[JOKE CHAIN] Raccoons Trashing @@NAME@@

[Shwe Tu Colony]

So apparently raccoons need military intervention against. Also, this is technically a half-baked issue since I forgot what other options & issues I would do in this chain & I'm too lazy to do it right now. Meh.

Title: Raccoons Trashing @@NAME@@
Validity: Nation must have attacked raccoons through a decision
Description: While the nation's raccoons were once fairly docile, an increase in military power in the nation to remove the species & reclaim a certain region has prompted the animals to take aggressive action. Hundreds of soldiers are now dying or deserting due to the vicious, foul-smelling raccoon menace, who seem bent on conquering all of @@NAME@@ as revenge for attacking one of their colonies of sorts, if it can be called that.

Option 1: An infuriated raccoon garbed in royal clothing hisses & squeaks at you before an interpreter comes along. "According to Karl, King of all Raccoons, the Raccoon Civilization is hereby asking for the unconditional surrender of @@NAME@@ to the Most Glorious..." You fall asleep as he describes the full name. "... Raccoon Kingdom. In this deal, the rest of the nation shall be spared & become the vassals of the Raccoon Kingdom, which will take some addition land. Under our rule, all citizens must tribute their trash to the Raccoons & guard us with their lives. If this deal is not accepted, the raccoons will unleash a prototype nuclear bomb created from scavenged uranium upon the capital."
Fallout 1: the Most Glorious & Infallible Trash-Loving Kingdom of the Raccoons has claimed its first victim of @@NAME@@ (Go to R1 O1)

Nations with reactors
Option 2: "Actually, we still have a big ol' reactor right at the raccoons' capital of..." your Minister of Science begins before trying to make out the scratch marks in a map, "... Ah screw it. Just know we have a big boomer right next to their capital still under our control. Let's let 'er rip, eh?"
Fallout 2: mutated raccoons are ravaging @@NAME@@ on a daily basis (see note at the bottom)

Option 3: "No! We won't surrender!" proudly proclaims high-ranking general & hunter @@RANDOMNAME@@, "All of @@NAME@@ shall stand strong against the raccoon menace. @@LEADER@@, you must assist us in this fight for our survival, or else our nation will surely be doomed to scrubbing raccoon feet! We need as many new weapons as possible, & just as many men! @@NAME@@ eternal!" He takes out a gun & tries to fire at the raccoon king, but the gun jams.
Fallout 3: all of @@NAME@@ is embroiled in a bitter conflict against raccoons (see note at the bottom)

Option 4: "There's another way," serenely says monk "Guitar Cheesus" @@RANDOMNAME@@, brandishing an electric guitar & playing quite a foul song. "It is a peaceful route that involves music. Using the power of my wicked songs, I can convert the raccoons to our cause. Why? Because it's trash, & they love trash!" @@HE@@ then plays another song, causing your ears to bleed.
Fallout 4: raccoons steal speakers to jam out to terrible music (Go to R1 O3)

Option 5: "I have a much more discrete idea," schemes @@RANDOMNAME@@, your ever-favorite mad scientist. "Raccoons will eat anything in the trash, yes? That was rhetorical; they do. Therefore, surrender, but lace the trash with as much glass & poison as possible! We'll murder those bloody trash pandas & we'll be able to test out my prototype poisons & weaponry." (Go to R1 O2)
Fallout 5: dying raccoons & deadly trash both litter the streets of the nation (see note at the bottom)

Option 6: "Nuke them," calmly states your nuke-obsessed younger cousin.
Fallout 6: the nation nuked itself in trying to nuke the raccoons (see note at the bottom)

Option 7: "Hey now, let's not be too hasty, @@LEADER@@!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a mercenary captain & hunter. "Look mate, it seems pretty unwise to waste your own nation's lives on something as silly as this, but my group is specialized for these operations. We've fought in the Great Animal Wars of each nation in the world: the Great @@RANDOMANIMAL@@ War, the Disastrous @@RANDOMANIMAL@@ War, & of course the Vicious @@RANDOMANIMAL@@ War. We know what we're doing."
Fallout 7: the mercenaries that @@LEADER@@ hired know what they're doing but the raccoons know what they're both doing better (see note at the bottom)

If dismissed, go to R1 O2 anyways. If option 2, 3, 5, or 7 is chosen, the nation's success in the raccoon war is based on the nation's stats. If the nation rolled a losing roll, go to R1 O2; if they win, go to R1 O4.

Title: Raccoons Trashing @@REGION@@
Description: The raccoon overlords have turned out to be surprisingly benevolent & have even been beneficial for @@NAME@@, taking its trash for either free or paying back for it with any goods they scavenged up from it. The worst things that have happened under raccoon rule is that raccoons now freely travel across @@NAME@@ in vehicles & can't be legally removed. Unfortunately though, it looks like the nation's trash isn't enough for the raccoons.

Option 1: A jovial raccoon garbed in royal clothing hisses & squeaks at you before an interpreter comes along. "According to Karl, King of all Raccoons, the Raccoon Civilization is hereby asking for the unconditional support of @@NAME@@ against another nation in @@REGION@@ for the purpose of conquering them. In exchange for this support, the raccoons will help @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ colonize the area to help convert it to an equal rule between @@NAME@@ & the Raccoon Civilization."
Fallout 1: raccoons & @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ alike are now attempting to conquer all of @@REGION@@ for its trash (go to R2 O1)

Option 2: "Psst, hold on!" whispers @@RANDOMNAME@@, a diplomat from another nation in the region. "I got a better idea. Why not promise that you will help them, then flank them from behind while the invaded nation helps your forces take out the raccoon menace once & for all! It's a flawless plan, I assure you. We'll call it Operation Brutus, eh?"
Fallout 2: operation "Brutus" is not a flawless plan
If the nation rolled a losing roll, go to R1 O2; if they win, go to R1 O4.

Option 3: "Erm, I don't think it'll be practical to go to war," claims pacifist @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Our army is extremely tired as is, & we're still trying to repair what is left of the nation after this disaster. Look, I love raccoons as much as the next guy — i.e. with a lot of love — but we simply can't support them with military power. Instead, let's donate more trash to our overlords so that their soldiers & citizens can be kept happy."
Fallout 3: the Raccoon Army destroys nations through trash-based pollution & bombs (go to R2 O1)

Title: Raccoons Trashing @@NAME@@ Even More
Description: As it turns out, your decision last time has not resulted in victory for your nation & has exacerbated the war, such as through the detonation of the raccoons' prototype nuclear weapon, which worked out too well for the animals.

Option 1: An infuriated raccoon garbed in royal clothing hisses & squeaks at you before an interpreter comes along. "According to Karl, King of all Raccoons, the Raccoon Civilization is hereby asking for... I'll just skip to the end. In exchange for surrender, the rest of the nation shall be spared & become the vassals of the Raccoon Kingdom, which will take some addition land. Under our rule, all citizens must tribute their trash to the Raccoons & guard us with their lives. If this deal is not accepted, the raccoons will unleash yet another prototype nuclear bomb created from scavenged uranium upon the second-most major city."
Fallout 1: the Most Glorious & Infallible Trash-Loving Kingdom of the Raccoons has claimed its first victim of @@NAME@@ (Go to R1 O1)

Option 2: "No! No way!" shouts high-ranking general & hunter @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We. Can. Win. This. We'll just need some more weaponry, of course, & the rights to use anything in this war. We may be defeated, but we'll be going down fighting!" He takes out a gun & tries to fire at the raccoon king, but the gun jams. He tries again, only for the next one to jam as well. "Oh, & get some mercenaries too! Get everything that you can! We will win!"
Fallout 2: @@NAME@@ is continuing a desperate war against the raccoons (see bottom)

Option 3: "Nuke them," calmly states your nuke-obsessed younger cousin again.
Fallout 3: raccoons feasting on irradiated remains infest their victims with lethal radiation (see bottom)

If option 2 or option 3 is chosen, the nation's success in the raccoon war is based on the nation's stats. If the nation rolled a winning roll, go to R1 O4; if they lost, go to LR.

Title: Raccoons Trashing @@NAME@@ with Trash Music Tastes
Description: The attempt to dominate the raccoons with music has turned out surprisingly well. While the animals have become peaceful & are no longer trying to conquer @@NAME@@, their trash tastes are polluting @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ ears.

Option 1: "I can't stand it!" shouts orchestra director @@RANDOMNAME@@. "If I have to hear one more bloody song by those bloody monks, I swear I'll fire my violin bow right into the raccoon that played that abhorrent melody. They don't even play it quietly, either: they play it loud enough to bash me eardrums off! Outlaw this horrible music taste at once, & maybe the raccoons will learn their place!"
Fallout 1: police officers regularly pursue raccoons for playing music taste worse than Shwe Tu Colony's music tastes

Option 2: "You can't do that!" claims monk "Guitar Cheesus" @@RANDOMNAME@@, brandishing an electric guitar. "This music has saved the nation from the raccoon menace! If we outlaw it, who knows how they'll retaliate against us. I agree that they're a bit excessive in playing it, yes, but it's just what we'll have to endure." He pauses, deep in thought. "Actually, maybe you could give out earplugs to everyone so then they can resist the raccoons' trash tastes."
Fallout 2: @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ wear earplugs everywhere they go to avoid the raccoons' music

Title: @@NAME@@ Trashed Itself to Thrash the Raccoons
Description: The nation has forced the raccoon nation into surrender at a monumental cost.

Option 1: A sullen-looking raccoon garbed in tattered royal clothing hisses & squeaks at you before an interpreter comes along. "According to Karl, King of all Raccoons, the Raccoon Civilization is hereby surrendering in hopes of preserving their great nation & ending hostilities. To sweeten the deal, he is additionally becoming your nation's vassal to assist in wars or for economic purposes, & in hopes that our two civilizations can live together in harmony & rebuild. @@LEADER@@, he is desperate for you to accept." The interpreter gestures towards Karl, who is softly crying to himself.
Fallout 1: the raccoons of @@NAME@@ are now serving new @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ overlords (END CHAIN)

Option 2: "No! We must crush this threat utterly & completely!" screams high-ranking general & hunter @@RANDOMNAME@@. "They'll use their time as vassal to buy some time before they'll inevitably strike back & destroy us! We can't let even a single raccoon go, starting with this one." He pulls out a gun & fires at Karl, only for it to miss. This repeats twice. "Impossible! How is this raccoon so invincible!"
Fallout 2: the Great Raccoon War has culminated in the death of all of the nation's raccoons (END CHAIN)

Title: @@NAME@@ Trashed by Raccoons!
Description: The nation has lost the war against the raccoon menace. The capital & all of the cities lie in ruins, having been devastated by the raccoons' nuclear weaponry & foul tactics.

Option 1: An arrogant raccoon garbed in royal clothing hisses & squeaks at you before an interpreter comes along. "According to Karl, King of all Raccoons, the Raccoon Civilization is hereby asking for the unconditional surrender & annexation of all of @@NAME@@ into the Raccoon Kingdom. If this deal is not accepted, all of the nation & its people will be annihilated, starting with OH SH—" The interpreter is abruptly cut down by a raccoon wielding a makeshift spear.
Fallout 1: the nation has been conquered by raccoons (go to Status Quo)

Option 2: The high-ranking general & hunter @@RANDOMNAME@@ that has been advising you for the past few issues appears in the floor, apparently in some secret alcove there. "Psst! We can still get you out of the nation! There's one helicopter on the roof. Just excuse yourself to the restroom, & get to tha choppa!" A raccoon guard, seeing the general, promptly stabs @@HIM@@ with a spear, more than likely killing @@HIM@@.
Fallout 2: @@LEADER@@ has fled for another nation (go to Status Quo)

Title: Trash the World!
Description: More & more raccoon civilizations are beginning to appear across the whole of the world, most of which are promptly absorbed into the nation's raccoon kingdom, who have conquered much of @@REGION@@ already.

Option 1: An exuberant raccoon garbed in royal clothing hisses & squeaks at you before an interpreter comes along. "According to Karl, King of all Raccoons, the Raccoon Civilization is appreciative of your efforts in helping them conquer the world & promises that you will not be destroyed so long as you continuously support them in their worldwide conquest.
Fallout 1: @@NAME@@ has become the sidekick to the deadly raccoon conqueror Karl (END CHAIN)

Option 2: "We still have time to take these horrible overlords out!" whispers insurgent @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Abandon these bloody raccoons & join us fellow humans in taking out this menace once & for all, @@LEADER@@. The king is lying anyways — he'll murder your nation the moment he finishes swallowing up the rest of the world."
Fallout 2: human insurgents are attempting to take on the raccoon menace
If the nation rolled a losing roll, go to R1 O2; if they win, go to R1 O4.

Title: Maintaining the Status Quo
Description: The raccoon king Karl has turned out to be a horrible leader & has consequently been overthrown. However, all new leaders placed on the raccoon throne have turned out to be incompetent, resulting in the animals & human sympathizers to come begging for your rule again.

Option 1: A group of humans & raccoons swarm up to your knees. "Please, we need your rule to bring order & stability back to the nation!" begs the leader, one of the humans. "The society is governed by raccoon-human motorcycle gangs that extort everyone regardless of their species! Only you can save us!"
Fallout 1: @@LEADER@@ is back in action (ENDS CHAIN)

Option 2: "Yeah, yeah, this was all your fault," gloats @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of your personal aides. "Didn't think too hard about what would happen with a raccoon monarch, eh? He worked well in his personal enclave of the Raccoon Kingdom, yes, but he just couldn't lead a whole civilization! Clearly, we must reinstate @@LEADER@@ as the leader of the na— wait what?!"
Fallout 2: @@LEADER@@ is back in action (ENDS CHAIN)

[Kombinita Socialisma Demokratio]

Interesting chain, but have you thought of any significant effects that the options will cause?

[Shwe Tu Colony]

Interesting chain, but have you thought of any significant effects that the options will cause?

It's a joke chain I'm too lazy to think right now.

[Chan Island]

Fantastic

Especially the gag where the military guy tries to shoot Karl but the gun jams every time!

[Shwe Tu Colony]

Fantastic

Especially the gag where the military guy tries to shoot Karl but the gun jams every time!

It's based off of one of Andrew Jackson's encounters with an assassin, where the assassin had two guns, fired both, & both jammed.

[Trotterdam]

So, I know it's kinda pointless to be nitpicking a joke draft, but... you're missing that these are supposed to be anarchist raccoons. I would expect them to be loosely organized and use guerilla tactics, rather than serving under a king wkth a capital city and using superweapons.