realistic as I am only a single issue away from being a 1%er (or two issue, if we reach 1099). Of coarse, I'll have to keep producing good quality issues if I'd want to remain a 1%er, but I have to get there first. My point is slow down and focus on each individual issue, because you're not gonna to get to 56 if you can't even get to one.

Also, I hate to burst your bubble, but it's not likely you'll ever be the number 1 issue publisher. This would mean that NoQ would have to stop producing new issues entierly, and if that did happen, someone else who's significantly closer to that number will just keep pushing up the number you must reach. Unless something were to immediately stop all current published authors from producing new issues, you're never gonna catch up, and the odds of that happening are astronomical. Mathematically speaking, it's virtually impossible to be the number 1 author as you started way too late, and those ahead of you haven't stopped. I'm sorry to break it to you, but the mathematics is against your favour. That's not to say that 56 issues isn't achievable, it is. But by the time you get there, the number 1 slot will be in the hundreds. Alternatiely, you could write a few stupidly long issue chains, which would probably get you ahead, assiming they're all published in a single seating, but to do that, you first must havd many publishex issues. I can give you one million different tips, but it all comes down to "the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step"

Well, you mean? Well I’m gonna have to wait 600 years to write and author 20k issues. I could have generated 25 million issues of my news publication called The Crazybloxian Times in 600 years.

This isn't your Crazybloxian Times, where you are the ultimate arbiter of quality.

This is NationStates Got Issues. With NationStates Issues, a team of editors decide which submissions meet the standards for submission, edit those that are suitable and add them to the game. The ones that do not meet the standards are rejected.

If the issues you submit to not meet the standards, then -- in one year, ten years, or one hundred years -- you will not have issue one added to the game.

In short: please work on improving the quality of your submissions.

Many would-be authors have improved the quality of their issues (sometimes considerably). It's all a matter of developing your ideas, listening to feedback, and approaching the team and other players in a receptive frame of mind.

Thank you.

EDIT: Also, OP, it might be worth pointing out that GI is OOC.

[Australian rePublic]

Slow down mate! You don't even have one publisher issue, let alone more than 50. Slow down and get your first one good enough for publication first and keep your goals realistic. Until about 30 minutes ago, my goal was to get into the double digits club, and now that I've achieved that, my next goal is to become a 1%er (i.e. 1% or more of all published issues are mine). If I achieve this, it'll probably be the biggest achievement of my life so far (I know, I know, I'm pathetic) That's realistic as I am only a single issue away from being a 1%er (or two issue, if we reach 1099). Of coarse, I'll have to keep producing good quality issues if I'd want to remain a 1%er, but I have to get there first. My point is slow down and focus on each individual issue, because you're not gonna to get to 56 if you can't even get to one.

Also, I hate to burst your bubble, but it's not likely you'll ever be the number 1 issue publisher. This would mean that NoQ would have to stop producing new issues entierly, and if that did happen, someone else who's significantly closer to that number will just keep pushing up the number you must reach. Unless something were to immediately stop all current published authors from producing new issues, you're never gonna catch up, and the odds of that happening are astronomical. Mathematically speaking, it's virtually impossible to be the number 1 author as you started way too late, and those ahead of you haven't stopped. I'm sorry to break it to you, but the mathematics is against your favour. That's not to say that 56 issues isn't achievable, it is. But by the time you get there, the number 1 slot will be in the hundreds. Alternatiely, you could write a few stupidly long issue chains, which would probably get you ahead, assiming they're all published in a single seating, but to do that, you first must havd many publishex issues. I can give you one million different tips, but it all comes down to "the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step"

Well, you mean? Well I’m gonna have to wait 600 years to write and author 20k issues. I could have generated 25 million issues of my news publication called The Crazybloxian Times in 600 years.

I never said 600 years. When did I say 600 years?

[Australian rePublic]

Well, Aussie, I started after most of the editors and I've overtaken them all on number of edits. I'm closing that gap on issues authored too.

Yes, but that was several hundred issues ago...

[The Marsupial Illuminati]

Well, you mean? Well I’m gonna have to wait 600 years to write and author 20k issues. I could have generated 25 million issues of my news publication called The Crazybloxian Times in 600 years.

The issues of your nation's fictional newspaper are not the same as NS issues. NS issues are dilemmas presented by the game for your nation's leader to deal with. The issues of your news publication have nothing to do with authoring NS issues or this forum.

But SEEEEERIOUSLY, I gotta beat Nation Of Quebec’s 55 issues authored record.

This is not a competition.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

This is not a competition.

Definitely not.

I am winning, though.

[Australian rePublic]

This second draft isn't any worse than my first draft:
viewtopic.php?f=13&t=347593
And that's that jusf drafts. Before I knew that drafting was a thing, I had probably submitted the same issue numerous times in a shittier manner. Crazyblox can improve, if he/she is willing to put the effort in, and if he/she is willing to focus on writing good stories, as oppose to beating pointless scoring systems

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Well said, Aussie.

Though to be fair, that draft never got published either.

[Australian rePublic]

And... I found a few drafts which were older than that...

Well said, Aussie.

Thanks!

Though to be fair, that draft never got published either.

Yes, but that's my point. It doesn't matter if you start off shit. What matters is how much of an effort you make in order to improve. At this stage, it appears that Crazyblox is more concerned with publishing a significant number of issues rather than good quality ones. This will ironically lead to him/her publishing none. When I first started out, I was so keen to get one single issue published that I worked on really hard and got it. By that time, I was getting to know all the nooks and crannies of GI and thought I would try my hand at it again. Also, keep in mind that NoQ has authored more than 5% of all published issues to date

[Crazybloxian Empire]

And... I found a few drafts which were older than that...

Well said, Aussie.

Thanks!

Though to be fair, that draft never got published either.

Yes, but that's my point. It doesn't matter if you start off shit. What matters is how much of an effort you make in order to improve. At this stage, it appears that Crazyblox is more concerned with publishing a significant number of issues rather than good quality ones. This will ironically lead to him/her publishing none. When I first started out, I was so keen to get one single issue published that I worked on really hard and got it. By that time, I was getting to know all the nooks and crannies of GI and thought I would try my hand at it again. Also, keep in mind that NoQ has authored more than 5% of all published issues to date

Out of Topic: NEVER EVER REFERENCE TO ME AS CRAZYBLOX.