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[ACCEPTED] - Halting the Heirloom Heist!

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Candensia
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Founded: Apr 20, 2017
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Candensia » Thu Aug 16, 2018 10:49 am

I've updated the draft version.

Option 4 now features replacing your royal jewelry with plastic. (Thanks Jutsa)

Option 4 and Effect 4 have been redone.
Last edited by Candensia on Thu Aug 16, 2018 5:30 pm, edited 3 times in total.
The Free Joy State wrote:Time spent working on writing skills -- even if the draft doesn't work -- is never wasted.
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Chan Island
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Postby Chan Island » Thu Aug 16, 2018 11:28 am

Candensia wrote:I've updated the draft version.

Option 4 and Effect 4 have been redone.


I now desperately want an effect line for option 4 where the thieves have gone and stolen the plastic Crown Jewels anyway.
Last edited by Chan Island on Thu Aug 16, 2018 11:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
viewtopic.php?f=20&t=513597&p=39401766#p39401766
Conserative Morality wrote:"It's not time yet" is a tactic used by reactionaries in every era. "It's not time for democracy, it's not time for capitalism, it's not time for emancipation." Of course it's not time. It's never time, not on its own. You make it time. If you're under fire in the no-man's land of WW1, you start digging a foxhole even if the ideal time would be when you *aren't* being bombarded, because once you wait for it to be 'time', other situations will need your attention, assuming you survive that long. If the fields aren't furrowed, plow them. If the iron is not hot, make it so. If society is not ready, change it.
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Candensia
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Postby Candensia » Thu Aug 16, 2018 12:01 pm

Chan Island wrote:
Candensia wrote:I've updated the draft version.

Option 4 and Effect 4 have been redone.


I now desperately want an effect line for option 4 where the thieves have gone and stolen the plastic Crown Jewels anyway.


perhaps something like

[effect] - thieves have made off with the entire collection of royal plastic
The Free Joy State wrote:Time spent working on writing skills -- even if the draft doesn't work -- is never wasted.
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Chan Island
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Postby Chan Island » Thu Aug 16, 2018 2:42 pm

Candensia wrote:
Chan Island wrote:
I now desperately want an effect line for option 4 where the thieves have gone and stolen the plastic Crown Jewels anyway.


perhaps something like

[effect] - thieves have made off with the entire collection of royal plastic


Love it!
viewtopic.php?f=20&t=513597&p=39401766#p39401766
Conserative Morality wrote:"It's not time yet" is a tactic used by reactionaries in every era. "It's not time for democracy, it's not time for capitalism, it's not time for emancipation." Of course it's not time. It's never time, not on its own. You make it time. If you're under fire in the no-man's land of WW1, you start digging a foxhole even if the ideal time would be when you *aren't* being bombarded, because once you wait for it to be 'time', other situations will need your attention, assuming you survive that long. If the fields aren't furrowed, plow them. If the iron is not hot, make it so. If society is not ready, change it.
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Candensia
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Postby Candensia » Thu Aug 16, 2018 2:49 pm

Done and done. :)

Effect 4 has been updated.


Anything else need attention?
Last edited by Candensia on Thu Aug 16, 2018 3:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.
The Free Joy State wrote:Time spent working on writing skills -- even if the draft doesn't work -- is never wasted.
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Fauxia
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Postby Fauxia » Thu Aug 16, 2018 8:21 pm

The false alliteration kind of annoys me.
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Jutsa
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Postby Jutsa » Thu Aug 16, 2018 9:10 pm

It honestly doesn't annoy me, but that's probably because I actually pronounce the h in heirloom.

In fact I kinda forgot that most people don't...
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Sacara
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Postby Sacara » Thu Aug 16, 2018 10:37 pm

Jutsa wrote:...pronounce the h in heirloom.
:blink:

It's looking good.
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Chan Island
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Postby Chan Island » Fri Aug 17, 2018 3:29 am

Jutsa wrote: because I actually pronounce the h in heirloom.


Is - Is that a regional thing? Or is that a particular Jutsa quirk?
viewtopic.php?f=20&t=513597&p=39401766#p39401766
Conserative Morality wrote:"It's not time yet" is a tactic used by reactionaries in every era. "It's not time for democracy, it's not time for capitalism, it's not time for emancipation." Of course it's not time. It's never time, not on its own. You make it time. If you're under fire in the no-man's land of WW1, you start digging a foxhole even if the ideal time would be when you *aren't* being bombarded, because once you wait for it to be 'time', other situations will need your attention, assuming you survive that long. If the fields aren't furrowed, plow them. If the iron is not hot, make it so. If society is not ready, change it.
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Candensia
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Founded: Apr 20, 2017
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Candensia » Fri Aug 17, 2018 4:42 am

To satisfy Fauxia’s comment, I’ve changed the title to Halting the Hairloom Heist!

Just kitting. :lol2:

I’m putting this draft on last call. If no critical concerns are raised, it will be submitted in the next few days.
Last edited by Candensia on Fri Aug 17, 2018 7:11 am, edited 1 time in total.
The Free Joy State wrote:Time spent working on writing skills -- even if the draft doesn't work -- is never wasted.
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Candensia
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Founded: Apr 20, 2017
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Candensia » Wed Aug 22, 2018 9:37 am

I have submitted Halting The Heirloom Heist!

Thanks for all the wonderful feedback and help on this one. As always, I truly appreciate it. :)
The Free Joy State wrote:Time spent working on writing skills -- even if the draft doesn't work -- is never wasted.
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Hediacrana
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Postby Hediacrana » Wed Aug 22, 2018 9:50 am

Good luck!
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Sacara
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Postby Sacara » Wed Aug 22, 2018 10:48 am

Good luck! It's been awhile since my first comment on this thread.
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Australian rePublic
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Postby Australian rePublic » Wed Aug 22, 2018 3:30 pm

Good luck
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