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[ACCEPTED] An Explosive Argument

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Jutsa
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[ACCEPTED] An Explosive Argument

Postby Jutsa » Mon Jun 11, 2018 1:45 pm

Though my motivation to work on drafts is facing a drought, I figured I'd get a little input on one other draft in the meantime.
This is somewhat inspired off of an irl event I heard from... I think scishow? Idk how good an issue it'd make, but I thought I'd give it a try. :P

Draft 1.11
Title: An Explosive Argument
The Issue: @@RANDOMNAME_1@@ was watching nuclear missile detection screens when @@HE@@ saw a purported nuke heading straight for @@CAPITAL@@. Although protocol states that a nuclear counter-strike should ensue, @@HE@@ suspected that the outdated machinery was just glitching again and did not alert anyone of @@HIS@@ findings. An investigation later showed that the system had actually detected a red balloon, and with repairs underway, the fate of @@RNAME_1@@ and the nuclear arms race has been presented to your desk.
Validity: Must have WMDs

Option 1: "@@FIRSTNAME_1@@ saved the world from apocalypse!" praises @@RANDOMFEMALEFIRSTNAME@@ @@LASTNAME_1@@, the mother of the officer in question. "Had @@HE_1@@ reported it, we would all be dead! @@HE_1@@ should be treated as a hero and set an example for the future. Speaking of the future, You should really put more tax money into malfunction detection training and overhauling the equipment. If my little angel isn't on duty and something like this happens again, who knows what might happen!"
[effect] nuclear watchmen are paid to watch cartoons on their detection screens

Option 2: "Sure, lets reward @@HIM_1@@ — and why not send @@REGION@@ into a panic while we're at it?" mocks @@RANDOMNAME@@, who created the faulty machine. "We'd become a laughingstock as well as a threat. We must pretend this never happened, and fire this @@MAN_1@@ for creating such a lie. After all, @@HE_1@@ deserves it for not reporting in the first place." @@HE@@ pauses for a moment. "And maybe hire someone more professional."
[effect] early nuclear warning systems are left vacant for days every time the power goes out

Option 3: "The fact that reporting it would have caused a nuclear apocalypse is the real problem here," suggests author of Nukes: What are they good for?, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while building a bomb shelter under your desk. "This sets precedent against warning the populace. We must get rid of all of our weapons of mass destruction, so we can alert everyone of any suspicious activity without, you know, destroying the world."
[effect] national defenses have been slashed to defend the nation
[Flag Change] No WMDs

Option 4: "Hey, what idiot put a red balloon up there?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, renowned for a traumatic incident involving being stuck in a room with a hundred balloons. "They're a waste of helium and are functionally useless except in kids' birthday parties. If we ban balloons, we'll be sure this problem won't arise again!"
[effect] planes are shot down upon being detected as rogue balloons


Title: An Explosive Argument
The Issue: @@RANDOMNAME_1@@ was watching nuclear missile detection screens when @@HE@@ saw a nuke heading straight for @@CAPITAL@@. Protocol states that a nuclear counter-strike should ensue. However, suspecting that the outdated machinery was just glitching again, @@HE@@ did not alert anyone of @@HIS@@ findings. An investigation later showed that the system had actually detected a red balloon, and as repairs are underway, the fate of @@RNAME_1@@ and the nuclear arms race has been presented to your desk.
Validity: Must have WMDs

Option 1: "@@FIRSTNAME_1@@ saved the world from apocalypse!" praises @@RANDOMFEMALEFIRSTNAME@@ @@LASTNAME_1@@, the mother of the officer in question. "Had @@HE_1@@ reported it, we would all be dead! @@HE_1@@ should be treated as a hero and set an example for the future. You should really put more tax money into malfunction detection training and overhauling the equipment."
[effect] nuclear watchmen are paid to watch cartoons on their detection screens

Option 2: "Sure, lets reward @@HIM_1@@ — and why not send @@REGION@@ into a panic while we're at it?" interrogates @@RANDOMNAME@@, who created the faulty machine. "We'd become a laughing stock as well as a threat. We must pretend this never happened, and fire this @@MAN_1@@ for creating such a lie. After all, @@HE_1@@ deserves it for not reporting in the first place." @@HE@@ pauses for a moment. "And maybe hire someone more professional."
[effect] nuclear watchposts are left vacant for days every time the power goes out

Option 3: "The fact that reporting it would have caused a nuclear apocalypse is the real problem here," suggests author of Nukes: What are they good for?, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while building a bomb shelter under your desk. "This sets precedent against warning the populace. We must get rid of all of our weapons of mass destruction, so we can alert everyone of any suspicious activity without, you know, destroying the world."
[effect] national defenses have been slashed to defend the nation
[Flag Change] No WMDs

Option 4: "Hey, what idiot put a red balloon up there?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, renowned for a traumatic incident involving being stuck in a room with a hundred balloons. "They're a waste of helium and are functionally useless. If we ban balloons, we'll be sure this problem won't arise again!"
[effect] planes are shot down upon being detected as rogue balloons


Title: An Explosive Argument
The Issue: @@RANDOMNAME_1@@ was watching nuclear missile detection screens when @@HE@@ saw a nuke heading straight for @@CAPITAL@@. However, suspecting something was wrong, @@HE@@ did not alert anyone of @@HIS@@ findings. An investigation later showed that the system did malfuction, and as repairs are underway, the fate of @@RNAME_1@@ and the nuclear arms race has been presented to your desk.
Validity: Must have WMDs

Option 1: "@@FIRSTNAME_1@@ saved the world from apocolypse!" praises @@RANDOMFEMALEFIRSTNAME@@ @@LASTNAME_1@@, the mother of the officer in question. "Had @@HE_1@@ reported it, we would all be dead! @@HE_1@@ should be treated as a hero and set an example for the future. You should really put more tax money into malfunction detection training and better equipment."
[effect] nuclear watchmen are paid to watch cartoons on their nuclear detection screens

Option 2: "Sure, lets reward @@HIM_1@@ — and why not send @@REGION@@ into a panic while we're at it?" interrogates @@RANDOMNAME@@, who created the faulty machine. "We'd become a laughing stalk as well as a threat. We must pretend this never happened, and fire this @@MAN_1@@ for creating such a lie. After all, @@HE_1@@ deserves it for not reporting it in the first place."
[effect] nuclear watchposts are left vacant for days every time the power goes out

Option 3: "The fact that reporting it would have caused a nuclear apocolypse is the real problem here," suggests author of Nukes: What are they good for?, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while building a bomb shelter under your desk. "This sets precident against warning the populace. We must get rid of all of our nukes, so we can alert everyone of any suspicious activity without, you know, destroying the world."
[effect] national defenses have been slashed to defend the nation
[Flag Change] No WMDs
Last edited by Jutsa on Fri Oct 05, 2018 10:21 am, edited 11 times in total.
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Jutsa
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Postby Jutsa » Mon Jun 11, 2018 1:47 pm

Oh yeah, I also am aware that there are wmds that are not nukes. Honestly not sure how to work around that, though.
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Frieden-und Freudenland
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Postby Frieden-und Freudenland » Mon Jun 11, 2018 1:59 pm

Jutsa wrote:Oh yeah, I also am aware that there are wmds that are not nukes. Honestly not sure how to work around that, though.

add the additional validity check for having nuclear power?

Jutsa wrote:Though my motivation to work on drafts is facing a drought, I figured I'd get a little input on one other draft in the meantime.
This is somewhat inspired off of an irl event I heard from... I think scishow? Idk how good an issue it'd make, but I thought I'd give it a try. :P

Title: An Explosive Argument
The Issue: @@RANDOMNAME_1@@ was watching nuclear missile detection screens when @@HE@@ saw a nuke heading straight for @@CAPITAL@@. However, suspecting something was wrong, @@HE@@ did not alert anyone of @@HIS@@ findings. An investigation later showed that the system did malfuction, and as repairs are underway, the fate of @@RNAME_1@@ and the nuclear arms race has been presented to your desk.
Validity: Must have WMDs

Option 1: "@@FIRSTNAME_1@@ saved the world from apocolypse!" praises @@RANDOMFEMALEFIRSTNAME@@ @@LASTNAME_1@@, the mother of the officer in question. "Had @@HE_1@@ reported it, we would all be dead! @@HE_1@@ should be treated as a hero and set an example for the future. You should really put more tax money into malfunction detection training and better equipment."
[effect] nuclear watchmen are paid to watch cartoons on their nuclear detection screens

Option 2: "Sure, lets reward @@HIM_1@@ — and why not send @@REGION@@ into a panic while we're at it?" interrogates @@RANDOMNAME@@, who created the faulty machine. "We'd become a laughing stalk as well as a threat. We must pretend this never happened, and fire this @@MAN_1@@ for creating such a lie. After all, @@HE_1@@ deserves it for not reporting it in the first place."
[effect] nuclear watchposts are left vacant for days every time the power goes out

Option 3: "The fact that reporting it would have caused a nuclear apocolypse is the real problem here," suggests author of Nukes: What are they good for?, @@RANDOMNAME@@, while building a bomb shelter under your desk. "This sets precident against warning the populace. We must get rid of all of our nukes, so we can alert everyone of any suspicious activity without, you know, destroying the world."
[effect] national defenses have been slashed to defend the nation
[Flag Change] No WMDs


Very nice issue. But you are jumping a step in the logical progression from "not reporting the missiles" to "preventing a nuclear apocalypse."

I think it would be easier to read this issue if you added a sentence that clarified that @@NAME@@ would have responded to the putative "attacker" if a false nuke attack had been reported, and this aggression would have triggered a nuclear war between @@NAME@@ and... whoever was assumed to have shot the missile, I guess? By not reporting, the controller has prevented that. But you should put it a bit more explicitly, I think.
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Jutsa
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Postby Jutsa » Mon Jun 11, 2018 2:01 pm

Hmm, yeah... that'd make a lot of sense, actually. That said, there's not much point in actually having nukes if you'd never use them in a counter attack...
ed: still might not hurt to explicitly mention that though. :P
Last edited by Jutsa on Mon Jun 11, 2018 2:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Frieden-und Freudenland
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Postby Frieden-und Freudenland » Mon Jun 11, 2018 2:03 pm

Jutsa wrote:Hmm, yeah... that'd make a lot of sense, actually. That said, there's not much point in actually having nukes if you'd never use them in a counter attack...
ed: still might not hurt to explicitly mention that though. :P

But the problem is, in this case, you wouldn't be using them in a "counter"-attack. Because there was no attack to begin with. (Did I understand this right?) The malfunctioning screens made it look like there was a missile coming towards @@CAPITAL@@.
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Jutsa
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Postby Jutsa » Mon Jun 11, 2018 2:14 pm

Exactly, so if it were reported, they'd assume that they'd be launching a counter-attack, and actually be causing a preemptive strike. :P
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Postby Annihilators of Chan Island » Mon Jun 11, 2018 9:48 pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Y1ya-yF35g

I think this might be an angle you might want to look into. In summary, the nuclear weapons facilities are often outdated and staffed by the people who were not good enough to get into other branches. The watchman not reporting the fantasy missile might be much more vindicated if he just thought 'eh, my piece of crap machine is just acting up again'.
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Postby Jutsa » Mon Jun 11, 2018 10:11 pm

Ayy! John Oliver!

I'll probably take a look at it upon waking up. :P
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Postby Annihilators of Chan Island » Mon Jun 11, 2018 10:13 pm

Jutsa wrote:Ayy! John Oliver!

I'll probably take a look at it upon waking up. :P


.... And here we see confirmation that Jutsa sleepNationStates ;)
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Postby Islands of Washington » Mon Jun 11, 2018 10:16 pm

This is actually based on a story in The Cold War of a Russian man I believe that mistakenly saw the Nuclear Missile, and ordered his crew not to report it, because he saw it logical that a first strike would not be the smartest route for either side to take
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Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Tue Jun 12, 2018 12:57 am

Yes, Stanislav Petrov. I think it's a pretty well known story.
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Postby Australian rePublic » Tue Jun 12, 2018 3:04 am

I know the nuke is implied, but you should dpecify anyway
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Postby Islands of Washington » Tue Jun 12, 2018 8:27 am

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:Yes, Stanislav Petrov. I think it's a pretty well known story.

I was honestly not sure I got a portion of that right, and he said he couldn't remember it, so I decided to get ze story on the forum
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Postby Bears Armed » Tue Jun 12, 2018 10:02 am

Frieden-und Freudenland wrote:
Jutsa wrote:Oh yeah, I also am aware that there are wmds that are not nukes. Honestly not sure how to work around that, though.

add the additional validity check for having nuclear power?

Not absolutely necessary: In RL, the bombs were developed before the power plants...
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Postby Australian rePublic » Tue Jun 12, 2018 2:58 pm

This needs references to the song "99 Luftballons"
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Jutsa
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Postby Jutsa » Thu Jun 14, 2018 9:17 pm

Finally watched that John Oliver video. Gotta say, that's impressively stupid. :rofl:
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Postby Nicana » Fri Jun 15, 2018 7:54 am

There's a couple of typos, such as "precedent", "apocalypse", and "laughing stock".

Also there's a bit of repetition. Maybe don't use "nukes" twice in the third option. The colloquial is fine in the book title but have him say "WMDs" or "these weapons" or similar. Same for using "it" twice in the second option: either "deserves to be fired" or "for not reporting the warning". And no need for using "nuclear" twice in the first issue effect.

I like the issue premise: it's a famous incident. It just lacks a bit of humour. Would a sillier option be out of place? For example, some false alerts have allegedly been triggered by migratory birds - an option to wipe out birdlife around reporting stations? Or, a particularly strict general who wants nuclear posture to require firing even if it is a false alert, just to be sure?

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Jutsa
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Postby Jutsa » Fri Jun 15, 2018 8:07 am

Alright @FuF and @Aussie: Added a preemptive strike to the description. It's a little long, but I think it's worth it.

@Chan: I loved that video! Unfortunately, it mostly doesn't work with the draft I've made, but I at least had it justified with an old, beat up machine.

@Aussie again: Added a red balloon to the description... ;)

@Nicana: Thank you very much! Implemented most of the stuff you suggested. :)
Since I used a balloon, it kinda made option 4 a no-brainer. :rofl:

ed: Now that's another song I can't stop listening to. I swear, music was better before 2000.
ed2: Wow. Thanks, golgothastan. :rofl:
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Last edited by Jutsa on Fri Jun 15, 2018 8:26 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Jutsa
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Postby Jutsa » Fri Jun 22, 2018 2:13 pm

Bump~

I'll only keep this one up for a couple more weeks unless major edits are made. :)
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Postby Shwe Tu Colony » Sun Jun 24, 2018 1:19 pm

Orange words are suggestions, orange ellipsis are removed phrases, underlined words are comments.
Code: Select all
[color=#FF6A00][/color]


Jutsa wrote:Draft 1.10
Title: An Explosive Argument
The Issue: @@RANDOMNAME_1@@ was watching nuclear missile detection screens when @@HE@@ saw a purported nuke heading straight for @@CAPITAL@@. While protocol states that a nuclear counter-strike should ensue, @@HE@@ suspected that the outdated machinery was just glitching again and did not alert anyone of @@HIS@@ findings. An investigation later showed that the system had actually detected a red balloon, and with repairs ... underway, the fate of @@RNAME_1@@ and the nuclear arms race has been presented to your desk.
Validity: Must have WMDs

Option 1: "@@FIRSTNAME_1@@ saved the world from apocalypse!" praises @@RANDOMFEMALEFIRSTNAME@@ @@LASTNAME_1@@, the mother of the officer in question. "Had @@HE_1@@ reported it, we would all be dead! @@HE_1@@ should be treated as a hero and set an example for the future. Speaking of the future, you should really put more tax money into malfunction detection training and overhauling the equipment. If my little angel isn't on duty and something like this happens again, who knows what might happen!"
[effect] nuclear watchmen are paid to watch cartoons on their detection screens

Option 2: "Sure, lets reward @@HIM_1@@ — and why not send @@REGION@@ into a panic while we're at it?" mocks @@RANDOMNAME@@, who created the faulty machine. "We'd become a laughingstock as well as a threat. We must pretend this never happened, and fire this @@MAN_1@@ for creating such a lie. After all, @@HE_1@@ deserves it for not reporting in the first place." @@HE@@ pauses for a moment. "And maybe hire someone more professional."
[effect] early nuclear warning systems are left vacant for days every time the power goes out

Option 3: "The fact that reporting it would have caused a nuclear apocalypse is the real problem here," suggests author of Nukes: What are they good for? ... @@RANDOMNAME@@ while building a bomb shelter under your desk. "This sets precedent against warning the populace. We must get rid of all of our weapons of mass destruction, so we can alert everyone of any suspicious activity without, you know, destroying the world."
[effect] national defenses have been slashed to defend the nation
[Flag Change] No WMDs

Option 4: "Hey, what idiot put a red balloon up there?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, renowned for a traumatic incident involving being stuck in a room with a hundred balloons. "They're a waste of helium and are functionally useless except in kids' birthday parties. If we ban balloons, we'll be sure this problem won't arise again!"
[effect] planes are shot down upon being detected as rogue balloons
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Jutsa
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Postby Jutsa » Sat Jul 14, 2018 1:24 pm

Added almost every suggestion there! I was very hesitant at first to add that extra sentence to option 1... but, I think option 4 is short enough to make up for that.

Thank you, Shwe. :)
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Jutsa
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Postby Jutsa » Sun Jul 22, 2018 4:50 pm

Weekly bump!

I kinda suspect this won't need much more work, though... leaving this up for only about another two weeks, I think. :)
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Chan Island
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Postby Chan Island » Mon Jul 23, 2018 2:26 am

Jutsa wrote:Weekly bump!

I kinda suspect this won't need much more work, though... leaving this up for only about another two weeks, I think. :)


Or you can submit it already. It's of a good standard as is in my opinion.
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Jutsa
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Postby Jutsa » Mon Jul 23, 2018 9:48 am

I'll settle for a compromise and say one week. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Sacara
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Postby Sacara » Mon Jul 23, 2018 10:32 am

Or just submit now. ;)

Honestly, this is a good draft, and unless you plan on changing anything, I'll believe you're ready to submit.
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