NationStates issue results

[Rocain Founder]

Puppet Cain EF v1 has just informed me that the talking point for option 3 of #1514 is "it turns out that your missing Roomba has run off to join the circus".

[Republic of Pila]

Opt 3 of "The fandom menace" doesn't low wealth gaps, it makes it higher.

[Rocain Founder]

The talking point for option 2 of issue #1526 (starting from 1 ) is "the atmosphere in @@DEMONYM_ADJECTIVE@@ boardrooms is turning more gay".

The talking point for option 5 is "you can't spell society without CIS".

[Aragesh]

1537,3: the running costs of homeless shelters are so high that it would be cheaper to buy houses for the homeless.

Yeah, about what I expected from that issues option 3

[Nhoor]

1537 Bench wars

The Step-Sons of Anarchy, a prominent left-wing action group, has launched a campaign against the increasing trend towards “anti-homeless architecture” in Sārruc. This urban design strategy uses built features to purposefully discourage rough sleeping, such as studs on stone surfaces and tilted benches with uncomfortable ridges.

“Sleeping on the streets is tough, I know from experience,” asserts activist Andy Gibson, who planned to protest by camping out on your porch overnight, but gave up when he couldn’t find anywhere to plug in his phone charger. “It’s become impossible for weary souls — homeless or otherwise — to find a decent place to rest. People have already been through so much, and it’s pure cruelty to deny desperate folk a good night’s sleep. I’m not saying we want people sleeping on the street, but if they are forced to, we ought to be making their lives easier, not harder. If you have any compassion left, you’ll pass laws banning these classist features from all city structures.”

“Discouraging sleeping on the streets helps persuade these bums to head to proper shelters,” reasons luxury apartment resident Elsa Meyer, whose own building is ringed with modern art sculptures that are entirely coincidentally covered with barbed wire and spikes. “If we just let everyone sleep everywhere, people are going to WANT to be homeless. Besides, can you imagine what our public parks and buildings would look like with hobos and dope fiends lying around? Won’t somebody think of the property prices?”

“Aren’t we focusing on a symptom here, rather than the bigger picture?” poses Justice Stuckmann, a self-proclaimed expert on homelessness after reading a library book or two on the subject. “There are plenty of shelters, but there’s lots of reasons the homeless avoid them: mental illness, rules against drug use, fear of theft of their few possessions, and troublesome hygiene to name a few. But the state can fix all this! Regular cleaners, in-house psychiatry services, needle exchanges, safe spaces for drug taking, rehabilitation counsellors, individual rooms with good locks, toilets and bathrooms that don’t have to be shared, a community police officer, and hot regular meals would be a start. How hard can that be?”

Of course there could be more options that aren't visible due to Nhoor's active policies.

I chose option 1 and got the answer: "War memorials have been modified to include hammocks for napping."

I made a screenshot of the statistic results if anyone is interested

[Rakavo]

1537 Bench wars

Option 2 gives the answer "Bus shelters seem to be designed to let rain in."

I made a screenshot of the statistics in case of need

[TalAkMaChen]

1539,2: kids are gathering at the local soda shop to celebrate staying out past sundown

[TalAkMaChen]

1540,2: restaurants have noticed that hanging wet laundry from the ceiling makes diners order more food
1540,3: orange juice has been renamed yellow juice

[TalAkMaChen]

1542,1/2 commuters travel in zigzags to avoid stalking accusations
1542,3 lovesick people are told 'it's not them, it's you'
1542,4 the police have nothing to do with the increasing number of 'disappeared'

[Lower Southeast Corner]

I think there is a problem with issue #1350 in the database. I just answered this issue with option 4, but received the response for what your database lists as option 2. (The one starting with "the word 'elite'".) Further, this caused my economic freedom to increase, which is consistent with the data shown for option 2 ("the word 'elite'"), but not with option 4 ("a degree of self-hatred"). I have verified that the text of the option that I received is what the spoilers show for option 4.

[Trotterdam]

I think there is a problem with issue #1350 in the database. I just answered this issue with option 4, but received the response for what your database lists as option 2. (The one starting with "the word 'elite'".) Further, this caused my economic freedom to increase, which is consistent with the data shown for option 2 ("the word 'elite'"), but not with option 4 ("a degree of self-hatred"). I have verified that the text of the option that I received is what the spoilers show for option 4.

Thank you for your report. After a careful reading of the issue in question, I have determined that it is likely that I had mixed up the effects for options 2 and 4, both of which mention "elite" in their texts. I have now swapped those options.

[TalAkMaChen]

1546,1 @@CAPITAL@@ River is now popularly called "Dead Fish Run"
1546,2 many citizens refuse to smile lest they reveal their gold fillings
1546,3 government debts are financed through alchemy

[Nhoor]

1545 Deep Down Up to No Good

The Issue
Many years ago during a skirmish between Dàguó and the United Federation, the UFS Fricking Awesome was sunk off the coast of Yij with many lives lost. A United Federation businessman recently dived on the site to place a wreath, but discovered that the ship was completely gone, a casualty of Yi metal salvagers.

The Debate
1. “That was a war grave!” declares Randy Cox III, the UF businessman, as his scuba gear drips water all over your office. “A local fisherman told me that the bones of the sailors who died on that ship were just dumped on a landfill. This is outright sacrilege! Not only must these piratical bottom-feeders be arrested, but Yij must do all it can to protect other war graves in its waters; you need around the clock patrols by the coastguard and warships, whatever it takes!”

2. “That ship belonged in a museum!” shouts fedora-wearing archaeologist Illinois Smith. “Those wrecks need to be excavated by qualified archaeologists, and everything there brought onshore and preserved in the National Maritime Museum. Only responsible professionals like me can be trusted to take due care with these precious historical artifacts!” He twitches slightly, hoping no-one will mention the time he swapped an ancient imperial corpse for a diamond, or used an arm bone as a torch, or endangered an 11-year-old he had employed as an impromptu local guide.

3. “Let’s not get in the way of business, shall we?” pontificates Nikolai Clason, the owner of a maritime metal salvaging company. “These ships contain tons of low-background steel, and salvage operations provide jobs and considerable economic and scientific benefit. The legal principle of ’inventores possessores, amittentes lamentantes’ clearly applies here. As for any organic impurities entangled in the salvage, they most certainly do not end up in landfill: they’re hygienically cremated during the scrap melting process. I say that any ship sunk in Yi waters is Yi property, and so long as we pay our corporation taxes you should be encouraging our entrepreneurship.”
Answer: In coastal waters there are fifteen salvage divers per dead man's chest (yo ho ho).

4. “I say there aren’t enough shipwrecks in our waters,” ponders Tabitha Johnson, the owner of another salvaging company, as she takes a swig from your coffee before you have a chance to grab the cup. “Maybe the government could look the other way while we place a sea mine or two on the busier coastal trade routes. Companies like mine can then just lurk nearby, and we can clean up!”
Answer: Merchant ships always travel line astern in Yi waters

[TalAkMaChen]

1547,4 the nation's wilderness is only teenage wasteland

[Nhoor]

On the risk of a double post, as everyone seems to have had this issue:

1549 : Easter Egg: 20 Years A-Workin'

The Issue
The clock chimes as you finally get home. Eleven bells. Is it really almost midnight? Your head is swimming from a day filled with inane meetings about park benches, how big supersize meals should be, and whether or not nuclear annihilation would really be a bad thing in the age of global warming (you figured it’d probably be fine, on balance). As you settle at your desk to finish a couple pieces of correspondence, you realise you’ve been doing this thankless job for twenty years now. Twenty years! A cause for celebration indeed, so maybe you can spare a couple of minutes to take a break. Thus the masochist within you has decided that, to celebrate this anniversary, “unwinding” on NationStates before bed would be “fun”. There’s so many things to do, though, and so little time — so what do you focus on?

The Debate

Ah, the General Assembly. The perfect place to go if you really want to waste time debating whether or not “shall” or “will” in a piece of legislation results in banning opposite-sex marriages, or potentially criminalising making your favourite horse a member of parliament. The friendly regulars, the welcoming Old Guard; they don’t exist in the General Assembly. It’s a free for all. It’s sink or swim, baby. Publish or perish. Only lawyers need apply. Or something to that effect. If you want to exert control over what is and isn’t legal in other nations, though, and mould a multiverse in the image of your own ideals, the General Assembly is exactly where you want to spend your time.

Then again, your trigger finger is itching to do some damage in International Incidents. First, you need to find a willing enemy. Then, you can demarcate the boundaries of bloodshed so no uninvited armies can interfere. And finally, you can test out those weapons of mass destruction that you’ve been eyeing in the shopfronts — only with your enemy’s permission, of course. Nhoor aren’t monsters.

Thinking on it, though, who needs permission? There’s a whole world of regions out there, ripe for the taking. Even working alone, there’s plenty to be accomplished, if you’re content to play the long game. A word in the right ear here, a polite request for an endorsement there, it’s all too easy playing a role — they’ll never suspect who you were until it is far too late. Now which region was it you’ve always wanted to take down?

Of course, if a thrill is what you’re after then there’s bound to be a Sports tournament you can sign up for. Unfortunately, that’s no guarantee of success; Nhoor’s athletes are at the mercy of fate! Maybe you should call upon the priestess Margaret to sacrifice 1093 rubber chickens to the random number deities on your behalf. But you’d better move fast, because it’s almost cut off time!

That said, something inside has been gnawing at you. It has been a while. You look at the top of the page and see that you have five issues to address. The reason you first joined NationStates was to continue making decisions outside of work, even if those decisions had no real-world consequences. Except for those meaningless little golden badges on your page. Deep down in your heart of hearts, you know it’s time to answer issues on all of your puppets. After all, you’re just a primate who can’t help but to push buttons for a dopamine release.

You then remember that the United Federation Intelligence Agency recently published the latest version of its World Factbook, a widely used resource amongst foreign diplomats for information about the world’s nations. Much of the information it contained about Nhoor was just plain wrong, and your own diplomats found themselves fielding dozens of calls asking if it was true that you had been replaced as leader by a sea sheep. How much easier it is to set the record straight when you write your own factbooks! The stats are all wrong anyway — your words will tell the real story. If only somebody would read them.

Going to your Nation Page, you spot the little card icon staring back at you. Clicking it, you realise you have twenty-two copies of your own trading card. Perhaps this is a good time to add some variety to your collection — there are plenty of ongoing auctions, ready for you to swoop in at the last moment. All it takes is a nation, or fifty, to start sending you some gifts to sell. If you become wealthy enough, you can disguise your narcissism as altruism and stage a giveaway, or hoard a card that nobody will care about until you inflate its price to a ridiculous valuation. With every new pack comes the possibility of a legendary find...

The real treasure, however, is the hidden content. Do people even know about the NationStates Against Humanity minigame? Or the Challenge System? You should load up the secret URL and just wait an hour, or three, to see if anyone starts a game. Who cares if no-one turns up? You’ll get that great feeling of knowing that you’re part of a special elite, a secret Illuminati privy to mysteries that the hoi polloi know nothing of.

Out of nowhere, you’re struck with the sort of idea that normally only occurs to one of your loopy cousins after a indulging in a mix of self-prescribed herbal remedies: what if you just bought the whole website? That Max Barry fellow certainly couldn’t object to a new swimming pool filled with cash, courtesy of your National Treasury. With NationStates under your personal control, the site could finally have unending nuclear war! Zombie apocalypses that permanently affect your population! An IPO that actually earns you money! Maybe the admins could even bring back NationDates...

Seriously though, it’d be a terrible shame to waste all that money on a game where other people have the audacity to think their opinions matter — why, you’ve got literally all the answers to pressing real-life conundrums right here, inside of you! Indeed, people in general really should listen more to you. Wait, what is this? People in General arguing about left and right wing extremism? Gun control? Opinions on capitalism and cancel culture? Oh, abortion! *knuckles crack* Yes, the world needs to hear from you on this.

Alas, the tyranny of choice is just exhausting. You had a long day, and you’ve spent so much time trying to decide what part of NationStates to play, it’s almost time for bed. So how about you roll up your sleeves, pour a drink, and then just chill in one of the spam game threads for five or ten minutes? Whether it’s pretending to be a brony, or calling the AN a talentless troubadour, sometimes reverting to childhood silliness is the best way to spend one’s time.

As I only have seven nations:
1 The first half of cabinet meetings include PM Orumha Cany complaining about the reasonable nation theory (Nhoor has found 13 easter eggs)
2 The Laws of War require "enthusiastic consent" (Yij has found 13 easter eggs)
3 Lady Somme Pavonni is plotting to coup the Pacific (Rakavo has found 13 easter eggs)
4 The Random Number Gods do play dice with the universe (Majassa has found 13 easter eggs)
5 The only issue that Faurstaiss Ues Tierj has is that there aren't enough issues (Gieruland has found 12 easter eggs)
6 Lady Imma Lokmus is emphatic that Ozyrnia's HDI is much higher than it seems (Ozyrnia has found 12 easter eggs)
7 Leader is convinced that other nations can simply be "junked" (Tsatsakkh has found 1 easter egg)

[Umbratellus]

On the risk of a double post, as everyone seems to have had this issue:

1549 : Easter Egg: 20 Years A-Workin'

The Issue
The clock chimes as you finally get home. Eleven bells. Is it really almost midnight? Your head is swimming from a day filled with inane meetings about park benches, how big supersize meals should be, and whether or not nuclear annihilation would really be a bad thing in the age of global warming (you figured it’d probably be fine, on balance). As you settle at your desk to finish a couple pieces of correspondence, you realise you’ve been doing this thankless job for twenty years now. Twenty years! A cause for celebration indeed, so maybe you can spare a couple of minutes to take a break. Thus the masochist within you has decided that, to celebrate this anniversary, “unwinding” on NationStates before bed would be “fun”. There’s so many things to do, though, and so little time — so what do you focus on?

The Debate

Ah, the General Assembly. The perfect place to go if you really want to waste time debating whether or not “shall” or “will” in a piece of legislation results in banning opposite-sex marriages, or potentially criminalising making your favourite horse a member of parliament. The friendly regulars, the welcoming Old Guard; they don’t exist in the General Assembly. It’s a free for all. It’s sink or swim, baby. Publish or perish. Only lawyers need apply. Or something to that effect. If you want to exert control over what is and isn’t legal in other nations, though, and mould a multiverse in the image of your own ideals, the General Assembly is exactly where you want to spend your time.

Then again, your trigger finger is itching to do some damage in International Incidents. First, you need to find a willing enemy. Then, you can demarcate the boundaries of bloodshed so no uninvited armies can interfere. And finally, you can test out those weapons of mass destruction that you’ve been eyeing in the shopfronts — only with your enemy’s permission, of course. Nhoor aren’t monsters.

Thinking on it, though, who needs permission? There’s a whole world of regions out there, ripe for the taking. Even working alone, there’s plenty to be accomplished, if you’re content to play the long game. A word in the right ear here, a polite request for an endorsement there, it’s all too easy playing a role — they’ll never suspect who you were until it is far too late. Now which region was it you’ve always wanted to take down?

Of course, if a thrill is what you’re after then there’s bound to be a Sports tournament you can sign up for. Unfortunately, that’s no guarantee of success; Nhoor’s athletes are at the mercy of fate! Maybe you should call upon the priestess Margaret to sacrifice 1093 rubber chickens to the random number deities on your behalf. But you’d better move fast, because it’s almost cut off time!

That said, something inside has been gnawing at you. It has been a while. You look at the top of the page and see that you have five issues to address. The reason you first joined NationStates was to continue making decisions outside of work, even if those decisions had no real-world consequences. Except for those meaningless little golden badges on your page. Deep down in your heart of hearts, you know it’s time to answer issues on all of your puppets. After all, you’re just a primate who can’t help but to push buttons for a dopamine release.

You then remember that the United Federation Intelligence Agency recently published the latest version of its World Factbook, a widely used resource amongst foreign diplomats for information about the world’s nations. Much of the information it contained about Nhoor was just plain wrong, and your own diplomats found themselves fielding dozens of calls asking if it was true that you had been replaced as leader by a sea sheep. How much easier it is to set the record straight when you write your own factbooks! The stats are all wrong anyway — your words will tell the real story. If only somebody would read them.

Going to your Nation Page, you spot the little card icon staring back at you. Clicking it, you realise you have twenty-two copies of your own trading card. Perhaps this is a good time to add some variety to your collection — there are plenty of ongoing auctions, ready for you to swoop in at the last moment. All it takes is a nation, or fifty, to start sending you some gifts to sell. If you become wealthy enough, you can disguise your narcissism as altruism and stage a giveaway, or hoard a card that nobody will care about until you inflate its price to a ridiculous valuation. With every new pack comes the possibility of a legendary find...

The real treasure, however, is the hidden content. Do people even know about the NationStates Against Humanity minigame? Or the Challenge System? You should load up the secret URL and just wait an hour, or three, to see if anyone starts a game. Who cares if no-one turns up? You’ll get that great feeling of knowing that you’re part of a special elite, a secret Illuminati privy to mysteries that the hoi polloi know nothing of.

Out of nowhere, you’re struck with the sort of idea that normally only occurs to one of your loopy cousins after a indulging in a mix of self-prescribed herbal remedies: what if you just bought the whole website? That Max Barry fellow certainly couldn’t object to a new swimming pool filled with cash, courtesy of your National Treasury. With NationStates under your personal control, the site could finally have unending nuclear war! Zombie apocalypses that permanently affect your population! An IPO that actually earns you money! Maybe the admins could even bring back NationDates...

Seriously though, it’d be a terrible shame to waste all that money on a game where other people have the audacity to think their opinions matter — why, you’ve got literally all the answers to pressing real-life conundrums right here, inside of you! Indeed, people in general really should listen more to you. Wait, what is this? People in General arguing about left and right wing extremism? Gun control? Opinions on capitalism and cancel culture? Oh, abortion! *knuckles crack* Yes, the world needs to hear from you on this.

Alas, the tyranny of choice is just exhausting. You had a long day, and you’ve spent so much time trying to decide what part of NationStates to play, it’s almost time for bed. So how about you roll up your sleeves, pour a drink, and then just chill in one of the spam game threads for five or ten minutes? Whether it’s pretending to be a brony, or calling the AN a talentless troubadour, sometimes reverting to childhood silliness is the best way to spend one’s time.

As I only have seven nations:
1 The first half of cabinet meetings include PM Orumha Cany complaining about the reasonable nation theory (Nhoor has found 13 easter eggs)
2 The Laws of War require "enthusiastic consent" (Yij has found 13 easter eggs)
3 Lady Somme Pavonni is plotting to coup the Pacific (Rakavo has found 13 easter eggs)
4 The Random Number Gods do play dice with the universe (Majassa has found 13 easter eggs)
5 The only issue that Faurstaiss Ues Tierj has is that there aren't enough issues (Gieruland has found 12 easter eggs)
6 Lady Imma Lokmus is emphatic that Ozyrnia's HDI is much higher than it seems (Ozyrnia has found 12 easter eggs)
7 Leader is convinced that other nations can simply be "junked" (Tsatsakkh has found 1 easter egg)

The remaining outcomes are:

8. @@Leader@@ knows that some internet activities are strictly solitary (@@EGG@@)
9. @@Leader@@ hands out warnings to mods who don't deliver enough danishes (@@EGG@@)
10. @@Leader@@ is generally seen as a know-it-all (@@EGG@@)
11. @@Leader@@ has decreed that one must think of cheese upon reading the word mouse (@@EGG@@)

[Trotterdam]

Looks like I guessed right for all 11 options!

Still, thanks for the confirmation.

[Nhoor]

Issue 596: Primogeniture problems

Not sure if this helps, but here are the results that my nation Tsatsakkh just had for choosing option 6 ("Only men may wear the crown of @@NAME@@")

Social Conservatism
Bush-Santorum Dawning Terror Index 52.25 → 53.50 +2.4%

Ideological Radicality
Paul-Nader Subjective Decentrality Index 24.47 → 24.89 +1.7%

Authoritarianism
MilliStalins 615.63 → 625.89 +1.7%

Weather
Meters Of Sunlight -107.00 → -106.00 +0.93%

Patriotism
Flags Saluted Per Person Per Day 7.31 → 7.35 +0.55%

Ignorance
Missed References Per Hour 53.15 → 53.32 +0.32%

Charmlessness
Kardashian Reflex Score 486.11 → 487.39 +0.26%

Crime
Crimes Per Hour 65.29 → 65.27 -0.03%

Weaponization
Weapons Per Person 19.85 → 19.84 -0.05%

Nudity
Cheeks Per Square Mile 192.00 → 191.75 -0.13%

Tourism
Tourists Per Hour 11.99 → 11.97 -0.17%

Recreational Drug Use
Pineapple Fondness Rating 108.67 → 108.17 -0.46%

Food Quality
Meeshlin-Starr Index 5.52 → 5.46 -1.1%

Culture
Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale 78.00 → 77.00 -1.3%

Inclusiveness
Mandela-Wollstonecraft Non-Discrimination Index 10.61 → 10.47 -1.3%

Averageness
Average Standardized Normality Scale 30.53 → 30.11 -1.4%

Civil Rights
Martin Luther King, Jr. Units 54.33 → 52.67 -3.1%

[Trotterdam]

Not sure if this helps

It doesn't. Please read the NAQ:

Q: Wow, this is a really cool thing you're doing! How can I help?

A: First of all, don't tell me what stats you got when answering an issue.

This is literally the very first thing I say.

[TalAkMaChen]

1543,1: ten out of ten journalists agree that @@LEADER@@ is doing a bang-up job

[TalAkMaChen]

1552,1 contemporary art museums showcase the latest in centuries-old art
1552,2 artists are renowned for their ability to make art pieces out of thin air
1552,3 the government has heavily invested in badly drawn monkeys

[TalAkMaChen]

1553,4 fan-made edits of old films have seen a sudden jump in quality

[TalAkMaChen]

1554,2 citizens seem fixated on 105m x 45m rectangles
1554,4 atletes are renowned for being the best at maths
1554,5 government expenses are beyond compare

[TalAkMaChen]

1555,1 the government has strong opinions about what goes into your bodily orifices
1555,2 the internal market is thriving

[TalAkMaChen]

1557,2 those who turn the other cheek seem to enjoy being slapped just a little too much