[SUBMITTED] Most Uncourteous (3rd variant)

by **Shwe Tu Colony** » Fri May 18, 2018 8:55 pm

Underlined phrases are my own comments & notes & orange words are changes from the previous draft. If just the option & its number are orange, then a whole new option has been introduced. I believe that the description should be vague enough to fit into the "no courts" replacement systems.

Code: Select all: [color=#FF6A00][/color]

Title: Most Uncourteuos
Validity: Must not have courts
Description: Your best spy, Sane Sirob, was suddenly apprehended in @@NAME@@ while returning from his latest mission. During your visit to him, he claimed that a Blackacre spy ring had framed him and used the lack of proper courts to their advantage.

Option 1: "I am saddened that I only have one life for our nation," mourns Sirob. "But whatever purported 'justice' we have in this nation can not go on. Without the support of the courts, our enemies have slipped into our nation, and it is far too easy for them to yell out the name and a supposed 'deed' of one of our nation's good men to doom him. With a proper system, it will be nearly impossible for our enemies to insidiously assault us like this, but with this one we have? One lazy move from them, and the sucker's fate is sealed."
Fallout 1: a court case a day keeps the Blackacre spies away

Option 2: "Have you seen what goes on in a court? It's all pointless!" claims a lawyer. "For example, we can catch a serial killer, but it's not like the death of a few more people would really matter. Eventually, someone will turn the tables on them and kill them right back for no cost to us, but a court case would siphon funds that could be used elsewhere. And for anything smaller, the victim will learn to prevent it from happening again. Courts were never that useful in the first place, so you may as well remove any last vestiges of that system to enhance our current one. Much less pricey."
Fallout 2: victims of criminal activity are told "to not let it happen again"

Option 3: "Wait, how do we know if this really is true?" questions ambassador to Blackacre @@RANDOMNAME@@, who is infamous for his supposed sympathetic opinion towards them. "Sirob's parents were killed by Blackacre agents, so of course he'd hate them! Don't believe me? Just see what damage he does to their public restrooms!" The ambassador pulls out @@HIS@@ phone to show you, but you stop him before he can ... . "Still, I'm not certain if he's telling the truth. I know that you trust me, so how about you give me some time to investigate this?"
Fallout 3: enemy spies often bribe the nation's officials to suppress @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ spies

(must have private industry)
Option 4: "Courts too expensive? Not willing to spend so much money on justice?" queries a businessperson, sassily walking into your office. "Well have I got a solution for you! @@LEADER@@, my name is @@RANDOMNAME@@, and I'm here to give you a deal. Instead of wasting the citizens' money on justice, my company can create and manage the future courts of @@NATION@@! We'll make sure every case is resolved as quick as lightning, I promise you. Just sign here." @@HE@@ then shoves a clipboard, pen, and a stack of papers into your hands.
Fallout 4: privatized courts waste most of their time on trying to sue the rivals of their owners

(must not have private industry)
Option 5: "Courts too expensive? Not willing to spend so much money on justice?" queries a businessperson, sassily walking into your office. "Well have I got a solution for you! @@LEADER@@, my name is @@RANDOMNAME@@, and I'm here to give you a deal. Instead of spending the citizens' money on justice, my company can create and manage the future courts of @@NATION@@! As for the communist thing... well, just let us be exempt. Now then, sign here, would you?" @@HE@@ then shoves a clipboard, pen, and a stack of papers into your hands.
Fallout 5: privatized courts waste most of their time on trying to sue the rivals of their owners

by **Shwe Tu Colony** » Fri May 18, 2018 8:55 pm

To make it easier to edit the original post, this post will be getting edited for previous copies so then I don't have to deal with a mile-long post each time I have to make a change.

Title: Most Uncourteuos
Validity: Must not have courts
Description: Your most trustworthy spy, @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Hale, was suddenly violently attacked in @@NAME@@ while returning from @@HIS@@ latest mission. Apparently, another unidentified spy ring had framed @@HIM@@, using the lack of proper courts to their advantage.

Option 1: "I am saddened that I only have one life for our nation," mourns the spy, greatly injured from the assault. "But whatever purported 'justice' we have in this nation can not go on. Without the support of the courts, our enemies have slipped into our nation, and it is far too easy for them to yell out the name and a supposed 'deed' of one of our nation's good men to doom him. With a proper system, there are so many things to manipulate, but with this one we have? One move from them, and the sucker's fate is sealed."
Fallout 1: courts have been reinstated

Option 2: "Have you seen what goes on in a court? It's all pointless!" claims a lawyer ... . "For example, we can catch a serial killer, but it's not like the death of a few more people would really matter, would it? Eventually, someone will turn the tables on them and kill them right back. No cost to us, but a court case would siphon funds that could be used elsewhere. And who cares for anything smaller? The victim will learn to prevent it from happening again. Courts were never that useful in the first place, so you may as well hand over the justice to the citizens. Much less pricey."
Fallout 2: victims of criminal activity are told "to not let it happen again"

(must have private industry)
Option 3: "Courts too expensive? Not willing to spend so much money on justice?" queries a businessperson, sassily walking into your office. "Well have I got a solution for you! Good day, @@LEADER@@, my name is @@RANDOMNAME@@, and I'm here to give you a deal. Instead of wasting the citizens' money on justice, my company can create and manage the future courts of @@NATION@@! We'll make sure every case is resolved as quick as lightning, I promise you. Just sign here." @@HE@@ then shoves a clipboard, pen, and a stack of papers into your hands.
Fallout 3: privatized courts waste most of their time on trying to sue the rivals of their owners

(must not have private industry)
Option 4: "Courts too expensive? Not willing to spend so much money on justice?" queries a businessperson, sassily walking into your office. "Well have I got a solution for you! Good day, @@LEADER@@, my name is @@RANDOMNAME@@, and I'm here to give you a deal. Instead of spending the citizens' money on justice, my company can create and manage the future courts of @@NATION@@! As for the communist thing... well, just let us be exempt. Now then, sign here, would you?" @@HE@@ then shoves a clipboard, pen, and a stack of papers into your hands.
Fallout 3: privatized courts waste most of their time on trying to sue the rivals of their owners

Title: Most Uncourteuos
Validity: Must not have courts
Description: Your most trustworthy spy, @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Hale, was suddenly violently attacked in @@NAME@@ while returning from @@HIS@@ latest mission. Apparently, another unidentified spy ring had framed @@HIM@@, using the lack of proper courts to their advantage.

Option 1: "I am saddened that I have only one life for our nation," mourns the spy, greatly injured from the assault. "But whatever purported 'justice' we have in this nation can not go on. Without the support of the courts, our enemies have slipped into our nation, and it is far too easy for them to yell out the name and a supposed 'deed' of one of our nation's good men to doom him. With a proper system, there are so many things to manipulate, but with this one we have? One move from them, and the sucker's fate is sealed."
Fallout 1: courts have been reinstated

Option 2: "Have you seen what goes on in a court? It's disgusting!" claims a lawyer that had once been arrested for violent assault. "For example, we can catch a serial killer, but it's not like the death of a few more people would really matter, would it? Eventually, someone will turn the tables on them and kill them right back. No cost to us, but a court case would siphon funds that could be used elsewhere. And who cares for anything smaller? The victim will learn to prevent it from happening again. Courts were never that useful in the first place."
Fallout 2: victims of criminal activity are told "to not let it happen again"

...

(must have private industry)
Option 3: "Courts too expensive? Not willing to spend so much money on justice?" queries a businessperson, sassily walking into your office. "Well have I got a solution for you! Good day, @@LEADER@@, my name is @@RANDOMNAME@@, and I'm here to give you a deal. Instead of spending the citizens' tax money on justice — and getting nothing from it, too — my company can create and manage the future courts of @@NATION@@! We'll make sure every case is resolved as quick as lightning, I promise you. Just sign here." @@HE@@ then shoves a clipboard, pen, and a stack of papers into your hands.
Fallout 3: privatized courts waste most of their time on trying to sue the rivals of their owners

Title: Most Uncourteuos
Validity: Must not have courts
Description: Your most trustworthy spy, @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Hale, was suddenly violently attacked in the nation while returning from their latest mission. Apparently, another unidentified spy ring had framed @@HIM@@, using the lack of proper courts to their advantage.

Option 1: "I am saddened that I have only one life for our nation," mourns the spy, greatly injured from the assault. "But whatever purported 'justice' we have in this nation can not go on. Without the support of the courts, our enemies have slipped into our nation, and it is far too easy for them to yell out the name and a supposed 'deed' of one of our nation's good men to doom him. With a proper system, there are so many things to manipulate, but with this one we have? One move from them, and the sucker's fate is sealed."
Fallout 1: courts have been reinstated

Option 2: "Have you seen what goes on in a court? It's disgusting!" claims a lawyer that had once been arrested for violent assault. "For example, we can catch a serial killer, but it's not like the death of a few more people would really matter, would it? Eventually, someone will turn the tables on them and kill them right back. No cost to us, but a court case would siphon funds that could be used elsewhere. And who cares for anything smaller? The victim will learn to prevent it from happening again. Courts were never that useful in the first place."
Fallout 2: victims of criminal activity are told "to not let it happen again"

Option 3: "Wait, the victim here was a spy! That means that you've been spying on us, @@LEADER@@!" questions @@RANDOMNAME@@, a @@MAN@@ who owns numerous VPN servers. "Stop invading our privacy, or that of any other nation's citizens, for that matter! Everyone has a right to privacy, even if they're a danger to the whole of our nation."
Fallout 3: even looking up information on someone else can get you arrested

(must have private industry)
Option 4: "Courts too expensive? Not willing to spend so much money on justice?" queries a businessperson, sassily walking into your office. "Well have I got a solution for you! Good day, @@LEADER@@, my name is @@RANDOMNAME@@, and I'm here to give you a deal. Instead of spending the citizens' tax money on justice — and getting nothing from it, too — my company can create and manage the future courts of @@NATION@@! We'll make sure every case is resolved as quick as lightning, I promise you. Just sign here." @@HE@@ then shoves a clipboard, pen, and a stack of papers into your hands.
Fallout 4: privatized courts waste most of their time on trying to sue the rivals of their owners

by **Baggieland** » Sat May 19, 2018 6:46 am

Shwe Tu Colony wrote:was suddenly violently attacked in the nation while returning from their latest mission.

Which nation? @@NAME@@ or a foreign nation? Should be made clearer.

Change 'their' to @@HIS@@.

Shwe Tu Colony wrote:Option 3: "Wait, the victim here was a spy! That means that you've been spying on us, @@LEADER@@!" questions @@RANDOMNAME@@, a @@MAN@@ who owns numerous VPN servers. "Stop invading our privacy, or that of any other nation's citizens, for that matter! Everyone has a right to privacy, even if they're a danger to the whole of our nation."
Fallout 3: even looking up information on someone else can get you arrested

What has this option got to do with courts?

by **Shwe Tu Colony** » Sat May 19, 2018 12:29 pm

Baggieland wrote:What has this option got to do with courts?

On second thought, good point. I wanted an option of a guy missing the entire point of the lack of courts & instead go for the fact that the nation has spies & that it was an invasion of privacy, but on second thought maybe it doesn't work.

by **New Ciencia** » Sun May 20, 2018 3:35 pm

Perhaps you can include the possible explanations in an answer...somehow? Maybe that could be your new Opt. 3? Or perhaps that could be incorporated into Opt. 1?

by **Shwe Tu Colony** » Sun May 20, 2018 3:56 pm

New Ciencia wrote:Perhaps you can include the possible explanations in an answer...somehow? Maybe that could be your new Opt. 3? Or perhaps that could be incorporated into Opt. 1?

The explanations are just there for when someone asks if they'll work. I'd have to include numerous options for all of them, & that's an awful lot of work. However, with sufficient pressure, I would do it.

by **Chan Island** » Sun May 20, 2018 9:49 pm

Your most trustworthy spy must obviously be 'Sane Sirob'

Also, I'm confused as to what option 2 is specifically advocating. And why is there nothing actively encouraging Lynch mobs?

by **Shwe Tu Colony** » Sun May 20, 2018 10:40 pm

Chan Island wrote:Your most trustworthy spy must obviously be 'Sane Sirob'

Also, I'm confused as to what option 2 is specifically advocating. And why is there nothing actively encouraging Lynch mobs?

Option 2 is status quo, & there's no option encouraging lynch mobs since that option would not make sense for the issues that still retain some sort of justice (e.g. computer-based trials).

by **Australian rePublic** » Tue May 22, 2018 1:04 am

Maybe a varient of the third option which reinstates private industry

by **Shwe Tu Colony** » Fri Jun 01, 2018 9:06 pm

Made some small changes

Australian rePublic wrote:Maybe a varient of the third option which reinstates private industry

I sort of did it, but the guy is asking for only his company to be exempt.

by **Jutsa** » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:08 am

Pretty nice draft, Shwe. :3

Couple notes:

1) Tbh, I kinda find it hard to believe a businessperson would offer to privatize courts in a nation with neither courts nor private industry... :rofl:

2) Option 2 doesn't really do anything.

I know you want to keep the status quo, but that's really what the dismiss button is for.
Besides, not all nations have internet... or computers, so having a lawyer go on online trials would be difficult.

Maybe this could be an opportunity to clarify what a "no courts" system means for your nation.
For instance, you could instead better train policemen, or you could let mob justice take over, or something. Anything, really.

As for online trials? That's a very, very interesting idea; in fact, that might be a good issue for nations with court systems .-.
You could, in fact, keep that as an option; something about doing something to help online trials. However, again, that'll have to be restricted to nations with internet.

by **Shwe Tu Colony** » Mon Jun 18, 2018 10:34 pm

Jutsa wrote:Maybe this could be an opportunity to clarify what a "no courts" system means for your nation.

Might consider that, but then that might mean I'd have to write several new options for each "no courts" variant, which is quite a bit of work.

by **Shwe Tu Colony** » Mon Jul 09, 2018 9:50 pm

Made some small updates. Should I really create options for each "no courts" policy variant, though?

by **Paflava** » Mon Jul 09, 2018 10:46 pm

Good but how many nations have no courts?

by **Shwe Tu Colony** » Fri Jul 13, 2018 5:27 pm

Bump.

by **Altmer Dominion** » Fri Jul 13, 2018 5:54 pm

Shwe Tu Colony wrote:Title: Most Uncourteuos
Validity: Must not have courts
Description: Your most trustworthy spy, @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ Hale, was suddenly violently attacked in @@NAME@@ while returning from @@HIS@@ latest mission. Apparently, another unidentified spy ring had framed @@HIM@@, using the lack of proper courts to their advantage.

I know what you're going for, but this description still needs some work. A couple questions spring immediately to mind:

1.) Was the unidentified spy ring a domestic offshoot or a foreign adversary? It would be easier to identify the spy ring for the sake of narrative clarity; the usual culprits in these kinds of incidents is Blackacre.
2.) The spy was attacked...by law enforcement? While a lack of courts automatically convicts the suspect of a crime, it doesn't necessarily imply outright police brutality. Unless you're aiming for vigilante justice, would it not make more sense to say that law enforcement apprehended the spy? This is the biggest thing that sticks out in the description.
3.) This is more of a subjective matter of writing, but do we know that the spy was framed? The adversarial spy ring did a poor job if it was immediately evident that the whole thing was a sham. Perhaps one of the speakers could cast doubt on Hale's story. This might be a consequence of the spy narrative being used as a jumping-off point at the beginning instead of being carried through the entire issue.

Just some suggestions to think about.

by **Shwe Tu Colony** » Sun Jul 15, 2018 12:02 am

Altmer Dominion wrote:I know what you're going for, but this description still needs some work. A couple questions spring immediately to mind:

1.) Was the unidentified spy ring a domestic offshoot or a foreign adversary? It would be easier to identify the spy ring for the sake of narrative clarity; the usual culprits in these kinds of incidents is Blackacre.
2.) The spy was attacked...by law enforcement? While a lack of courts automatically convicts the suspect of a crime, it doesn't necessarily imply outright police brutality. Unless you're aiming for vigilante justice, would it not make more sense to say that law enforcement apprehended the spy? This is the biggest thing that sticks out in the description.
3.) This is more of a subjective matter of writing, but do we know that the spy was framed? The adversarial spy ring did a poor job if it was immediately evident that the whole thing was a sham. Perhaps one of the speakers could cast doubt on Hale's story. This might be a consequence of the spy narrative being used as a jumping-off point at the beginning instead of being carried through the entire issue.

1. It's Blackacre now.
2. Changed to apprehended. I think its still within reason.
3. Option 5 has an ambassador to Blackacre question the story.

by **Shwe Tu Colony** » Sat Aug 04, 2018 10:24 pm

Made some small updates. Eh, I think the communist option needs some work; I'm not well-versed in how that ideology works enough to write it well, I feel.

by **Shwe Tu Colony** » Sun Aug 12, 2018 10:55 pm

Bump.

by **Fauxia** » Mon Aug 13, 2018 5:50 am

The ambassador pulls out @@HIS@@ phone to show you, but you stop him before he can show you.

Knock off the second “show you”, there’s no need.

by **Chan Island** » Mon Aug 13, 2018 9:30 am

Shwe Tu Colony wrote:Bump.

If we're at the point, months after the initial draft, where we're bumping the thing, that's usually a good sign that it's submission ready.

And I'd say it is, this is a well-written, interesting issue idea.

by **Shwe Tu Colony** » Mon Aug 13, 2018 11:03 pm

Fauxia wrote:
The ambassador pulls out @@HIS@@ phone to show you, but you stop him before he can show you.

Knock off the second “show you”, there’s no need.

Aight then.

Chan Island wrote:If we're at the point, months after the initial draft, where we're bumping the thing, that's usually a good sign that it's submission ready. And I'd say it is, this is a well-written, interesting issue idea.

~~wrong~~

Hmmk I suppose I shall.

by **Australian rePublic** » Tue Aug 14, 2018 1:44 am

Good luck!

by **Sacara** » Tue Aug 14, 2018 4:43 am

Good luck.

[SUBMITTED] Most Uncourteous (3rd variant)

[SUBMITTED] Most Uncourteous (3rd variant)

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