[DRAFT] Please Rise for @@LEADER@@

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Had this one on my computer for a while but thought it was too much toilet humour for NS. However, in light of "946: Better In Than Out", thought I may as well share.

SECOND DRAFT: Changes from first draft underlined

TITLE:

Please Rise for @@LEADER@@


VALIDITY:

Named leader. Not a violetist nation.

DESCRIPTION:

Earlier today you had a half-hour telephone call with @@randomname@@, the Interim President of West Lilliputia. Significant progress was made on the "Lilliputian Freedom Fighter" issue and on planning a joined-up approach to countering Ultra-Violetist radicalisation. You were feeling pretty pleased, till near the end of the conversation you heard a distinctive plopping noise followed by the sound of flushing.


OPTION ONE

"I'm afraid our analysis of ceramic echoes, grunt mapping and sound library matching confirms it," explains audio engineer Tony Blunt. "President @@surname(1)@@ was on the toilet for the entire conversation. I mean, that's pretty rude. You should let your diplomatic corps let @@him(1)@@ know that you know, and lodge an official complaint."

Outcome: careful control of body language is considered essential to good diplomacy


OPTION TWO

"Hold on, this isn't just rudeness, it's a calculated insult," says hawkish Admiral Khyberpass, waving a bayonet around. "You let this go unanswered, and @@HE@@'ll be flinging it at you like a monkey next! You have to take punitive military action to show them you won't be insulted; a few u-boat strikes could turn their floaters into sinkers. Cold steel! They don't like it up 'em!"

Outcome: diplomats visiting @@NAME@@ decline any dish containing beans


OPTION THREE

"The noblest search is the search for advantage," strategises former politician Lennon B Jonston. "You should take a page from the book of our Llilliputian friend and make it your regular habit to use the bathroom when talking with foreign dignitaries, ministers and reporters. It shows that every second you have is precious, and you don't have time to stand on ceremony. Or, in fact, sit on ceremony, as your needs demand."

Outcome: proclamations are often made from @@LEADER@@'s throne


OPTION FOUR

"Ohmigod why are you all so EMBARRASSING?" whines your teenage niece, adjusting her rainbow mohawk, touching up her neon-green lipstick and doing the floss dance. "Can't you just pretend you, like, had totally not noticed, and like, never ever say anything about this ever again. Ohmigod! Old people shouldn't talk about toilet stuff! It's totally cringeworthy!"

Outcome: wise man say "he who denied it supplied it"

FIRST DRAFT:

TITLE:

Please Rise for @@LEADER@@


VALIDITY:

Named leader. Not a violetist nation.

DESCRIPTION:

Earlier today you had a half-hour telephone call with @@randomname@@, the Interim President of West Lilliputia. Significant progress was made on the "Lilliputian Freedom Fighter" issue and on planning a joined-up approach to countering Ultra-Violetist radicalisation. You were feeling pretty pleased, till near the end of the conversation you heard a distinctive plopping noise followed by the sound of flushing.


OPTION ONE

"I'm afraid our analysis of ceramic echoes, grunt mapping and sound library matching confirms it," explains audio engineer Tony Blunt. "President @@surname(1)@@ was on the toilet for the entire conversation. I mean, that's pretty rude. You should let your diplomatic corps let @@him(1)@@ know that you know, and lodge an official complaint."

Outcome: careful control of body language is considered essential to good diplomacy


OPTION TWO

"Hold on, this isn't just rudeness, it's a calculated insult," says hawkish General Khyberpass, waving a bayonet around. "You let this go unanswered, and @@HE@@'ll be flinging it at you like a monkey next! You have to take punitive military action, to show that you don't suffer indignities lightly. Cold steel! They don't like it up 'em!"

Outcome: diplomats visiting @@NAME@@ decline any dish containing beans


OPTION THREE

"Ohmigod why are you all so EMBARASSING?" whines your teenage niece, adjusting her rainbow mohawk, touching up her neon-green lipstick and doing the floss dance. "Can't you just pretend you, like, had totally not noticed, and like, never ever say anything about this ever again. Ohmigod! Old people shouldn't talk about toilet stuff! It's totally cringeworthy!"

Outcome: wise man say "he who denied it, supplied it,"

[Fauxia]

What the...?!

[Jutsa]

I have no idea.

That's all I can say.

[Feria-Alkaline]

Candlewhisper, are you sure the stress isn't getting to you..?

[Jutsa]

[Divine Unity]

This looks reasonably made.
(insert joke about Leader sending tweets from the toilet at 3AM)

[Palos Heights]

While many assume this to be a joke and are simply making comments, I'm going to critique it.

Frankly, I dont think you're taking this issue seriously enough yourself.

You should add an option in there where you embrace Porcelain Diplomacy. "As my old great-grandpappy Teddy Maxevelt used to say, "Flush softly and carry a big stick"."

I mean, that's an example, but you should have an option where working with other diplomats while on the can becomes an endorsed form of negotiations. It'd make sense.

[Jutsa]

I agree. After all, wouldn't you be honored to have someone working so hard that their only time to make business calls is on the can?
I'd legitimately pick that option.

[Altmer Dominion]

There needs to be an LBJ reference in here somewhere: he was notorious for dragging people into the bathroom to continue a conversation.

EDIT: Link's safe, btw. It's C-Span.

[Jutsa]

can confirm.

[Australian rePublic]

I do enjoy toilet humour, but I am upset that this is acceptable whilst my issue about females complaining about public urinals is considered too much toilet humour, despite the latter actually making the news.
viewtopic.php?f=13&t=418664

Anyways, how could you not notice @@HE@@ was in the shitter? I mean, don't usually sit next to them with these things? I mean, surely you've noticed @@HE@@'s no longer in the same room

[Palos Heights]

I do enjoy toilet humour, but I am upset that this is acceptable whilst my issue about females complaining about public urinals is considered too much toilet humour, despite the latter actually making the news.
viewtopic.php?f=13&t=418664

Anyways, how could you not notice @@HE@@ was in the shitter? I mean, don't usually sit next to them with these things? I mean, surely you've noticed @@HE@@'s no longer in the same room

That issue wasn't considered too much, you just already did an issue like that before...

Also, the meeting was over the phone, it wasn't in person. Thus, it is entirely reasonable that the leader would not know that @@HE@@ was on the toilet until they heard the flush.

[Aureumterra]

There needs to be an LBJ reference in here somewhere: he was notorious for dragging people into the bathroom to continue a conversation.

EDIT: Link's safe, btw. It’s C-Span.

Yes!

[Chan Island]

A good issue! While many are treating this as a joke, I think this is a serious thing that would genuinely do for the leader of a nation to consider, especially with that description. However, the problem with the description I think is the validities it is inviting. Surely you could make the conversation be much vaguer as to what it was about, say for example just "the issue of terrorism".

[Logophilia Lyricalia]

However, the problem with the description I think is the validities it is inviting. Surely you could make the conversation be much vaguer as to what it was about, say for example just "the issue of terrorism".

Use of naval resources for humanitarian relief.

Maybe it's a stretch, but it's there. If you want to get super explicit in the options, change the general to an admiral and have him threaten to turn their floaters into sinkers.

...no? Too far? OK.

[Jutsa]

omg

[Chan Island]

However, the problem with the description I think is the validities it is inviting. Surely you could make the conversation be much vaguer as to what it was about, say for example just "the issue of terrorism".

Use of naval resources for humanitarian relief.

Maybe it's a stretch, but it's there. If you want to get super explicit in the options, change the general to an admiral and have him threaten to turn their floaters into sinkers.

...no? Too far? OK.

I.... I love this. I love this very much!

[Jutsa]

I concur with Chan's suggestion of removing the violet restriction.

I also wasn't kidding; I would legitimately pick an option 4 that appreciates
and congratulates people that are busy enough to work while in the restroom.

At the moment, the three options all seem pretty much like "ew, this is bad".

[Candlewhisper Archive]

It's not a joke draft, except in the sense that I try to make all drafts either funny or ethically challenging (and this one is a stab at the former).

[Candlewhisper Archive]

While many assume this to be a joke and are simply making comments, I'm going to critique it.

Frankly, I dont think you're taking this issue seriously enough yourself.

You should add an option in there where you embrace Porcelain Diplomacy. "As my old great-grandpappy Teddy Maxevelt used to say, "Flush softly and carry a big stick"."

I mean, that's an example, but you should have an option where working with other diplomats while on the can becomes an endorsed form of negotiations. It'd make sense.

Interesting thought, will think on it. Especially with the LBJ tie in, as I wasn't aware of his predilection for toilet meetings.

edit: Okay, new version up.

[Aureumterra]

You should really add an LBJ refrence

[Candlewhisper Archive]

I do enjoy toilet humour, but I am upset that this is acceptable whilst my issue about females complaining about public urinals is considered too much toilet humour, despite the latter actually making the news.
viewtopic.php?f=13&t=418664

Anyways, how could you not notice @@HE@@ was in the shitter? I mean, don't usually sit next to them with these things? I mean, surely you've noticed @@HE@@'s no longer in the same room

In response to your issue I said:

I think there's always room for more toilet humour, personally, but I don't think this issue premise has enough going on to be worth running with.

Not sure how you could read that comment as a complaint about there being too much toilet humour.

[Jutsa]

Love the new option. Rejoice

[Shwe Tu Colony]

Orange words are suggestions, orange ellipsis are removed phrases, underlined words are comments. Also, who would stay on the toilet for half an hour, unless it's because of a Haribo's Sugarless? Which gives me an idea...

TITLE:

Please Rise for @@LEADER@@


VALIDITY:

Named leader. Not a violetist nation.

DESCRIPTION:

Earlier today you had a half-hour telephone call with @@randomname@@, the Interim President of West Lilliputia. Significant progress was made on the "Lilliputian Freedom Fighter" issue and on planning a joint counterattack against Ultra-Violetist radicalisation. You were feeling pretty pleased, till near the end of the conversation you heard a distinctive plopping noise followed by the sound of flushing.


OPTION ONE

"I'm afraid our analysis of ceramic echoes, grunt mapping and sound library matching confirms it," explains audio engineer Tony Blunt. "President @@surname(1)@@ was on the toilet for the entire conversation. I mean, that's awfully rude. You should have your diplomatic corps let @@him(1)@@ know that you know, and lodge an official complaint against him."

Outcome: careful control of body language is considered essential to good diplomacy


OPTION TWO

"Hold on, this isn't just rudeness, it's a calculated insult," says hawkish Admiral Khyberpass, waving a bayonet around. "You let this go unanswered, and @@HE@@'ll be flinging it at you like a monkey soon! You must take punitive military action to show them you won't be insulted; a few u-boat strikes could turn their floaters into sinkers. Cold steel! They don't like it up 'em!"

Outcome: diplomats visiting @@NAME@@ decline any dish containing beans

No comments on option 3

OPTION FOUR

"Ohmigod, why are you all so EMBARRASSING?" whines your teenage niece [color=#FF6A00]while simultaneously/color] adjusting her rainbow mohawk, touching up her neon-green lipstick and doing the floss dance. "Can't you just pretend you, like, had totally not noticed, and like, never ever say anything about this ever again. Ohmigod! Old people shouldn't talk about toilet stuff! It's totally cringeworthy!"

Outcome: wise man say "he who denied it supplied it"

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Good catch on the spelling error on embarrassing. Other changes seem stylistic and unneeded, so I've not used them, thanks.